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How to take back my singapore child from vietnam?

Kelvin77
#1
My viet wife brought back my 15mths old daughter whom is a singapore citizen back to vietnam without my permission on 4 dec 2018.

First 2 wks was ok, i get to see them everyday thru videocall n watsapp, then suddenly she started to change, saying that they will not be coming back to sg. Everytime watsapp me is only asking me sending money which i have already sent her 3.5k sgd. These 2 wkz worst, asking 1k every week and this week asking me buy her a iphone in vn n send her money for that. I told her its impossible as past 2 wks i sent 2k, i dun mind buy for her if she come back.

Then she giving me all sorts of excuses, saying my house too many ppl stay, we will bully her, i will nvr protect her, i am lazy....etc...shenow dun even bother reply my watsapp or hear my voicemsg, saying that i nvr send her $ buy hp in vn. I am a full time grab/gojek driver, i admit that last time i am hot tempered, always no savings, no money to give thrm good life, but all have changed since she left. I have savings, i work hard 7 days, 16hrs, i dun scold vulgar words, i just want them to come back.

How can i take back my child? I dun know whr she staying. She sent my kid to childcare, she even sold the house n blame me. I told her not to sell, gave me few days n i can send her money in the beggining. She is those impatient type. I am totally lost and feeling sad since they left. Cny is coming and totally no mood. Pls help.
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G
#2
Well welcome to the club. This is quite normal with Vnese gals. How can you get your child back? It depends on what your marital status is. If your still married the there is not a lot you can do now. Odd that she was able to get him out of SG without a note that you gave her permission. Most countries, even VN require that the absent parent (s) provide a letter to the person the child is traveling with in order to prevent this type of thing. If your divorced it depends on who has legal custody. If you legally share custody and SG is a signatory to the Hague Treaty then they are quite good at getting the child back eventually. It is very common my lawyer told me that if you have a falling out or divorce the mother will go into hiding with the child. My ex-wife did this also. No way to find her. In VN there is no legal mechanism to enforce the child custody laws. I certainly would stop sending money. She will use your child and your kindness to drain you dry. And no matter how much money you send will you get your child back most likely. It is a sad mind that does this to a child. We all are only issued one mom and one dad. For one parent to deny the other access to their child is quite sad.
G
#3
You do not clearly say why he is a SG child. Is he a SG citizen? Is his passport issued by SG? Does he have a VN passport. These may be avenues to pursue. If he is indeed a SG citizen you may at least want to alert the SG Embassy in VN. For when she goes to get the child's VN citizenship she will have to get in touch with the SG Embassy I believe.
P
#4

Kelvin77 wrote:

My viet wife brought back my 15mths old daughter whom is a singapore citizen back to vietnam without my permission on 4 dec 2018.

First 2 wks was ok, i get to see them everyday thru videocall n watsapp, then suddenly she started to change, saying that they will not be coming back to sg. Everytime watsapp me is only asking me sending money which i have already sent her 3.5k sgd. These 2 wkz worst, asking 1k every week and this week asking me buy her a iphone in vn n send her money for that. I told her its impossible as past 2 wks i sent 2k, i dun mind buy for her if she come back.

Then she giving me all sorts of excuses, saying my house too many ppl stay, we will bully her, i will nvr protect her, i am lazy....etc...shenow dun even bother reply my watsapp or hear my voicemsg, saying that i nvr send her $ buy hp in vn. I am a full time grab/gojek driver, i admit that last time i am hot tempered, always no savings, no money to give thrm good life, but all have changed since she left. I have savings, i work hard 7 days, 16hrs, i dun scold vulgar words, i just want them to come back.

How can i take back my child? I dun know whr she staying. She sent my kid to childcare, she even sold the house n blame me. I told her not to sell, gave me few days n i can send her money in the beggining. She is those impatient type. I am totally lost and feeling sad since they left. Cny is coming and totally no mood. Pls help.


Did you report their missing after they left for the VN?

G
#5
I am sorry. I missed the point where you said the daughter was a SG citizen. How was she able to get out of SG with your child? Did you give her a letter authorizing her to? Was there any time limitation on the VN visit? At any rate I would contact the SG Embassy in VN and let them know all that is going on. I THINK if you gave her a letter of authorization to leave SG with the child with no time restrictions you might be screwed. Even though you maybe a jerk and abuse her that is not a reason to deny you your child. That is simply reasons for divorce. Not real clear by your post what your situation is. So it is hard to tell you much.
Kelvin77
#6
nope, i did not report. bcos first 2 wks i still get to see n watsapp them daily. then after that is only receive watsapp msg when she need money.
Kelvin77
#7
she just brought my daughter to airport and purchase a ticket back while i am driving ourside. i did not abused her, i just hot tempered due to financial difficulties for the past 1 yr. i called mda, sg embassy in vn, they r unable to assist me bcos they told me this is a family issue.
Kelvin77
#8
worst part is that foreigner only allow 30days and my child has overstay. she dun even bother to xtend the visa and she told me in the process of doing illegal way to convert my child to vn citizen. wat the hell!
G
#9
Your child is a minor, they will not charge her with overstay until she is 15, 2d don't think I saw where you said she has only a SG pspt, or a VN pspt  - where as she born, in SG??  Then you must report her as a victim of Trafficking in Persons - since your wife took her behind your back.   and yu are worried your wife may do something to harm the child, or even sell heron the black market to get even with you.
Kelvin77
#10
My kid is born in singapore, holding singapore passport.
Kelvin77
#11
I did not gave her any authorization letter. She just took along the passport and buy ticket in airport. I called mfa, embassy in hcm, totally no use, is a family issue and they wun interfere. They only ask me go by legal which i cant afford bcos i m a bankruptcy.
These few months i can only work n work n work, make myself tired, go home bath n sleep...i dare not think...my baby stuff still in my room and i always think of them.
Is money really that impt? Vn gals only love a man if he has money? They cannot share the burden....
G
#12
Mate you admitted to abuse. Verbal abuse is abuse. Abuse takes many forms. But that is not the issue. You really need to lodge a complaint or at least see if you can get the VNese Embassy to flag your daughter so that the wife can not get a VNese citizenship for your daughter w/o your permission. You should check with the customs and boarder control folks SG. I am sure they have rules that require they see a permission letter from you for her to take the child when you are not accompanying her. Sounds like your wife is probably one of those looking for money and they assume every foreigner has it. And you sound like you have a lot of money issues at the very least. So you might need to color the marriage gone. Where were you married.....in SG? If so they will have jurisdiction over the divorce also.
WillyBaldy
#13
I am surprised that a developed country/state like Singapore allows anyone to leave without the permission of both parents. This is kidnapping. I don't know much about Singapore but it's mind boggling.
G
#14
Indeed it is.
G
#15
With a little research it does seem that SG did not even have such protection in the case of a divorce. As of 2017 they were contemplating passing a law to try and stop the taking of a child in this fashion. I do not know if it passed. But the OP is apparently married and it seems in Singapore they allow only one parent to take the child out of the country. Looks like the OP may have a big problem getting back with the child. I suppose his only course of action might be to try and stop the child from becoming a Vietnamese citizen. But who is going to do anything about an infant overstaying a visa????
Kelvin77
#16
I still want both mother and daughter, i do now wish to end up choosing divorce. But the issue is that i do not know when then she will return. Chinese new year is next week and seens like this year is not going to be a happy moment for me.
G
#17

Kelvin77 wrote:

I did not gave her any authorization letter. She just took along the passport and buy ticket in airport. I called mfa, embassy in hcm, totally no use, is a family issue and they wun interfere. They only ask me go by legal which i cant afford bcos i m a bankruptcy.
These few months i can only work n work n work, make myself tired, go home bath n sleep...i dare not think...my baby stuff still in my room and i always think of them.
Is money really that impt? Vn gals only love a man if he has money? They cannot share the burden....


If I were in your shoes I let this situation motivate me and start to earn more and more money and save as much money as I can. I will not contact her (yes easier said than done but I will bite the bullet) even if she calls I will not show my entusiasm and become little bit of a mysterium for her. When I have saved a good amount of money in couple of months then I will contact her and show her my account how much money I have earned and how much money I could save during the time and make a calculation together with her how much money I can possibly save in coming 3.5 years (i.e when it is time for daughter to start school). And then I ask her to come back to Singapore. If she does not want to come back at the first time she will probably do it second or third time. If she still will not do it third or forth time it does not matter now your account have become much more bigger that you can afford to hire a lawyer and start a legal procedure to get your child back. All the best brother!

Kelvin77
#18
Bro, yes, this is what i have done. I from 0 savings and within this period of hardwork, i managed to have few k savings after sending 3.5k aready, i dare not show the acct to her, if i show her, she will ask me send her again, and will never come back
P
#19

Kelvin77 wrote:

Bro, yes, this is what i have done. I from 0 savings and within this period of hardwork, i managed to have few k savings after sending 3.5k aready, i dare not show the acct to her, if i show her, she will ask me send her again, and will never come back


Did you send money to her VN or SG bank account?
Did you check with ICA to find out whether they really left for VN?

Kelvin77
#20
Yes. I use western union...cfirm in vn
Wxx3
#21
You have some really good advice above.
Report her as Trafficking in Persons.
Report the kidnapping.
Stop sending her money.

If you don't do the above, you are just wasting everyone's time and probably not serious.
You have some good options to pursue.
I'm not sure why you don't respond to those options above.
Kelvin77
#22
Bro your first 2 options i have tried....cant be used. She is the mother of my child, we are still married and not divorced! If u ask me stop sending money, yes i can, but if u r a father, will u do that n see your child suffer?
OceanBeach92107
#23

Kelvin77 wrote:

Bro your first 2 options i have tried....cant be used. She is the mother of my child, we are still married and not divorced! If u ask me stop sending money, yes i can, but if u r a father, will u do that n see your child suffer?


The voice of your better angel...

Wxx3
#24

OceanBeach92107 wrote:
Kelvin77 wrote:

Bro your first 2 options i have tried....cant be used. She is the mother of my child, we are still married and not divorced! If u ask me stop sending money, yes i can, but if u r a father, will u do that n see your child suffer?


The voice of your better angel...


Sorry, there is no better angel here.
This is a troll.
Notice he has an excuse for every suggestion.
ABFWOT

G
#25

Wxx3 wrote:

This is a troll.


And what's the purpose of his trolling?

Kelvin77
#26
I m not finding excuses, y shld i do that? If u understand singapore ways of doing, u will have a better understanding. I hope u can understand.
WillyBaldy
#27

Kelvin77 wrote:

I m not finding excuses, y shld i do that? If u understand singapore ways of doing, u will have a better understanding. I hope u can understand.


Well seriously, I'm not sure if you sent her 3.5K in one shot, but if you did, that was a big mistake.

Kelvin77
#28
Bro, no.. i break down into few times..
1st : 500
2nd : 1k
3rd : 1k
4th : 1k
3rd and 4th time are within 1 week....my daughter was sick and also chinese new year is near, so she ask for it.
WillyBaldy
#29

Kelvin77 wrote:

Bro, no.. i break down into few times..
1st : 500
2nd : 1k
3rd : 1k
4th : 1k
3rd and 4th time are within 1 week....my daughter was sick and also chinese new year is near, so she ask for it.


You do realise that the average monthly income in Vietnam is USD$200? Take it easy and be sensible.

Kelvin77
#30
Ok bro....these 2 weeks i will just concentrate to work first and shall see after chinese new year.
G
#31
Sounds to me like you have your plan and it sounds lije she has a completly different plan. I suspect time will tell. Once YOU figure tgat outyou can make your next move.
Kelvin77
#32
In fact the truth, i really still have no plans, i can only keep myself busy first and earn as much as i can or else my savings will be back to 0. Like what you say, only time will tell, i can only wait and i hope they will return soon. Singapore and vn do not have any connections and they are unable to arrange my child back since we are not divorced and the child is with the mother lawfully.

And in vn, even if end up court case, higher chance child is awarded to mother bcos i m a foreigner. This is what i have read from the internet
G
#33
This may interest you.....https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/vietnamese-mother-wins-daughter-back-from-french-ex-3876406.html
Kelvin77
#34
Thanks bro
WillyBaldy
#35
Man some people, men or women, are sometime really acting like low life parasites. Instead of doing what's best for the kid, they selfishly fight their crazy wars.
G
#36

WillyBaldy wrote:

Man some people, men or women, are sometime really acting like low life parasites. Instead of doing what's best for the kid, they selfishly fight their crazy wars.


Unfortunately yes, whoever has the child they hold the power over the other parent. Went through it myself for 18 years.

WillyBaldy
#37

colinoscapee wrote:
WillyBaldy wrote:

Man some people, men or women, are sometime really acting like low life parasites. Instead of doing what's best for the kid, they selfishly fight their crazy wars.


Unfortunately yes, whoever has the child they hold the power over the other parent. Went through it myself for 18 years.


I find that someone using any tool (money, children) to hold power against someone else shows how small and petty that person is. I guess the old saying "don't get married or have kids too quickly" has never been truer :lol:

G
#38

WillyBaldy wrote:
colinoscapee wrote:
WillyBaldy wrote:

Man some people, men or women, are sometime really acting like low life parasites. Instead of doing what's best for the kid, they selfishly fight their crazy wars.


Unfortunately yes, whoever has the child they hold the power over the other parent. Went through it myself for 18 years.


I find that someone using any tool (money, children) to hold power against someone else shows how small and petty that person is. I guess the old saying "don't get married or have kids too quickly" has never been truer :lol:


Not sure if age has anything to do with having kids, its basically about control over someone else. My brother had a kid to a VN lady, he was 57, she was and still is a nightmare.

WillyBaldy
#39
Sometimes, keeping it in our boxers is the best thing to do although not always easy.
G
#40
Depends on the age of the child. Under age 3 mom has total control and she even decides when you can visit at her house. After age 3 you can petition the court to take the child out for visits by yourself. But by then she may have gone into hiding. The new law allows the child to decide at age 7 who they want to live with. But by then she has poisoned the child's mind against you. My lawyer said it is very common here in VN for the mother to take the child into hiding and you will never find them again. Sick minds. My ex played the game with the court and allowed me visits and played nicey nicey until the final decree was handed down. Now she has moved, changed phone numbers and emails go unanswered. I write each month trying to arrange a vist. But I do put his child support into a separate savings account for my son and do not pay her unless I get a visit. Here in VN if you live here they have yoy by the short hair when it comes to child support non-payment. You can be deported and denied access to VN. But the process seems fair. You are notified first and given the chance to present your side and pay up back support. VN citizens who owe support rarely pay the very small amount they are required to.
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