My BF family strongly against our marriage

Ada520 New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

I know a Jordan guy for half year in work. He is an engineer and about 40 years old. He declared he is a single and wanna marry me. However, he said his family don't accept our marriage. For this reason, we can only married in secret. Be honestly. I don't believe in him and really doutle he is a married man, but I madly in love with him. His pastport shows he is a single..
Time after time, he told me we can only marry in China in secret as his family do not accept me.. His parents were died, now the main problem is his brother.. He swear to me he is a single but really I don't know... Now he has back to Jordan and said he will kiss my foot as he hurt me too much(I don't know what is means in Jordan to kiss one's foot).. I don't know why his brother can strongly against us even he said If they don't allowed us to marry, he shall keep single for the rest of his life. I told him try to talk with his family and I can wait for him. However, he said he doesn't wanna me waste of my time as I am still young. I have many chances to compensate, yet for him all is over. His answer really hurt me too much.
What shall I do now.?

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Armand ViP

24785POSTS

13 years ago

Hi Ada520 and welcome to the forum.

I'm not sure it's the appropriate forum to address your issue

Hope you will obtain help anyway.

Regards
Armand

deb568 Contributor

129POSTS

13 years ago

OP, It's possible a man in Jordan could be in his 40s and not yet married. Or perhaps he was married and later divorced or perhaps his previous wife died . It's a fairly segregated society, so not that easy to meet suitable girls who would be accepted by the family. To me though, if a man wants to marry someone but doesnt want his family to know, it begs the question what is he so ashamed of? What is so unsuitable about the woman that he cannot risk the fallout if he tells his family? It sounds to me that he himself is not really wanting to marry you. If he was really genuine, he would place his trust in Allah and follow his heart. If his brother is pressuring him by saying if he goes ahead with his plan to marry you, then the brother will no longer accept him, perhaps he should be asking himself if his brother is one worth having.

Hypertyper Active member

82POSTS

13 years ago

DON"T marry him, believe me, he is a player.
something dosen't seem right in his story
I mean wtf? 40 years and telling you his family won't accept your marriage? I would believe it if he was 20 years old..but 40?
he should be self-independent.

he might want to marry you for a visa, or permenant residence or something.

seriously, don't trust people over the internet.
there must be something wrong with this person, you should ask yourself ,why isn't he married? why is his parents controlling?
is he honest?
etc..etc. i truly advice you to ignore him, block and delete him.

he might be honest, but still, even if he's honest.
The fact that he is 40 years old and still controlled by his own family should make you think more.

If you get married, his family may control you, you may not be happy.

deb568 Contributor

129POSTS

13 years ago

I dont think it really matters how old the guy is re whether he is heavily influenced by his family. That worry about what the greater family think of you and how they accept you seems to grow, rather than diminish, with age, in my experience. But the fact that he is prepared to listen to what his brother wants ahead of prioritising his own happiness should, imho, give you pause for thought.
Where I live there are a fair few Arab men who have western wives just because their Arab wife remains back in the country they come from and they dont want to be alone. They usually dont tell their families about these second wives, even when children come along. They go back home alone sometimes the western wife doesnt even realise they have another wife. They send money home to the family and often rope the western wife into this enterprise, i.e. accepting a contribution from her wages if she works, what he can afford to send isnt enough. While this situation isnt typical, it also isnt unusual.

Ada520 New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

Hypertyper wrote:
DON"T marry him, believe me, he is a player.
something dosen't seem right in his story
I mean wtf? 40 years and telling you his family won't accept your marriage? I would believe it if he was 20 years old..but 40?
he should be self-independent.

he might want to marry you for a visa, or permenant residence or something.

seriously, don't trust people over the internet.
there must be something wrong with this person, you should ask yourself ,why isn't he married? why is his parents controlling?
is he honest?
etc..etc. i truly advice you to ignore him, block and delete him.

he might be honest, but still, even if he's honest.
The fact that he is 40 years old and still controlled by his own family should make you think more.

If you get married, his family may control you, you may not be happy.

Thanks for the warning, There were so many times I thought he is just a married play man. he is already 40 also support his brother's family.. why he worried about so many.? I can't understand it. We know each other from heavy industry mechanical project. he is the project engineer. What hurt me most maybe is he has already 40 and followed his family thinking. Now he refuse to work in my country as his family do not accept me. Also It's impossible for me to marry one without both families consent. I don't know whether I can find out he is a single or not if I visit Jordan.

Ada520 New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

Thanks for reply Deb568, You are right he is ready to listen to his brother if I don't accept to marry in my country or marry in Jordan without his family consent. But he reminded me that If I marry him in Jordan there will too many troubles bcz his family don't accept me. he will force his family and marry me. Meanwhile, you mentioned that they send money to family also true. As he also supports his brothers who not working..

Primadonna Jordan Expert

5334POSTS

13 years ago

Ada520 wrote:
But he reminded me that If I marry him in Jordan there will too many troubles bcz his family don't accept me. he will force his family and marry me.

Hi Ada520,

When I read these words I thougt: O NO!!!
Normally I try to avoid to say do this or do that but in your case I would say: please don't do it!
It cause you so many troubles, now or later, that I think it is not worth it. Where are you going to live?
In China? Then maybe you stay out of trouble for a short period and I think a secret marriage is not the way.
Soon or later they will found out and then?
Living in Jordan is in the beginning hard and difficult because you have to face so many problems and the difference in culture is big. Problems with his family is at least the last one what you want to deal with. It will effect also your marriage.

Like hypertype said: he is 40, not 20 so he must be independent and he can make his own decisions.
On the other hand, opinions from the family is also important for a man but it doesn't mean that he always must listen to that.

I wish you the wisdom to make the wright decision.
I know it is difficult when it becomes affairs from the heart.

Kate29 Serial expat

706POSTS

13 years ago

Well, Ada520

My first Impression was "Oppppsss...same case like me,i've known a Jordanian for over 2 years and i never ever,met one of his family members not even his friend,and he never dare to talk about our long years relationship (well,consider that you are bit lucky coz at least he promise that he wanna marry you) i dunno what is my status actually but later i found out that its nothing more than a lust relationship,,in fact he is 33 years old "single" (tho i doubt),has no work and stay with his mother (as he is only son)...but anyway my suggestion is NO DO NOT BELIEVE HIM however he wont marry you,,common he is 40 years old and how come he still listen to his brother and has no determination to whatever he want in life ???? its all B.S,but if you are insist that you are fall deeply in love with him,,then Good Luck My Dear

Ada520 New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

#10

Kate 29,

I think I have given up. Like Primaonna and hypertype said he is 40, not 20 so he is independent and he can make his own decisions. Actually I can understand him to some extent as his elder brother married an USA girl about 20 years ago. From then on, his brother never back to jordan or made a call back. Even his father died last year. For this reason his family shall never accept me just because I am a foreign for them. His family try to avoid him follow the same old disastrous road.
For me Life is not just for today or tommorrow. No one can gurantee I can reconcile myself to life in Jordan even if on the condition his family warmly welcome me. Let alone they reject me from inner heart. As he said to me before "this is god arrangement and management", Everything are out of my control, so no matter how hard I try it. All is useless.

Kate29 Serial expat

706POSTS

13 years ago

#11

Well Dear...just follow your Heart,like mostly they said as we are Foreign girl which we are far apart from our family,we need friend in this,like i was deeply confused but now im moving on,,and yesss...he is 40 not 20 by the way are u in Jordan ???? would u like to hang out and share our experience up close and personal

Kate29 Serial expat

706POSTS

13 years ago

#12

well Dear,actually not all Jordanian guys are same,probably most of them are nice if you are Lucky enough to found one,but after all its all up to your heart and here we just share what we been through and not to provoked you not to be in touch with one of them,,Wish you good luck Dear

Ada520 New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

#13

That's really a pity Kate29, I am not in Jordan now.

ggh70ahotmailcom, Sorry I couldn't tell you the guy is serious or not.. Just follow your heart. However, all your doubts must have reasons. Think twice before you make any important decisions. Good luck..

Kate29 Serial expat

706POSTS

13 years ago

#14

Thats okay then,,and if you have chance to visit Jordan please be in touch with me,and dont worry you can stay over in my place as i live alone and i will introduce u to all my friends here

HASSANLESOURIANT New member

6POSTS

13 years ago

#15

Thousand words are not enough to describe what I feel for you. You who came to me in that day as radiant as the sun, as beautiful as a bouquet of roses, elegant as a miss. You have everything for you, beauty, grace, intelligence, and what is more important, sincerity ... Losing you would be my biggest fear, you are everywhere, in my mind, in my heart ... You will be forever my princess the thousand and one night and I hope never to be your prince. I love you not with a small but has a huge, one has as love. Yours for Life,
Love for me is the most ganda power throughout the universe,
This is a set of colors, flavors, taste, touch, sound, still carrying forward
It is an inexhaustible energy,
it affects ALL BE

I dedicate these words and keep them as a souvenir from a stranger

be strong know that life smiles whatever the circumstances

rebecca1030 Member

2POSTS

13 years ago

#16

If you are in Spain and have good work, you should stay there. Jordanian men can have up to 4 marriages. You most likely will be number 3 if he is 40 years. If he is wanting to keep your marriage a secret. I most likely believe this is the reason, not that his brother is not happy about the marriage. Save your self a big heart ache. Move on.

Aurélie ViP

22735POSTS

13 years ago

#17

Hello all.

A new thread has been created with some off topic posts. New thread here : https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 263#850646

Thank you,
Aurélie

Primadonna Jordan Expert

5334POSTS

13 years ago

#18

Aurélie wrote:
Hello all.

A new thread has been created with some off topic posts. New thread here : https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.p … 263#850646

Thank you,
Aurélie

vwbug Active member

68POSTS

13 years ago

#19

Forget him.

fadiagri Active member

73POSTS

13 years ago

#20

in fact i believe he is just passing time wz you ... this is cannot happen in jordan for guy at 40 S

Guest6652 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#21

yes correct...better to forget him....bcos as i have observed...jordanian has a close family ties....they prefer to listen the advices of their friends, relatives and family members....

JasfurJQ ViP

1865POSTS

13 years ago

#22

hhmmmm

your icon says blue and blue means man isn't and theres nothing on your profiles, so i guess your a man too. well maybe thats a reason why you cannot marry a HE.

bigguy New member

8POSTS

13 years ago

#23

are you sure you have seen Single in the passport ? Jordanian passport dont show such stuff. Let him show you his family book "Daftar Eila" if he is not merried he should be in his parents book