Bulgarian typical mentality or not?

You will find men like that in every country. You will find men on the opposite side of the scale who are modern, caring and open you to do what you want to do.

It is a somewhat typical Bulgarian belief that women are in charge of household duties and also need a full time job. Keep in mind that Bulgaria is a country set up to support that kind of lifestyle though (with 2 years of paid maternity leave and then an additional 6 months of parental sick leave (on top of normal sick leave) to be used by age 8)... by having public childcare set at 10% of the minimum wage and by having children's kitchens for parents to buy cheap, ready meals for the kids under age 6. At the same time, men are supposed to do a lot of the agricultural and hunting work. But as agricultural and hunting responsibilities fade, home responsibilities have NOT faded, which leaves the women doing all of the home work and also expected to have a full-time job. I know several grown men (20s and 30s) who still have their mothers prepare their meals for them every week and send them to them or have their mothers call them to wake them up for work.

My language tutor had a 6 year old grandson whose mother was pregnant. When she asked him if he wanted to have a brother or a sister he replied, "I hope it is a boy. Girls have to cook and clean the house and boys get to just sit and watch TV." So it something that they notice and accept at a very young age.

That being said, of course there are exceptions. My husband is a Bulgarian man and he "helps out" at home. He will do dishes, clean etc. if I ask him to. He also will take over childcare and plays with our son and daughter regularly. Still, sometimes I notice the Bulgarian male mentality creeping in--- when he just sort of expects everything at home to magically happen- for his clothes to magically appear in his drawers and his meals to magically appear on the table. It is an effort to remind him that recognizing my effort will go a long way, which has gotten harder now that I am on maternity leave. But for the most part, I would say he has a more modern division of responsibilities.

I support you, nice profile pic  by  the way!

Thank you!

My pleasure,you look lovely😀😁

Yes. My husband thought that I'm his maid. Im pretty invinsible around, He is still married to his mother. And thought that I should serve him. Ive got my job now but his pretty manipulative. Its a diffrent culture but I hope I could find a good lawyer.

josephinediaz26 wrote:

Yes. My husband thought that I'm his maid. Im pretty invinsible around, He is still married to his mother. And thought that I should serve him. Ive got my job now but his pretty manipulative. Its a diffrent culture but I hope I could find a good lawyer.

This sounds a little sad, but as you say not uncommon?
Have things changed now you have your own job and wage has his opinion changed? I hope so!!
I do not agree with his attitude is it a generation thing I guess...
I treat women as equal I have my mother and 2 sisters, and a daughter I would hate to imagine they were treated unfairly it is an old fashioned view that your husbands keeps?
Best wishes Steve.

My soon to be ex husband thinks exactly the same. He thinks I am his mother and I have to cook for him, clean after he eats, do laundry, clean the house, bathe and feed the baby, pick him up and drop him off at daycare, and have a full time job. He just eats and plays computer games. And he is 31 years old. He is a grown up!!! Thanks god I am divorcing him next month!!! He needs to go back to Bulgaria and marry his mother because I will no longer live with a "child"!

Good on you Monica,,,You deserve Better,,,Chatting to my Bulgarian friends,they have the opinion alot of Bulgarian males have a macho image & it's based on fear,so they need to control,,Best wishes☺

Hi josephinediaz26,

And probably I'will be a bit harsh, but this is not a different culture, just you have married a person you do not know ....actually, not only you.

Hi eddie,

Actually presuming that Monica deserves better is a good position - the politically correct one. However, expressing an opinion on the majority of Bulgarian men is not. Especially based on such solid grounds as: "s.o. told me s.th." )

I think this way of defending your oppinion is kind of insulting to other people's intelligence. Do you think anyone is going  to be convinced by such a consideration ? .. probably in some Amazonian jungle tribe this could work.

)

Besides, neither the word MACHO, nor the qualifiacation MACHISM is based on Bulgarian words, and was not invented in Bulgaria ... do you know why?
In addition, fear ???  to qualify a man born in Bulgaria ?!!!    you obviously know nothing about this country ....

Which of course does not prevent you from expressing a genralized oppinion on the mentality of the people living in Bulgaria. How brave!

Monica, is this really a question about being an expat, or getting useful information about a different culture, or are you only looking to soothe your ego, seek some sympathy and self-justification for your failed marriage and do some mud-slinging? 

I think the discussion has gone a little bit off topic.
I know that any man who leaves a family home, and responsibility etc...  is not going to be looked upon favorably, but to suggest that it is possibly a Bulgarian mentality is a little unfair I am from the UK there are broken relationships, absent parents, just as there are good relationships etc..... it is the same all world round.
Regarding becoming a replacement for his mother as, cook, servant etc... if you realized this fetch me carry me attitude was happening then you should have stopped it earlier??
I still stand by people being treated equal, but if you give someone an easy ride then sadly regardless of whatever culture or sex they may decide to live like this.

The impression you have described could lead to being a "macho pig" or someone just getting away with what they can for as long as you'll allow it or put up with it, that said you are the scorned wife here too and it could be looked upon as sour grapes or point scoring, put it down to experience, not everyone we meet in life are nice, take a bit of time for yourself, best wishes.
Steve.

This has gone too far in insulting the people in Bulgaria. Too far beyon the limits that I will tolerate or allow. Too far beyond the normal behavour of civilized and inteligent people. Common sense insufficiency ??

I work with many people - both Bulgarians and Expats - French, Germans, Koreans, Turks, English, Americans ... etc. I can really share lots of stories on stupid situations, on impulsive decisions, or impropper behaviour, but I do not make general conclusions about any of these people and in no way about an entire nation. That is more than stupid and wrong.

And just to share some thoughts .....

Do you think all Germans are Nazists ?
Do you call all Italians Maffiozi?
Do you consider all English people pirates ? ( in case you have been  carefull enough in history classes and do know how the British empire was created).
Do you think all Russians are drunk (most of the time) ?
Do you believe Trump is the model president for all Americans ?
Does "Scotland Yard" mean that all Scotts are criminals?
Ot that all Australians are genetically programmed to be criminals ??
Do you think all Muslims approve terrorist acts ?
Would you call all Cristians - Crusaders and killers?
Are all North Koreans Communists ?
Do you think s.o. else is always quilty of your mishaps ?
Are all blonde women foolish ?
Have you ever slept with the best looking girl on the beach just to discover that she was Absolutely STUUUUPIDDDD!

Havig any of these thoughths in your head or all of these or even more is quite impressive.

Most likely in that case you are in serious trouble and need  ... urgent help.

Calling your mistakes or s.o. else's ignorance typical Bulgarian mentality only exposes personal features, that no one should be proud of...... Taking responsibility of your actions and controlling your life better will always be more helpful, than complaing.