Living in CDO, getting over shell shock

This was my first experience with culture shock.  After going through immigration, customs, and then exchanging my money, I stepped outside the doors to the airport to see so many people. Besides there being so many people, I was visiting a people and culture that I had little understanding of.

Many, if not most, of the Filipino people are poor. The society is structured around poor. Things are sold in the smallest sizes. Many Filipinos earn 200p ($5) a day. More difficult was my on going learning of the culture it self. Western culture in more "in your face" whereas Asian is more on "saving face". As a Westerner, I have learned to take care with what I say as it can be considered insulting. To make things worse, it may take months to learn you have said something insulting because it is not told to your face.

White face foreigners are seen as rich. For that reason, often attempts are made to charge me more for an item or service. By Filipinos, this is seen as OK. Why, because being rich, it does not matter if you pay more, you should do it because they are poor.

It is not possible to explain all the difference. Most were and are beyond my understanding and experience. That said, I will say that the Filipino people are good and friendly. I feel safe here and try to fit in and not change things I may not like so much.  There is much more that I like than dislike.

If you plan to come here, it would be good to find a Philippine Yahoo Group to join to begin to understand. I made the mistake of thinking that Western and Asian Culture were not that different. Just goes to show how little I knew. Be willing to learn and listen. If you like e-mail me at *** or the address below. I will try to answer any question you have and\or refer you to a Group that can help.

My first trip here was for a three week visit. Returning home, it was late November in Virginia, quite cold and snow on the ground. I remembered sitting by my wood stove in the living room wishing I were back in the Philippines. The next morning, I called my travel agent to ask if I could book a flight back and miss the Christmas travel rush. She said yes so being home only two weeks, I flew back the first week of December.

I broke up with the girl I came here to meet and dated several different girls looking for the right one to marry. I had been married before and didn't want to make another mistake. At the end of 2003 I had been here a year and still had not found who I considered right. I was frustrated and feeling that the right person was not to be found. It was then that a friend introduced me to Chielo. Ironically, she was not interested in dating with a foreigner but she agreed to meet me with her chaperon. We went out three times, each with her chaperon. On the fourth date, she wanted her chaperon again. I told her she could choose, the chaperon or me. She chose me.