How to deal with stress when moving to the Philippines

For me the most stress has been trying to get 8 hours of sleep.  I have to deal with dogs, cats, roosters and karaoke.  I have found I had to adapt to the afternoon siesta as part of my sleeping pattern sometimes, become more Filipino.  I still have trouble sleeping on long bus rides or plane rides, but that is more like a once a month event. The eating patterns are unhealthy for me, I like to eat an early breakfast, light lunch, and 5 PM dinner time.  I often wind up eating alone, as my wife eats a late breakfast, early afternoon lunch, and then a late dinner, 7:30 or 8 PM.  My eating times are based on meds supposed to be taken with food, and I find the food has more sugar and more calories than the brown rice and farina I ate in the USA.  I have gained about 10 pounds since October.

When in Rome "..." and the sooner one adopts to living like the Romans' the better life gets.

The alternate is to establish a home in a quite area and do your own cooking and cleaning and shopping.

It took me 3 years to teach my ex how to clean and cook to a western standard, she never learnt (not her fault) I had to accept to eat and live like a Filipino and simply accept life.

pej1111 wrote:

When in Rome "..." and the sooner one adopts to living like the Romans' the better life gets.

The alternate is to establish a home in a quite area and do your own cooking and cleaning and shopping.

It took me 3 years to teach my ex how to clean and cook to a western standard, she never learnt (not her fault) I had to accept to eat and live like a Filipino and simply accept life.

The trouble with living away from all the noise is that you are then a target, maybe not so much so in the Philippines,  but I don't want to find out. Keeping my eating habits is a matter of health for me, and the way we ate in the USA, so I see no need to change, just improve on my methods..

pej1111 wrote:

When in Rome "..." and the sooner one adopts to living like the Romans' the better life gets.

My idea has always been, when in Rome go roaming around.

I  will go with mugtech on this one, dogs and cats are ok as I have a dog and he gives me sheets some times, Music well I can live with it at times, but what gets me most is notice from motor bikes and some cars, and to get 8hrs sleep is never on the card even from the start, so I live with it and not really bothered  now days, not stressing over food, what is here is just that, but I did modified lots of what I eat and cook, lets face it we all have different levels of noise we can accept, and at the end of it we have no choice put up with it or get out. Food well again learn how to cook for your self, and try some local food who knows maybe you may even like few of them, I do not like rice but then I love rice cakes, so little compromise there, for me is maybe lot more different then most of you guys, I do live on a main HWY, in most cases Windows are to blame for Noise, I wish if I could find a good Window manufacture.

Lol, I know what you mean about eating times, I wake my wife at 5:30 am every morning , she joins me watching the sunrise, her with her hot chocolate or 3 in 1,I with my coffee, then she will sleep until 10 ish, I am sleeping when she eat dinner with her family, but on early nights she eats dinner with me, at the local market I can buy brown rice, that is what I eat also, or pink rice, still in husked

Hi !

Relating to my experience I think it took me a while to get used to people and see the bigger picture.
coming from the middle east, we have a totally different culture than the Philippines in many ways. The government papers were good actually because Filipinos are very organized and helpful people. It was hard in the beginning to hear a language that I couldn't understand but many people spoke English when I was around not to make me feel that I was a stranger and that was kind of them.
The only relief to feeling homesick stressed, pressure, was reading the bible and getting closer to God. I started reading my bible and pray morning and evening and I read the book of psalms during class break time. It helped me feel the God is with me and He will look after me, protect me and fill my heart with courage and peace. I recommend others to try it, read the bible and pray. Prayer isn't complicated . just sit, relax and speak with God. Tell him all that troubles you, ask for His guidance and wisdom to lead your day. Trust the peace God will put in your heart will make you stronger and confident more than ever. I also started to count my blessing, I tried my best to look at the good things even in heart of the trouble. I found out that blessings come in disguise. some hardships came and God taught me to learn from them, to grow, and to Trust Him more. I'm a sociable person, so I started to make friends, help others and ask for help. when you become optimistic, kind and always have a smile on your face you will be the key that opens the lock on the heart of others around you. many times I would go for a walk in nature and reflect which helped me clear my mind. I was a student and had plenty to do for school, so I would prepare my table, gather all I need, get a bottle of water, pray, put on Mozart music then study. As long as you have a dream and a goal you came to fulfill, and you put God first then God will get you through anything in life. Joshua 1:9 "9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  To all those who are in the Philippines and a way from there home and families. YOU ARE HOME BECAUSE GOD IS EVERYWHERE, He will be with you, bless you, guide you, and comfort you. For those who are about to move to the Philippines, pray about it, read and watch a video so you have a background about the cultures. But I would like to tell you " The Philippines is a very beautiful country and Filipinos are very kind, generous, and cheerful people. 

magdy93 wrote:

Hi !

Relating to my experience I think it took me a while to get used to people and see the bigger picture.
coming from the middle east, we have a totally different culture than the Philippines in many ways. The government papers were good actually because Filipinos are very organized and helpful people. It was hard in the beginning to hear a language that I couldn't understand but many people spoke English when I was around not to make me feel that I was a stranger and that was kind of them.
The only relief to feeling homesick stressed, pressure, was reading the bible and getting closer to God. I started reading my bible and pray morning and evening and I read the book of psalms during class break time. It helped me feel the God is with me and He will look after me, protect me and fill my heart with courage and peace. I recommend others to try it, read the bible and pray. Prayer isn't complicated . just sit, relax and speak with God. Tell him all that troubles you, ask for His guidance and wisdom to lead your day. Trust the peace God will put in your heart will make you stronger and confident more than ever. I also started to count my blessing, I tried my best to look at the good things even in heart of the trouble. I found out that blessings come in disguise. some hardships came and God taught me to learn from them, to grow, and to Trust Him more. I'm a sociable person, so I started to make friends, help others and ask for help. when you become optimistic, kind and always have a smile on your face you will be the key that opens the lock on the heart of others around you. many times I would go for a walk in nature and reflect which helped me clear my mind. I was a student and had plenty to do for school, so I would prepare my table, gather all I need, get a bottle of water, pray, put on Mozart music then study. As long as you have a dream and a goal you came to fulfill, and you put God first then God will get you through anything in life. Joshua 1:9 "9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  To all those who are in the Philippines and a way from there home and families. YOU ARE HOME BECAUSE GOD IS EVERYWHERE, He will be with you, bless you, guide you, and comfort you. For those who are about to move to the Philippines, pray about it, read and watch a video so you have a background about the cultures. But I would like to tell you " The Philippines is a very beautiful country and Filipinos are very kind, generous, and cheerful people. 

I get the same results reading Jack Reacher books, much better than the moviez.

Keep faith and learn to listen to the people around you and always ask God for strength as you acclimate to new people and cultures. Mistakes will be made but everything boils down to willingness to try new things and finally accept that the way we did things back home is not always the best way or only way that things can be or should be done. It took the innocence of seeing the eyes of a scared little puppy to finally wake me up to this. Don't put blind faith in people because they are imperfect just like you are. Don't be arrogant, but be humble and just take time out to breathe and no matter what, do not lose yourself in the process. To thine own self be true........

The stress of moving to Philippines is lessen when you do your due diligence to come here.

In other words proper planning. Gain all knowledge you can from all reliable sources. Including this web site.

Make sure that place you choose to live is not way below your standards you enjoyed in the USA. You want to come here and feel you have advanced not declined.

Make sure you have enough money to live here comfortably. Having monthly pension(s) helps. Very few jobs here for foreigners. And when you get here focus on positive things not negative things here.

If you are expecting the Philippines to be like USA you will be sadly disappointed. The people don't think or act the same as people in the USA. Expecting things to be same as USA leads to stress.

These are just a few things that might help reduce your stress level. Traffic and karaoke here is another stress level all it's own😂

The topic is about stress and how people cope with it.
If someone turns to God and the Bible as their way of coping with stress then good for them. It's  not my way but I don't ridicule anyone for answering the question their way.
Some people find the solution at the bottom of a bottle. Not my way anymore. 
I try to avoid those with very negative comments and opinions especially those of  self opinionated foreigners.
Meditation can help but I don't have patience for that.
I have suffered from both of the following but I'm still here doing my best to stay happy.
Stress has two major types.
The first is like when your favorite dog is injured  or when your car is stolen or a relative dies. Most of us have had similar experiences and have suffered immediate stress.
The other type  I think is worse.
For example it is like when moving to a new country and is not immediate but slowly builds up. We become stressed because a massive number of unforeseen issues and problems need to be solved in the planning on arrival here.
Most of these problems are usually only minor little things and and can be dealt with one at a time quite easily, but if they come like bullets from a machine gun and start to build up in numbers too fast to deal with then stress can become larger and more dangerous than that caused by the death of a relative.
Talking about it helps, retreating into your shell or man cave and trying to drown it in Wild Turkey  dosen't nor does browbeating someone with different opinions to your own.
Try to live in peace and happiness but if you can't ask for help. Avoid anything or anyone who makes you unhappy. Seek Gods guidance if that's your way but please don't take out your anger and frustration on those you love.

you right silver, we can deal with stress if we pick it on time, but when stress takes over your life, then so much more difficult to remove it, we are all stressed mostly every day, but do not forget stress in small doses can be good too, I remember i did my research about philippines, stayed here two time for 6 weeks before moving permanently, found it very different when i start to live here, maybe what i fogto is holiday 6 weeks or more is holiday, living on the other hand is very different, and nothing can prepare you for that till you come and start to live here, this is the times or real responsibly start to take effect, even if you have Gf or Wife that is fillipoina, for you will always be alien place, and it takes long time to get it all in order, to make sense of it all, just like a big puzzle, but you must work it out yourself, on this no one can help you, only then your stress level will drop and you will start to live your own life as it will suit you, i have been through it myself, i did reach out to people but then find it they are in the same boat, we beach about it together, that was not helping me in any way, because it was all negative, I was in search for some positives in this Country, and I have found it within myself, I told myself to take one day at the time, deal with one day first, then on to tomorrow, do not plan way ahead any more, then from that try to make my self happy, which i found that in my Wife and my Son, tell them every day you love them and hug them with lots of kisses, started to do thing together, even all of us have shower together, from that time I found myself to been coping much better, and stress nowadays is there but in background and I make sure it stays there, stress will always be with us we like it or not, but I am ready for it now, not fighting stress any more but making in my friend, it is tuff to live here it is tuff to get use to new life, it is tuff all around, now when i think back i can't help myself but to laugh out loud, sometimes i feel like screaming,
I MADE IT MY WAY.. the victory was sweet after few years of stressful life.

I had a relatively simple solution for dealing with any stressful situations, when I first arrived in the Philippines about 5 years ago.  What worked for me, was a stroll to the nearby Burgos bar where I would sip on a few San Mig Lites and mingle with the local girls ....

bob you are such are great guy with sound advice, i wish someone have told me this before, I will have done the same, great idea all around, what are stress relief.

philippines is not good for the people  those who belong to poor countries because they have no rights even they marriage with falpina, they have no rights to open a bank account in peso, no right  to run a business their own name, they have no right to transfer money from bank to bank. they have no rights to travel other countries. they cannot buy property,
american, japnies and european people have  all rights except buy property.The behaviour of  philippines  immigrationis not good to asain people, they are double standard,
people always barrow money and do not return. devalue of peso and inflation. high price of grocery meat chicken day by day, when i move to philippines  4 years bfore dollar was 42 pesos  now 52 pesos.
petron was 34 pesos now gasoline 54
for stress i go to mosque pray 5 times, wash my hands face feet 5 times,after pray i feed  rest

iftikhar_peeto wrote:

philippines is not good for the people  those who belong to poor countries because they have no rights even they marriage with falpina, they have no rights to open a bank account in peso, no right  to run a business their own name, they have no right to transfer money from bank to bank. they have no rights to travel other countries. they cannot buy property,
american, japnies and european people have  all rights except buy property.The behaviour of  philippines  immigrationis not good to asain people, they are double standard,
people always barrow money and do not return. devalue of peso and inflation. high price of grocery meat chicken day by day, when i move to philippines  4 years bfore dollar was 42 pesos  now 52 pesos.
petron was 34 pesos now gasoline 54
for stress i go to mosque pray 5 times, wash my hands face feet 5 times,after pray i feed  rest

So why do you stay?

Frequent vacations to another country are the best way to relax and relieve stress.  Filipinos don't really understand why foreigners get stressed here and that just makes matters worse.  I'm headed out in the next few months, after 7 years here, and hopefully coming back with a better attitude. 

I like what was said about leaving going somewhere else for a while to relieve stress. Two other things help to relieve stress here. Those two things are a sense humor and patience. It's important to start and end your day with these two things.

We have no control over stress coming but we do over how we respond to it.

We can always leave and go back to our home country if the stress is to much. But even there we will encounter stress but a different type.

Certainly dont drive a car on the road if you want to avoid stress with so many undisciplined  drivers in any of the cities.

Stop . . . Breathe . . . and Think.  When things are getting frustrating and stressful, I stop, take a deep breath, and think things through. It's funny that I got that from watching an episode of a kid's show called Blue's Clues, where Steve advises Blue how to deal with frustrating situations.

Sometimes, I take a break, leave the office and take a walk at a mall without really buying anything. Or go to a coffee shop and bring my laptop and whatever I was working on. Clearing my mind or changing where I'm at helps relieve my stress and anxiety.

I play Van Morrison's "Days Like This" both when I feel stressed and anxious, and when I feel light and happy, when things went by easy. There will always be bad days. But when I think about good times, positive things, blessings, and that a difficult situation will eventually come to pass, I can breathe better and feel calm.

"When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me
There'll be days like this . . ."

In response to Samangelevski...Why the hell did you move to live on the highway??? And you're blaming the windows???

arty5987, i see you don't know much about windows then, not sure where you live here, but windows in Philippines are chust cheap China products, and they really not good at all, maybe one day they will improve on some kind of standards, but they need windows for any situation, for me that I  live on highway, i will need double glazing windows, I mean this is not much to ask right, why highway, well if you like your shop to do well you need exposia, or close it down, or just make odds and ends,  it really is no big deal to supplier double glazing windows.

My main point was and still is... why did you move next to the highway??? I don't need to know anything about windows. Just get away from the highway,., traffic and noise is bad enough, why make your life worst?

I am there because of the shop, main road exposure, more customers, it is like give and take thing, if you want business to operate at its best, then you have to sacrifice some thing in life, for me is comfort, but then again as I said if I could get double glazing windows noise will be 70% less, it will make it really nice then, life was not mean to be easy..

Why as an expat are you now living in the Philippines and trying to work??? The jobs there are horrible. Unemployment is high, the job salary is garbage, Filipinos are having a hard time finding work with decent salary. Owning your own business is risky.  Even a professional job as a nurse pays crap. The ONLY reason you as an expat should be there is to retire and enjoy a relaxed life with your retirement and get away from that freakin highway!. The noise, dust and pollution will destroy you. You said, “life was not meant to be easy”, but why are you trying to make it harder?

True. Well said.

Ok I am not working here no am i in retirement here, iut i did investe in a farms Rice, and shop, you all have extended family here, for sure you invest some too right ?? where you live in Philippines? is where your extended family is, yes some are better then others but life is the same, arty i know about jobs here and businesses, nothing new, you will be better to tell me something I don't know. give me advise that I can use, or say nothing is maybe best.

Hello everyone,

After having removed some off-topic posts, i am re opening this topic. Please keep in mind that we are sharing information about "How to deal with stress...."

Thank you in advance,
Bhavna

samangelevski wrote:

arty5987, i see you don't know much about windows then, not sure where you live here, but windows in Philippines are chust cheap China products, and they really not good at all, maybe one day they will improve on some kind of standards, but they need windows for any situation, for me that I  live on highway, i will need double glazing windows, I mean this is not much to ask right, why highway, well if you like your shop to do well you need exposia, or close it down, or just make odds and ends,  it really is no big deal to supplier double glazing windows.

My company sells and installs aluminum windows. Double glazed glass is available here in the Philippines. But we do not carry it because it is way too expensive -- 6x to 10x the price of aluminum windows, not including installation. It is a big deal, because as a business owner, why would I keep an item in inventory that would stay there for a long time, if not forever. Customers have asked about it, but when they are told the price, they just don't want it.

Anywhere in the world, double glazed is more expensive than single pane. When my uncle in San Francisco decided to replace his rotting windows with double glazed glass windows, he paid, including installation, over US$500 per window. That was way back in 2001. And the windows were not the higher quality branded ones either.

A decision to replace windows to reduce noise level will not just depend on your budget but also on your acceptable level and type of noise. My shop is located along a busy highway, so I'm familiar with the kind of noise you hear. For me, it's the variety of sudden sounds that is distracting and frustrating. Telephone conversations would be interrupted by a sudden "beep-beep" or "rrrrrrr" or "honnnk- honnnnk" or "varooooommm".  If we had our home built at back of my shop, specialized double glazed windows might lower the volume of the noise from the highway, but the variety would still be there which is more disruptive and stressful and harder to reduce than volume (which is why I would never consider living near the highway).

Back in the SF, there was a Muni bus stop in front of our apartment. Windows in the living room facing the street were double glazed. But our guests still found it hard to fall asleep due to the noise from the bus stopping and going even though the guest bedroom was towards the back of our apartment. And mind you, the buses are electric and not gas operated so the noise they emit is more like a loud humming sound when it stops and goes rather than a growling "vroom-vroom" sound.

Think it over before you spend a lot of money on replacing your windows.

I would like to comment on the window issue, since street level noise consisting of 'beeps', 'honks', and motorcycles can definitely add to ones stress when it is bad enough to disrupt conversation, let alone sleeping.   I would further clarify that I have never bought a window or a sheet of glazing here in the Philippines, so I am not aware of what is available or what pricing might be.  However, I am surprised that a cost of a double glazed window would be so much more than a single glazed pane.   It is possible to construct such a double pane window on site.
I have a background in studio design for radio and recording studios, so sound isolation and acoustics is a science that must be understood and applied to the building construction.  How much  sound can be reduced in product selection is expressed in decibels, but this would be a discussion  outside the topic here which is reducing stress.
One of the simplest ways to reduce sound transmission through glass is to increase the thickness of the glazing.  Example: go from 3 mil to 5 or 6 mil thickness in glazing.   Another idea is to install two single pane windows in the wall opening.   A simple trick here for higher isolation is to  use different thicknesses in each window unit.   Example:  a 4 mil sheet of glazing combined with a 6 mil unit.    A tight seal will also definitely help.
There you have it.  An outside street view from a much quieter room and your stress has disappeared !       

Dealing with stress.
Last night my wife's uncle, a man who called me his brother, died in front of me from his terminal illness.
I have seen dead people before but this is the first time anything like this has happened to me and I'm fairly shaken.
In my utods last seconds he looked straight into my eyes. I can't stop seeing the look in his eyes.
How do I get through this.

Trust that he had a good life and valued your friendship. We all have to die. Of course you will feel the loss, as you should. Grief has stages, you will get through it friend. Be good to yourself.

So many great tips in this thread. Adjusting to the culture here takes patience and acceptance, and one day at a time. I go back to the States for several months every year to work on projects and get a break. When here I try to value the simple things more and  express my gratitude daily.  We can all learn lessons here.

My friend, there is never any way to get over it. I was an army medic and civilian paramedic/firefighter. I saw well over 100 people die. We each will cope with the shock of the moment in different ways. I chose to focus on the mission instead of the person and I will never be innocent again. I pray that you will find a coping mechanism that will work for you.

Thanks Gordy and Pnwcyclist.
The funeral is tomorrow. That will be a testing time.
The Philippine way of a vigil for 9days is a good way of dealing with the loss. Family and friends around to help each other to relax and remember the good things.