How do I know if a Vietnamese girl likes me?

G'day Coconut man,
Welcome to the forum

Mmmm.....so your going home in two weeks??
Yogi would suggest you ask her for her bank account No & SWIFT code.       She'll know what you mean

If she's interested,,,you'll get those details.

It should be all clear sailing then😆

And as for the Sunday arvo dates.......take it in your stride.
When your the Tuesday guy....that's never a good thing.

Good luck

From what you have written, I wouldn't waste any more time or energy.

I seriously doubt anything positive will come out of this forced acquaintance.  No chemistry + no courtesy from both parties = zero chance of a connection.

Overall I have to concur with others.  It does not seem too promising. 

One comment about your end of the courtship.  It may be different for those in younger generations but taking a cab yourself while leaving her on the curb waiting for hers would be a huge NO-NO in my generation.  In fact if done on a first date, it would probably make it the last.  I know that unlike taxis, Ubers may not be interchangeable, but you should have done something different.  It could be that you sealed your fate then.   

My my, how times have changed, 'My Uber arrived before her Uber'

I would have had one Uber and would have seen the young lady to her home safely, especially if it was late.

If you are attracted to this young lady, let her clearly know and then follow your instincts and no more double Uber's

THIGV wrote:

It may be different for those in younger generations but taking a cab yourself while leaving her on the curb waiting for hers would be a huge NO-NO in my generation. ... In fact if done on a first date, it would probably make it the last. ... It could be that you sealed your fate then.

mikeymac wrote:

My my, how times have changed,

I asked our building's 42-year-old housekeeper and her 20-year-old daughter how they would have reacted if a man took himself off while they're still waiting for transportation home.  The daughter said, "His goodbye when he jumped on the Uber would have been the last thing he said to me forever."

The mother added, "And every woman I know would have heard about what he did."

(My translation from their Vietnamese words.)

THIGV wrote:

It may be different for those in younger generations but taking a cab yourself while leaving her on the curb waiting for hers would be a huge NO-NO in my generation. ... In fact if done on a first date, it would probably make it the last. ... It could be that you sealed your fate then.

mikeymac wrote:

My my, how times have changed,

I would have had one Uber and would have seen the young lady to her home safely, especially if it was late.

Ciambella wrote:

The daughter said, "If a man does that to me, his goodbye when he jumped on the Uber would be the last thing he said to me forever."

The mother added, "And every woman I know would hear about what he did."

Mr Coconut:  There seems to be a consensus that you blew what could have been a good thing.  It's probably too late to make amends.

I should mention before the date I did ask if I could pick her up in my Uber for which replied "no thanks I can order an Uber myself I'm an independent person"... So that was the reason I did not ask to offer her an Uber on the way back.

I also later apologized to her once I found out the incident bothered her and then she asked me out on another date. By asking me out again it seems like she was offering a second chance at things.

The mother added, "And every woman I know would have heard about what he did."

I'm sure the story would be blown out of all proportion just to get more response from the listener.

G'day Coconut....

Thanks for throwing in the update on proceedings.

Yogi doesn't think he could of slept tonight NOT knowing that.

Is this normal behavior for Vietnamese girl to play hard to get and only text me when I text her? Or if she liked me she would text me every day?

Hm, I'm sorry to say that initially she's not into you. Now it's up to you whether to keep fighting or to give it all up. From my own experience, Vietnamese women are more complicated than their Western counterparts, sometimes a 'No' means a big 'Yes' or vice versa. So try your best to make sure you won't be regretted even this would not work out as expected. And be careful,  “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” (quote by Oscar Wilde) 

colinoscapee wrote:

I'm sure the story would be blown out of all proportion just to get more response from the listener.

I don't doubt it.

My wife just told me that her mothers friend got AIDS from cutting another woman's nails. I said 'No, she most probably got it from her husband who has been seeing a sex worker" but hey, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I've heard that story twice before.  Perhaps there are more people who got AIDS from nail salons that we would ever know. 

True. It seems to be a common excuse to save face.

bro...you don't need to understand Vietnamese culture to see that she rather had gone out and party and who knows what else rather than go on a date with you. If she truly was interested she would have not ditched you and met up with you. Sounds like she was more worried about it getting back to her family and went on a mercy date.

Ok Coconut, only constructive comments from me. I really tried to resist posting this time, we see similar posts often, plus I could barely finish the third paragraph 

Here is what you have learned so far. Vietnamese (probably can generalize East Asian) women in Asia are raised to be more traditional. They have strong family values and bonds. They keep their feelings secret at first, that is cultural. You can expect a 28 year old to date for the purpose of finding a husband, not to just date. She kept seeing you because interested. You are probably used to American feminists who are more serious about career and ideology, and regard weak men as accessories rather than partners. Here Brad Pitt is a better model than Justin Trudeau.

Mr Coconut wrote:

she stood me up ... I was really disappointed and shocked ... She later apologized for standing me up and tried to see me in person to apologize but I was too upset to see her.

Shocked, yeah, me too! That you didn't text her to confirm? That you couldn't forgive her apology and laugh off her forgetfulness together? So offended you rejected your second date? Next time, think, what would Brad do? Not get his feelings hurt by a girl, I'm pretty sure.

The biggest shock for me when dating my wife was the Asian mindset that men and women are different, not equal, and have complementary roles. That I need to be masculine and that feels normal now. Your role includes protecting her (from being alone late at night, and from Uber driving strangers), supporting her (just pay for everything, they won't bite your head off like a Western woman), and leading, and keeping a level head.
Good luck! 

I have to ask, what do you want or see at the end?

You have 2 weeks left, and you can only see her twice a week, that in itself sounds like you are doomed.

But back to my first question are you wanting her to move The States should you go further in the relationship, or would be wanting to move to Vietnam?

Honestly, I wouldnt have thought that the Vietnamese ladies are any different from any other nationality. VN ladies like to be humoured, like to feel safe with their man, like him to have a nice bottom, like him to be courteous and generous, like him to have compasion, be gentle, not drink too much and above all else, have a good job. I think I have captured all of the main points

Seriously, that's why I treat these things as a joke.

This blokes been here “5 minutes”  and is going home in a fortnight. 

Anyone with an IQ above room temperature can tell you that only the brave or foolhardy come to these seedy, sleazy SE Asian swamps looking for women.    It's always been the last card in the pack . If all else fails.....this is where you end up.

So buddy,,,suck it up like the rest of us,  and hang on for the ride.

If your looking for “ relationship “ advice.....that's it.

-##
Paw note:
Yogi would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all those sex tourists & weirdo's that may have thought they were included as “ foolhardy” as mentioned above.    At least you filthy animals have a definitive plan & objective in place.

If you have money she will like you.

When I met my ex fiancee for the first time, we met every day after her work and completely on the weekends. Also, she took some days off and we made a small trip.

"I would have had one Uber and would have seen the young lady to her home safely, especially if it was late."
This is what you should have done.
The time you didn't except her apology... come on man, you left her in the evening alone somewhere and went on your way home .

Overall, from what I read, I would say that her interest is not that much. It sounds more like she mets you to please her family. Those tests mentioned above, I experienced them as well. Sometimes her thinking resulted in totally ridiculous situations. We showered, water came into her eyes from my shoulder, she started a big argument that I cant take good care of her and so on...

Yogi007 wrote:

Paw note:
Yogi would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all those sex tourists & weirdo's that may have thought they were included as “ foolhardy” as mentioned above.    At least you filthy animals have a definitive plan & objective in place.

What a lovely apology - Have you ever considered a career as a greetings card writer?

Without saying anything other than "I have my own Uber"..............she doesn't want to be seen with you, and you probably bored her  -  in the words of that Boston Mafia  FAGETABOUTIT!!   she ain't into you.    Go find somthing else to play with, there's no shortage of women in Vietnam

Darwin123 wrote:

Uber

I've just had a great idea for an app, a sort of Uber but less cars and more bar girls.
I'll get coding and launch in Saudi Arabia ASAP.

You won't know; so don't ever trust - not completely or you will be deceived - and sorry.

Dude,

What were you thinking?

You left your date standing on the street to wait for transportation that may or may not have arrived.

I have to reminisce of a first date when a drunk wandered in front of my car and I clipped him. After all the police crap, she quipped, " You really know how to show a girl a good time." That was 20 years ago and  I'm still married to her. And you can bet your ass I got her home safely.

So yeah, you can be fairly assured that she doesn't like you.

I think it's obvious enough he chemistry just isn't right between you 2 regardless of the Uber etc.. you should salvage the time you have left by Trinh to just find a new one... at any rate, get your mind on something else rather than obsess with something that is just not going to work...

Hi there,

Honestly.. Vietnamese people are very traditional, especially in Vietnam haha. We're lucky that in America certain things are okay but in Vietnam, things are in black and white. No grey area.

The first thing I think you did wrong was getting into the uber before her. True gentlemen should wait to ensure that the lady has gotten into the taxi safely before leaving her. -Would've been even BETTER to prove yourself if you both rode in the uber together and you dropped her off before you went to your destination. It's to show that you will protect her and take care of her (signs of a great husband/father)

In Vietnam, yes, she would definitely get in trouble for drinking and partying. Women are looked down upon to do that.

My assumption on the times she's meeting you is to make it "appropriate." Like I said, very traditional. I'm just happy that times have changed and Vietnam is starting to loosen up a bit more.

I agree, for a young lady who holds such a high position who also is educated and rich.. You would definitely need to put in more effort than usual.

I wish you good luck! If the chemistry isn't there, just imagine yourself being married to her. Would you be happy and would she? Only be with someone who you know you will have no problem spending the rest of your life with. There are millions of people out there who fall in love even with a language barrier. Sometimes when you know, you just know. So ask yourself, how do you feel?

Fred wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

Paw note:
Yogi would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all those sex tourists & weirdo's that may have thought they were included as “ foolhardy” as mentioned above.    At least you filthy animals have a definitive plan & objective in place.

What a lovely apology - Have you ever considered a career as a greetings card writer?

Yeah...great idea Fred.

It's always been on Yogi's bucket list to move to some cheap asian “backwater” and work for 45 cents an hour as a greetings card writer .  I'll start putting a CV together .

In the meantime,,it's brekky time .   Yogi goes foraging for food now.

"Sometime you just know."  Good point. A very large US friend came ro VN for workmate's wedding, met a sweet, tiny young VN woman and within 6 weeks had applied for her to migrate to USA, even though they didn't speak each other's language. They both took lessons for a year, and now live their own home in US and are expecting their first child. It's pleasing to hear ahappy ending for a change.

hansaywhat wrote:

Sometimes when you know, you just know.

A friend of my best friend was 50 years old and single by choice.  She's intelligent, capable (3rd degree blackbelt in Judo back in the day when reaching black belt was a major, major achievement and only happened after winning many challenges -- kind like boxers challenging for championship belt), owned her home, taught martial arts, was active in the community, and believed she didn't need to be married to make herself happy. 

One day, a man who's a friend of her brother-in-law was invited to the house in Canada for dinner and to watch the family's Vietnam vacation videos.  In one video clip, the man saw her image among other family members, a sober face in the middle of a laughing crowd.  He asked the host and hostess to stop the video, pointed at her image, and said, "That's my wife. I've found her. Is she single?"

After a year and several courtship trips from Toronto to Saigon, he finally got her to say yes.  She was 52, he was 58.  It was the first marriage for both of them, and from the look of it after almost a decade, it'll be their only marriage. 

They now split the time between Toronto and Saigon.  Even though she married him to ease her family's concern for her previous spinster status, I believe love has become part of their union.

I got married for the first time at the age of 56. I was never really interested in getting married and I only did it to please my wife. My wife comes from a small, tight knit, farming community, and it was important for her to let people know  that she was legally married and not just a wedding party.She now has the legal document which makes her more than happy.The wedding party itself was a nice countryside wedding and an enjoyable day.

Yogi007 wrote:

Seriously, that's why I treat these things as a joke.

This blokes been here “5 minutes”  and is going home in a fortnight. 

Anyone with an IQ above room temperature can tell you that only the brave or foolhardy come to these seedy, sleazy SE Asian swamps looking for women.    It's always been the last card in the pack . If all else fails.....this is where you end up.

So buddy,,,suck it up like the rest of us,  and hang on for the ride.

If your looking for “ relationship “ advice.....that's it.

-##
Paw note:
Yogi would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all those sex tourists & weirdo's that may have thought they were included as “ foolhardy” as mentioned above.    At least you filthy animals have a definitive plan & objective in place.

While VN has many gold diggers (as in other countries), don't assume that most girls are.
Remember, this girl is good looking, has a good job (probably with a promising future), living in the largest city in Vietnam.
Girls like this have choices.
Surprisingly, many of them choose a boyfriend / husband who they think they can ENJOY spending the rest of their lives with.

Yes, money is always a concern in anybody's life, but I'm seeing many assumptions here:

- That this (young?) man has more money and higher income than her

- Even if he does have more money, she will not catch up with him in the future (financially speaking), given her (supposedly) successful career so far and a fast growing economy.

- That her family is poor. A half decent house in Hanoi or HCMC can be worth a million dollars these days. (Yes, I agree it's ridiculous). I know many people that are income-poor but house-rich in both cities. OTOH, an average house in the US is about $250K with a hefty 2% annual property tax.
Many Vietnamese households are cash-rich too, especially in these 2 cities. A few billions VND in bank savings accounts (so tiet kiem) alone is the norm for the college educated households. For comparison, an average American retirement savings balance is $95K (for all age groups, $163K for the 56-61 age group).

- That she is willing to trade her familiar environment for a new one, not to mention living for the rest of her life with someone whom she has not felt the chemistry with, only for a chance to improve her finance.

- That she doesn't read the news about school shootings, police brutality, crimes, healthcare crisis, etc. in America.

- That she prefers the small town / quiet suburban life in America to the metropolitan life in HCMC

Of course, if you mostly hang out with a certain group, they can give you the wrong  perception of all Vietnamese women.


P.S.
I'd try to limit language like "seedy, sleazy SE Asian swamps" to within my own circles, especially if I were one of the creatures living (and thriving?) in these swamps.

Strokes fer folks..?     For sure !

"Of course, if you mostly hang out with a certain group, they can give you the wrong  perception..."     ..and...

"I'd try to limit language like "seedy, sleazy SE Asian swamps" to within my own circles, especially if I were one of the creatures living (and thriving?) in these swamps"

   Yes, Brian, (we) agree Yogi's paws have claws.   Necessarily, given his yonks of harsh  experience.   But all his cellmates agree he is a straight arrow who only tries to warn the young & foolish not to repeat the mistakes so many minions make here.

    True, alarmist & lewd language may not open the minds of the many, for we are all 'unique' (and suffer the results)   For many (most) of the noobs and newbies have not yet the experience necessary to think their way out of an open paper bag.   That us older guys can is often debated at length here, but we too, mean well.

    You are fortunate to own a rational mind.   This is not available very often here for those who cannot open the door to their mind before opening the door to the world.

             Tolerance takes time.    How long...   ..is a piece of string..?

   Fools are full of Answers: the wise full of Questions - Socrates

"The second date she stood me up. I was going to take her to a restaurant and she texts me that she just woke up at noon time because she drank too much night before because of a friends birthday party."

- Read your own words and you will understand that she does not like you and furthermore does not respect you. - Simple

Aren't we beating a dead horse here?  Mr Coconut is probably back in US licking his wounds.