Marrying a Vietnamese woman

I have searched this thread from the beginning and I can't find a single post or even indirect statement asserting that couples may not live together in Vietnam without being legally married.  I remain confused why people keep asserting that in such a strident tone, as if someone was contradicting them.  No one is disputing that fact.

Perhaps those who are so adamant about the matter are missing the point that the OP wishes to have his prospective wife and her children emigrate to the US.  To do that they must be married.  This is not Vietnamese law.  It is US immigration law. Vietnamese laws on cohabitation are irrelevant to his questions.

Relax Thig, you know very well we are dealing with blind eyes & deaf ears...   

       ..one of the universal laws of life..?   

THIGV,
You usually do pretty good. But this time  the eyes failed you. Indeed, if was not the OP who made any comment on unmarried people living together, but one of the post attempting to help him in an answer.
Maybe a re-read with the glasses on will help!😜

Hi everyone,

I have removed a couple of flaming posts from this thread ...

Julien Today 11:37:12 Report #124
      47236 posts Grand Baie
Hi everyone,

I have removed a couple of flaming posts from this thread ...

Thanks, Julien.   ..now could you insert a couple of grammar lessons..?     

@THIGV
Post #4 may help you a bit. Granted it was at the beginning. But it all stemmed from that. And the OP was not asking anything that would suggest he had intentions of that sort. But, it is what it is.

Megalodon wrote:

Diazo wrote:

Notaries in the USA are not like they are here. They simply witness your signature and verify with some form of ID that you and the signature are the same person. They know squat about squat.
You do not need a "certificate of no marriage" I do not think. I didn't. You do have to have your head examined for doing any of this. Five years from now you will wish you had listened.

You may be right...  but then...  I'm 58 and have little money. So there is no worry about anyone trying to take money. And she knows I am not wealthy...  simply wants a good husband who will not drink to excess and will not cheat on her...  and will be a good dad to her kids. I can do all of this.

But...   we shall see. 

Thanks for the advice. 

Which is all my GF of almost 2 years has ever asked for.
So, the question remains, why are you forcing this marriage now?

Come here. See how you like it, her and her children.
Take your time, there is no hurry.
rent an apartment near her house. It will cost you $300 per month USD.

THIGV wrote:

...

Perhaps those who are so adamant about the matter are missing the point that the OP wishes to have his prospective wife and her children emigrate to the US.  To do that they must be married.  This is not Vietnamese law.  It is US immigration law. Vietnamese laws on cohabitation are irrelevant to his questions.

And OP, this the above quote is correct, you are really confused.

It's actually easier and faster to get a I-129F fiancee visa than the equivalent K-3 for an immigrant spouse.

Do as I said in my previous post. You can't go wrong, you are still showing your commitment to her and family, but your liability is limited.

To the OP, there is zero benefits to a man to marry here in Vietnam. The prospective bride would be very content with you playing the roll and funding the operation. As many have told you take it around the block for a few years, learn the ropes. If you should ever decide to take them to the USA it is a real nightmare. And now under your goofball President it might be even harder. US immigration assumes from the outset your both lying. You do not mention her age, but age can play a big difference. And you might want to check and see if you have the qualifying income to sponsor 3. Here she can not get a husband or someone to bankroll the operation. So she will take what she can and be very very happy. But you will dismiss this advice just as most of us before you have Then you can join these threads and tell folks how crazy they are. Us newbies always know a lot more than the people who have been on the ground here in Vietnam.

I was living here for 8 years before getting married. I only got married to make my wife and her family happy, very traditional countryside folk. So far so good, family asks and wants for nothing, and my wife is an honest hard working lady. It pays to take your time and not rush into things.

Wxx3 wrote:

It's actually easier and faster to get a I-129F fiancee visa than the equivalent K-3 for an immigrant spouse.

This may be true if the only person the OP intended to bring to the US was his prospective spouse.   However, I wonder if a fiancee visa allows one to bring the kids along too.   I would expect not but who knows.  It sounds like the kids are an obligate part of the package in this case.  She isn't going to just pack up and leave her teenage children in HCMC.

Yes  , completely correct , my girlfriend has her own shop , works 12 h per day 7days a week , earns good money ( more then I have sometimes ) and never asks for anything , we bought some land together and in the future we want to build our own castle , she says herself : of course she wants to get married but no need to rush as we are doing fine at the moment

Wxx3 wrote:

Which is all my GF of almost 2 years has ever asked for.
So, the question remains, why are you forcing this marriage now?

Come here. See how you like it, her and her children.
Take your time, there is no hurry.
rent an apartment near her house. It will cost you $300 per month USD.

Forcing marriage? Strangely enough I don't see anything remotely like that.

I HAVE visited Vietnam and met her AND her children AND stayed with them the entire time. I also Skype video call EVERY SINGLE DAY and talk not only with her but also her kids.

Please...  don't assume that this is being forced in any way. This is what we PLANNED and simply didn't quite anticipate the paperwork requirements. After listening to many here in this thread, I have little worry and everything will go fine.

And the $300 a month? You forget that I still must pay for rent and utilities for a place here in the USA - which is not cheap. Regardless, it's unnecessary.

The marriage paperwork is not at all difficult. And it does not take that long to do it. Just a lot of places you must go. If you have been divorced you will need to bring those. They too must be translated. FredKaspers think he and his gal bought some land together and they are going to build their castle. But he actually bought land for her and she will build her castle. That is just the way it is here. Like I said there is very little advantage to marry here and a man has few rights. But you probably have prettier wrinkles than some of us old farts who have gone before you. Never have quite figured out why they love wrinkles and bald heads so much here in Vietnam and the Philippines as well. At one time I thought they loved me for the bulge in my pants. And I was right, it was just the wrong bulge. If you embark on the immigration to the USA path at any time visajourney.com is the most valuable site. If you can not get a answer to an immigration question there there is no answer. And better to plug into it now if there ever is a chance you might immigrate the new clan. I say that because you need to collect the evidence now of a long term documented relationship. Maybe that is why she loves you so much. You know they will pay $50-75k a head in order to get someone to help them get a green card. I am sure if you ask her you can probably adopt the kids. The courts in America can handle all that when she kicks you to the curb!!!

Megalodon wrote:

Wxx3 wrote:

Which is all my GF of almost 2 years has ever asked for.
So, the question remains, why are you forcing this marriage now?

Come here. See how you like it, her and her children.
Take your time, there is no hurry.
rent an apartment near her house. It will cost you $300 per month USD.

Forcing marriage? Strangely enough I don't see anything remotely like that.

I HAVE visited Vietnam and met her AND her children AND stayed with them the entire time. I also Skype video call EVERY SINGLE DAY and talk not only with her but also her kids.

Please...  don't assume that this is being forced in any way. This is what we PLANNED and simply didn't quite anticipate the paperwork requirements. After listening to many here in this thread, I have little worry and everything will go fine.

And the $300 a month? You forget that I still must pay for rent and utilities for a place here in the USA - which is not cheap. Regardless, it's unnecessary.

Then why are you even on this forum.  You seem to have all the answers.

Why ask questions, if you know the answers?
My last comment, though I know I'm just wasting my time at this point, is that Vietnam is a big bureaucracy, tedious but manageable in it's own way.

The bigger hurdle will be the USA visa. Simply because there are little work arounds.
Start dealing with that issue now, so you are prepared. Otherwise you will just screw yourself and your new family that you profess so much to care about.

Good luck.

To Diazo : you don't know me or my girlfriend . maybe you had a bad experience , it doesn't mean all the girls in Asia or even in the rest of the world are the same . It happened to you , well get over it .

Did not say anything about your relationship with you GF. The fact remains in VN she owns the land and the castle....get over it!!! That is not to say you may live in bliss in her castle. But she is still the owner of the castle.

Diazo wrote:

At one time I thought they loved me for the bulge in my pants. And I was right, it was just the wrong bulge.

I find it simply amazing that you can stereotype an entire people. I find it simply amazing that you can denigrate an entire people. SMH

Diazo wrote:

Maybe that is why she loves you so much. You know they will pay $50-75k a head in order to get someone to help them get a green card. I am sure if you ask her you can probably adopt the kids. The courts in America can handle all that when she kicks you to the curb!!!

More stupid inane comments. Apparently you haven't read my posts...   but then I'm not surprised. My future wife knows I have VERY LITTLE MONEY. The Great Recession tore that from me. Lost 95% of my business and ended up having to sell my home. SHE KNOWS THIS. She would also prefer to remain in Viet nam. But then you really don't know diddly about me and only ASSUME. Quite sad.

Wxx3 wrote:

Then why are you even on this forum.  You seem to have all the answers.

Why ask questions, if you know the answers?
My last comment, though I know I'm just wasting my time at this point, is that Vietnam is a big bureaucracy, tedious but manageable in it's own way.

And yet another person who posts without reading MY posts. I had a few questions in the early part of this thread - AND THEY WERE ANSWERED.

Wxx3 wrote:

The bigger hurdle will be the USA visa. Simply because there are little work arounds.
Start dealing with that issue now, so you are prepared. Otherwise you will just screw yourself and your new family that you profess so much to care about.

Good luck.

It's amazing...   you began with advice and then made a nice slap to the face. People...  GROW UP.

Why some people come to this forum...  I understand. But for anyone to stay here with all of this condescension and vitriol...   THAT is amazing. You'll be happy to know I won't be stopping by much - if this is the sort of "help" that is provided...  it's not worth it.

@ Melgaloden, Sweetheart don't get upset. I think all understand you questions and have tried to answer. But there is a lot about Vietnam that is not explained on Skype. The tow cultures are diametrically opposed. I think most are just try to relate that aspect to you. You can not compare your net worth and how they view net worth here. Vietnam is wonderfully great in many ways. But it can frustrate the best on any give day. Those who have tried to tell you this aspect know full well you are proceeding full steam ahead. And I think we all would hope you have the very best relationship anyone has had here. At least you are ahead of many who have come here, as you have the Skype advantage. I don't think any who have given there two sense are trying to denigrate anyone in anyway. Some things are just the facts of living here. Welcome to the forum...sometimes the thin skin get upset and take their toys and go home. That is okay. But the forum is kind of like your TV, is has an off button. When you feel people are being unfair to you just hit the off button.

FredKaspers wrote:

To Diazo : you don't know me or my girlfriend . maybe you had a bad experience , it doesn't mean all the girls in Asia or even in the rest of the world are the same . It happened to you , well get over it .

He is right in a roundabout way. You will notice the land is not in your name, foreigners cant own land except under certain circumstances. If you ever split, the land and house are hers, unless you set a contract in place saying it's your money funding the purchase.

Diazo wrote:

@ Melgaloden, Sweetheart don't get upset.

Diaso....   sweetheart....  just annoyed at the idiotic comments.

Diazo wrote:

I don't think any who have given there two sense are trying to denigrate anyone in anyway. Some things are just the facts of living here.

It's two cents. Really? Not trying to denigrate? I don't think you quite understand the definition. When you say...

"At one time I thought they loved me for the bulge in my pants. And I was right, it was just the wrong bulge. "

and...

"The courts in America can handle all that when she kicks you to the curb!!!"

is pretty much denigrating. Look up the word. Lame for a comedy act and not at all helpful on a serious forum.

Diazo wrote:

Welcome to the forum...sometimes the thin skin get upset and take their toys and go home. That is okay. But the forum is kind of like your TV, is has an off button. When you feel people are being unfair to you just hit the off button.

Yeah...  I guess it's being thin-skinned by becoming annoyed at the smart-ass comments that intentionally denigrate others. Oh and it's not about "being unfair to me," it's about being intentionally obnoxious to people. And you're right. The off button is available. It's too bad that people like you cause this forum to lose people like me. But then...  you don't really care, do you?

I hope I don't run into you in Viet nam.

No I don't. It is an open forum with views on both sides of any issue. If you want everyone to align with your views perhaps you can find that elsewhere. And they are facts in many case, not denigration of anyone. Your flying with blinders on because you see things the way you want to see them. There is a reason they coined the Phrase " love is blind". Have yet to meet anyone, male or female that once they found a catch did not present things as a dream world. And I am sure, everyone who has given you feedback both pro and con hope for the very best for you. I know I do. Hope you drop back by this terrible forum and give us an update on your views in 5 years. I was once in the same almost exact position you are in now. The people on the terrible forum would just not see it my way and I would not see it their way. Now I wish I could just tell all who disagreed how wrong I was. And how right they were. Not to get offended over the term "sweetheart" where I come from we use such term of endearment quite loosely. Wish you the best pops. Hope it is the bulge your hoping it is. If you make more than $600 a month your a rich keeper, in fishing parlance. And if there is any hope you can get them a green card your a millionaire.

Diazo wrote:

No I don't. It is an open forum with views on both sides of any issue. If you want everyone to align with your views perhaps you can find that elsewhere. And they are facts in many case, not denigration of anyone.

It's not about "aligning with my view," it's about GENERALIZING an entire people. And that is precisely what you have done. And you have maligned them in the process. Perhaps you don't see it, but I think that you do quite clearly.

Diazo wrote:

Your flying with blinders on because you see things the way you want to see them. There is a reason they coined the Phrase " love is blind".

And yet...   you cannot seem to understand how condescending your attitude is. I have talked with numerous couples here and in Da Nang, and only one (out of probably two dozen) told me of the problems you present - and they found ANOTHER woman who he has been married to for nearly a dozen years.

Diazo wrote:

Hope you drop back by this terrible forum and give us an update on your views in 5 years. I was once in the same almost exact position you are in now. The people on the terrible forum would just not see it my way and I would not see it their way. Now I wish I could just tell all who disagreed how wrong I was. And how right they were.

Oh..  it's not the forum, but a few who think they know all and see all. You seem to think everyone is a naive little boy with "visions of sugar plums" dancing in our heads. It's one thing to prepare someone for unpleasant possibilities, and it's quite another to generalize an entire people. The sad thing is...  you don't think you've done that.

And no...  you are not " in the same almost exact position I am now." You know close to ZERO about my situation. And to assume what you assume is once again arrogant.

Diazo wrote:

Not to get offended over the term "sweetheart" where I come from we use such term of endearment quite loosely. Wish you the best pops. Hope it is the bulge your hoping it is. If you make more than $600 a month your a rich keeper, in fishing parlance. And if there is any hope you can get them a green card your a millionaire.

Well...   "sweetheart," perhaps if you knew Americans better you'd know that the term is condescending - especially from man to man.

And you just had to get that one last nasty comment about green cards in, didn't you? Feel free to respond. I'm done talking with you. Hopefully this forum will improve and we'll see more respectful people responding.

It seems that those who post here on marital matters fall in to a few different categories:

1)  The wide eyed optimists who have absolute confidence that they have found the one and only and are doing the right thing.

2)  The bitter cynics whose marriages did not work out.  Most, but not all of this group, feel that beyond the emotional abuse, they were taken advantage of financially.

3)  The amused cynics whose marriage or relationship perhaps did not work out, but who chose to remain in Vietnam anyway and don't seem to hold things against their prior spouses or the country.

4)   The resolutely single, who do not see the visa advantages of legal marriage, along with the ability to facilitate emigration, as outweighing the freedom of simply living together. 

5)   A few who have reasonably successful marriages and are willing to pass along some of the requisite mechanics, usually without passing judgment.

Feel free to add or modify any category that I have overlooked.

THIGV:  "Feel free to add or modify any category that I have overlooked"

..could my perfect paranoia cut the custard..?     

THIGV wrote:

Feel free to add or modify any category that I have overlooked.

I think that reasonably covers it.

I might rephrase the  "The wide eyed optimists" into "Seeing the relationship with both eyes wide open." At 58 years old...  I am not someone who jumps in with both feet without checking the water first and knowing what I'm getting in to.

Optimist? Yes. Realist? ALSO yes.

But I would say that these five categories reasonably cover what I have seen here.

I agree with THIGV. And I think I have fallen  into most of those categories at one  point in my life. Perhapsit is just the human way.

No she is not , I have all the papers on my name

Sorry for you but the land is in my name , it can be done , it just takes a little paperwork

Well I think most woi have lived in Vietnam know anything can be done. But will it pass muster in court. I know a couple who bought a house from the “owner”. The real    owner returned from the US to find someone living in his home. Another couple rented from someone  who did not own or have the right to do anything with the property. It has bedn my understanding that here in VN a foreigner can not own land, one, and two can not own the house built on the land. Perhaps you could tell us where the LAW says otherwise.
You sure bring up an interesting twist to it.

FredKaspers wrote:

Sorry for you but the land is in my name , it can be done , it just takes a little paperwork

Interesting, there are only a few ways you can buy land here.

I would be interested as to how you bought it in your name.

I have bought several blocks of land here and never once in my name due to not meeting the legal requirements.

FredKaspers wrote:

No she is not , I have all the papers on my name

How does she feel about that? 

In the US many states are what is called "common property."  Homes are owned half/half regardless of who earned the money to buy them.  There is also the concept of common law marriage which grants some property rights to partners even if not married.  These concepts may or may not be relevant in Vietnam.

By the way, could you include a quote when you reply to people or else a small notation as to who you are addressing?  Often your posts seem to be in response to a post far above or even on another page.  It makes things confusing.

Fredkaspers, I would be interested to know how you got your personal name on the Pink Book. Can you please advise the process as to how this can be done.

I am afraid that MEGALODON is correct in his assertion that most VN - foreigner marriages are unsuccessful
for many reasons , especially because of unrealistic expectations on both sides. Statistics will prove this very clearly. Even the VN -VN marriages end 50% of the time. Time always settles the argument here. Of course we wish you well but most things in life don't necessarily end up the way we envisioned.

Megalodon wrote:

Wxx3 wrote:

Then why are you even on this forum.  You seem to have all the answers.

Why ask questions, if you know the answers?
My last comment, though I know I'm just wasting my time at this point, is that Vietnam is a big bureaucracy, tedious but manageable in it's own way.

And yet another person who posts without reading MY posts. I had a few questions in the early part of this thread - AND THEY WERE ANSWERED.

Wxx3 wrote:

The bigger hurdle will be the USA visa. Simply because there are little work arounds.
Start dealing with that issue now, so you are prepared. Otherwise you will just screw yourself and your new family that you profess so much to care about.

Good luck.

It's amazing...   you began with advice and then made a nice slap to the face. People...  GROW UP.

Why some people come to this forum...  I understand. But for anyone to stay here with all of this condescension and vitriol...   THAT is amazing. You'll be happy to know I won't be stopping by much - if this is the sort of "help" that is provided...  it's not worth it.

I missed the slap in the face. What was it? Was not intended.

So I take it you did not care about moving her and children to USA?

I found the cultural differences interesting to say the least and I knew a lot of Asian cultures in general before I came. I was also married to a foreigner before.

You asked about getting married and yes, you got some very good correct answers. But I can guarantee you that it will not work exactly as advertised, only because nothing works as advertised for anyone here.
I also don't think Vietnamese are any more honest, dishonest than anyone else in the world.
I took everything my GF said at face value and it has worked so very well.
I'm not cynical about the people, but am about the system.

Good luck.

roy little wrote:

I am afraid that MEGALODON is correct in his assertion that most VN - foreigner marriages are unsuccessful
for many reasons , especially because of unrealistic expectations on both sides. Statistics will prove this very clearly.

I didn't make this assertion. But it really makes little difference even if I had, because...

roy little wrote:

Even the VN -VN marriages end 50% of the time. Time always settles the argument here. Of course we wish you well but most things in life don't necessarily end up the way we envisioned.

And yet...  50% of marriages IN AMERICA also end in divorce. So it's really no different. Your "point" is moot.

colinoscapee wrote:

FredKaspers wrote:

Sorry for you but the land is in my name , it can be done , it just takes a little paperwork

Interesting, there are only a few ways you can buy land here.

I would be interested as to how you bought it in your name.

I have bought several blocks of land here and never once in my name due to not meeting the legal requirements.

It looks like we will never know how it's done.

Usually these stories like that run them off in a hurry. The millionaire VK have the same exit habits. Once your onto the BS they vanish.