Ho for the Let and Hindrance

Good luck with that one.

One of the niice things of having a partner on a Canadian passport is when we did a booze cruise across the channel (i.e. to stock up like six months of wine etc cos it was much cheaper In France, and so on, is that at Dover there are lanes for EU citizens and "others. We would drive down the "others" lane to show her passport, as everyone else was queueing/lining up in the "EU citizens" lane.

Whenever I was with her, got through extremely quickly. On my own, no chance, off we go what is in the back (question from the customs). Twelve cartons of cigarettes, six cases of wine, and I think there may be some sweets. May we look in your boot (trunk). Certainly officer. Thank you that all looks fine. Thank you, have a good evening. Of course they don't care about cigarettes etc. They are looking for drugs etc and a man on his own coming back from Amsterdam is very suspicious. I was not coming back from Amsterdam bt they don't know that.

Again, they would ask "and where have you come from?" and I want to turn around and say have you seen those fucking great boats in the harbour behind you? Where do you think I have come from?" But of course you don't. Be polite, thank you officer, have a nice evening.

I apologise to American readers for the title, Ho in british english just means Let's be off, or let's go, of course in American written slang it means something quite different, It hadnt occured to me when I wrote it, and I am not sure if I can change the title

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Good luck with that one.

You might like to get a copy of "Uncommon Law, or sixty-six misleading cases" by A. P. Herbert who was a QC (qualified but never practiced, as was quite common in the thirties) but wrote amusing stories for Punch magazine. He was very much a civil libertarian. His protagonist "Albert Haddock" is forever coming before the beak for doing unlikely things like jumping off of Hammersmith Bridge. WHen asked why he did it he said "For fun". We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any act of parliament.

Famously, he wrote "The Negotiable Cow" where he takes a cow to a bank because he hasn't got any cheques handy. The account was in credit, and had the appropriate stamp attached to its dexter horn. When in court for explaining why he hadn't paid his debt he said that he took a perfectly good cheque/check to the bank and if the bank didn't want to accept it, they could do the other thing. It was a crossed cow, not a negotiable cow, the cow had been crossed on its left side where he wrote the amount in letters and words. If people come and make a scene, the police should arrest the people, not me. It is a fine thing if in the middle of the city of london I cannot walk around with a perfectly good negoitiable instrument without being arrested.

Really, A. P. Herbert was an extremely reforming MP for Oxford University, before WWII. He got through parliament some of the most ridiculous divorce laws so that people other than the very rich could get divorced, that is probably his biggest success. His sideline by writing these things is to point out the absurdities of the law.

Somewhere in there he says "The way to end a stupid law is NOT TO IGNORE IT BUT TO ENFORCE IT". And this is what we do. If you want to get rid of a stupid law, don't ignore it, just enforce it mercilessly to the letter of the law, until the law gets changed.

Or beware of 2004 Honda vans that trap  and crush you or sitting in the window seat on a plane.
Such sad and horrible ways to check out of this place.
I feel so badly for both of these families... latest news on that 16 year old boy getting trapped in his van at school and dying alone and that poor lady getting sucked out of the plane.
Wonder if they will still charge a premium price to book a window seat?
Trying to find humor in a bad situation...

My husband was on one of those booze cruises in Sweden when he was a younger man.
He doesn't drink these days or smoke.
Started smoking at age 9 once in awhile and by 14 was a heavy smoker here in Hungary.
So glad he finally quit for good on his second try.
One day on Maui he just said, no more meat to eat and no more smokes, did good cold turkey for 7 years.
Moved back to Ca. and worked with 3 other Hungarinas.
Macho men? or pure crazy, they teased him about not smoking or eating meat and he gave in  to the pressure and started both again.
Then a couple years later he quit cold turkey and told them all at work to F off.
They told him you can't be a man if you don't eat meat or smoke... Not so sure any of them are still living so so far we got the last laugh.. Not so funny though.
I smoked with my school mates at 16, mostly we smoked cigars... Just to be odd.
I was a 4 cig a day smoker, not heavy at all in my late teens, when I found out at age 20 that I was going to be a mom, I quit everything. Meat, cigs, drinking and never really started again for about 30 some years. Don't smoke at all now, makes me feel ill to smell it. Well, we did drink sometimes on weekends or at pool parties at our home but not often, not too excess, never in excess, can't handle the results the next day.
Worked in Vegas as a dealer and started to get a bad cough, saw the doc. First thing he said to me was to quit smoking. I told him I don't smoke, he told me to quit working in the casino, my lungs just can't take it.
My sister passed away from a asthma attack so guess we are weak in the lungs besides being weak in the knees.
My mom never smoked but all her husbands did, my crazy step-dad no. 2 was a 2 x POW and has "issues" with drinking and smoking.
My mom had a lovely thick wooden kitchen table that she always had polished and clean... until he came along.
He was forever missing the ash tray when he got into his cups.
It became funny really, he would often have 2 lite up at once.
Another insane and super funny thing he did was redo the tile floor in my mom's bath.
She picked out mosaic tile that came with a weaved backing for easy installment.
Step- dad was enjoying his old black velvet and working on the floor, he first cut off all the backing and tried setting each tiny square tile one by one on the floor! No clue what he was doing.
You could tell how drunk he was getting as the job went on. Started out looking even and nice then a swirl pattern started, then it turned into anything goes, more setting material showing then tiles.
Everytime anyone ever used her bath after that you could hear laughter coming from inside, it was just so crazy looking.
Poor mom, got more then she  bargained for with that man.
One my son's 21 BD his father was in Ca. and we lived in NM, his dad was on a short run job for his old boss in the machine shop, the money was too good not to drive there for a week .
I asked my son if he wanted his mom to take him out for his first drink on his BD, he said no, he never drank and just because he turned 21 that was no reason to start.
Good boy, we ordered in Chinese food and watched movies at home with our dog.
He doesn't drink of smoke, not cigs anyways....
My 21st. BD I was about 8 months along and no way would I even smell the stuff, yuck.
Way too many young people smoking here in Hungary. Makes me wonder if they have a clue or not.
One thing to have a old habit but another to pick one up knowing how unhealthy it can be.
At one ladies gym I went to in Erd half the ladies standing outside waiting to go in would be eating sweets with coffee and smoking their heads off before going in to workout, amazing to think they even bothered to get healthy.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

He doesn't drink of smoke, not cigs anyways....

SO you grassed him up at expat.com

I have absolutely nothing against it, a chacun sa gout each to his own taste, I have tried it socially about five times just immediately sends me to sleep. I smoke roll-up cigarettes so of course the people who can't roll a tab will ask to roll it for them (ie I hand-roll not a illy machine

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Way too many young people smoking here in Hungary

Yes, it is much more accepted here than in the rest of Western Europe.

I know how unhealthy it is. Smokers actually OVER-estimate the risks of dying, which on average takes seven years off your life. That[s good, the missus gets her pension earlier. I do not need a lecture from the FDA about the risks of smoking.. It says on the packet, "Smoking when pregnant harms your baby". When I get the missus pregnant I will ask British American Tobacco for a refund cos patently they don't work well as contraceptives.

I will have a laugh and joke with you, sorry you are upset.

Do you know what happens if you ask to bum a fag in New York City (i.e. borrow, bum, a cigarette, fag?) I wouldn't recommend it.

That was a nice experience that nobody will ever have again. I was flying back from a tiny airport in Canada, came across Lake Ontario and swooped into New Your City. This was on a tiny Bombardier, nineteen seets to drop us in to Newark on the connecting flights. They swooped over New York City, the female blonde pilot I think had only just qualified she was younger than me and kinda having fun, just got her international licence I expect, like I expected her to be chewing gum and talking about BOYFRIENDS not flying an aircraft, she must have been no more than 22. The airlines I guess get young pilots to do these short runs to get their flying hours up. Believe me, she was a very competent pilot I am not saying that. And it was not scary, but magical.

We came in over New York we swooped over (you can see through the front on those little planes) and went round the Empire State Building like the planes that King Kong swats down. Oh, there is Broadway, there is the Hudson, look, that is the Statue of Liberty. It was summertime and just dusk. Oh there is Central Park look, as we swing round for final approach.  Times Square there, oh... is that I am not sure what that is, Battery Park maybe, as we are on final descent and try counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike.

What a magical, beautiful experience.

They would never be allowed to do it now of course, overflying New York, Well, that is one experience I have that nobody else can ever have now. Tiny flight from Hamilton, Ontario to Newark, you don't have to choose aisle or window because you can have both. The World Trade Center was still there at that time.

Hamilton (YHM) was such a tiny airport they would check in your baggage, put on a different hat, ask for your boarding card, and then put on a pair of gloves and load your baggage into the tiny baggage hold, switch hats get pilot's hat and have you got your seatbelt on? OK then let's go

Hate flying.
First time I was ever in a plane I was about 3 months pregnant and didn't know it.
we had allot of things going on at the time and being stressed and feeling off was "normal' plus I was losing weight like crazy not gaining weight.
A crazy Hungarian man had his own 4 seater plane and was going to take us up 3 at a time, there were about 6 of us on this day trip.
I let my husband go up first without me, not even sure why I agreed to that.
Went up and sat in the back with a jolly gay Hungarian guy we knew.
Well the pilot thought it would be funny to fly upside down and do tricks because it was my first time up.
That poor gay guy, I was all over him, hugging him, closing my eyes and digging my head into his shoulder, poor thing for all I know he might of been as afraid as I was.
We landed in Santa Barbra  and then I was told we all had to fly back to LA. Hardest thing ever was to go back up again.
My next flight was a jumbo jet 7 months along and flying alone to Hawaii.
I was up in the World Trade center in 1975, what a view that was.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

Hate flying..

Oh flying is just boring. Get on, read a magazine, get off. It is the airports each end these days that are a pain in the arse.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

my husband

And who would that be? Obviously, my missus is the Missus or sometimes Moo. Fluffy's is Mrs Fluffy and the children's the Fluffiettes (which always reminds me of the Runettes and I start singing a Motown song in my head). What you need for him is a decent nickname, preferably uncomplimentary, Sassy Tassy, I do not know what your first name is (it may be Marilyn and I would lay a wager that it is) because you are such a strong woman, you have done so much, your goodness and kindness shines out of you even over an Internet chat. I admire you one day I hope we will meet in real life and I can cook you homily grits or porkolt or english roast with yorkshire pudding. Marilyn, I haven't known you for long but we seem to have a kinda affinity I do not mean sexually I am not flirting or trying it on, just I dunno. You've got a friend here whenever you need one. Sorry you are upset, I will just tell silly jokes to make you cheer up

COME ON CAROLE
When'you're down in trouble, and you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and thinking of me. And soon I will be there
To lighten up even your darkest night.

YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME. AND YOU KNOW WHEREVER I AM,
I'LL COME RUNNING. TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WINTER SPRING SUMMER OR FALL (fucking Autumn, Carole)
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL
AND I'LL BE THERE
YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND

NOW AIN'T IT GOOD TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND
WHEN PEOPLE CAN BE SO COLD
THEY'LL HURT YOU YES AND DESERT YOU
AND TAKE YOUR HEART IF YOU LET THEM. WEll NOW DON'T YOU LET THEM

YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME
AND YOU KNOW, WHEREVER I AM
I'LL COME RUNNING
TO SEE YOU AGAIN
WINTER SPRING SUMMER AND FUCKING AUTUMN, CAROLE, AUTUMN
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WHAT RHYMES WITH AUTUMN
AND I WILL BE THERE

Yes I will. Marilyn Tassa, You have a friend. You've got a friend. I will help you any way I can whenever you ask. I am not Superman, if I can help you any time, just please ask.

I have a habit of back-translating music hall (vaudeville) songs  into French extremely badly as I go along (ie translating them while I am singing.). This helps with an audience who do not speak French, or perhaps it is even worse if they do. It tends to end up with everyone laughing.

(My old man said follow the van, Marie Lloyd I think)

Mon homme vieux a dit suivre le camion
Et ne dilly-dally pas en route
Suit le camion, chez nous en bord
Jái marché ensuite avec moi old cock linnet

Mai on dilly-eh, dally-eh, dally-eh et dilly-eh
Jén perdu le camion et ne sais pas óu marche
On peut pas trouver un gentarme comme les vieux temps
Quand on peut pas trouver chez nous

Sometimes they are much worse than that. Try it. Try singing an English-language song in Hungarian, that will cheer you up. Something has to give give, the words, the beat or the key. Usually about all three at the same time. It is really good fun game to play with children.

SimonTrew wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

my husband

And who would that be? Obviously, my missus is the Missus or sometimes Moo. Fluffy's is Mrs Fluffy and the children's the Fluffiettes (which always reminds me of the Runettes and I start singing a Motown song in my head). What you need for him is a decent nickname, preferably uncomplimentary, Sassy Tassy, I do not know what your first name is (it may be Marilyn and I would lay a wager that it is) because you are such a strong woman, you have done so much, your goodness and kindness shines out of you even over an Internet chat. I admire you one day I hope we will meet in real life and I can cook you homily grits or porkolt or english roast with yorkshire pudding. Marilyn, I haven't known you for long but we seem to have a kinda affinity I do not mean sexually I am not flirting or trying it on, just I dunno. You've got a friend here whenever you need one. Sorry you are upset, I will just tell silly jokes to make you cheer up

COME ON CAROLE
When'you're down in trouble, and you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and thinking of me. And soon I will be there
To lighten up even your darkest night.

YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME. AND YOU KNOW WHEREVER I AM,
I'LL COME RUNNING. TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WINTER SPRING SUMMER OR FALL (fucking Autumn, Carole)
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL
AND I'LL BE THERE
YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND

NOW AIN'T IT GOOD TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND
WHEN PEOPLE CAN BE SO COLD
THEY'LL HURT YOU YES AND DESERT YOU
AND TAKE YOUR HEART IF YOU LET THEM. WEll NOW DON'T YOU LET THEM

YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME
AND YOU KNOW, WHEREVER I AM
I'LL COME RUNNING
TO SEE YOU AGAIN
WINTER SPRING SUMMER AND FUCKING AUTUMN, CAROLE, AUTUMN
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WHAT RHYMES WITH AUTUMN
AND I WILL BE THERE

Yes I will. Marilyn Tassa, You have a friend. You've got a friend. I will help you any way I can whenever you ask. I am not Superman, if I can help you any time, just please ask.

Oh, Pasaw, I'm so embarrassed.
A freind in need is a friend indeed.
Thanks.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

That poor gay guy, I was all over him, hugging him, closing my eyes and digging my head into his shoulder, poor thing for all I know he might of been as afraid as I was.
We landed in Santa Barbra  and then I was told we all had to fly back to LA. Hardest thing ever was to go back up again.

Yes you said your children had middle names (at least one of them) that was Hawaiian. You can't ever trust Hawaiians. There I's are too close together.

My brother-in-law had a huge fear of flying when he first did it to the UK, not a particularly long trip and of course on a huge modern airliner. We got him some kinda calming tablets and that seemed to sort him out, I am sure more for the psychological effect than the medical effect, I have these calm tablets now I shall be calm. He totally enjoyed the flight. At the end they on landing they hit the tarmac and for some reason the pilot took it for a go-around because I imnagine something hadn't cleared the runway and pilot made decision to up we go and go-around,

He was so scared of flying and yet he thoroughly enjoyed that. Yet I doubt it has much to do with the calming herbal tablets, it is all about psychology, he had the tablets (and I gave him a small little tiny bottle of whisky and he didn't drink it). His partner my sister-in-law was on the flight, I think they were coming in for our wedding. He had never flown but was kinda terrified of flying. Yet he thoroughly enjoyed hitting the tarmac, ATC go around, cannot, going around, full throttle on both engines and another take-off and go-around, he loved it.

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

My husband

Accidentally we found a new nickname for him earlier "The Old Man". I think that might suit him. (Old man is cockney slang for husband in British English, old boy can either be your father or your eldest son depending on which dialect you speak).

The Old Man. I think that suits him.

SimonTrew wrote:

Marilyn Tassy wrote:

My husband

Accidentally we found a new nickname for him earlier "The Old Man". I think that might suit him. (Old man is cockney slang for husband in British English, old boy can either be your father or your eldest son depending on which dialect you speak).

The Old Man. I think that suits him.

What about ...." 'im indoors"?

SimonTrew wrote:

Now I seemed to remember, and I just checked, that it says quite clearly in the front of my passport

Her Brittanic Majesty's Secretary of State Requests and Requires

My passport just says "requests".

If "requires" is in the UK passport, I, for one, just find that "bloody" arrogant. No country can "require" another country to do something (well, not without force of arms that is). Treaties between nations to allow passage is how it is done. That is by mutual agreement.

And in some countries, trying to play with clever legal technicalities about the law is not going to go well. More likely to end up in a deep dark hole for 30 years rather than just 25. (Ergo, I agree -- good luck with that).

Quite frankly, this is just a storm in a teapot.

SimonTrew wrote:

Somewhere in there he says "The way to end a stupid law is NOT TO IGNORE IT BUT TO ENFORCE IT". And this is what we do. If you want to get rid of a stupid law, don't ignore it, just enforce it mercilessly to the letter of the law, until the law gets changed.

Better: 198 Methods of Nonviolent Action.

SimonTrew wrote:

...
One day I want to see what happens if I enter the UK without a passport. I will get through I imagine, people lose their passports on planes etc all the time. But I do NOT in fact have to show my passport to a British immigration officer. Because I am on British soil and you have to have reasonable cause to believe I am NOT british. I have never tried that one yet as of course I always just want to get out of the airport to have a cigarette. But the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. You don't have to carry any ID or documents in the UK, and long may it be so. I am in the UK (to the officer), I am British, now please let me pass. No, you don't need to know my name or see a passport, I'm British and you have no right to ask me for identification. I may need a passport to travel to other countries', that's their rules, but here in britain I don't need to provide you any ID,

I would like to do it one day and see what happens, but I am usually in too much of a hurry to have the patience to try it.

British citizens entering the UK are not obviously subject to immigration controls and you have to show your passport to show you are NOT subject to them.  It's the same entering Ireland from the UK and vice versa.   There's a logic to it of course however perverse it seems.  Same everywhere really for nationals of those countries as of course, they have a right to be there.

klsallee wrote:

SimonTrew wrote:

Now I seemed to remember, and I just checked, that it says quite clearly in the front of my passport

Her Brittanic Majesty's Secretary of State Requests and Requires

My passport just says "requests".

If "requires" is in the UK passport, I, for one, just find that "bloody" arrogant.
Quite frankly, this is just a storm in a teapot.

Yes and no, the language is rather over-blown I aree, but then WHY PUT IT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

You buy a passport and the Government still insists that it is their property and can be returned to them at any time.

I was just making a more general point that this whole businesf of passports is ridiculous. Let people come and go wherever and whenever they like.

SimonTrew wrote:

I was just making a more general point that this whole businesf of passports is ridiculous. Let people come and go wherever and whenever they like.

Unfetter individual travel has risks. While the issue I am not opposed to idealistically, it is practically problematic. Therefore, unworkable. People can act at mules to move illegal goods. Human trafficking would flourish even more than it does. Etc.

The only point in recent history that did not require passports globally was better know as the age of conquest and colonialism. But that still had controls.

Otherwise, and before that, outside large empires like the British or Roman in the west as two examples, a traveler in the middle ages was subject to the whims of any king, tribe, gang, road agent, etc. that could try to extort payment for passage. Travelers have always had obstacles. Official and not official. Quite frankly, a bit of a wait in a line to pass through modern immigration is trivial in comparison. Complaining about it is a modern, first world problem.

klsallee wrote:

...a traveler in the middle ages was subject to the whims of any king, tribe, gang, road agent, etc. that could try to extort payment for passage. Travelers have always had obstacles. Official and not official. Quite frankly, a bit of a wait in a line to pass through modern immigration is trivial in comparison. Complaining about it is a modern, first world problem.

it's been a less modern problem but it's also a modern one as we're still being extorted.  The price of passports in my own country is outrageous (> 40K HUF).  Why should you have to pay the government to prove who you are? 

It's more sensibly priced here, it's only about 10 EUR for a kids passport and they provide the photos.  For a family in the UK, it's really a lot of money.  If there are say 7 of you (2 adults, 5 kids), that's a large amount (and you have to bring your own photos).  And no concessions - everyone has to have their own passport.

Another thing I observe is that people get upset queueing at passports because they have a sense of entitlement.  We've all got so used to just wandering about in Schengen that when we don't have that access it's becomes noticeably an irritant.   There's also a thought that anyone from a 1st world country thinks they should be just waved  through any passport controls whereas folk from 3rd world countries need to be throughly stopped, examined and rejected.  As a 1st world traveller, being interrogated about my journey is almost like being insulted*. 

* Mainly I've been insulted by miserable guards at the US border although the Dutch and Egyptians also insulted me once as well.  Dutch were polite. Egyptians totally chaotic.