Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner

all i can read here is about a foreigner husband with a filipina wife/gf.
what about a filipino husband/bf with a foreigner girl? i'm having a relationship with a filipino currently and he's asking me to marry him.

My opinion: Do NOT marry him.

male or female it's like a lottery he,as far as i know that is .i got lucky,very lucky.
ask  your self a few questions,questions like ;did he ever lie to me?wen we'r going out who is looking at (you or other girls)?do you have the same dreams and expectations of life?is he caring or macho?
am sure there are a truc load of other questions.

but in the end it comes down to ;who not dare dos not win he


greets Dirk

i dated some filipinos before him and they were such a jerk. unlike him. he's different, so far. but sometimes, i also have doubts in him when in comes to think about the future. i mean.. it's normal, isn't it? or is it abnormal?

What are your doubts?

like... can he fulfill my needs and my future children's needs? we both have a different standard when it comes to life, way back when i was in Jakarta, i was raised in a middle class family and i worked hard to be the way i am now. and by being an expat here, my life has improved to be the best i've ever lived by my own (i lived alone without my family support at all since i was 19 yo. i even slept on a thin plastic mat and lived on a super small room cause i didn't have money back then and my family didn't support me at all). i know how to work hard to have a better life, and i did it. so of course, my standard of living raised.
also, i have a lot of filipina friends that work hard for the family and their filipino husband/bf are just staying at home, take care of the kids and clean the house. i don't mind to work after marry him, in fact, i can help the family financially. but i dont want to be the breadwinner. raised in Indonesia, with the pure blood of Indonesia, we were taught to be a good mother, a good housewife, if ever we need to work, we should not be the breadwinner unless the husband is ill or unable to work at all due to some circumstances.

Hate to say it but there is a very good chance he will sit around the house drinking beer. Very common with Filipinos who have OFW or foreigners money to rely on.

"Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner?"

My name is Mark and I've been married to a Filipina for over two years.  I live with her in the Phils.

I consider myself to be blessed since my wife has a wonderful attitude with just about everything.

She is never demanding and she never complains about anything.

When I was sick with pneumonia (and I was short of pera), she pawned all of her gold in order to pay for doctors and medicine to nurse me back to health. 

Hey Gilligan wrote:

"Filipinas who develop a bad attitude when they marry a foreigner?"

My name is Mark and I've been married to a Filipina for over two years.  I live with her in the Phils.

I consider myself to be blessed since my wife has a wonderful attitude with just about everything.

She is never demanding and she never complains about anything.

When I was sick with pneumonia (and I was short of pera), she pawned all of her gold in order to pay for doctors and medicine to nurse me back to health. 

good for you! happy to hear that! not all of filipino is jerk though, and not all of filipina too. i have some filipina and filipino friends and they're good peeps.

amanda.O wrote:

like... can he fulfill my needs and my future children's needs? we both have a different standard when it comes to life, way back when i was in Jakarta, i was raised in a middle class family and i worked hard to be the way i am now. and by being an expat here, my life has improved to be the best i've ever lived by my own (i lived alone without my family support at all since i was 19 yo. i even slept on a thin plastic mat and lived on a super small room cause i didn't have money back then and my family didn't support me at all). i know how to work hard to have a better life, and i did it. so of course, my standard of living raised.
also, i have a lot of filipina friends that work hard for the family and their filipino husband/bf are just staying at home, take care of the kids and clean the house. i don't mind to work after marry him, in fact, i can help the family financially. but i dont want to be the breadwinner. raised in Indonesia, with the pure blood of Indonesia, we were taught to be a good mother, a good housewife, if ever we need to work, we should not be the breadwinner unless the husband is ill or unable to work at all due to some circumstances.

It's absolutely normal to have doubts. You should dispel those doubts before getting married. 

Your dream of becoming a stay-at-home mom and keep your current standard of living will depend on how much money your bf takes home.

Get to know your bf very well, including his finances and spending habits. How much does he make? Is he in the habit of saving? Is he thrifty or is he the type who likes to buy the latest gadgets and clothes? How often does he go out with his friends? Is he generous to his friends and family?

Get to know your bf's family and their history. What are his parents, siblings and other relatives like, especially the men in the family? Do they have jobs? Are they hardworking? How do they treat their spouses and children? Are they faithful to their spouse? Do you think he will take on their personality, character, habits?

Get answers. Then you will find whether your bf is the right guy for you.

I married a wonderful Filipino 10 years ago she great helps pay the house hold expenses, when she first came to Australia we used to go to the Filipino get together s , most Filipinos all they talked about how much money their husbands got the nice car they drive , nice house they got, where expensive clothes etc, my wife dont go to those get together s anymore, she like by all my friends, got a great attitude.
I meet many Aussies here who Filipino wives dont help out to the household expenses, most of the money they earn is sent home to their families who as some mentioned here ofw send money home while their families drink gamble sit on their fat backsides, once the gravy train stops they dont want to know the person sending the money.
Before I married my wife I was married to another Filipino briefly , all she want large amounts of money, sure plenty of red flags my little head ruled my big head, when kept saying no to the family, they did not like me, the girl even tried to say i had a kid to her after coming back to Australia 5 months when i came back even found once baby born she was still living with her husband.

That's why I work out in the Philippines.  Not in Europe.  Coz here in Cebu,  it's easier to me to adapt her life a bit,  instead of her life adapting to my European habits.  And for now,  we work out fine.  Her family needs to work out on their own,  and not keep in mind I'm a walking ATM. No way.  I always define my rules,  coz having a relation with a pinay,  u have to be strong or u will suffer

to my opinion the original filippines culture was lost under spanish colonialisation and now there is an americanised culture whit witch they struggle.
but than i think who are we to even try to judge other ppl there culture

greets Dirk

There are really people like that not just in the Philippines. It is best to avoid them once you've learned their crazy attitude. There are more people out there who knows how to interact well with other people and deserving with time and effort.

I have been married to a Filipina for 10 years. Our marriage has very gradually been deteriorating to the point where I now want out of it. I am certain there are many wonderful Filipina women out there but with regards to my wife I am really quite disappointed. The list of characteristics that disappoint me is lengthy but the one that has actually destroyed our marriage is my wife's very, very bad temper. We live in an apartment block and she will not think twice to have a screaming rage fit no matter what the time of day or night. The most recent outburst of screaming occurring at 1:00 a.m. on a weekday! Very much against the rules and not to mention against the law (disturbing the peace) here in Canada. When I suggest things like "anger management courses" offered free by the government, it's like adding gasoline to a fire. Currently trying to separate with as little fuss as possible. Maybe I'd have better luck kayaking across the Pacific.

A couple other points is that I find that Filipinos (not just my wife) seem to be mainly interested in other Filipinos. They text each other 24/7 (almost) and only seem truly happy when they are around each other. That's my other big complaint. And for those two reasons...I'm out.

Wow didn't know other chaps have this, but I am the same and i know the symptoms that trigger the attacks and make an effort to hug my wife and get her talking to me. I have experienced many relationships in the UK before deciding to settle down and consequently have some "argument" type experiences you know what I mean, "silences" and the stuff for a couple of day etc.  What I realize now is that I'm treating my wife in the same way as old partners and she is not strong enough mentally????
We arrive at the point where she is very quiet and won't speak until she screams very loud and storms about the room in a temper. I hug her and calm her down and encourage her to speak through her tears then we sit together and relax through the action.  I said to my self that I am responsible for this problem with my wife, no one else is close to us so must be my effect. She takes on the blame and doesn't know whats wrong with her, maybe I should take her to see a shrink?  After 15 years marriage we do get on each others nerve and even little things will cause an atmosphere.  I love my wife and wouldn't want here to injure herself because I am trying to prove myself in the right.   ADVICE take a step back and give your wife some closeness, do things more together, if you find a problem that is tempting to argue about, just ask yourself "is this really important and does it matter?"  My wife's screaming is very scary and I know what you are going through. She works hard looking after you and we tend to accept that as par for the course, more hugs and appreciate her by showing that appreciation. We are stronger mentally that the Filipina (usually) and quite possibly able to destroy her.  Hope this helps.

Generally this attitude is not developed abroad, it was already existing in the Philippines. Not a question of being mentally strong or weak. It was already described by Spanish friars during Spanish colonization. When the US colonized the Philippines, they also described the same and said that it was a spanish trait hahaha ! So it is an old story    That why I always laugh when the dating website are describing the Asian and especially the Filipinas as submissive etc.    I always tell my French friends who would like to marry a soft nice and sooo loving Filipina who is thinking only about YOU and the family to live with her 1 or 2 years before thinking of a wedding. During these 1 to 2 years you will have episodes of tantrums. Some of my friends could not bear them and thanked me for giving them this advice. Others did not mind. My friends who could not bear it were from the south of France, along the Mediterranean sea, like Spanish and Italians. They were hot temper and could not imagine that a woman could be also like that so very often the couple was explosive !
So beware, when you get married to a Filipina you marry a "Queen, a Dona, a Mam etc."The Dona style will appear after the menopause and can be very problematic and needs a lot of communication in the couple, if not ... there could be big troubles. During the menopause, don't be surprised to see plates and other weapons flying in the kitchen    Be ready !

I started a monthly meeting of expats that develpped into days on the beach and dinners in homes. All was well a while but my wife didn.t enjoy them as much as i did. When she wouldn.t discuss personal details or how much pension we received the ladies ignored her. My wife is an excellent cook. Seamstree and fun in a crowd but these expats wives were too much. I realise she must be streetwise to deal with these ladies and so we have attended the get togethers. Difficult finding a true friend here.

Wow and double wow. Sounds worse than my first Aussie wife of 22 years. (And that ended up nasty and expensive)(still love her and the kids dearly) My Filipino partner of 7 years is none of what I have been hearing not only on this thread but many threads here and other sites. He is who he is and a great guy, my life. I am who I am and for him to tolerate my western thinking and scrooge like fiscal demands? (Old head on young shoulders) I am his life, we meet in the middle, he is my life, only took me 40 years to see the line and while yes while I educate my better half I have to admit that there are many lessons and slaps that I have also taken on board.
Here's to the future,,,,,,, or the next time around.

Peter, if you can count your friends on one hand you are blessed. I have 4 friends, My better half, my best mate of 35 years, my sister (Have many siblings) and my wallet.

Cheers, Steve.

There's an inordinate amount of foreigners married to Filipinas and I can't understand why other than the low barrier of entry.

This is a very bad country for long term relationships or quality women. Better for flings I think.

There's too big of a culture gap plus with all the boomers throwing money around now, lot of bad attitudes in Manila or Cebu from short ugly girls from broken homes who somehow think you are out of their league. Its comical.

So many horror stories but yet guys keep doing it. I lived here for a while so I get the allure of the young, cute girl who want to be your partner. But realistically it cannot last .

Nielsen Flute wrote:

There's an inordinate amount of foreigners married to Filipinas and I can't understand why other than the low barrier of entry.

This is a very bad country for long term relationships or quality women. Better for flings I think.

There's too big of a culture gap plus with all the boomers throwing money around now, lot of bad attitudes in Manila or Cebu from short ugly girls from broken homes who somehow think you are out of their league. Its comical.

So many horror stories but yet guys keep doing it. I lived here for a while so I get the allure of the young, cute girl who want to be your partner. But realistically it cannot last .

And in the meantime you claim that Vietnam is almost perfect.  Good to know you are going to try to work out your problems someplace else, not at the expense of any Filipinas.  I can see why you agreed with the poster on the Vietnam forum who said you are self loathing.

something else I'd like to share with you chaps and that is libido. Living in your home country with your good looking younger Filipino wife, when Libido kicks in  we try to live out our lives in the normal way but things are so different here. EVERYONE gives you the eye and usual smiles and we even have "smiley" written on our free newspapers in Mac dos.  This attention is not missed by my wife who is affected and although I do not return the amorous glances, her mood can change rapidly.  I have tried to imagine how I would feel if the boot was on the other foot and have to admit that I'd be irritated. 

Being a hot country the ladies wear attractive skimpy clothes showing off their figures and I have to admit to thinking about sex?                             
Must be mad at my old age of 71 but it happens and I suppose has to be something that I must just accept in living here. Back in the UK us old guys do not get a glance but here its all the time. Anyone else with the same situation  ... and does Aspirin fix things?

Nielsen Flute wrote:

There's an inordinate amount of foreigners married to Filipinas and I can't understand why other than the low barrier of entry.

This is a very bad country for long term relationships or quality women. Better for flings I think.

There's too big of a culture gap plus with all the boomers throwing money around now, lot of bad attitudes in Manila or Cebu from short ugly girls from broken homes who somehow think you are out of their league. Its comical.

So many horror stories but yet guys keep doing it. I lived here for a while so I get the allure of the young, cute girl who want to be your partner. But realistically it cannot last .

"Low barrier of entry"? OMO but that seems somewhat cynical and pompous to say the least. Not only to the Filipino people but also to us expats that chose this fine country.

"This is a very bad country for long term relationships or quality women. Better for flings I think." Definitely a derogatory comment, save the air fare and hook up with a local girl who may have better standards though I do note that the divorce rate in the States is 40 to 50%. New York City has an average of 12.5 to 13% divorce rate annually.

"So many horror stories but yet guys keep doing it." That's what blokes do no matter the country sport.

Be careful how you paint the picture.

I think someone is having a laugh.

Cheers, Steve.

Being with a pinay lady is really different. I'm six years with my lady for now but her attitude never changed. She never asked, but i have to tell, my lady studied university in a better school of Cebu, and her sisters are living abroad with a foreigner. She has a higher level job and works hard. She already knew being with a foreigner is not 'discovering El Dorado' . She was also not from a squattered area, in pinoy way, her family house was already a better one. She conquered my heart the moment she read european writers during the younger years, and now years later, i'm still extremely happy to wake up next to her. she is well respected in my family also coz of her behaviour, knowledge and acte de presence. Of course no relation is perfect but she gave me a great chance to adapt to her culture, and i gave her a big chance to adapt my culture. We both give each other ideas, and until now it's a healty mix of cultures.

Peter Clark wrote:

something else I'd like to share with you chaps and that is libido. Living in your home country with your good looking younger Filipino wife, when Libido kicks in  we try to live out our lives in the normal way but things are so different here. EVERYONE gives you the eye and usual smiles and we even have "smiley" written on our free newspapers in Mac dos.  This attention is not missed by my wife who is affected and although I do not return the amorous glances, her mood can change rapidly.  I have tried to imagine how I would feel if the boot was on the other foot and have to admit that I'd be irritated. 

Being a hot country the ladies wear attractive skimpy clothes showing off their figures and I have to admit to thinking about sex?                             
Must be mad at my old age of 71 but it happens and I suppose has to be something that I must just accept in living here. Back in the UK us old guys do not get a glance but here its all the time. Anyone else with the same situation  ... and does Aspirin fix things?

Simply enjoy the attention Peter, Your wife/better half knows where your head and heart lay. Is it any different to the attention that my 30 plus years younger partner receives in Australia? Nope it simply makes one appreciate what we have, love and trust. Personally I see the stares in both countries, both ways, ignore and live.

Cheers, Steve.

mugtech wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

There's an inordinate amount of foreigners married to Filipinas and I can't understand why other than the low barrier of entry.

This is a very bad country for long term relationships or quality women. Better for flings I think.

There's too big of a culture gap plus with all the boomers throwing money around now, lot of bad attitudes in Manila or Cebu from short ugly girls from broken homes who somehow think you are out of their league. Its comical.

So many horror stories but yet guys keep doing it. I lived here for a while so I get the allure of the young, cute girl who want to be your partner. But realistically it cannot last .

And in the meantime you claim that Vietnam is almost perfect.  Good to know you are going to try to work out your problems someplace else, not at the expense of any Filipinas.  I can see why you agreed with the poster on the Vietnam forum who said you are self loathing.

Don't try to make this about me. I'm simply summing up my Philippines experience. Very overrated place and a lot of my younger friends agree.

The silver lining of that country is that the women don't have any pretension of being with a foreigner casually and will keep things extremely lighthearted. When things get serious  though it's a disaster because I have found that there is a serious lack of respect and accountability in Filipino culture.

I've lived here so I'm also familiar with the lengths expats will go to defend and rationalize how amazing the people and their new Filipina brides/gfs are even if they are living on a prayer.

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I have found that there is a serious lack of respect and accountability in Filipino culture.

.

So you find Vietnam culture superior to the culture of the Philippines?  Good luck.

mugtech wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I have found that there is a serious lack of respect and accountability in Filipino culture.

.

So you find Vietnam culture superior to the culture of the Philippines?  Good luck.

Well for starters people leave me alone in Vietnam. In Manila or Cebu I cannot enter
a single restaurant or establishment without being laughed at or mocked and ridiculed. Constantly stared at and talked about because deep down they are insecure.  The fake smiles and bs charm Pinoys really wore me down. I don't like their behavior.

I hope you aren't trying to compare Viet vs Philippines bc we all know who would win. It's a little unfair actually.

Tosser.

Nielsen Flute wrote:

mugtech wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

I have found that there is a serious lack of respect and accountability in Filipino culture.

.

So you find Vietnam culture superior to the culture of the Philippines?  Good luck.

Well for starters people leave me alone in Vietnam. In Manila or Cebu I cannot enter
a single restaurant or establishment without being laughed at or mocked and ridiculed. Constantly stared at and talked about because deep down they are insecure.  The fake smiles and bs charm Pinoys really wore me down. I don't like their behavior.

I hope you aren't trying to compare Viet vs Philippines bc we all know who would win. It's a little unfair actually.

Glad to read that the therapy you need from what happened in your youth is working in Vietnam.  Keep up the good work.

mugtech wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

mugtech wrote:

So you find Vietnam culture superior to the culture of the Philippines?  Good luck.

Well for starters people leave me alone in Vietnam. In Manila or Cebu I cannot enter
a single restaurant or establishment without being laughed at or mocked and ridiculed. Constantly stared at and talked about because deep down they are insecure.  The fake smiles and bs charm Pinoys really wore me down. I don't like their behavior.

I hope you aren't trying to compare Viet vs Philippines bc we all know who would win. It's a little unfair actually.

Glad to read that the therapy you need from what happened in your youth is working in Vietnam.  Keep up the good work.

You boomers think you are so clever with the protruding beer bellies and hot air that's not from the perenial Philippine heat.

I'll be existing in a relative state of normalcy while relishing every expat conundrum in that island country I read about over my morning coffee

Nielsen Flute wrote:

mugtech wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

Well for starters people leave me alone in Vietnam. In Manila or Cebu I cannot enter
a single restaurant or establishment without being laughed at or mocked and ridiculed. Constantly stared at and talked about because deep down they are insecure.  The fake smiles and bs charm Pinoys really wore me down. I don't like their behavior.

I hope you aren't trying to compare Viet vs Philippines bc we all know who would win. It's a little unfair actually.

Glad to read that the therapy you need from what happened in your youth is working in Vietnam.  Keep up the good work.

You boomers think you are so clever with the protruding beer bellies and hot air that's not from the perenial Philippine heat.

I'll be existing in a relative state of normalcy while relishing every expat conundrum in that island country I read about over my morning coffee

LOL, I read some pretty insecure posts from the HCMC forum. Sad that one can be so judgemental of another country and the citizens while you can't work out what you are doing in Vietnam and ask boy questions to that forum. Sounds like bad grapes to me. (I got hurt) BTW remember us boomers contributed too much as it seems some generations simply want every thing for doing nothing, then whine when things get tough.

Criticising a country and the people no matter the country to the degree you have is definitely not a good look.
Forums such as this are for exchanging information in a cordial manner and if you have a gripe it should be expressed tactfully.

Example: I could whinge and complain about the women in Australia, What for? Venting? A gripe? Inadequacies? Nothing better to do?
Let it go and move on, focus where your life is heading now and that is obviously not the Philippines.

Sorry for the rant to the regular readers.

Cheers, Steve.

bigpearl wrote:

Nielsen Flute wrote:

mugtech wrote:

Glad to read that the therapy you need from what happened in your youth is working in Vietnam.  Keep up the good work.

You boomers think you are so clever with the protruding beer bellies and hot air that's not from the perenial Philippine heat.

I'll be existing in a relative state of normalcy while relishing every expat conundrum in that island country I read about over my morning coffee

LOL, I read some pretty insecure posts from the HCMC forum. Sad that one can be so judgemental of another country and the citizens while you can't work out what you are doing in Vietnam and ask boy questions to that forum. Sounds like bad grapes to me. (I got hurt) BTW remember us boomers contributed too much as it seems some generations simply want every thing for doing nothing, then whine when things get tough.

Criticising a country and the people no matter the country to the degree you have is definitely not a good look.
Forums such as this are for exchanging information in a cordial manner and if you have a gripe it should be expressed tactfully.

Example: I could whinge and complain about the women in Australia, What for? Venting? A gripe? Inadequacies? Nothing better to do?
Let it go and move on, focus where your life is heading now and that is obviously not the Philippines.

Sorry for the rant to the regular readers.

Cheers, Steve.

I'm good in Vietnam and have a great gf now who is smart, ambitious, and a young college student. Not possible in the Philippines. Hell the US is better.

A little conservative maybe but Im ok with tiny tradeoffs. I have an incredible sense of direction already thanks to the forum. Whatever questions I may have asked were to gain some insight- - different culture. I'm living life and I'm liked and respected. Losing some weight. Eating well. Good environment. Very simple but crucial things that change an expat's perspective on a country and its people. 

Too many naive foreign residents in the Philippines are quick to defend and rationalize how how great the place is when I know for a fact that Pinoys will never do that for foreigners even if hell froze over. You guys need a polarizing voice to talk about phils because it's always positively discussed and that can be dangerous for people who aren't acutely aware of the pitfalls.

Understand? Not that hard dude.

I hope for you that you understand Vietnamese, and don't rely on the translation of your GF... You could be extremely surprised by what they say about you. ... they don't show their emotions like Filipinos do

hi guys , i will not join in the pissing match that's going on hahaha.
all i can say my wife is 44 yrs i'm 58 been maried almost 5 yrs and we'r not changed atitude ,she commes from a middle clas familie and was hard working until we maried and i askt her why dont you quit your job so she did that,do we always agree ? nope .do we fight about that ? nope .
most of the time we  spend together and have great fun in life,at times she visit family and i stay home ceeping buzy in my hoby workshop,sometimes we visit family together and we enjoi that to.
all sayed i am way more hapy living here than i ever was in europ.
this yr we will visit europ and meet up whit my family there ,all are looking forward to that.
but yea some filipinas go and develop a bad atitude as i have seen.but i have to say some westerners behave bad towards there filipina to so he ,the knife cuts both sides.
some gamble and loose ,others like me are just very lucky dudes


greets Dirk

right on, bro

My wife started to act the same way.

Met up with a few old friends. She encourages them to cheat on their husbands and look for a foreigner even if they have children together. Her friend stayed behind with the rest of the family living in Sweden.

It made me lose all respect I had towards her. I told her friend I would help her prepare for the job market and that she doesn't need to move abroad to live a good life.

She's also not respectful towards other Filipinos. And sometimes I can tell they don't like her.

I usually greet every Filipino with a smile wherever I go and tell some jokes. I really hate foreigners that treat pinays like a sex object or visit the country for sex tourism. It just makes the good ones look bad.

100% true.

Since leaving the first expat group I started we found some more UK guys and 1 Swedish chap with Filipino wife. All was well for a couple of months then the wives began making personal remarks and criticisms that created upset in my wife's mind.  Mila is not "Street wise" as I put it and is not strong enough to let these remarks go over her head. We have a nice home close to SM and a small bungalow in a pretty subdivision on the outskirts of town, these new friends (?) have nothing like it and I reckon its spite that causes them to make unsolicited criticism. Mila says why can't we meet some nice expat friends?              I would recommend that anyone considering starting a expat group makes it just for the blokes, at least it will last much longer than inviting the wives or GFs.