I'm In dire need of help!

You seem to be in a difficult situation and it is not clear to me how we, strangers on an Internet forum, can help.
Fist and foremost, don't panic!
- Yes, you need a lawyer - and there are possibilities to get financial support if you are needy. Contact your nearest Amtsgericht and ask for a "Beratungshilfeschein". Take a German-speaking friend along - although it seems heartless, authorities here are in their right to speak German to you, as this is our (only) official language. Lawyers are more likely and willing to speak English to you.
- No, she cannot "steal" your son. In case of a breakup, the family court will decide what will happen to him - and consider only his own best interests, not the wishes of the parents. In almost all cases, both parents will get the right to regularly see him.
- Unless you were not married or in a registered partnership, she is not obliged to send you money. You should find a job and earn your own livelihood. If you were married or registered, the lawyer will be able to tell you what you are entitled to and how to get it.
You should also check if you are entitled to social security payments ("HartzIV") or similar govenmental assistance. We have a good system in place, so that nobody here must starve or be deprived of his/her rights  due to a lack of money! (Just be prepared for lots of frustating buerocracy and German language.)
- I might also be a good idea to contact a counsellor or mediator for family matters in your area. Such services are often offered free of charge by charities. Google "Familienberatung" or similar.

Wow, this sound difficult. Since you mention her as your now ex-girlfriend I have to assume you were not married, which limits things for you like getting her to give you a minimal financial support. That you even legally have a right to live in Germany at this point would probably be because you have a minor child who is a German citizen. Like Beppi mentioned, it might be necessary to get a lawyer but I have no idea how you can pay for one. The office for foreigner residents should be able to give basis information about your situation and rights. Since you don’t manage the language it would behoove you to find someone to go along, or help with phone calls and translate.

The bottom line is that yes, if you somehow end up having to return to the States it could be that you will be separated from your child. Even if they award you visitation rights or partially custody it might be impossible to put into practice if you leave the country. 

What I would suggest is that in any context working on your German is a really good idea. One can learn a lot through self-study even if one can’t attend classes. And one tip where you might get free help and even individually tailored to your needs it to do an exchange, something the Germans call Tandem. Often students are willing to help one learn German in exchange for getting help with improving or practicing their English – or some other skill. Normally one would find pin-boards at universities or other learning facilities where one can put up a free advertisement offering such an exchange. I’m not sure where or how this might work with the current Covid situation. Primary schools are opening in Baden-Württemberg but university buildings seem to still be closed here. Not sure how it is in Cologne.

Also, as Beppi mentioned, there are often marriage/family counselling services offered free from charity organizations. Even if the goal is not to keep together as a couple, as a parent, a former partner can sometimes be persuaded to better find livable situations for both for the good of the child. Such charities are often run by religious organizations  like Caritas (protestant) or Diakonie (catholic) but give help to everyone regardless of their beliefs without any heavy handed pressure to convert or anything. One of the best known non-religious help organizations is AWO. I am giving a link to the website of Cologne AWO office and the Caritas international family advice center in Cologne plus an additional link that gives an overview of help organizations in Germany. All sites seem to be in German only.

https://www.awo-koeln.de/https://www.beratung-caritasnet.de/elte … nberatung/https://www.deutschland.de/en/topic/pol … anizations

Thank you, I'm going to look into these things.  You have definitely helped because I don't know any of the key words for accessing services for the German system.  I don't have any of "My" friends in Germany, so where can I "rent a free friend?".   I spent most of my time watching my son while Lena worked and designing my board game:  Verrago: The Fantasy Globe Game ([link under review]  This is a big project and something that a large company wouldn't take on lightly.  She could never say that I wasn't being productive, just that I wasn't earning money.  I'm at the point where I have to make many hard decisions and I'd rather stay here to outlast her childish attempt at separating me from my son.

Hello Seth,

You would need to go to Immigrationsamt/Auslanderamt (Foreign citizen office) to get an "Aufenthaltsgenehmigung" (stay/work visa). If you have this, then you can go to the Arbeitsamt (Jobcentre)/Socialamt (Social welfare), and apply for financial help and help to get a job. This is a bit of paperwork and bureaucracy, but you can get financial help until you get a job. The advice to take a german speaking person with is good advice.

Hope this helps? The best is to go and see these offices until you know what to do, even if it's not that easy and humbling.

Something else, : Don`t give up! Your son needs his father, (as much as you need the Heavenly One). Even if you've never done this, I will seek the Lord (Jesus) in a time like this. And if you do,.. He will not let you down.

I think Francois999’s post is well intentioned but I have to make a few comments. First of all, I assume that you are already registered in Germany. What I don’t know is which public assistance you would qualify for. Like suggested they might help with job placement under normal circumstances although I don’t know what is happening with Covid restrictions.

But I don’t know if you would get any unemployment or welfare. Here’s the thing. Even people from other EU/Schengen countries (and they are allowed to work in Germany) first have to work for around 2 years before being eligible for such help. Otherwise, nearly every other Romanian and Bulgarian would have long moved to Germany and gotten on public assistance. And once one has an unlimited residency it is OK but until then it might make problems.

The whole reason an unmarried non-EU parent of a German child will be given permission to reside in Germany is that they will help to raise the child. Being seen as a depended of the State brings into question how much one can do this financially anyway. I’m pretty sure that say an American married to a German but without kids would immigrate to Germany and divorce within a year or 2. If at the end of his (usually) 3 year limited residency he is then single and not making enough money or living from public assistance; he would not only fail to get a permanent residency, he would likely be told to leave.

Again, your situation is not the same as the scenario I gave, so maybe there are other factors I don’t know about. Thus possibly you would even get some kind of financial support from the state but don’t necessarily count on it. I’m wondering what priority they give to this idea of a non-earning parent being there in light of their desire to keep people without unlimited residency from getting money. After all, if it is too easy then every potential economic immigrant to Germany would figure that they don’t need to legitimately marry a German, or have desired job skill or qualify to study or get refugees status; to get here they would just have to impregnate, or get impregnated, by  a German citizen.

As far as I know (but I am far from being expert on family law matters), a foreign parent of a German minor child is entitled to a resident permit TO LIVE WITH THE CHILD in Germany.
I have no idea how that works with "part time" parents, who share custody and child with a separated other parent. I also don't know, like Tom above, what that means regarding eligibility for financial assistance. That's where you need a lawyer, I guess.
Good luck!

@ Tomin

Thanks for your help, my research has reached a similar conclusion.  So her keeping my child from me is a way to try to build a case that I'm not raising my child.  She wants me out of Germany to guarantee her "win" in this matter.  If I stay I can get stronger and she'll ultimately be answerable for her horrible actions.  I'm going to try to stay here, but we'll see if the German people know about respecting a father's rights to be in his child's life.

Covid-19 has made getting appointments very difficult.  My case requires a fast solution, there are no fast solutions available.

Greetings, I just joined this website. While browsing topics I found this one and am curious and hopeful that Seth has made some progress.