Any body been given a woman? I have one now! Would welcome thoughts

Before any of you go nuts on me, let me explain. She is not my slave, she has complete freedom to come and go any time she likes. She knows she can go wherever, and whenever she likes. Let me explain her history, and how this came to be.
Last Wednesday I was joking with my tuk-tuk driver that I needed a woman. Apparantly, he took me seriously. Friday morning, he calls me and tells me I am to meet this woman by the market. When I get there, 2 women come over to the tuk-tuk and get in. One of them introduces herself as lin, and the other woman as her sister Chai.
We go back to my house, and Lin tells me her story.Lin lives with her farang boyfriend, a French guy. She has lived with him for over 4 years. Her sister lived with their mother in Phnom Penh. The mother died about 4 years ago, and after Chai spent 2 years living with a brother, she came down to Sihanoukville about 2 years ago. Things were not good in that house. The boyfriend, who I'll call Pierre (not his real name) mis-treated Chai, He gets very angry all the time, and yells at Chai. He also blames her for anything that goes wrong in the whole house. This all came to a head a few weeks back, when he told Lin that Chai had to go and he didn't care where. So I come along about 1 1/2 weeks later. Lin says, I give to you. She will take good care of you, and your house, cook, clean, do the shopping. Anything I want, she will do.
I did feel like I was being set up, but Chai seemed nice, and in a desperate situatin. Before any of you start thinking anything, Nothing has happened, and nothing will until SHE feels it is right, and time. Totally up to her. My days of being a real horn-dog have been over for a few years now, and all I want now is for my remaining years to be in peace.

That's an interesting situation you got there..

AS Chai has never even had a boyfriend before (typical Khmer social moral code), and limited exposure to falangs, and I have had only limited exposure to Khmer women (bar girls don't count) it's proving to be a challange. Yesterday, I had to convince her that she does not need to eat on the kitchen floor, but could eat with me at the table. I guess this is contrary to normal custom here, where the women don't eat with men, but serve them. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing here. Any thoughts?

Hi Madmax, very interesting situation.  I'm Cambodian American so I'm familiar with both cultures.  Yes the Khmer women there are very subservient to men.  It's just the culture.  I would take it slowly and explain things to her.  It's not about right or wrong but just being respectful. 

Women there especially ones from the countryside are very shy and modest.  As she gets more comfortable with you she'll slowly open up.

Your comments are well taken. She has been here over 2 weeks, and, yes, she is becoming more comfortable each day. In spite of the language barrier, we do find pleasure in each other's company. She tries so hard to please me, it's hard not to love her for that.
We went to a Khmer wedding Friday night. Very interesting. Lots of pretty ladies all dressed up in their finest.

Sweet story. I hope you keep us posted.

I know it's been some time since I've posted here. Things have progreses well. Chai and I are getting to know each other well, in spite of the language barrier. I find that I get a lot of pleasure watching her reactions to simple western things. This past week I introduced her to candy bars. I gave her a bite of a Snickers bar, and she was totally blown away. I got such a charge out of a 50cent gift! I was worth a million to me to see her reaction.
Yesterday, I bought her a cell phone. It's her first, and she was so happy! It was like I gave her a car.
Today, I told her I wanted to get a small Buddhist shrine for the house. I know this meant a lot to her.
We are planning a trip in April to Siem Reap, near Angkor Wat. Its something I've wanted to do for many years, and it seems that she has never been there. She is very excited about this trip.

Each day, I give her money, she goes to the market, buys a ton of food for $10 or so. Keeps us fed for several days. I've never eaten so many veggies in my life. I hope it helps my cholesterol!
I'd like to get off some of the meds I'm on for high blood pressure, and high triglicerides. That would be a big bonus!

THanks to all the posters who have taken an interest in my story.

Madmax,

I'm glad your relationship is progressing very well.  Whenever I visit my family in the country side, it's those little gift items that goes a long way.  You have to remember that most Cambodians main concern is find their next meal.  One of the most humbling things I learned was how fortunate we are to have possessions because they really don't own much.

Cell phones are like a new car to them.  My cousins are obsessed with them.  Even taking them out to eat at a restaurant is huge.

Keep us updated and thanks for sharing.

Great story of the cultural divide.  Hope things work out.  I've heard horror stories about how they treat their women there so a kind man is like a treasure....reap what you sow my friend.

I find this thread interesting, Can you expand on it a little? Is this common their? Also can I ask if their is a big age difference between you too? Does her parents consider you married now? thanks MB

Interesting indeed.

Though I've only been here for approximately a year, I find Khmer people very interesting and that's the truth. Many people think that us Filipinos are pretty much ethnocentric, but that's a sad lie. You should meet Filipinos, they're very friendly people.

It's amazing how Khmer women have preserved their conservative nature. I wish it was like that back home in the Philippines. The younger generations have totally eradicated the word "conservative" from their dictionaries.

To Sethrinoza:
Interesting, your comment about Filipino women. I saw 2 Filipino women today, on 63rd street. They had such thick, beautiful, long hair. And I just adore hair like that, I wonder what Filipino women eat that gives them such beautiful hair like that. I had to make a phone call at the Internet cafe, and somehow was too shy to strike up a conversation, and then they were gone. They reminded me of the sweetness of Filipino women--a kind of sweetness of nature that is so rare in the world.

Madmax88:
That is a very interesting story. But are you sure she is truly Khmer, and not a Vietnamese-origin person born or raised here?

In southeast Asia you always find the coolest girls especially in Cambodia. My personal favorite.

When I was in the jungles of Laos I visited a village where a befriended the natives and gave them some money and cigarettes. Later in the evening they came out with 3 beautiful young girls and told me to take one. I must admit I did...

Well it's been about a month since my last posting, and things are progressing nicely. I have turned over (at her insistance) all duties in the kitchen (after I taught her to make oatmeal, fried eggs, french toast and pancakes). Last week she insisted that I stop sending laundry out to be washed, she bought 2 huge tubs, and does all the laundry now. Of course, now she wants an iron!:)
I've been teaching her English, started with the alphabet, spoken and written, now we are on to spelling objects all over the house!
I have one concern - I am planning a 6 day trip to Pattaya Bike Week, and Chai is really in a dither. She says she is Scared (of being alone, I guess). I believe that she thinks that I will not come back, or have a wild fling with some Thai Bar girl. I must admit that 2 years ago, that would have been very likely, but I'm not into that any more. She's more than enough for this old guy.
To the question above - Chai is 31, and I am 64. 33 year difference.

She is really Khmer, not at all looking like a Vietnamese. The rest of her family is somewhere north east of Phnom Penh.

As far as this being common here, I know at least 6 guys, all well over 40, most in their 60's, who all have Khmer ladies. Age doesn't seem to make a bit of difference. In fact, they seem to prefer older guys - we're more stable, and less likely to run back to the homeland.

One more thing. Last week she showed my her piggy-bank. Seems she has been saving parts of her food budget, and has accumulated nearly $100. Amazing!

cool, thanks for the update.

am overwhelmed by you guys out there. you make me more interested bout khmer, i met a khmer myself in the Phils. and find him reserved with his unique culture...and was so impressed being a gentleman.

madmax story is so impressive, you're bringing me to Kampuchea by chance...and make me more interested of goin' there.

[at] sethrinoza, partly you're right 'bout  young generation of Filipinas but a big % of them still keep the 'CONSERVATIVE' lifestyle especially those in  the provinces....

Hello out there. Back on Feb 9th, I, along with the rest of my club brothers, went to Pataya Bike week.The trip was great, even riding the 600 miles (900km) to Thailand and back. First, I have a small correction - Chai is not her name, Chai actually means sister. Her name is Chroeb. I found this out yesterday! She's been here 2 1/2 months, and I've been calling her sister... Oh well.
I think I mentioned before that I had taught her to make a number of my favorite breakfasts. Apparantly, I did a good job. When I got home Monday afternoon, I told her I would like pancakes for breakfast tomorrow (Tuesday). She got this strange, guilty look on her face, and said "No have" and showed me the near-empty box. When I asked what happenned, she told me that she had made pancakes for herself, twice! 3 pancakes eaach time. I thought this was very funny. Seems as if a small piece of Americana has started growing here in Cambodia!

That is a awesome story Mad Maxx. hahahahaha I have a 2008 night train that I would like to bring into the country. Can you PM message me and tell me how you got yours their?
Thanks Monkey Strong

Again it's been way too long since I've posted here. Things are going OK, some ups and downs, as with any relationship.
This morning, Chroeb (NOT Chai - Chai means sister in Khmer) brought me out the back door before breakfast, to show me a chicken our neighbor gave her. It was hanging upside down, under the BBQ. Only problem was that it was still alive. She told me that after breakfast (French Toast and coffee) she would take the chicken to the market where she would get it butchered and cleaned. Right now, it's in a big pot of water, herbs and spices, getting ready for a whole lot of rice to be added. I think this may be a kind of chicken-and-rice stew. It looks good, and I can't wait to eat it.
Chroeb's english is improving, and she is now learning phrases, such as Ï took my medicine" and I go to young sister". She also learned "Pepperoni Pizza" - now a big favorite.. She seems to find it amazing to see me in the kitchen cooking, I guess this is NEVER done in a typical Khmer household, but I can show her many western dishes that she seems to enjoy a lot. She still loves Reese's peanut butter cups, and Nutrageous bars. Time to play poker now. more soon.

Hi there Max

It's an interesting story you got there and I feel that to good guys who are respectful it happens more than you might think.

I had a very similar experience when I was travelling to Medellin in Colombia. I was introduced to this guy who was also a taxi driver and tour guide by my Colombian friend back in the UK and after a day with him he noticed that I was single and asked if I wanted to be introduced to his cousin.

Also thinking of a trap I cautiously agreed but when I met his cousin she was young, pretty, fun, spoke English and would be a welcome sight on any guys arm.

I did my best to behave and respect her and within a couple of days we had fallen for each other.

Sadly a totally unexpected event occured that split us up, which was a couple of this guys friends decided they wanted to mug me and once the police got involved I was shown back to my hostel and I never saw either him or her again.

I feared the worst for them as their cellphone numbers became uncontactable and any emails I wrote bounced back unread.

Dickon
That was really a sad ending. Things are better here, her sisters and her brother are all nice folks.
I do have a funny story to tell. I'll call it "Never try to teach a duck to dance...".Its an old joke that ends "It will only frustrate you, and annoy the duck".
A few days ago, I was walking around the kitchen, bored, and looking for something to do. I was whistling a made-up tune, when Chroeb started looking at my mouth, and trying to mimic me. It seems that she cannot whistle. I tried for 3 days to teach her, but the best she could come up with was a tiny "hoot". No whistle. I wonder if this is something that can even be taught! My son cannot whistle, my daughter can. My son's oldest boy cannot, but the younger boy could whistle at 3 years old. I think I'll give up on it as a futile endevour. Unless someone out there knows atrick to teach whistling!

Whistling is all about the placement of the tongue inside the mouth and the tightness of the cheeks.

You need to get the cheeks and the tongue to form a very narrow tube with which to blow through, too wide and it just is expelling air.

I tried to explain tongue position, and cheeks, etc in my very limited Khmer, and got a lot of blank looks. I really like her attempts at it, when she makes the little "hoot" noises. Very funny. Any time that I want to poke fun at her, all I need to do is whistle! This usually generates a dark look, then a laugh! It's good to have a laugh every day. It's healthy!

Last week I took Chroeb to Phnom Penh for a surgical procedure to correct a deviated septum. What started out to be what the Doctor said was as 2-day thing, turn into a 6 day ordeal. We got there on Thursday afternoon, expecting him to do the procedure that night. Wrong. He did the pre-op, then told us to return Friday 0700 for the procedure. Went to the hotel (a much nicer place than the Home....). Big surprise. Chroeb had never been in an elevator. Very frightened! She didn't like it a bit.
Had the procedure done Friday, finished by 0930, but... now the doctor says she has to stay in the clinic for 2 days. A language gap? I stayed with her from 0700 until 2000, when a nurse took over for me (at a cost - $10). Back at 0700 Saturday, stayed until 2000 again, nurse and Chroeb's brother did the night duty. Back Sunday, Chroeb got the packing removed, about 1 meter of gauze. The doctor then said we had to stay another 2 days in PP for post-op injections, twice a day. We changed to a closer hotel, more elevator trauma! Spent sunday and Monday in the room, her getting better all the time. Finally got out of PP Tuesday noonish. Good to be back in Sihanoukville! All in all, not a wonderful experience, but needed. She can now breathe through both sides of her nose for the first time in her life!

Continuing the above, after getting home on Tuesday, Chroeb went out to find a clinic to give her the evening injections. I get a call about an hour later, Chroeb is really pissed off at something, turns out she went to 10 different clinics before she found one to give her the shots. Wednesday, her sister brought over a doctor that makes house calls! Imagine that! And cheap as well. He gave her the shots Wednesday and Thursday. Done on Thursady, and here I'm going to post a side-bar, as its little to do with her, but more about the next 5 or 6 days. It's posted under "Ant Wars".

It's been far too long since I've posted here, and I thought I'd update the goings on!
It's been 7 months since she's been here, and we are getting along better and better. She's much smarter than I first estimated, and has a good sense of humor. In some ways, she still seems like a teenager in love, but I've come to enjoy the attention and affection!

Since the Ant wars episode, Chroeb and I have been doing well. Her health has improved greatly since her deviated septum was repaired, she's breathing much better, and no longer has sinus headaches. This all make both of us much happier.
Her English has been getting better; now I'm teaching her phrases, and correcting some errors, so her sentences now make sense. We still have some difficulty with the "I" "me" "you" thing, but coming along. Her sister is very jelous now, Chroeb now speaks better than she does!
Life has gotten better since I sold my Harley. Having some cash really helped. I bought a 2011 Honda Dream, so I no longer have to rent a moto at $80 a month, bought some new furniture, added some electric boxes here and there, and made some other minor improvements in the house. Next to buy in the coming week is a washing machine! This would save Chroeb time and effort, and save my clothes from wear and tear! Hand scrubbing really beats up my t-shirts!
Went up to Phnom Penh this past Tuesday to get Chroeb's passport application started. The process actually went quite smoothly, we were done with it all in about 2 hrs, and the passport will be ready in about one month. Only cost $200.
We are planning some trips, first to Siem Reap, Then to Laos, and sometime next year to Vietnam. Future plans are for Thailand, and to the States for a visit in 2013. That will be quite and experience for Chroeb.
More later!

Oh god, i have already upset people in one post.  But I just find this whole thread somewhat unsettling.  Yes, I realise old guys and young women end up together all over asia, but really, would most 33 year old women find a 60 year old guy attractive?  Would you expect an American or Australian woman to cook and clean all day?  I find it suprising that given the amount of expats here doing aid work, meaning they should be adhering to the MDGs (that includes gender equity), no one else seems to find this a little strange.  I know a few guys who leave Australia to do the Filipino run and find some young woman who wants out of Mindanao or wherever, then spends the rest of her life in a sad relationship with an old man.  I am but no mean saying that this is the case, but being "given a woman" might be seen as okay in this country, but also it seems fine to own a Hummer while you next door neighbour can barely eat, and while the govt extorts vast amounts of cash from country ... and none of us would really think that kind of stuff is okay. 
Whatever happened to boy meets girl and fall in love? 
Sorry, again I am sure I will receive ire and outrage for this, but again I can't believe that there are 26 posts and no one is questioning it.

To answer some of Blixcat's comments above:
As I have written before, she is free to come and go as she pleses. She chooses to stay with me. She says that she loves me every day. Do I love her? In many ways, yes. As our interaction is somewhat stifled by the language barrier, we really can't get very deep conversations. She is a woman from a very rural province, and her needs are simple. Her sister (Lin) had taken her into the home she lives in with her boyfriend, a French man, about 50 years old. Lin is 30. You seem to try to relate the age difference to western culture. This is a wrong assumption! If you look around here, you will see many many older ex-pats with 20-30 yr old woman. The women here consider hooking up with an older expat to be a great score. They get to live a much better life than if they were to marry a Khmer man.
This is NOT America or Australia! That's why most of us are here. Maybe you should talk to some of these women before judging them, and me. Chroeb loves being here with me - she has a much better life with me than she could have ever expected. At this point, I couldn't get her to leave me for any Khmer, or any other ex-pat. And the age thing doesn't bother her a bit. At 32, she is considered too old for most Khmer men! I know about 6 or 8 ex-pats here in Snooky that ALL have wives/girlfriends in their 20's! They all seem very happy with their choices.
You cannot apply western mores and social standards to Asia! This is a different world.

Hello everyone!

:one for this sharing madmax888.

Harmonie.:)

Hello Madmax,
I did enjoy your story. It sounds like you two are good for each other. Unfortunatly not everyone understands the Cambodian culture. Even at 32 she'd be considered way too old for a Khmer man to marry. Khmer woman:) consider it "lucky" to find an older man. There's a proverb that says "it's better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave." In that part of S.E. Asia women know very well that it's better to have an older man fuss to over her rather than a younger man that expects to have the woman fuss over him. I've been to Cambodia 4 times. This last trip I spent 6 months. I'm 32 & my man is 43. All the Khmer woman really gave me props for my older man. Many nods of approval, many comments such as "older man is good for you!" I'm sure that your girlfriend has enjoyed a certain boost in status for having an older man too. You can't go to a different country and expect them to have the same western views. I believe in Cambodia love is a bit different. In America we are so conditioned even from a young age to look at people in terms of physical attraction or hottness. It sounds as though you both appreciate each other which is the best love story. Thanks again Max, best of luck!

Thanks for your comments, Auddie25! I agree that Chroeb gets "props" from many many women in town. I know the looks we both get when we are seen together. From what I can see, an older farang is considered quite a catch!
As far as coming here from the west, again, I agree completely. I write my friends that this place is an alternate reality, and NOTHING that you know in the western world can be taken for granted here. When I first got here, I was amazed and shocked at almost everything. Now, I just shrug, and think "that's the way things are here" I'm not in America any more.
Having lived in Mexico for a while, and some in Europe, I may be better adapted to living in other places, but really, there is little that can prepare a farang for living here, except by doing it. Attitude is everything. This is not my country, not my culture. Khmers have been here for centuries, and they seem to adapt quite well. I learn from them! Seems to be working so far!!

Hey i'm new to the board, and I'm really enjoying your story. I would ignore any narrow-minded comments really, as it seems that both of you are fulfilling each others needs! I too, have been in the western world for the most part of my life and now am just coming to realize that different ways of doing things doesn't necessarily mean worse.

Keep the quirks coming, you're my favourite thread! And for blixicat, my personal experience, I am financially more than self supportive, 32, single, female, and good looking, and if I were looking for a partner, age would be just a number :)

Very true, pinklizard! Age is just a state of mind. Attitude is where it's at! It's taken me most of my life to realize that Asia is where I belong! Talk about a quirk of karma! I should have been here years ago, but then, I wouldn't have 2 greatkids. Samsara is a strange thing, no?

I enjoyed reading this forum topic very much (when I read the topic I was like...mmm not surprised).. and I myself am Cambodian. well in a sense that I was born here but raised in Canada.  I'm currently in Thailand visiting South East Asia for a couple of months and I've noticed a lot of older/younger 'situations' but really.. I'm not one to judge.  I know the culture, and I can relate/understand.

sounds like a WTF situation turned content happiness. thumbs up.

Hi there,
a good, real life story, am following it closely from now on.
I have been to Sihanoukville two years ago, and somehow slowly being 'tempted' back there, besides contemplating other places in SE Asia, but Cambo has a mixture of older taste Asia, nature and people that attracts me.
Also on the list is Myanmar, however I do not know about Westerm men being accepted there.
I have no real life experience in these matters, just read of them, time to test them! In a decent manner, really!
cheers, all the best!

AS I have not posted in a while, I thought I'd catch up now. Chroeb and I went to Siem Reap August 1st. Took the night bus out of Sihanoukville. Got put in the first row. Another thing to put on my list - NEVER take the first row. Very limited leg room, and not place for bags, etc. Got to PP and changed to the sleeper bus. A total free-for-all, no assigned bunks! Was able to get 2 accross from each other. A long, painful trip. Bad stretch of road about 1 hour outside of PP, road work. Got to Siem Reap at 0615, got to the Smiling Hotel soon after. I had booked a Jr Suite through Agoda, and what a fabulous room! Jacuzzi and all. We loved it! Very romantic time. Spent 1 day at Angkor Wat (NOT enough time). Did a river tour and flooded forest trip (not very interesting). Back to PP to pick up her passport, and  see the Killing Fields and the Genocide Museum. Very disturbing to me, and a real horror to Chroeb. I can't imagine going through such an insane time. Got home on the 5th, and I'm now planning on a trip to Bangkok, Chroeb's first trip out of the country. I've been there many times, and love the city for short periods at a time. I do love Thai food!

Saturday, we took Chroeb's Papa to Otres Beach for a bit. Sat down at a bamboo drink stand, and 2 minutes after I sat down, the stool I was sitting on exploded into fragments! Got dumped on the ground! No, I am NOT that heavy! About an hour after that, a small herd of cattle (Chroeb calls them hamburger) came by, I turned to make sure they weren't near my moto, and one of the cows butted me in the back, sending me flying into Chroeb's sister's moto! I had enough then, so we headed back home. Had enough excitement for one day!

Hello Dear Folks,

I took the same night bus trip from Sihanoukville all the way to Siemreap, whoooah, do not sit in the LAST ROW either!
My back was out of kilt for three days, no sleeping on the bus naturally...
Angkor Wat is worth at least a week, gorgeous place.

When you go to the Tonse Lap trip and get to visit the schools floating on the water, be prepared to take some pensils pens etc. for the kids, but buy them BEFOREHAND in the city, there is a big sham to rip u off on location, there is a stationery store selling school supplies at London prices!!!

Can you get crokodile meat already in Siem Reap?
We had been promised it for days, never actually had the chance to taste it. :O(

Have a good one, all!

Yes, I did see Crocodile meat on a menu at a restaurant on Pub Street. They also had Kangaroo and some other odd fare! Next time I'm in SR, I will stop in for a sampler!

Sounds like it was a great trip max :D

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