annulment and relationship

Member since 03 February 2014

shake0000Member03 February 2014 02:12:42

Hi there,

Me and my boyfriend are now 8th months and we really love each other. But there's so many trials now. He is married and has 1 daughter but separated already. He wants to file an annulment, but because we don't have enough savings for the cost of annulment, he planned to work abroad, he really wanted to marry me and I want to marry him also, but because he's married we cant be marry and our only chance is annulment.

I respect marriage because this is the only way we can be fully be happy and not by living with worries and hurting the people around you. Love is not just the two of you its about living in peace and with blessings of God. Aside from that, my boyfriend has daughter, he doesn't want his ex side and parents to know about me, so technically he hides me and wasn't able to introduce with his family. It is because if they find out that I'm existing in his life he doesn't have the rights to see his daughter again. I understand because it is his daughter. Thou I really love him it hurts me a lot.

Aside from that me and my boyfriend doesn't belong to same church. Technically in my part it is forbidden to marry non believers in our church. But my boyfriend is willing to convert. And now the problem is what if he converts but still un-annul? How can I fight for this relationship. I don't want to take live in or "magtanan".. I still have respect and love for my parents - I don't want to hurt them.

My boyfriend knows how hard it is for me, and willing to accept whatever my decision. Because its really uncertain if all our plans will do for us, if annulment can be the answer for us to be happy and live with peace. He promised that no matter what happens he's with me and will love me. My mind tells me to give up but my heart doesn't want to give up.

Any advice I appreciate. Thank You so much

kim1212 Active member

Member since 20 March 2013

kim1212Active member03 February 2014 02:28:48

First of all, hope you can take this advice and think through. I am not gonna judge or anything but hope this helps.

Being with a married guy is never gonna be good. If he is divorced then thats a different story.
If you really respect marriage that much, you should have not get into that kind trouble.You know that he is married.
You probably do love him so much, but it will be difficult for you and him to have a great and happy life if you both started it messy. You seem like a smart woman, but you need to listen to your brain this time and not your heart.
You will probably feel hurt and pain if you separate, but aren't you feeling the pain and you're getting hurt anyways with the situation? Believe me, Ive been there and done that. If you guys are belong for each other, God will find a way to make it better for you. But right now, you have to let go.You have to be strong. Process this with the help of your friends and family. I was able to do it and I know you can too. Now I am married to an amazing guy! See how life works? if I stick to the guy who is married, I would've not met my husband. and the guy I am with right now is one of the most amazing gift I get to open everyday. Remember this, IF A MAN REALLY LOVES YOU, HE WILL NOT BE SELFISH AND KEEP YOU FOR HIS OWN WILL, BUT TO FREE YOU FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Hope my advice helps.

shake0000 Member

Member since 03 February 2014

shake0000Member04 February 2014 05:56:05

Hi Kim,

Thank you very much for your great advice. Sometimes I just need to open it up with someone who doesn't know us to avoid judgmental people. Since it is my first time to love a person so much, I cant imagine that I'm in this situation. - I'm still asking why God put me in such a great confusion - I really do love the guy but its "forbidden" and "against all odds" - it seems there's no better way to resolve our problem - to find happiness and peaceful life.

I enter in this relationship I don't know everything about him, I'm just rely on how I was so attracted with him and with my feelings the moment I saw him - its like magical to me. Everything that I'm looking for a guy is in him (except married and non-believers in our church). I just found out that he has a daughter a week after I said "yes I love you" . and 4th months after he admit to me that he is married". I accept everything hoping that it will be fixed din naman. Then I just learned to love him so much as we move a long because he showed to me how much he love me with all his effort. With him I also experienced we called "first time" - as in everything. Maybe you know what I mean. But as we get too serious and starting to research answers to our problem, we started to feel so sad knowing everything for us is difficult. :'(. Part of my research is looking for the answer of annulment then I found this Expat.com.

As I read your advice, it touch my heart. :'( I really do know that everything you have said is the right thing to do - Only God has the answer. And I know to follow Him first will be the best thing we can do for our relationship. But honestly I don't know how to start it. I still have this feeling that I want to be my boyfriend's happiness, to help him move on with his past, I want him to forget his loneliness and I don't want him to be alone nalang (dahil nga his living on his own now)- and that is one of my reason I cant just leave him that easy. I know I still have the chance to decide to do the right thing - coz I know we will both hurt in the end if our plan wont work. I also doesn't want him to see me in pain - coz I know for a guy it was a curse to see the person they love is in great pain because of them.

How can I start? every time I'm with him were just happy.

Thank You so much Kim!