I adore a Cambodian girl. Practical advice required

A good experience
I went to Cambodia in 2005, met a Bar girl that I liked. I was there for 4 month, and we spent all that time together. I paid for her apartment, and supported her. Met her family and friends, I was well accepted. I was 65 she 28.I also would go to the Temple with her, got to know the monk.
I returned to the US, we stayed in contact. I returned to Cambodia later that year. I stayed with her in the apartment. One night we were awaken by a a swarm of termites (it was a wooden house). We went to a hotel. The next day we looked for another p;lace. Found a 2 bedroom apartment. I bought it for her $13000. in 2005. I returned to the US. We stayed in contact, talked everyday.
In 2006, she said the monk said we should get married. I was 65 an had been divorced since 1983. I wanted someone to do things with me. So I agreed. We married April 2006. Had a big wedding, several hundred people. Cost $6000.
I returned to the US. Got her a visa, she came to the US and became a citizen.
I work overseas, When I go away, she returns to Cambodia.
Since we been married, we (She) bought and own 5 homes we rent, 3 building lots, and just opener a Bar, Resistant. I can nor own property, However it is in her name, as a married woman, she can not sell with out my approval. We did sell the first house we owned, I had to a affidavit given her permission to sell. i trust her, we are in this together. We also adopted two children,since I been cut. I love the kids.
Since I am to old to get life insurance, I buy property, so she will have income, when I pass.
I have had nothing but good experience with, a bar girl.
April will be 12 years of happy marriage

John.

Sorry joe I didn't explain my self  Correctly and before you pick me up on the  statement I made when I said "the Chinese were inward thinking" I explain ,  they are the  Opposite of this. What I meant to say they put profit before anything else the  environment and  humanity. We in the west have done this for century's but it dose not make it right. Clear that one up hopefully.
Gary

Hi john
       What a great story am really happy for you and your wife. You were so lucky to meet the right lady plus you have a good heart which helps but even a good heart is no good if you have the wrong lady.  What a great story.
I never had Such  luck  I meet my ex wife though a friend went to her village to meet her family she had never been out of the village and never had a boyfriend  the first thing I looked at her family who had a  successful  business and were the salt of the earth to this day. Lovely, lovely people proud to call them family.
We got married in the village cost $4,000  money well spent I was 53 she 21 great memories. Money can't buy.

I did everything for my ex wife built her a house, motor bikes,  love her never  cheated  on her. Started a business for her so she had her own money  and she just walked out on me last year.  Ha ha she wanted to. Come Back  but I could never trust her again after I did my best for her before. Such a shame.
The moral of this story is I had 7 great years with her and only spend what I could afford to lose and never took life to serious do your best and enjoy the moment and never, never, regret your actions if they were  honourable.
Nice one John am happy for you gary

Gary, I will send you a pm as answer, let us please not get off topic on this thread, ok?

Cheers

Joe

i guess you have enough money, because you will lose all of it including the lady.

Sorry joe, I was running up the wrong tree, am just a bit sore on the Chinese matter  I will keep it too the joys and pit falls of  getting involved with the beautiful Khmer lady's

Nice to hear a happy story from a member not many of them around a bit like rocking horse  Sh,,t.  I have a few friends that has keeped there relationships  going but only by pumping a massive amount of money into and  putting up with a  abuse. It's funny how women can spend your money so easy I suppose if you haven't earn it you don't know it's value in time and labour,  "easy come easy go" but  not for the person who had to earn it.

I would never  put up with that type of  relationship  much better to be single and spend your own hard earn money your self as we all know it just dose not appear out of ATM like  Magic.  Nor have I ever seen a money a tree in the Uk maybe I should keep my eyes open a bit more.

My two penny's worth Gary

Hey Gary.

Well spotted. Just don't forget that the gullible men that offered their girls the use of their money, are as much at fault as their girls. There are many ways to be generous and not losing your money.
Example is to have a joint bank account that both can use, but have it filled up every month from your private bank account. That way your girl and you use the money for the household and your risk is limited to a "Honey no money left now" followed by the answer "Darling, wait till end of the month, money will come from the money tree every month". Jokingly of course.

I have lost money too, due to my trust and stupidity. You don't want to see negative things in a new partner, but still you should protect your money for the future. I did not suffer a lot, but learned my lesson and now nothing can happen. I rent, have an old motorbike, no big money in the house, good agreement with girlfriend. I pay for everything and she gets priv@te money each month. For that I don't want to hear family members asking me for money, you my girlfriend are the manager of your own money and they should ask you for money, not me. It works and I have had good feedback on it from the girls.

Never buy a house, land or anything you can't own in the first 5 years of your relationship. I must say that I'm happy to rent, if something wrong the landlord repairs, if I want to move on I just quit and move on [within the contract rules]. It gives you more freedom, renting.

We men, and I'm notorious for it, easily fall in love with those cute, slim, petite SE Asian girls. We want to care, so we offer them certain advantages [as our looks might not be challenging young guys] and as most girls lack a decent income they are or get interested in us. Because of the money, not because you're a Harvard graduate or have a 160 IQ, they don't give a rat's a.. about that. They can improve their life and if you're a decent guy that respects them they will be happy with you.

Cambodian girls are the most adorable girls in this region, my opinion, I adore them and keep falling in love with them, but I know they are notorious liars, lie about everything, even things that are not important. We all lie from time to time, is it for your tax declaration or the blonde hair your wife found on your jacket, we all lie, it is just the high frequency of lies by girls here that baffles me, but still I love them and have the feeling to live in paradise.

Daydreaming now, so I better stop.

Cheers.

Joe

Dear  Joe,

In your opinion: are they all liers?

You know I have a online girlfriend and she claims she doesn't lie. I did not catch her in any lie too. She even had to admit one inconvinient incident because, she says she doesn't want to lie.

I don't lie myself, mostly. Not because I am such a great guy, but I feel extremely bad when someone would catch me with a lie. I don't always tell the whole true (not a saint) but allmost never really lie because I have the impression that a lie will always come out..

So I would be unconfertable knowing my partner would lie a lot. I understand the culture and the life circusanses a little. And I am trying to be as clear as possible. I like honesty and will never be angry (almost) if someone comes to me with a problem when they are honest.

If my girlfriend would be a lier because it is just in their culture to lie because they don't want to loose face, than I would try to accept that. But I would be even more suspicious about what they tell me.

James.

I'm an honest guy too and I believe that it's the way to live, even when not always convenient..
I have been in touch with quite a lot of Cambodian girls, but as I want an honest girl I'm still living on my own, after dismissing several wanna-be girlfriends. I'm disappointed in that but I'm sure there are honest girls too, but it's the famous needle in a haystack.

Cambodian girls don't lie to save face, that is a Thai trait.

They are just not precise, accurate and careful and try to hide their secrets. They don't like to admit a wrongdoing and try to avoid answering if questions are getting tough.

The most annoying trait is the "silence mode". They don't call you and their phone is off, they don't answer messages nor are they on facebook. Ask her friends or family and they haven't seen her [lies].
That way it is impossible to solve things, it makes me crazy. I quote a saying that I once read and believe in: "I can live with the truth, even an ugly one. But I cannot live with lies."

Really difficult, even unimportant things like age.
Q. How old are you?
A. 25.
Later you find out when you see her id card that she is 27. You ask why did you say 25? No answer.
It's unimportant, it brings no advantage but she lied, at least as you say James, she did not tell the truth.
Why? I have been asking many girls why, why, why? No answer.

There are very bad lies, like the guy she introduces as her brother might be her secret boyfriend.
The baby you see on photos with her is supposed her sister's baby, but it's not. She has one kid to care of, but it comes out she has two. She eats with her sister and sister's boyfriend, she swears she is alone and to prove that she takes a video with her phone showing three sides of the table. As she sometimes looks at the empty spot you know that someone is sitting there. But she denies it. Many liars.

James, you have never met your girl? Then be prepared that she will not always speak the truth. Get used to it if it is just once in a while. If it's more than that judge for yourself. Good luck.
There is no need to develop paranoia and not trust anyone. I trust every new girl up to the moment that she is showing she can't be trusted. Keep eyes, ears and common sense on high alert without becoming a zombie. Things might be perfectly ok, but a warned man counts for two

Cheers.

Joe

Hi joe  and james
      Word for word what you wrote is the only to live in Asia in my opinion. I haven't been the sharpest knive in draw in the past I really thought the girls could see I wasn't a bad guy plus I must have had a  Magic mirror. Ha, ha

How some of us kid own selfs, iwe are not young men starting out in life looking for a life time partner  the same age. who will pay the mortgage together and build a family been there, done that.

If there is a big age different between  you and the lady you have to rethink what you thought about relationships before,  get them old  Fashion ideas out of your head  "love and marriage go's together like a horse and carriage"  this is  Asia your a older man and she is a youngest lady.

Get real,  you can still  love and look after a lady but at a distance under your  terms  word for word what joe wrote  never take your self and the  relationship  to seriously and what I mean by that is don't get upset when the lady disappoints  you. Always treat her how You want to be  treated .

As for james asking do you think his lady is lying.!!!!! I personal, I try to never lie as I think it burns your soul and if your word is no good then what type of man are you.!!!!!!! If you need to lie about some thing don't do it.

But as joe said this is a driffrent ball game straight away by  asking  this question I don't think your  ready for what could come Please don't  think I am being  spiteful. Am not, been there got the t-shirt I did'nt want.  I am just  trying to put you in the mind set joe set out above that is the only to think in Asia.

Put your  self in  a good   Financial position in the  relationship  Only put in what you are willing to lose enjoy your time together  don't worry about is she a white liar  she  probably is, it dose not matter as it is all about face lighter up and enjoy the moment. And never lower your own  standards  to some one else's

I had this  torment  in many relationships it eats you away  by your handle james your 56 if so you  probably work hard most of your life so it's time for the good times not bad times  which you  deserve  get rid of the western way  of thinking and enjoy what's in front of you. Read what joe wrote again,  again, AGIAN to that's your mind set.  It will save you a broken heart and a pile of money.

I wish you all the best  james enjoy, enjoy,
Gary

Hi  James
             Joe got his reply in before me which told you everything you need to know. Am sorry I made you 56 when it looks like your 54 I told you I wasn't the sharpest knife in the draw

You can have a great life in Asia or it can be hell on earth  many good men have comment  suicide over women in Asia  losing there shirt and having to go back to there home country with nothing at a old age. Not a place to be I wouldn't  wish that on anybody  it is all down to the right mind set.
Becareful out there.
remember hill street blues, ha ha showing my age now.

Dear Joe,

No I have not met my girl yet. Wish I had! I plan to come to cambodia in september.
Met her online and think she is amazing. Smart, educated, decent, a little shy, eager to learn, fun to talk with. She speaks quite good english and I am teaching her more. Know her now for almost 4 months and we talk everyday. She tells me so much good and bad things, that I can not believe she doesn't tell the truth. She likes to send me lots of pictures. She learned me a lot about thier culture. For a lot it is a struggle for live.

But I realize the situation. Althought I am a good looking, fit 50er, I know she does not want me for my looks!
She tells me she wants a reliable man, she has been disappointed by Khmer men before and has seen too much of that. She knows/believes that western men are more loyal and trustworthy (she is not a vistor of the bar scene!) and she wants a better life for herself and (lucky for me) small familie. She is a teacher and has a job which pays not so bad. She supports her familie and wants to keep working, also when we would live together. She knows things can fall apart and she feels a big resposability for het mother and young nephew.
But I will always remember your advise and the many many things I read on the fora!

I am prepared and know I can expact almost anything.

Sounds good James, but don't forget an hour or two together in person teaches you more about her than plenty of video calls, photos and so on.

Nothing beats personal contact, her voice, her smile, her moving, her body language, the way she touches you, or not at all, it's a learning process and it can go either way.

We all have that James, you are just one of us and we are trying to give you the best of advice, so that you are prepared. I always say it and in many occasions: Be prepared!

Gonna hit the sack now.

Cheers.

Joe

I am sorry for your pain.  However,  your caution IS NECESSARY for a good outcome.   Remember it is YOUR money and you are the one with the age and knowledge so ensure you act accordingly.All she needs to do to "save face" is say you are planning on coming and looking over buying property in-person.  Any lose of face that would create would be a test of if she is just a small child and not ready for a real relationship.

Foreigners can buy apts but there are several restrictions and I don't believe actual land or individual houses can be purchased.  You can go online at the Cambodian website and review that information.

Giving $35K for a house for which you have NO protections on - is foolish!  Have you even seen it???

You should ask her if she wants to see you - if not - your problem is solved.  IF she does - you need to see IF the house is worth it, if you can get it for cheaper, what it will need to make it livable, and how you can protect your rights (possibly getting a long-term lease???) etc.

Don't make babies right away.  Many girls are not as they seem in Cambodia and too often the family has too much influence on them.

Her expectations very well might not be realistic.  Do NOT make any major purchases - for which you have no control over and don't buy things you won't use until you retire.

IF she is indeed nice you'll be rewarded and if she is not as you had hoped - your life will likewise be so much easier.

I wish you well!

Semper fi,


/gbdusmc_1/

Hi Joe,

Isn't your view a little coloured by the fact you know a lot of bargirls and you live in SHV?
I know bargirls aren't bad! We don't have to do that discussion again. But Bargirls have already had bad times in their lives and have met a lot of men (good and bad) so I believe they are not a good example of average Khmer girls. My girl is everything but a bar girl. Doesn't drink at all, hates smoking and is educated and a little shy.
She told me that they use little lies to avoid situations and because they never want to be harsch on people. They don't want to argue with people and therefor use sometimes the easy way out.
I told her that I hate lying and that it hurts trust. She assured me that she would never lie to me, also because I am so open and never angry. Hope so, we will see. Every person has little secrets, I have, she will have but having a secret is for me not lying.
I believe her, but will keep your words in mind!
What bothers me a little is that you want a honest Khmer girl, have tried many different ones and that all relations went wrong.  So either you pick up the wrong type of girls or someting else does not match. I wouldn't like that situation. I hate breaking up and being single. I don't want to try many different girls

Yes James, life ain't easy.

I know many bar girls but they are not my target group to be a girlfriend.
Sorry to say but they have been damaged by the way they live, they cannot show real and honest feelings anymore, whatever they and some guys say. I know, I have tried a few in the beginning.

Get me well, I have many friends among bar girls, they are the same lovely sweet and cute girls as others, just in my eyes they are not so well suitable to be an honest and true girlfriend.

Different are the hostesses, those that only serve drinks and sit with customers for a lady drink. They still have some pride that they don't go with customers. They are sometimes worth to see if they want and are able to be a girlfriend. But to find an honest one among them is difficult.

Opposite to your opinion I have dated many "normal" girls, with a job during the day and looking for a reliable and financially independent partner. It is in this group that I'm most disappointed.

As you say yourself, your girl also explained to you that they lie to avoid confrontations. That is part of it. You ask them something and they either lie or keep silent.

You mention not to mind secrets. Neither do I if it's about secrets of the past, I never look back, only forward. But if secrets are taken into the present, they become a nuisance. I want to trust my girl and I trust her from the beginning. It is those secrets and sometimes lies that destroy my trust. Then it's over and out, I hate to send a girl away too, but I know it's the only way to protect myself. I'm sad after that, I'm a quite emotional guy, but after a few days I'm positive again and start all over, with the same high hopes as I had before.

I still have a to-do list of interesting girls that I know but did not date. So I'm busy James, and that on my age haha. Never been so active as the last years in SE Asia.

Trust her, James, just be alert and prepared. Good luck mate.

Cheers

Joe

I was married to an American girl for 16 years. She took everything, but the bills.

I have no regrets marring a Cambodian girl.

My ex-wives in Europe were housekeeper.

When we divorced they kept the house.



Joe