Relationship with Vietnamese girl

I need some advice here. I have been in this relationship now for 4 months and there are some worrying signs. As a foriegner ( we are perceived to be rich here ) . I thought by moving here eventually I would save money. So far it's has cost me thousands as I pay for all outings ( friends include). Food and presents for family and uncles and aunties.isvthis acted flag I should be taking notice of.
My partner keeps crying poor as she doesn't work ( had a failed restaurant. Everywhere she goes she wants money.
My gut feeling tells me to be careful.
I do appreciate that over Tet there are particular Vietnamese customs to be honoured.
Would welcome some advice.

vic50 :

I need some advice here. I have been in this relationship now for 4 months and there are some worrying signs. As a foriegner ( we are perceived to be rich here ) . I thought by moving here eventually I would save money. So far it's has cost me thousands as I pay for all outings ( friends include). Food and presents for family and uncles and aunties.isvthis acted flag I should be taking notice of.
My partner keeps crying poor as she doesn't work ( had a failed restaurant. Everywhere she goes she wants money.
My gut feeling tells me to be careful.
I do appreciate that over Tet there are particular Vietnamese customs to be honoured.
Would welcome some advice.

Sadly I think that the fact you need to ask for advice probably means it is time to move on. I am sure that many problems relating to expats being considered as ATM's is the expats fault. Once on that train it is very difficult to get off.

Cut her loose - move on - I have a great lady not driven by how much money I can provide and actually indicates if I spend to much.

Previously in similar situation in Thailand

"Gold Digger"

Sadly... This is a common story IN SE Asia. The fact that she doesn't work.. Deal breaker. No excuse for this.

Leave now while you still have some cash left... But more importantly.. While you still have your dignity. You call the shots now. Good luck... Being single in Vietnam is wonderful... for some... and if a "good girl" stops by.. Great!

Its obvious that you have seen the red flags but not taking any action. She sounds like the type of woman we so often warn people about. Get out before she milks you dry.

To me, you did many step wrong...
You looks like a prince on a white horse that pay everything for her princess...
I mean, who believe in Disney story nowadays?

She could be Vietnamese, Australian, Kenyan, whatever... it would have turned the same... Nationalities has nothing to do about it.
Get in her place and think about it: "I got a prince that do and pay for everything I'm asking for..." Jackpot!
Her feeling might be real, you're the only one that can test her and know for sure!
But it doesn't look safe at all...


But I think you went into that situation because of the way you are... maybe you were too kind, maybe you can't say "no/delay", had the feeling to be forced to do something but didn't react... difficulties to understand another culture and how things work...
I don't know you, and I don't want to "judge" you.
My goal is just trying to give you tips to help you understand what you did wrong, to avoid it in the future... and maybe to fix what can maybe still be fixed.
You got the keys, now it's up to you how to use it.
Good luck! :cheers:

Run, fast.
Wadey

I'll second what everyone else says. Just pull the plug and walk away.

Cut her loose man. A decent viet girl would not be costing you thousands of dollars just to be with her. You learn from experience, learn from your mistakes and just move on from her.

Agreed - I have a great VN lady

cut your losses and tell her you want to be friends.  If you are looking for a serious relationship, she is not and neither are other girls like her.  There are thousands of VN women who are looking for a serious relationship and money is not required.  Trust us here, we have lived in VN and know what is going on.  Be patient and find the right one, she will be with you whether you have money or not.  FYI - treat her like any other GF and don't fork over the cash, because once you do, it is expected and that is the beginning of the end mate.  Good luck.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm not normally the cut and run type., But in this case the consensus seems to be "get out while the gettings good". This was also my gut feeling.

vic50 :

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm not normally the cut and run type., But in this case the consensus seems to be "get out while the gettings good". This was also my gut feeling.

Don't tell her you are breaking up with her, or that it's her fault.

Hell hath no fury...

Instead, tell her you have had a spiritual awakening and plan to begin giving all your extra money to the poor.

Tell her you have her love and that's all you need.

Watch...

This will be interesting to see how it goes

:D

Warning signs -

If you are paying for all outings with friends and family, those are the same friends and family you'll be stuck with if you get married.   The paying isn't the important part, it's the attitude of expecting you to pay that you need to watch out for.

Forking over lots of money to family during a VN visit is a real thing.  Worse during Tet.  But that usually stays within the family.   Four months is way, way, way too soon unless you've already proposed in which case that's on you.

Extreme warning signs -

See if you can talk to your GF about your concerns.  If you guys can't have a conversation about this then that's a bad sign.   How will your future be if she gets offended.  If she places her friends and family before you.

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