Intercultural relationships in Dominican Republic

That may be true in developed nations it is less so here! 

Calling women females but calling men, men is gross.

What???? 

@smallgees

Keep believing that your man is faithful...lol!

I have been with my Dominican husband forb27ys. We were17 and 19 when we met, both young, in shape and in love...guess what???  It didn't matter, he still cheated and I now 43yrs old amd just finding out who he really is.

Welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear of your experience. Reality is, cheating happens everywhere and is committed by both men and women.  We all have to be aware at all times. Trust and respect are earned and then  must be maintained.

Men usually cheat in Latin countries as it is accepted by other men and many women, for various reasons.

Like corruption, lying, and not being punctual, cheating on your spouse may be viewed negatively by those who have different beliefs and were raised to honor their word in other countries.

So coming here, one must understand there are cultural differences which should be acceptable before diving

into a lifelong commitment.

If these are not agreeable then don't fool yourself into believing the person is exceptional and will change for you, bc you will probably be disappointed.

Your beliefs and customs are ingrained from childhood, in your community w your peers. You can modify and adjust your mindset to please someone, but for how long? It depends on the person and circumstances. If they don't always meet your expectations, are they to blame?

BTW, not taking sides, just saying...

Well said.

@JulianTorrez

does she have a sister? hook a brother up, JT

You will have zero issues here.

Relationships are that anywhere. Humans will alway be that.

@sofialovestravel

Huh? Confusing!

@Priscilla

Can spend nice time in 2 diferentes country xmas etc

We are Poland Dominican republic pair

You can date Dominicans, and you can even marry them without any problems.  As others have said, there have been very good, successful, loving marriages between Dominicans and foreigners.  But, just as with any country, nationality, and gender, there are the good ones, and there are the bad ones.  You just need to go into from Day 1 knowing a few things: 

1. many Dominicans are very good actors.  They can be the best, sweetest, most lovable, perfect person you've ever known, but it's all for their own hidden agenda.  Take it all with a grain of salt and understand it could all just be for show.  If they're scamming you, eventually, the red flags will start popping up.  If they truly are a good person, the perfect mate for you, you'll eventually see it.  Take it one date at a time, trust your instincts, don't be taken in by all the sweet talk.  Tread carefully. 

2.  many Dominicans marry for money.  If you don't want to go broke, keep a tight control on the purse strings from Day 1.  Don't spend extravagantly (throw money around) starting with the first date, then expect him/her to accept less later on.  Set the pace/limits from the beginning and build up to "extravagant" once you're more sure and comfortable with what he/she is truly after.  Start yourself out as "the poor foreigner" who is barely getting by.  If they can accept you that way, continue on... cautiously. 

3.  many Dominicans marry to leave the country.  If you plan to marry and take him/her back to your home country, regardless of how much love you feel there is between you, regardless of how much time you spent in the DR building your relationship, reserve just ONE TINY part of your brain for the thought that he/she might ditch you once they have citizenship.  Don't think that he/she won't leave you because they'll feel dependent on you in your home country.  There are many immigrant support functions in our home countries.  They don't need you.  You can hope and have faith that it will never happen, but you need to go into knowing it might happen. 

4.  if you're planning on getting serious with him/her, make sure you cover yourself legally on all fronts.  Not just with a prenuptial but also regarding his/her family.  If he/she has a child from a previous relationship, get a parental agreement in place specifiying what his/her responsbilities are to the child(ren), and specifying that YOU are not responsible (until such a time that you adopt and take responsibility).  Financial support but also supervisory responsibilities. I.E, he has a child from a previous relationship... when he has visitation and child is in our home, the child will not be left in my sole care while he goes off to work.  I don't want the kid running back to mommy saying I abused him and then I'm hauled into court to pay some fine, and my partner (the parent) can't back up my claim because he was at work.   

5.  there's this thing called Free Union here.   Talk to a lawyer about this.  I got this info from a lawyer, but since I had no interest or plan in a Free Union, I kind of blew it off.  If you're living with someone for 3 consecutive years, you are in a Free Union marriage.  It's marriage without the paperwork.  They can come after you for financial support and assets the same as if you have a marriage certificate (there may be some limits but I don't know what they are.)  It has to be 3 consecutive years, and I think... if you're supporting him/her financially by paying for an apartment, paying the bills, giving an allowance, etc, but you're not physically living with him/her full time, they can still claim some type of support (it's like a 'concubine' law or something.  I think.)  You need to ask a lawyer about that.  Don't assume that you are not responsible for anything simply because you don't have a piece of paper saying you're married.  There are other ways to get snagged.  If you're trying to do that, consider a prenuptial agreement.  In the US, it's called Common Law Marriage.

Excellent post!

Wow, that Free Union thing could really come back and bite you! Thanks for sharing that. I've met a few sweet talking Dominican guys but they've always shown those red flags you're talking about.

Out of sincere love and concern, RidR, have you healed your past with therapy? Do you have a current therapist? Patterns are hard to break, deep-rooted self esteem issues, etc. Please be careful, your situation is a dime a dozen. These men play THE LONG GAME and women end up dead. The women don’t want to accept this. Be alone. You deserve a man who earns equal or more than you, who has a passport with mobility. Do not settle for a resort/beach vendor. You have the blinders on. Look up Lindsay De Feliz in DR, and Dawn Anderson in Jamaica, RIP. Please, please, do more research, your life could literally be at stake. We see this over and over again.

Out of sincere love and concern, RidR, have you healed your past with therapy? Do you have a current therapist? Patterns are hard to break, deep-rooted self esteem issues, etc. Please be careful, your situation is a dime a dozen. These men play THE LONG GAME and women end up dead. The women don’t want to accept this. Be alone. You deserve a man who earns equal or more than you, who has a passport with mobility. Do not settle for a resort/beach vendor. You have the blinders on. Look up Lindsay De Feliz in DR, and Dawn Anderson in Jamaica, RIP. Please, please, do more research, your life could literally be at stake. We see this over and over again. I would love an update!

@christinebailey440

This sounds very alarming. Extreme professions of love, moving in and marriage when barely knowing each other are RED FLAGS 🚩 . Do you have a therapist/friends/family as social support to help you from being sucked in by this behavior? Gentle reality checks? Please read my other post and observe the stories of women who have been financially drained, and then MURDERED.

@dolphinzsplash

That’s right, trust your instincts. End it and don’t look back. Read my earlier posts. I’m interested in protecting not just women’s livelihoods, but their lives in some cases. It’s serious.

@Jennifer Storm Nelson

Yup, stay away. Don’t entertain any predatory behavior, which is what it is. It is sad, we need a change worldwide in terms of love and care for all people. But in your day to day, protect yourself, find peace in solitude.

There are always exceptions to the rule.  My wife passed, I was 67yo.  After a couple months I started looking for a new partner.  No, I didn't fool myself.  My requirements were, had to be near my age, had to already have USA citizenship and we had to be compatible.  I ran across my present wife.  She lived in the US, had citizenship and her son was retired USAF. After facetime online for 2 months, we met.  We really hit it off.  She comes from a family in DR with great values, is a strong Christian and we love each other very much.  Presently living in the center of DR in a secure house.  Cheating? no need to cheat.  We have great plans for the future.  I love her family and they love me.  Everyone gets along great.  All this happened very fast, but when you know, you know.

@JojoRita

You understand you are replying to some old posts and may not get any responses from the original posters!

@planner

Yes thank you ☺️

I don't want to minimize the risks and complications, but I think we need to remember that hypocrisy, exploitation, abuse, and even murder happen in EVERY social and economic group -- including the wealthiest, classiest, and most pious. Pick up any newspaper. Every encounter with a stranger carries some risk, and we always have to use care and common sense.

I lived in Washington DC in my 20s, and I still remember the night my friend and I had to go rescue her younger sister, a Detroit wild child, from an overly persistent Capitol Hill barfly. The poor kid kept saying "but he was wearing a suit!" 🤣🤣🤣 [Detroit vs DC] x 10 = [US vs DR].

And I don't think we should ever forget the huge economic gap between us and many of the people we meet, which in one way or another is haunting every interaction we have. You don't have to be a bleeding heart to recognize that this complicates things. We can make up our own minds if/when to remain civil and give benefit of doubt (or go what to us seems like the second mile) -- but it always makes sense to be careful and aware, for your sake and for the other guy's.

Sure, the DR has its own special brand for this -- I've been hit on several times, for pete's sake, and I'm 70+ and NOT well preserved! -- but you gotta wonder, in a chicken/egg way, what's driving this more, visitor expectations or local initiative.

You could use therapy just as much to recover from catastrophizing and paranoia and economic bias as from excessive trust or dependence. Not everything is a therapy issue. There's also just plain good judgment, and even with that you still need good luck. Xit happens to the best of people. Life = risk.

There is no rule that says the man has to earn as much as or more than the woman.

As expats in the DR we have a special privilege and an intense challenge. There seems to be an art to staying honest about the challenges without crossing over a line into a dark place that just feeds on itself. (I have not mastered that art at all myself, so if this^^ sounds preachy it's not meant to be.)

Just remember those infamous "unknown unknowns" and be careful.

Love conquers some things but it sure don't conquer all.

Very interesting post.  I can agree with much of this and see both sides as well.

It comes back to the saying: IF it seems too good to be true, it is!

@wondering9

Beautiful perspective, wise insights, thank you!

It’s still a “no gracias” every time

for me, and my recommendation for anyone, in the situations described that I referred in this thread. 🙌🌺🫶🏼😇

It's critical in all relationships, dating, friendships, work wise to always watch for the red flags!!!!

Dating/ marriage is difficult enough without:

-  Cultural differences

-  language differences

-  educational differences

-  financial differences

-  age differences

So tread carefully, take off the rose colored glasses, get real with yourself!