Threatened by the mother of my baby

I hate to be harsh here but you just gotta suck it up and take responsibility for what you did. In 2023 there is absolutely no excuse for getting a girl pregnant and just peacing out. Its always possible that she had ulterior motives getting pregnant but you had a choice to either not engage or wear protection. Too many guys I know just dont bother protecting themselves. She is probably saying that to you because in vietnam single motherhood is still VERY VERY looked down upon. I dont know what type of woman she is but regardless of how innocent she is or was she will be shunned now and made pretty much worthless in the dating/marriage circle with a kid here. Thats probably why her parents are pissed and they should be. I mean I am not one to say take any threats lightly but my guess would be that they are just angry at the whole situation and most likely wouldnt actually kill you especially if there is any chance you can support the child and maybe even your ex.

We were in a serious relationship, but things went sour unexpectedly. I always planned on taking responsibility financially and visiting throughout the year. But I do not know the country well and what her family is capable of. In America, I would not be worried because 99.8 times out of 100, this is not a serious threat due to fear of the law. But I don't know if there is fear of the law over there if they harm a foreigner.

i will most likely wait until she recants her threat before I visit.

You don't have to feel guilty,  it may occur to aynone. Need to be 2 in order to have baby . She also can have an abortion but "she" decide to keep it after all.

Here it is :

Abortion in Vietnam is legally available and provided free of charge by the state through Article 44 of the 1989 Public Health Protection Law. Vietnam also has one of the highest rates of abortion that has been surveyed in the world and its abortion laws are among the most liberal in Southeast Asia and the world.

Unfortunately for you, it isn't your own decision anymore.

I don't think so her family would kill you , they may kill her first ! After all, being pregnant doesn't mean "must" getting married.

One more time need to be 2 in order to rise a kid as well.

Good luck anyway.

I dated a Vietnamese woman for a year. We got pregnant and she is due next month. She wants me to marry her but I told her I do not want to get married. She says I can come see the baby after the birth but then she said if I come, and she “tells her family what I did” they will kill me. I am not sure what my options are here. I want to see my baby, but not if my safety is at risk. Any suggestions?
-@Emerald Bay77554

first tell her that your embassy requires a DNA test for citizenship purposes and then get one.

more ideas after you do that

In Vietnam there is the family ceremonial and there is a legal marriage processes.  May be the ceremonial only would satisfy all parties' desire and requirement?

In Vietnam there is the family ceremonial and there is a legal marriage processes. May be the ceremonial only would satisfy all parties' desire and requirement?
-@Yoda0807

Brilliant!

@Yoda0807 She only wants a real marriage. She is a very proud person who would rather do everything on her own, even at the expense of the baby, just to show that she doesn't need me. She is very angry. I don't know how to proceed in order to have a relationship with my child. I think her goal is to find a new man to be the father of the baby and cut me out completely.

@Yoda0807 She only wants a real marriage. She is a very proud person who would rather do everything on her own, even at the expense of the baby, just to show that she doesn't need me. She is very angry. I don't know how to proceed in order to have a relationship with my child. I think her goal is to find a new man to be the father of the baby and cut me out completely.
-@Emerald Bay77554

Maybe for the best

My only advice left is that don't dig yourself a bigger hole by going through the legal marriage if you have issues with the relationship.

Just take one step at a time and hopefully clearer head will prevail down the road. 

I don't know how to proceed in order to have a relationship with my child.
-@Emerald Bay77554

I would suggest you familiarize yourself with the details found in a "Sticky" thread on the main Vietnam Forum page, titled "Vietnamese Family Law Act", here.

Open the link found there in post #1, and scroll down to (Chapter VIII)

"MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RELATIONS INVOLVING FOREIGN ELEMENTS".

Other points relevant to your situation can be found by searching that linked page for the word "children".

Best of luck, and please let us all know how things play out for you and your child. We would certainly appreciate it, and your feedback/tips/observations will help others who find themselves in a similar position.

Everything comes with a price tag in Vietnam.

You don't have to marry ,be a man  take responsibility  pay good child support hopefully that will ease tension open the door for you to have a relationship with your child.

Best of luck your child deserves to have  dad 🙂 in its life.

@Emerald Bay77554        DNA Test to prove you are the father, there are a number of non-evasive paternity tests that can be done while the child is still in the womb.

@Yoda0807 the ceremonial wedding is like a blessing to the Free Union that is lawfull in any country in the world, with all the obligations of a marriage and you cannot have another partner. But but but: you are a foreigner and make your situation worse, because the Police can intervene "ex officio" if you do not have the Marriage Registry,  they can even enter the place of the ceremony and prevent it, give a penalty to the family and shamed for trying to cheat the sociecity

In Vietnam there is the family ceremonial and there is a legal marriage processes. May be the ceremonial only would satisfy all parties' desire and requirement?
-@Yoda0807
Brilliant!
-@OceanBeach92107

oh no no no,  that is a terrible idea....  fine if both were vietnamese, but as a foreigner that is worst.

@Emerald Bay77554 I don't pretend to tell you what to do, just my opinion because you asked for it in this forum:

You mentioned "threat" and "proud", that means the family is very traditional, and also seems she doesn't care about your nationality.   For vn-women over 30 years old it's a shame not to be a virgin, and to receive flashing visits from a same man (when you visit your child)  will not be seen with good eyes by those around her.  To her traditions a damage was done.

In case you don't have another relationship elsewhere, you should know: vn-women (again over 30) are usually like a mother to you, good housewives, jealous and lovely... if they get angry then you'll see "the rude mother",   ahhh and also vn-women manage the husband's money 

So, you should remove "the fear" from your personal SWOT analysis. Good luck and may the force be with you.

It sounds quite normal haha. I can laugh because my life has been threatened many times! Although not at all funny really, it is 99.8% normal behavior from a lot of these lovely people it seems to me. It's all mouth and no trousers. No one will harm a western foreigner, I have tested that to the limits. Sure you might get punched in the face by the grandma haha, no.. seriously! But you should not worry about going there, I think you should go there. If you've come this far you should have toughened up a little by now. It'll be fine.

Regarding being cut out completely and not wanting to get married, I don't know what to say about that. In general it seems to me that they can do some awfully selfish and uncompassionate things compared to how we see things, due in part to traditional cultural pressures, on the other hand its your kid and you are saying you want her as a girlfriend, western style. I think anyone can see that's going to grind some traditional gears. Basically she has you by the nuts, married or not! Best thing to do is make sure you don't get angry and full of contempt about it. You got here, you stuck it in there, nobody made you do that in a place where traditional culture forces behaviors to a much larger degree that at home. If you won't get married, you will have to put up with the anger and psychotic behavior from her for an unspecified length of time. If she does find someone else due to the marriage issue, you can see that she has a strong motivation to do that and it's perhaps anyone's guess if you will be able to see your kid in a reasonable manner if that happens. But she'll have a kid, a western kid, so she's fallen way down the desirability ladder I would say. Certainly for Vietnamese guys, I'm sure a grubby expat would take her though. From what you are saying about your conditions on the matter, best thing is to put up with her and pay for the kid and her without letting her take the piss, weather the storm and see what happens. Or get married or move on. You could go on forever about all this so I'll leave it there.