Custody of my child with Vietnamese ex girlfiend
Hope that the person who posted this topic will read and digest the comments
There was no doubt a feeling of loss due to the breakdown of the relationship. Now it must be accepted that the relationship with any children the of that relationship will also be lost.
If they play the emotional game they will be played. It's never ending. Have seen it happen too many times.
There was no doubt a feeling of loss due to the breakdown of the relationship. Now it must be accepted that the relationship with any children the of that relationship will also be lost.
If they play the emotional game they will be played. It's never ending. Have seen it happen too many times.
They have changed the law in when a child can elect to live with whom they wish to 7 from 9. Up until the. It is a real crap shot if you can enforce anything. There is bailiff you can hire to go with you to document refusals etc. But for some the cost might be steep, in that it costs 5m vnd each trip they go with you. They report back to the judge.
Hi, I am Malaysian married with Vietnamese spouse about 5 years, Have a daughter no enough 36 month, She ran back to Vietnam with my daughter at march, I tried to process interim child custody to bring back my daughter, I know the Vietnam law not allow Men get the Child Custody below 36 month, But base on my daughter was Malaysian, and I registered married at Singapore and Malaysia, never submit it to Vietnam government. AT there I can't found any help support for bring back my daughter, may I get some suggestions from your, which department will be help me to taken back my daughter? What should I do at next step? I worried my spouse change my daughter nationally to Vietnamese, someone told me can't be process without my permission, some said the local have some unlawful way to do it. Hoping to get reply soon, thank your guy.
@leekenny0604
Man, I really sympathize with you so I decided to give you some advices, up to you to take it or not:
1) call and write to your embassy in Hanoi reporting the situation, in theory they should be able to give you proper advice. If I understand correctly the situation your ex kidnapped a minor, not sure about the law in Malaysia but in the west is a major crime. The embassy is able to put your ex name on a black list and would be able to report to the police. Police are corrupted, true, but when foreigners are involved they are much more careful and if the denounce comes from a foreign institution they will do something.
2) get a local lawyer, you can find plenty searching online or your embassy could suggest one, in general are not expensive, would cost around 1 to 3k USD.
3) your lawyer would be able to find her and in case she have changed the nationality of the baby without your consent she will be in big trouble.
I wish you the best
@leekenny0604
Bro Kenny, I feel you. Your situation is probably in the same shoe as a best friend of mine ( specifically in Cheras - KL ). Arranged marriage, legally registered in KL, a very lovely couple and happily married for 4 years. Pleased the wife like a queen, no sign of argument, let alone beating her. Started family planning, blessed with a daughter and when the baby come, mother and baby gone. Since then finding way to locate the mother and daughter. Multiple trips to the lady hometown ( Can Tho ) and return back empty handed. No sign of the mother nor daughter at home. Elder don't give a damn of whatsoever when talk to. On very last trip, overnight at HCMC before heading back to KLIA. So coincident as patronising KTV outlet in D5, found her there. Surrounded with "cockroach" and bouncer at that premises, dare not make any ruckus. Waited for her to come out from the building, she suddenly disappear. Asked around again, all lips are tight as hell. Could only sit on the road side and become hysterical... and that is the last time seeing her ever again.
Understand the duress that you are going through now. A piece of advise, miracle will not happen and will never be to what you wish it will be. VN with population of more than 98 millions, locating 2 persons is as though as finding needle in a hay sack. Even if you are able to locate her, there will be no remedies for your daughter to be return back. Pestering her sister will lead you nowhere or worst ended with much more severe violent. I know saying is easy, but think rational, it will never be easy. Lastly still wish you luck and hope this help.
The Hague Convention of 1980 is the international treaty that covers such child abduction. Unfortunetly Vietnam is not a signatory to that treaty. Ufortunetly you are screwed and will likelt never see your child again. I too was in a similiar situation, albeit here in Vietnam. It is common practice here if the couple seperate the wife will take the child and go into hiding. There is no one in the country that will help you either.
This is one of those things men shlould know about here before they marry if they want yo have childern and love the child. Men here have virtually no rights when it comes to a child.
Sorry to hear it happened to another pwrson.....sucks big time.
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Not taking side on this issue where children are caught in the middle of failed relationships, but please correct me where I may be wrong. Child custody, support payments, made consistently, ... does this action help in the long run to maintain contact, help children and parents alike, to maintain a modicum of civility and shared love for a child?
Most Respectfully,
Mac
@mac68
Perhaps the oprative word in your missive is "civility". In a civilalized society where ther is also some rule of law, yes. But none of that applies her. Indeed, there is a certain segment of women here that have motives other then happy family life. Some enter marriage just to have a child. That and many other reason apart from a happy family. And no paying support does not matter.....your not ever going to see the child again. Hard to apply Western thinking in some countries.
@mac68Perhaps the oprative word in your missive is "civility". In a civilalized society where ther is also some rule of law, yes. But none of that applies her. Indeed, there is a certain segment of women here that have motives other then happy family life. Some enter marriage just to have a child. That and many other reason apart from a happy family. And no paying support does not matter.....your not ever going to see the child again. Hard to apply Western thinking in some countries.- @Diazo
Diazo,
I believe "civility" as operative and or Western thought, even Western thought has its foibles. However, as your child ages please do not lose hope, they too have their own feelings. Karma a place in life. Levels the living as does a water level seek to balance. Stay well. Keep good thoughts of your child, with your child too.
Somehow, in some ways lovingkindness prevails.
My best to you and yours.
Mac
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@mac68Perhaps the oprative word in your missive is "civility". In a civilalized society where ther is also some rule of law, yes. But none of that applies her. Indeed, there is a certain segment of women here that have motives other then happy family life. Some enter marriage just to have a child. That and many other reason apart from a happy family. And no paying support does not matter.....your not ever going to see the child again. Hard to apply Western thinking in some countries.- @Diazo
No doubt. We had one thread here a year or two ago where the woman was trying to justify 100,000,000 vnd support per month for her and the kid and wouldn't let the dad see the kid.
Yes, my wife wanted $10,000 a month support. She was one of those gals that married for a purpose...to have a Wrstern child. The short time we were together she would run away for about 10 days a month. She asked that I contribute 10m vnd a month to her run away fund. I was not aware of it at the time but this was part of her plan. Turns out she was telling people I beat her continously. Did not learn about this until after the divorce from friends etc. They had been told I was beating her. Never struck anyone in my life, man or women. I do not want to psint a picture with a wide brush, but not all of them ate good people.
My brother in-law just decided this year to get a divorce from his wife. 8-years ago she took off and took their son, he hasnt seen her or the child for 8-years. He recently asked her to sign the divorce papers, she agreed, next thing she is talking about maybe getting back together and him seeing the child on a regular basis. To say the mentality in Viet Nam is different is an understatement.
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@鲍比77 I called Embassy,they requested for email, email no replying, i waiting my Interim custody and flights over there directly Face them to asking nore information for me. Anyway,i know that's is worth thing to do more for my daughter. Thank for your reply
@leekenny0604
"AT there I can't found any help support for bring back my daughter, may I get some suggestions from your, which department will be help me to taken back my daughter?"
I failed to answer this question directly. The only way I could reconcile it in my mind was to realize my ex-wife made a choice for my son to take his father away from him. I have just tried to live with it the best I can. And always hold out hope he will some day try to find me.
Forget any of her family having any sympathy for the child and helping you stay in contact. They are a clan and the clan sticks together no matter what the family member did. The long and short of it is that you will never see your daughter again. It should be a word of caution to those who think about having childern with a Vietnamese women. Almost as worse is having a child here and they must attend school here. I now have another child and it drives me crazy that he will grow up in this enviroment. I will home school him so he will have a good education, but will probably not be civilized either.
@Mac68 i know about it, but they education, culture,environment,family all teached the same way, facing problems just hiding and ran aways, i always wanna solve every problems between us, but not even have a chance for it, now, I just can doing everything what i can for my daughter, i Will try more solutions to taken back my daughter, anyway, thanks for your reply
@重氮 same ways, if my daughter taken education at Vietnam, she will learn about the same culture and future just liked them, that's what's i worry, i tried to hiring lawyer at there, to verdict my country courts orders, after that, need to finding the locals department or someone there to helping me taken back my daughter, too many liars there, some requested 8-15k in USD, the lawyer there also gives me 3 different solutions for law of Vietnam, but after I check more from information, the lawyer there was can't sure everything about the cases, they're just wanna earned my money, i feeling even i get the legal documents from government Vietnam, also Will found another difficult problems for my daughter. That's is the worse thing for us
If you give anyone any money to help get your daughter back you will have lost both your daighter and your mobey. Best to move on. There is no help in Vietnam for you.
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@Diazo meaning i have no more chance for taken my daughter back with me? That's bad new for me, or your meaning them was liars? I always try by legal ways for taken my daughter back. I Keep trying my best.
No you will never see your child again. We have a saying here in Vietnam.....if their lips are moving they are lying. No my friend you just have to move on. I know how you feel and how hard it is. Me I finally took down all my sons photos.....however I still cried every day for more then two years. It is a terrible loss, but that is all it is ever goung to be. My lawyer told me if I went through with the divorce I would never see my child again and there was nothing I could do about it. Almost certainly you could go to court and get visitation, however, any good lawyer will tell you there is no mechanism to enforce any court order. In my country if you have a court order, for say visitation, the police will accompany you to the mothers house to enforce it. If she does not compky she will be jailed. Not here, the police will do nothing. Ya just gotta move on my friend.
@重氮 for me, i been working overseas about 2 years for covid moment, can't stand beside her to settle everything with them, maybe she's feel stressed to living here, i feel so sorry to my spouse and daughter, but when I came back to home, she lie me and ran aways back to Vietnam, I know it's my mistake to not taken action earlier for stopping them ran out from my country, i thought she's just need some time to calm down, but after that, I can't saw my daughter about half year, even in social media or any other way, i tried many solutions for beg her back with me. Anyway, I know she was listen from her's family, the culture and environment of there, never considered for my daughter, as a Malaysian, can't even go school easier like Vietnamese, worse thing for me, I can't do anything for them, if i agree to change my daughter to Vietnamese, I lost her forever, I keep move forward to doing everything for my daughter, but for my spouse, she's adult already, i respect what her's chosen, I been cried enough from last few months, now doing everything for taken back my daughter to given her better education,life,environment. Won't let her grow up like her's mother, not study finish the primary school, working at Very young age, with both grand parents not working at all. Always tried dig everything from my side, i never given them more than normal spending as normal life, i think that's why they encourage my spouse left me, now they told everyone at there, I used violence to my spouse, becomes everyone around there was no believe me. Anyway , I will flying over there to tried more and find chance to taken back my daughter, thanks for your suggestions.
Just be careful if you come here to try and pursue it further. People can disapper here very easily and it does not cost much to make it happen. I am not taking sides on why she is gone. But they are gone and now you can do nothing about it that would get you child back. Do not forget even if you had your daughter in Vietnam you can not get her out. Quite surprised she was able to travel with her so easily. I travel with my childern alone and they always ask for proof that the absent parent approved of the travel. Not sure how VN treats such travel, nor Malaysia though. Apparently they do not check.
@Diazo she used fake signature to pass the immigration, they was hiding my daughter passport also, I asked embassy of Vietnam, i can apply a temporary passport to come back my country, based on my daughter was Malaysian and i am her biological father with original birth certificate, immigration is not reasonable to Block me by logical thinking. i need taken back my daughter from them first. She's have too many places for hiding. I really need police station to help me to find out, foreign need report all address with passport to police station, so i must need the legal documents for it, language was a big problems for me also, at her's hometown tay ninh far about 100km from hcm, I gone many time, the local area is can't be communicate by English or Chinese, even the government departments. I think i need ip to found my daughter out also, after all planning, the police and government officer is the difficult problems from my sides, seen embassy also avoid to replying my emails, I think they Will not have solutions for solve my problems. After all, i understood this situation was very worst thing for all my planning. But I can't just do nothing to let it gone from my mind. The country continues to develop but does not make any progress in legal responsibility. Many years gone, I never found any success cases except paid for redemption Child from spouse. But my spouse no required any payment from my side, don't know she wanna raised the value then asked or other thinking.
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