Menu
Expat.com
Search
Magazine
Search

Chapeadora?

sodeepop
#1
I'm sure it's a common question to ask as I can see on here.  But I met a girl maybe 4 years ago when I was 24 on latin American cupid.  She was very beautiful from DR.  We talked a lot and she never asked me for anything that I can remember of.  I went home on vacation to texas and met a beautiful Mexican woman(I'm half Mexican half irish) on new years eve while out with my cousins and our relationship flourished. So naturally I stopped talking to the dominicana. We didn't fight or anything it was on good terms.  Well fast forward 4 years. We broke up over a year ago and I finally felt like trying a relationship now.  I went on the latin American cupid website again and after nothing interesting I randomly saw her on there years later. Her profile was new but sure enough it was the same name same girl, just 4 years older.  We started talking again and we both deleted our profiles.  She is finishing school this year to be a dentist.  We talked about going on a vacation and she wanted to go to England. I told her sure it sounds good but was she going to be interested in helping out with the costs.  She said she doesn't work as she is a full time student and helps her family, but she will ask her mother to help pay for it and it shouldn't be a problem.  The ticket was almost 1400$ so she said it's too much her mom wont help, but we could always go another time.  She said for now we can just go to florida or something, that she has always wanted to go to Disney world, and my parents lives in florida she would like to meet them.   She has never asked me for money, but she is really beautiful.... like really really beautiful... I'm considered a good looking man, but average income. I don't think so far she is a chapeadora for money but Maybe she does this for citizenship?  Things seem good so far i'm just always weary so I figured i'd ask.   

Also on another note, how do Dominican women talk to their brothers?  She has a brother and they are clearly family they have very distinctive facial features and they look a lot alike.  But on her social media when she mentions her brother it almost sounds as if it's like what someone would say to a lover in the US.  Things like "True love", "My one and only", "bae", "always yours", etc.  Is this normal?  It seems very strange to me.  She lives with her mother and brother.
See also
planner
#2
Oh wow. This will be interesting.

Everyone play nice or I will delete.

The odds of this being real are the same as winning the lottery. You need to do lots of reading about the culture here. You absolutely need to assume everything she says is some version of a story UNTIL you verify it.

Sorry honey but 14 years of living here and following these stories and I can tell you it's bulldingleberries!!!

The Dominican Republic expat guide

Comprehensive and free

Read it now
Dominican Republic
sodeepop
#3
Well she definitely has a lot of photos of her in actual dental school, and visiting florida every now and then as a tourist.  I know a decent amount about the culture and my friend who I used to date is a Dominicana model in the US that is a US citizen often just tells me to be careful but you can never know if it's real or not.   She has never asked me for anything at all. The only thing that feels really off is how she mentions her brother in photos.  I asked her about it and she said her relationship with her brother is normal.

I really appreciate the advice though, it's good to be skeptical.
T
#4
[Post under review]
sodeepop
#5
Dang you think her brother is her boyfriend?  They loooooookk wayyyyyy too similar to not be related.  Photos going back years as a family, and stating it's with her brother and sisters and mother.  Edit: even picture of them as kids and teenagers.   Edit:  Also i'd post a picture on here if I could at the moment, but i'm by no means a bad looking guy.  I don't mean to sound cocky but I get hit on a lot, everywhere.  So by no means am I a old rich/well off pervert that i'm sure get used all the time.
Bob K
#6
Planner you are soooooooo wrong.  Your chances of wining the lottery are much higher than this situation will be.
I think it was Perter, Paul and Mary that sang..."when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn"  :D
Bob K
2 members reacted to this post
sodeepop
#7
It's usually me swindling women but from everything you guys say seems to be reverse this time :P  figures it happens to me when i'm more mature and ready to settle down haha.
Guineo Verde
#8
Hi sodeepop,

Trying to get a better insight into the case.

How old is she ?
How old is the mother ? Does she work ? If yes in what ?
What is/are the brother(s) job(s) ?
Where is the father ? Were you told he helps ?
In which neighbor of Santo Domingo do they live ?
Have you seen their house ?
sodeepop
#9
She's 22, when we first talked I was 24 and she was 18.  I'm not sure what her mother or brother does but yes they both work.  The father and  sisters live separately.   I don't think he helps.  I have not seen their house personally  and i'm not sure what neighborhood they live in I can try to find all these out.  Like my Dominican ex and friend told me, she can't judge all Mexicans by my behavior the same goes for them.  But she also told me about chapeadora, and basically said look she's going to fly to the US to spend time with you and your family, no one including her is forcing marriage on you.  and she has never asked me money since I first knew her 4 years ago.   The only weird thing is the way she mentioned her brother in her social media.  She says those things you would say to a lover but she also mentions him as her brother in the posts.  And other people mention him being her brother including girls saying he's cute.   I've seen picture of them when they were young and they look ALOT alike, but it does still seem strange to talk to someone like this.   

I will ask her the questions you wanted to know here shortly, and see what she says.  As for now unless something changes she is going to pay to fly to florida and spend a vacation with me.  Even when I offered to pay for half of her ticket to London or even the whole thing if her mom could not help she said no no it's too much we can save together to go in the future. Even when I argue with her and say I want to go.  Maybe just sweet talks to trap me it's true, I have said sweet things before to get someone in a position I want, as I assume most people have but still.
the tinker40
#10
Let her visit Florida on her own dime. Meet her & go to Orlando To ride the tea cup ride & see how it goes. You will be meeting a stranger. Impossible to know someone you have never met in person. It takes a long, long time to develop a real relationship.  Having her visit Fl. & pay her own way, including hotel, will show true intent, maybe. So Good luck & welcome to the site. keep us informed please.  Oh, by the way, if your income becomes a topic of conversation, tell her you make only around $16,000 a year, That usually gets them running away. That is a lot in the DR, but you won't be living in the DR. She will figure it out if it is a ploy to move to the states. Tisn't a brother, maybe a cousin. (kissing cousins)
sodeepop
#11
Thanks for the welcome and advice.  Income has never been a topic except when I asked her about a vacation. And then she said she would ask her mother for help to pay for the plane ticket. That it's not a problem for her to help pay. She also mentioned that we could take a vacation before april but she graduates april 10th. So more time if after april 10th.   Yeah I think it's wayyyyyy too close for comfort. I might just runaway or see how it rides out for another month and run away.  My Dominican ex joked with me "don't cheat on me too much bitch"  they certainly do have a way with words haha.   I'm just not in the business of wasting time, and while the prospect of a beautiful woman that is also a dentist. although she'd have to do more schooling in the US to transfer the career.  It also seems a little too good to be true. I'd be really hesitant if I was a different person but I legitimately generally date well established women or models, so it's not to say she's out of my league or i'm some creepy old guy that's obviously being swindled.

Edit: the last time the "kissing cousin" was in a foto or anything was well over a year ago. 71 weeks to be exact. and plenty of photos before that.  I just told her right now that i'm not dumb so just to be honest with me, that i'm very skeptical that's her "brother"  so it'll either send her running since I shouldn't be worth the effort as i'm clearly hard to convice or she'll stick around cause she likes me.  that's the hope.  or thirdly it just annoys her and she runs off haha.
the tinker40
#12
Re-reading your posts I've to to have an opinion.  I fell that perhaps the "chase" is what is the goal. Perhaps waiting to "settle down will stand you in good stead. A few more years of fun will help to give you what you desire for the long haul.  You are walking in my shoes. I was in my early 30's before I was able to read the writing on the walls.  Continue to enjoy your life until you tire.
sodeepop
#13
While the chase is fun I think I'm over that. Although I definitely enjoy it, it's not the sole thing i'm after.
T
#14
[Post under review]
planner
#15
Imagine graduating as a dentist at what 22??? Her education won't be worth anything in the USA. You are her ticket there most lively.
1 member reacted to this post
T
#16
[Post under review]
sodeepop
#17
Soooo we talked so more and my dominicana friend said she thought that it was her "bro" like a friend. but if it's her blood brother she may seem really affectionate on social media with her family and it may look weird.   I talked to the girl and she said that she knows what i must think but it's real. she says she doesn't want my money or anything, just to know me and my family. she said she has goals and she wants a partner but she isn't in a rush to get married or anything and she will wait for the right moment.  She said she really hopes I believe her and she called me on my phone to ask if i want to see their birth certificate or see her brother and mom to prove it. They look like twins to be real lol they look really alike.  I have slightly less doubts now but i'm always skeptical.
T
#18
[Post under review]
sodeepop
#19
Strange. After knowing this girl since 2013/2014ish she’s never asked me for anything. Even when offered.
ChristieE
#20
Have you ever actually met her? Any way to know if all the pictures are really her?

I thought dentistry was one of the medical fields RD excelled in. You cannot graduate from dental school in 4 years.

What was she doing during the 4 year hiatus?

If she does not ask for money or tickets, but you offer, she can always say, "but I asked for nothing". Is her ticket round trip??
sodeepop
#21
I have not met her, but I talk to her on video, it’s really her. She currently holds a visa and visits the US and has some family there.

I’m sure she’s not complete with school but she says she graduates with her ba at this point.  Edit: she said in US she would only be a heigienist or auxillary though.

I’m not sure what she was doing, we stopped talking because I started seeing someone.

Her ticket to FL is round trip. I don’t live there anyway. I’m just taking vacation.

Also she supposedly goes to school at pontificia universidad católica madre y maestra. She lives in Santiago.
ChristieE
#22
I wish you well. I hope things work out for you.
sodeepop
#23
Thank you, I hope so too. Like I said never asked me for money or anything. I just worry that it may be for citizenship which is harder to tell in most situations.
planner
#24
Do if she can't afford the ticket who is paying for the vacation?!!

To clarify no we are not known for dentists here. The really good ones will be at least partly educated in USA or Cuba or Spain amongst other places.

That doesn't mean there isn't excellent dentistry at amazing prices - there is!
sodeepop
#25
I guess her parents are giving her money to go on vacation. I’m not paying for her ticket that’s all I know haha. She said her step dad is an electrical engineer. She lives with her mom step dad and brother because they have the same mother. They have more siblings but with their real dad and his woman. I heard some college is free but She said her dad and stepdad pay for her. One pays for the clinic time and the other for classes, but that she isn’t a full time student. Not sure if the college she said she goes to actually charges. I posted it above I think it’s pontificia universidad catolico madre y maestra

I also made it extremely clear I’m looking for a partner not someone to take care of the rest of their life.
ChristieE
#26
You reference your ex Dominican model girlfriend. What is the backstory on that? Did you meet her on. Cupid site too?
planner
#27
Yes PUCMM is a university you pay for, it is one of the better ones. If she goes to school part time why doesn't she work?

It's normal here to go to school one day a week or in evenings and work! Most do this.

What she says and what she does are likely to be very different. That too is normal.
sodeepop
#28
I DIdnt say part time =O. I said she goes full time, and then goes to study at the clinic also before classes. I hear yah that what she says she does and what she does may be different but If I just dismiss everything then it’s all kinda pointless right? I think I should just remain skeptical and pay attention but give the benefit of the doubt for the time being.  She answers me anytime I call so it doesn’t seem like she has to hold off to hide anything before she answers or anything like that.


The ex model I actually met locally where I live. She was really cool, and a good friend still. She really looks out for me.
planner
#29
Sorry my error.  :D

Rule of thumb: believe nothing unt it is proven and you have seen it with your own eyes.

Why not justify fly in and surprise her?  That will tell you a lot.

Remain skeptical.
sodeepop
#30
I’m in the military so I really have to plan trips well. And I don’t want to end up flying in and she’s actually in school most of the time I’m there. Although maybe I couldddd do it. I’m not sure.
planner
#31
I strongly  suggest it,  nothing like the element of surprise!
the tinker40
#32
Sodeepop You said that you have swindled many women, perhaps Karma is visiting you . Maybe this time you are the one  swindled. I don't imagine that it would feel good being the swindee.   Do you call during clinic or class hours?  Maybe her professors like her too much to deny her cell phone use during class.  If you don't, try it & see if she answers.  Good luck on the maturation process.
1 member reacted to this post
sodeepop
#33
Oh believe me brother, I’ve been swindled plenty of times. We are all young and dumb sometimes. Doesn’t mean I’ve done it in the past half a decade haha. But yeah it would suck getting swindled just like I felt bad for what I did, but we grow up and move on. I might seem young but believe me being in the service and going to all the places I have, and work as much as I have, has really put some miles on me.
the tinker40
#34
Yes,  we all hopefully learn as the miles add up. Hope you get what you really want from life, so few of us do.
Eri76
#35
OP, I have dated some dominicanas over the last 5 years even being in Long distance and going back and forth.

99% of the girls that practice online dating are looking for a gringo husband, visa or a sugar daddy. Why a beautiful woman will search a partner online when she can find a bunch of men around her?
4 years online is a LONG time which means (in my experience) that she is probably a sugar daddy specialist. Don't give a dime until you have met her in person, that is simple common sense.

Instead of trying to guess about her relative, manage to go and spend time while in vacation. If first meeting goes well, take her in a Resort or something.. You will never really know how she is in person if you don't spend -at least- a couple of days together.

Good luck.
the tinker40
#36
Reality screws up fantasy every time. Be strong & change your approach to her. You know how to appear to be a different dude when you want to. Don't "run away", walk away & see if she catches up to you.  Suerte siempre.
2 members reacted to this post
sodeepop
#37
Maybe the same reason I search for a partner online when there’s plenty of willing women around me. I don’t like white girls and I like latinas and foreign even more so. I don’t think there’s wrong with a preference. I figure if it can be so in my case maybe hers too. But who knows. Only time will tell in this case I think.
Eri76
#38

sodeepop wrote:

Maybe the same reason I search for a partner online when there’s plenty of willing women around me. I don’t like white girls and I like latinas and foreign even more so. I don’t think there’s wrong with a preference. .


That is nothing wrong with wanting 'exotic girls'.

They will always tell you the white western Man is the best thing since slice bread, that Dominican man is a lazy cheater. However if you get some more experience in RD, you will notice how many of them get pregnant very young with a local guy in the barrio.

Some Dominican girls may very well fall in love with you but they will always expect you - 'Rich white man'- to support with money. That is something very strongly graved in their DNA.  So if you start to complain about paying her gifts or whatever you will very quickly be treated of "Tacaño".

The best thing you can do is to experience yourself the whole story and see how it goes and we all spare our time from unwanted advice.

Good luck.

2 members reacted to this post
sodeepop
#39
=0  I'm not rich or white haha.  I guess i'm half white, but i'm half Mexican. Definitely not rich, but i'm comfortable.  Anyway I made it very clear that I wanted her as a partner and not a essentially a pet... Anyway i'm going to head there in april I suppose and see what happens. She "says" she wants to work anyway and she loves the job she chose to get an education in so we'll see.
A
#40
Is this akin to Kevin Kline's "brother" Character in 'a fish called Wanda?"

Essential services for your expat journey

Choose the best health insurance
Choose the best health insurance
Protect your health and get easy access to treatment for expats in Dominican Republic.
Plan your international move
Plan your international move
Facilitate your move to the Dominican Republic by getting a quote from our top rated movers.
Open a bank account that suits you
Open a bank account that suits you
Discover the best international banks to manage your money securely.
International life insurance
International life insurance
Simple term-life insurance covering you & your family across borders
Other discussions on living in Dominican Republic
Ask your questionSimilar discussions about life in Dominican Republic

Further reading

Death in the Dominican Republic
What customs and procedures are common when dealing with death in the Dominican Republic? Find more about it in ...
Education in the Dominican Republic
This article will cover the Dominican Republic's educational system, including public schools attended by 80% ...
Birth in the Dominican Republic
This article provides some information about the culture and the customs of Dominicans when giving birth and ...
Living and accommodation on the South Coast of the Dominican Republic
Along the south coast of the Dominican Republic, going from East to West, you will find the sugar town of La ...
Living and accommodation in the up and coming Southwest of the Dominican Republic
Barahona, for some, might be Santa Cruz de Barahona, is the biggest city in this region. However, not yet a ...
Working in Las Terrenas
Are you looking forward to settling in Las Terrenas? Here are some tips to help you find a job in this major ...
Setting up a business in the Dominican Republic
The Dominican Republic has indeed been attracting foreign investment over the past few decades, with notable ...
Driving in the Dominican Republic
What is driving like in the Dominican Republic and how do you obtain a driving license? Find out all about it in ...