How to make friends in Shenzhen

I asked the same question when I was in the US: why is it so hard to make friends here in the US? I'm Chinese, I consider myself as a friendly, open-minded person, I have many really good friends, I mean REAL friends, in China, but why is it so hard for me to make that kind of real friends in the US? I think this is a common problem for expats all over the world, not just expats in China. You are moving to a place where people speak different language, have different culture. They might even have a different view of friendship or how to make friends. I stayed in the US for three years, but my best friends there are all east asian immigrants, because we have something in common, we share some value. If you feel it is difficult to make friends with locals here in Shenzhen, my suggestion is to learn Mandarin, get to know the Chinese culture. I mean, you are already here, right? Why not learn something new and have fun. Maybe you will meet some people who pretend that they want to make friends with you, but really just want to learn English or dig for some money making opportunity, but come on, how bad is that? I even got called Chinaman once in Washington metro. There are stupid boring people everywhere in the world, just ignore them, don't let their stupidity ruin your day! What I wanna say is that Shenzhen is a nice city with 10 million people, you will find some nice interesting people to make friends with. I like this city, and good luck!

Hi Everyone,
This is Michael Liu.Great to "see" you.
I'd like to make friends and hope to be your friends. I have many
hobbies,such as playing basketball,swimming,if you want to have someone
to accompany to do some sports,drinking,any parties or anything else,please don't forget to tell me.


Best Wishes
Michael Liu

just want to be a parts of Shenzhen family.

Hi there!
I am moving to Shenzhen soon! Would be up for meeting! I wanna make some new friends!

Hello AlexanderLuka.

Welcome to Expat.com

Thanks

Karen

Hi everybody! I have arrived in shenzhen few days ago! Looking for new friends, parties, cultural exchange, someone to spend great time around

Business friends are easier to make in SZ than any other kind. However through business friends you may meet other people whom you don't work with and so on.
In SZ I'd say just getting out of the house is a good way to meet people. Social Networks such as Wechat and QQ are good ways to meet people you never thought of meeting. Learning Mandarin is key to being able to make local friends. I have made local friends with frequenting local establishments such as the neighborhood Starbucks or 7-11. One of my best friends I met in an neighborhood bar alley in Buji. He was drunk out of his mind and started chatting me up. We became really good friends.
More specifically if you're an expat and lonely and bored... go to Coco Park (Shopping Park metro) it has a nice selection of bars where expats hang out, get drunk and eventually start chatting with each other and locals. Sea World is much more reserved and family oriented than Coco Park.
Join local expat groups such as SWIC (foreign women only) , SACS, Snakepit, etc. There are also local websites such SZparty, SZStuff and so on that have chat rooms and advertise local expat related events. That's PRD is a wonderful magazine for expats as well and there's always SZnews newspaper. Expat-blog has a load of expats all saying they're available to be friends.
So there's no shortage of ways to meet people in SZ. SZ is a transient city for the Chinese and foreigners alike, so there's no shortage different cultures and friends to be made from around the world.
Enjoy the city of SZ and make the most of it and the enormous variety of people while you're here!

zhonglilijoe wrote:

If you feel it is difficult to make friends with locals here in Shenzhen, my suggestion is to learn Mandarin, get to know the Chinese culture. I mean, you are already here, right? Why not learn something new and have fun.

I fully agree with zhonglilijoe! And, being an expat, requires that you don't try to "read" the local culture using your "own country & cultural glasses". Be open minded, try to understand the other perspective and HAVE FUN!!

Making friends in Shenzhen is easy.  Take it from someone who has lived here since 2007 and especially in Shekou (great for foreigners) for 5 years.  I've made it my home for so long, because, once you make real friends with a person, they are never gone for long.  People come and go, but they almost always come back - even if just for visits.

It is true that people are focused on money, but that's not the be all, end all.  I find people are often busy making money, so it can be hard to regularly meet all your friends.  Also, Shenzhen is a great place for networking; it is smart to take the opportunities to do business.  It gives you more cash to go out with friends! 

Anyone new to Shekou, I'd be more than happy to give you tips of where to go.  Send me a line at [email protected].  And, yes, that is Jolene like the Dolly Parton song, although I much prefer The White Stripes version. 

hye there. nice to meet you, can we be friends?

@ dylan_bie: A little introduction would be most welcomed

Olá, moro no Brasil e estarei indo para Shenzhen nos próximos dias. Ficarei em torno de 40 dias. Gostaria de conversar com você já que atualmente mora nessa cidade. Se puder por favor me add no skype ... [email protected].

até logo. Um abraço.

lscraffy wrote:

One thing's for sure: people in Shenzhen are not easy to make friends with. They're strictly here to make money, nothing more. I've tried socializing with 100's of people here. Ultimately, they just want to know what they can gain from you. Through it all, I've only been able to accumulate a few "real" friends.

Therefore, if your definition of friends is texting each other sometimes, meeting once every 2 months with a group of other people, then that may be enough for you. Personally, I consider a friend someone I am fond of, enjoy being around, I can talk to OPENLY, and I can rely on them in the event I have an emergency or major problem. Someone who makes time and can share it with you often. That doesn't mean everyday or even once a week. But it also doesn't mean once every 2 or 3 months with little or no communication in between. So far, only a few fall into my "friends" category in China.

I have no problem meeting people. The problem lies in their sincerity and interest to make friends. Honestly, I've met more hospitable people in 3rd world countries who live in small shacks..even offering me dinner. In China, not ever had such an offer...and I've been here a long time.

This society in China has been raised to focus exclusively on money. When you are raised this way, you can't expect anyone to enjoy your company, listen to your complaints about money, working all the time because you don't have hobbies or can't do anything else such as volunteer ( a term that does not exist here). All and all, I've learned to be passive here.

Yes, they "claim" to want to make friends with foreigners. But this is a guise to save face. Actions do speak louder than words. And, excuses don't cut it for me.

My best tip for making friends here: BE PASSIVE.

Tip 2: If you want to make real friends: Don't get caught up in their texting or chatting schemes. Demand face to face meetings or delete them. They WILL waste your time if you allow them. After all, if they just want text or chat mates, they don't really want genuine friends. Watch out, it's a trap you should avoid here.

Tip 3: give them 3 chances to attend an event, meeting, dinner etc with you. After the 3rd invite and they can't make any of them, delete them. They're not serious. Be cognizant of lame excuses also. Some get deleted more quickly than others. One person told me "I can't go. I have to go home and chat on my computer with me friends." <
If you enjoy this type of people, you can have 100's of "friends" here. If you believe in more meaningful friendships and wish not to waste your valuable time, take my tips to heart. They will save you much time, money and you won't be disheartened. Superficial or realistic, you decide.


I wish you all good luck in seeking "friends" in China.

Dear Iscraffy,

I am always looking for more friends in Shenzhen and I do agree with you that if they just maintain chat behind the computer or social platforms, 99% of the time it's either for business, or out to cheat or not being serious. That is why I always want to meet up with new friends but I do admit that if the meeting point is really far away (like 1 hr train ride), I lose interest in meeting up as I also think of the trip back. Maybe you consider that as an excuse but it's just how I feel. Any way, it would be great to meet up with you or anyone here if you are close to the Luohu district. I am not interested, and i repeat, not interested in discussing business and coaxing you into buying anything and am just out to widen my circle of friends here and attend more activities as a group! Cheers!

lscraffy wrote:

One thing's for sure: people in Shenzhen are not easy to make friends with. They're strictly here to make money, nothing more. I've tried socializing with 100's of people here. Ultimately, they just want to know what they can gain from you. Through it all, I've only been able to accumulate a few "real" friends.

Therefore, if your definition of friends is texting each other sometimes, meeting once every 2 months with a group of other people, then that may be enough for you. Personally, I consider a friend someone I am fond of, enjoy being around, I can talk to OPENLY, and I can rely on them in the event I have an emergency or major problem. Someone who makes time and can share it with you often. That doesn't mean everyday or even once a week. But it also doesn't mean once every 2 or 3 months with little or no communication in between. So far, only a few fall into my "friends" category in China.

I have no problem meeting people. The problem lies in their sincerity and interest to make friends. Honestly, I've met more hospitable people in 3rd world countries who live in small shacks..even offering me dinner. In China, not ever had such an offer...and I've been here a long time.

This society in China has been raised to focus exclusively on money. When you are raised this way, you can't expect anyone to enjoy your company, listen to your complaints about money, working all the time because you don't have hobbies or can't do anything else such as volunteer ( a term that does not exist here). All and all, I've learned to be passive here.

Yes, they "claim" to want to make friends with foreigners. But this is a guise to save face. Actions do speak louder than words. And, excuses don't cut it for me.

My best tip for making friends here: BE PASSIVE.

Tip 2: If you want to make real friends: Don't get caught up in their texting or chatting schemes. Demand face to face meetings or delete them. They WILL waste your time if you allow them. After all, if they just want text or chat mates, they don't really want genuine friends. Watch out, it's a trap you should avoid here.

Tip 3: give them 3 chances to attend an event, meeting, dinner etc with you. After the 3rd invite and they can't make any of them, delete them. They're not serious. Be cognizant of lame excuses also. Some get deleted more quickly than others. One person told me "I can't go. I have to go home and chat on my computer with me friends." <
If you enjoy this type of people, you can have 100's of "friends" here. If you believe in more meaningful friendships and wish not to waste your valuable time, take my tips to heart. They will save you much time, money and you won't be disheartened. Superficial or realistic, you decide.


I wish you all good luck in seeking "friends" in China.

Though I don't agree entirely with this post. There are some very good tips and a lot of truth in these words. I'm not certain that it's only money driven but "face" is a huge reason.
I think China has a fascination with foreigners much like wanting to pet a 500 pound Bengal Tiger. Everyone wants to befriend the tiger but keep the tiger on a leash or keep the foreigner as a chat friend but never meet them in fear of the unknown.
I too made extremely few friends in Shenzhen. Actually in nearly 4 years I can count on one hand the number of "true" freinds I have here. However I have 100 chat friends who waist my time and my 3G money...$#%&*%$#
Of my TRUE friends, one from Singapore, one from Hong Kong, one from Canada. 2 of the 3 are of Chinese stock, the Canadian is Vietnamese, none of them are from mainland China, all of them male. I have one mainland Chinese true friend who is female.
My Singaporean friend I met outside a bar in the back alleys of Buji amongst places of ill-repute. We struck up a conversation went into the bar, got loaded, exchanged phone numbers and continued to be good friends from there on getting drunk every night, going to massage parlors, having dinner and complaining about our hangovers and jobs that kept us from drinking, staying out all night and getting hangovers.
My HK friend is actually a drinking buddy of my Singaporean friend and all 3 of us became good friends... till our HK friend got roped into a crappy relationship with a mainland girl, knocked her up, got dumped by her coz he didn't earn enough money and he went back to HK tail tucked in and heart broken... idiot... we warned him she was nothing more than a money hungry sl#t.
My Canadian friend came in much later after I lost contact with my other 2 friends from Buji, coz I moved to Nanshan, the other was back in HK and the other moved way out into Bao'An. The Canadian and I met through business. We quickly became friends and as normal guys we drank a lot, worked a lot and so on. We remained friends till he knocked up his gf and then the pressures of impending parenthood put a cap on his social life. He also moved further away to appease his PITA gf.
As for my female friend we met through chatting, but quickly made plans to meet and since have remained friends more often than not.
All my "true" friends remained in contact with me so long as we lived close enough to one another. It is true that as soon as one of us moved away, we lost contact due to the inconvenience of distance and travel time. It gets costly taking 100+ yuan cab rides from one end of Shenzhen to the other or 2 hours by metro and bus.
So I suggest making friends with people in your neighborhood as I did. All of my true friends lived within walking distance of each other or we were all within walking distance of a favorite watering hole.
Avoid chat friends at all costs... they're just a waste of time and money.
Guys avoid mainland girls who say they love you 30 minutes after you met them ( that f#&$ing kills me lol! G*dd^#n I miss Buji hahaha!) they're also a waist of time and money!
Avoid manilanders who within 5 minutes of introducing themselves begin asking a load of personal questions.
Avoid moochers and freeloaders in bars who pretend to be your friend.
Ignore anyone which may be inconvenient to meet with regularly.
Sadly I have to say avoid any mainlander that shares a home with parents... I don't know, but for some reason or another they just never become real friends.

My solution to being friendless is learning to be my own friend and to h&ll with everyone else. I also found making friends with "my own kind" better and easier as zhonglilijoe expressed in his post about being an Asian living in the States. Perhaps the definition of friendship is different from culture to culture.

Anyways you never see Polar Bears and Killer Whales interacting unless they're sharing the same glassed in tank.

Kris