Reverse Culture Shock

Ochando New member

4POSTS

15 years ago

Hello,
Does anybody have any experience with culture shock and kids, Latin living in Asia (Vietnam)
Thanks for the help.
Regards

ExpatDiaries Member

3POSTS

15 years ago

#42

Definitely! It's inevitable I think after awhile to feel like an alien in your own country. I've lived in London for 12 years and no longer feel at 'home' in the US. I breathe a sigh of relief upon landing back in the UK.

reblinkbaby Member

3POSTS

15 years ago

#43

i feel the same way back to Philippines.

Invader_Stu Contributor

101POSTS

15 years ago

#44

Another thing I always find surprising is the ability to understand everything being said around me. My Dutch is still coming along very slowly so a lot of the time I can just switch off and ignore what is being said around me.

When I go back to London it is like getting my hearing back and everything I hear sounds like a line out of Eastenders

srj Member

24POSTS

15 years ago

#45

Now here`s a really ,tough odd one .I felt I never quite fitted into the community I was born in ;I could not keep up with the traditions and expectations ;in fact ,I did not want to conform to all of the traditions .I was criticised for not praying enough or not praying correctly ,not dressing the way that was expected of me ,etc ,so when the opportunity came to move to England ,i did.Got here and discovered that I do not fit in with the Indians here ,either !Firstly ,I am not a British born Indian and the British Indians that I have met are quite traditional .I have started avoiding them because they ask me where I pray ! The Indians ,who come fresh out of India to the UK ,have their own set of people whom they associate with (at least the ones that I have met) .I suspect that if I moved to India ,I possibly may not fit in there too!!Of course ,it is not a huge problem .This is a very multicultural place and I prefer the company of compatible people ,regardless of ethnicity or nationality or origin.To answer the question "Does home feel foreign sometimes?" Yes ,when I go back home ,I love most things ...the warm people ,the smiles ,the food ,the weather and of course ,family and friends but I do feel like a bit of a foreigner .I feel that my views ,my perceptions ,my outlook is different and changing.My family would love for me to be back permanently but the problem is that I never felt like I totally belonged .

Mariposa_Voice_for_Peace Active member

97POSTS

15 years ago

#46

I totally can relate to this forum. After years of travelling between the worlds, I've concluded that I belong everywhere and nowhere, depending on how you look at it.

I consider myself like a butterly, that kindo of floats between flowers without really settling down. I say, home is wherever my mother is, because for me, she is home. Home is wherever I place a rug to pray, so today that's cairo, today, cairo is home.

On another hand, living between the worlds has taught me how to build bridges, to connect with random strangers in so many ways, to be adaptable, and to look beyond what country someone is "from". After all, what is a country anyways?

srj Member

24POSTS

15 years ago

#47

Great to know that others experience pretty much the same.I guess it`s not where you`re from that matters or where you are going to ;it`s what you do in this life that counts.

fanling Active member

39POSTS

15 years ago

#48

I can definitely relate to all the posts. For me, I am away from home for 12 years now. During the irregular visits I do have this sense of strangeness, sometimes strong, sometimes not that strong, but mixed with a sense of familarity. Everybody has moved on including me, so there is no sense in moving back to a home which is not one anymore. I am between the worlds and trying to find a proper name for this sepcies :-)

Birte Member

2POSTS

15 years ago

#49

Its far better to consider yourself a citizen of the world,I have now lived in Australia for over 40 years and still do not feel I belong here, actually I never really liked it here. But I built myself a little paradise in the mountains. I live there for three months, then I take of to another destination in the world for a couple of months, then back again, its like being a butterfly, a continous cycle, it keeps me happy, and I can also do it because of my work. Fitting into a place in this crazy world is not easy, but there are ways. You cannot go back to your origens, I have visited Denmark a couple of times and to be honest I do not recognize it anymore.I guess I am becoming a sort of wandering hermit.

farah123191963 New member

4POSTS

15 years ago

#50

hi to every one don't feel shame but that's the away it's . looked at me i was born in lebanon then immigrated to canada for 21 years,two years ago i felt i want to go back home and i did but i didnt feel i'm belongs her then i want to go to canada but down deep in heart i don't want to settle in cold country now i rent a country syle home in allepo planning to settle there .

hope i can feel right, pray for me.

Lalym Member

3POSTS

15 years ago

#51

Hi
I'm an ex expat (back 6 years) after 5 years in Singapore. I can really relate to what you are saying, but the negative feelings wore off after a couple of months as the positive things about the UK shone through. For example: brilliant health service and education, the kindness of strangers in unexpected situations, the amount of time people give to the voluntary sector, new friends.

We decided to settle somewhere new in the UK rather than go back to our old home, to continue the journey rather than go back to square 1.

However, I had a chance to return to Singapore but didn't because the reentry to the UK is so difficult- I never managed to re engage with friends I left behind (I was abroad for 9 years in total). It was particularly difficult for my son, who was 8 when we returned and had never lived in the UK.

Do you think it would be easier if you were a frequent traveller, based in the UK rather than a full expatriate? I have many friends who do this now, their families are base in the uk, but they travel extensively in Russia, Middle East and USA. Personally, I think this would be just as disruptive, but maybe not?

kronicle New member

5POSTS

15 years ago

#52

i always feel really aussie when i'm in asia, but then really asian when i'm in australia
a friend said a helpful thing: Originally I'm from Australia- say "blue culture", but then I lived in asia , say " yellow culture". Being a blue person living in a yellow culture you become a bit green. And when you go back to the blue, you are still green,. You are never going to be yellow, but you are also never going to be blue again really. I found that helpful, just being able to express what was going on- I'm not asian and never will be, but I'm also not the Aussie that i was before either.

Alison Mungall New member

4POSTS

15 years ago

#53

Hi kronicle, you have expressed it so well! That's exactly it. Everyone assumes that you are the same person when you go back, but you're not. I mixed with other ex expatriates when I got back to the UK, but gradually I made new friends. i never really picked up with my old ones. So it's much the same process as when you move to a new country, only unexpected which makes it harder.

volim te pono Active member

25POSTS

15 years ago

#54

Well, " still there's no place like your real home", that's why they usually say.
I am also soon will be an expat, and I am curious, scare how it is gonna be to be an expat. We are planning to come in Belgrade with my child.
So glad that I visit this expat- blog site.

joseph27 Member

23POSTS

15 years ago

#55

Hi,

When I went back to the UK in February 2009 for 2 months I felt really odd. The cold weather was the first problem, central heating and covering myself with blankets at night!!

I really did not feel at home even though I stayed with family, everything seemed changed. I went to London a lot from Luton and nobody ever talked to me. Being Irish I did a lot of talking to strangers who often gave me a weird look.

When I came back to Mauritius the first thing I did was have a swim, read a book on the beach and have a long walk on Chiosy Beach. Home ? I am not sure where it is anymore, I did want to go back to the Uk eventually, now? well I just don't know what for.

Best Wishes

Joe

usajoe Member

2POSTS

15 years ago

#56

I'm finding the same thing, especially after living in several other countries, but overall I think Shanghai is a great city.

GabyGN Active member

37POSTS

15 years ago

#57

Hi,

We came back to the UK after six years in France and it has been rather difficult. Not just the weather but the lifestyle seems so incompatible now! We are actually considering to move out again as we can't settle!

The issue is our children education, although they are still young (5 1/2 and 2) we feel we have to choose between the English system and the French system. International schools would be ideal but they are just too expensive!

By the way, I'm carrying out a PhD research on global nomads, based on professionals that have lived AND worked in more than three countries, if you would like to participate or know more please let me know.

ladyjane1 Member

15POSTS

15 years ago

#58

I totally agree, even though my time was short in the UK, I felt like I was home, my way of life (maybe not the weather!) but I didnt feel as if I was a stranger in this new country,

however when I got back home (Jordan) I was in total shock i couldnt cope with the weather, the people everything. even after a few months being here, I still suffer from reverse cultural shock and now I cannot consider my self from either country.

went back again to the UK and everything was fine.

which is strange because then you dont have a sense of belonging at all.

I think I need more travelling that way I can definitly figure out where I think I may belong! either that or I just belong to the world and to no country in specific!

indobe Active member

88POSTS

14 years ago

#59

Hi @ladyjane1, I'm like you. I feel home in South Africa. It's very difficult for me to enjoy in my home land as people have changed. Their behaviour and the way they think are not the same anymore like when I left the country. Or maybe it's me who have changed ?? Now I'm in Egypt have been struggling with their mind set. I want to ignore it; feel better day by day, but still... something missing.

Nomad32 New member

5POSTS

14 years ago

#60

Hi All,

I enjoyed reading this conversation and want to toss in my two cents as I am sympathetic to many of the posts. I am an American, 32, and have lived abroad for 8 years: Iraq, UK, Afghanista, South Africa and Jordan. Spend a year or more in each country. I travel for work and to experience new adventures. I cant say I feel at home in the USA or anywhere else for that matter. A friend told me that if you travel too much, whatever that might be, you will never be able to settle down and be at home anywhere. I am wondering if I passed that limit. Because the expat lifestyle, like all others I guess, has its own kind of rythym and once I am back im the USA all I think about is the next adventure.
I do not know anyone in my hometown and those who are left here have lives of their own. Strange feeling.
Great posts all!

joseph27 Member

23POSTS

14 years ago

#61

Well I was born in Dublin. Ireland. On my last visit there I did feel at home, Irish way of life is different than the UK. The big shock was the cost of living was so high!

Affordability? Mauritius is very cheap to live , UK and Ireland is expensive.

I do like it here. But my children and grandchildren are living in the UK.

So I guess it means more traveling!!

hunna81 New member

4POSTS

14 years ago

#62

it was not really a big of culture shock to me as i was an expat in UAE which the locals are muslim..and im also a muslim

im aware about the dress code there..must b moderate n decent specially during ramadhan..

im pretty much comfortable with the lifestyle there...only the local culture that i need to be careful with..like some hand gestures are accepted in my culuture..but to them considered rude...

but those were around 4-5 years back..but now everything changed drastically...its like a very western n modern country...where 80 percent are all expats..only 20's are locals...so u will feel like in the western country.

catpaws Member

16POSTS

14 years ago

#63

I have to say each time I come back to England after spending time in France, I feel more and more depressed. Poor service, aggressive driving, aggressive people in general,Druggies and alkies,Bone idle useless tossers, filthy streets. I could go on. When people find I am going to live permanently in France I get "Ooh, ok for some of us, aren't you the lucky one?" Well luck has nothing to do with it. I've worked damn had and made a lot of sacrifices to buy and make a beautiful home there. I've tried very hard to learn the language and made an effort to integrate. I no longer want to live in a country full of whining benefit claimants who have no inclination to make a better life for themselves.Does this sound like a rant? you're probably right.On the other hand, maybe everyone who comes to live in England from abroad sees things in a different light and I've simply worked for too long in a sector that time and again illustrates that benefit Britain is not the place I want to live any more.

Birte Member

2POSTS

14 years ago

#64

Could not agree with you more. Its a good thing you chose France and not Australia, because that is where all these benefit Brits come, and here they get a lot more than they ever did in Britain. Its a Bludgers Paradise. Enjoy France!

Nomad32 New member

5POSTS

14 years ago

#65

I agree 100%. Here in the USA on both coasts you will be paying 50% in combined taxes, easy, for those who choose not to work for generations! That is one of the main reasons that keeps me moving...to want to work hard and keep the fruits of my labor * what a concept!)

catherinedeusa Member

18POSTS

14 years ago

#66

Wow, I thought I was the only one feeling this way and about to post the same topic for some outlet and camaraderie.

I'm back in L.A. and have been trying very hard to keep up my spirit here. A lot of driving, freeways and traffic and nobody on the streets; I don't think I've used my legs since I landed! The beach and the sunshine would get old after awhile if you grew up here, at least for me. It's like a retirement. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be in California where many wants to visit! And my only family is here!

Yet, I'm finding myself daydreaming a lot on living in France, in Hong Kong, in Germany, in Copenhagen, anywhere but here. I'm afraid I'm becoming like many mentioned here, either a nomad (well at least a nomadic mind) or someone who lost her sense of belonging along the way.

Moi, I watch the French news every day, check the time and weather of different countries (I'm nuts), learn some German, some French, some Mandarin and visit this site and savor others experience! I hope one day I could say, "I'm here at last!" and not thinking about "over there". Is it a contentment issue at heart? That's the problem when I was taken out of my little pond to see the world.

What's your remedy?

ECS Norway Expert

1566POSTS

14 years ago

#67

on a somewhat related note, after six years living away from my birth country, I no longer feel like I relate to it very well anymore. People here still ask me how things are done "where I'm from" and say it must be complicated to deal in celsius or miles or kilograms.

At this point, I've spent more of my working life outside my home land. I'm more aware of the news in Europe than I am of the news in America, and I have a better feeling for distances in kilometers than miles at this point. It's hard to explain to my colleagues that I simply don't know how certain similar procedures are done in America, having only worked for one American company many years ago. When people ask me where my home is, I say it's in Iceland, but they're really expecting me to answer where I used to live in America, like they're expecting I'll pack up and go back there any minute now.

Maybe it's partly the country, where people still are struggling to understand the concept of long-term residents from other countries. It's not a place people generally choose to move and settle unless they marry a local.

johnathon.smith Member

2POSTS

14 years ago

#68

Haha, couldn't agree more. I feel the same whenever I go back home.

craig1 Member

3POSTS

14 years ago

#69

Gavin, I've unfortunately experienced reverse culture shock when returning to the US. The problem is, after having lived so many years abroad, you change (though you may not notice it). Result becomes that you are neither a member of the nationality where you live as an expat, nor do you feel you are still a "true" member of your home country. This can be a confusing situation (when spending too much time thinking about it). I gave up trying to define myself as "this" or the "other" and am now "citizen of the world."

ericwt Serial expat

280POSTS

14 years ago

#70

It is always a shock for me to go back to the USA. I go back about 2 times a year.

In Belize I live in the Rainforest in a very remote area. One day I am watching Howler Monkeys from the front porch while eating dinner.The next day I am in a modern busy city in the USA.

In Belize if I want to get something it takes me a half an hour to drive to a small town with very limited, tiny stores. If I am lucky I might find what I want.

In the USA within 20 minutes I can grab anything at a supermarket that I want and drive back to the house.

In the USA the smallest convenience store has more selections of soft drinks than the largest stores in Belize.

I find myself wandering around stores in the USA in wounder at all the products and selection there is.

In Belize I will not walk outside to the jeep at night without my Kevlar Snake boots on.

In the USA I hit a button and the garage door opens.

The noise in the USA is disorienting,to me. So much noise. In Belize all I hear is wildlife.

It takes about a week for me to get used to the food in the USA. In Belize it is all natural with no preservatives so it takes a while to adjust in the states.

That is all I can think of now.

ericwt Serial expat

280POSTS

14 years ago

#71

I strange thing happened to me today. It was mildly scary.

I am on my vacation in the states. I think I am doing fine. I went in the mall and thought a would get a breakfast sandwich and stroll around the mall.

I walked up to the counter and tried to order. She kept asking me questions, white or yellow eggs, what kind of cheese of the 12 they offered did, I want, Did I want this kind of combo or that, what kind of coffee did I want. It went on and on.

I finally got what I ordered and walked to the end of the food court and started getting lightheaded. I sat down my mind started spinning. So many questions, so many choices, this option or that?

I closed my eyes and started what might be caled a mantra or chant and started beep breathing. In a moment I was fine.

I opened my eyes and looked beyond the food court and into the mall area. Within view at my table I could so stores for Hip cool clothes marketed to various types of people.

There were stores that marketed to certain type of personality's.

If you are older woman but hip, and want your clothes in the latest teenage fashions. There is a store for you.

If you are a rebellious youth with "goth" tendencies, there is a store for you.

If you can't have your hair done,without having them serve you cappuccinos, offer wi/fi and give you the remote to the Plasma screen television, there is a place that has you covered

So many selections. Thank god I shall be back to the jungle in a few weeks.

beppi Germany/Singapore Expert

15635POSTS

14 years ago

#72

My home is the world and my life is enriched by the variety it offers to those who, like me, move through cultures and societies and create their own unique style with elements of each.
Poor folks who stay in one place all their life, or even worse those who cannot adapt to another environment and get stuck in resentment and homesickness - and then get back only to realize that "home" isn't home any more and they have nowhere to hide their mental inflexibility.

catherinedeusa Member

18POSTS

14 years ago

#73

interesting articulation about the last part. or they'll just hide in their blogs . . . . . . or floating around like a walking zombies . . . . . . never here, always somewhere out there.

beppi wrote:
My home is the world and my life is enriched by the variety it offers to those who, like me, move through cultures and societies and create their own unique style with elements of each.
Poor folks who stay in one place all their life, or even worse those who cannot adapt to another environment and get stuck in resentment and homesickness - and then get back only to realize that "home" isn't home any more and they have nowhere to hide their mental inflexibility.

dainimo New member

4POSTS

14 years ago

#74

this feeling mostly happened to being abroad too long...ang being lonly as well..

GarethO Active member

27POSTS

14 years ago

#75

catpaws wrote:
I have to say each time I come back to England after spending time in France, I feel more and more depressed. Poor service, aggressive driving, aggressive people in general, Druggies and alkies, Bone idle useless tossers, filthy streets. I could go on. When people find I am going to live permanently in France I get "Ooh, ok for some of us, aren't you the lucky one?" Well luck has nothing to do with it. I've worked damn had and made a lot of sacrifices to buy and make a beautiful home there. I've tried very hard to learn the language and made an effort to integrate. I no longer want to live in a country full of whining benefit claimants who have no inclination to make a better life for themselves.Does this sound like a rant? you're probably right. On the other hand, maybe everyone who comes to live in England from abroad sees things in a different light and I've simply worked for too long in a sector that time and again illustrates that benefit Britain is not the place I want to live any more.

...and this is why I am currently in Brazil, not the UK!!!

GabyGN Active member

37POSTS

14 years ago

#76

What about reverse cultural shock in a country that is not your homeland but where you lived in for long enough to call it home?

Reverse cultural shock on the adopted homeland ! !

Noire New member

9POSTS

13 years ago

#77

The first time I travelled abroad I left America and went to east Africa for 1 short month. When I got back I was so depressed and disappointed by American culture that I almost flunked out of college. The reverse culture shock was terrible. Eventually I settled back in, though and things fell into place. Just as u become more comfortable when traveling, you must give yourself time to readjust when you return.

beppi Germany/Singapore Expert

15635POSTS

13 years ago

#78

What you encountered has nothing to do with culture shock!
During a one-month stay, you don't go through most of what is called "culture shock" - and a "reverse culture shock" is only possible when you return after having settled into a routine abroad, which isn't the case in a one month trip.
You probably were just disappointed and unsettled.

hutkgjf Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#79

Julien wrote:
) but I don't really feel 100% French anymore ...

I couldn't agree more with you i don't think i am 100% from my country too 'cos i spent so many years abroad interacting with other expats so i've been acquiring different sorts of characters and traits.