Need some advice for my american boyfriend.

Hi Piret !

Welcome to Expat.com

Armand

I would advise him to visit if he hasn't already.
He should come here for 3 months (Americans can stay up to 3 months without special need for a visa). During those three months he should apply for jobs and go to interviews, while he visits and stays with your family in Estonia.

He should then return with the promise of a job in sight, and if he does get one while he is here, make certain he has brought all the important docs with him. Everything from a passport to his university diploma. If he is still in school, I suggest he studies abroad at Tartu or TUT before committing to Estonia. If he is from the South part of the USA, he really needs to get used to the winters.

I can give all kinds of advice but that's a start

Piret,

I know this thread is old, but it's still a useful topic.

As an American man living in Estonia, I can tell you that your American boyfriend will have some difficulties on many levels. Keep in mind, I'm uptight - even by American standards.

Consider what you experienced adjusting to Texas food, and he will have the same difficulty adjusting to Estonian food.

What my wife and I never considered when we came here a year ago was the lack of FDA additives in food - within 90 days of being here, my wife and I were experiencing a sort of food-based chemical detox in a way that should only be found in a rehab center. We had more confusion-laden-arguments in that 90 days than we had in the 15 years we've been together.

Also consider that the food in Estonia is terribly bland compared to TexMex. This had my wife and I perplexed until we discovered that, because the food was overly salted during the Soviet occupation (and excessive salt/sodium leads to heart disease and hypertension), restaurants are now overcompensating by not using any salt at all - and very little spice in general.

Hygiene might be an issue too. Your guy might or might not be bothered by the general lack of deodorant use here - most people are clean, but many don't use deodorant, so they still smell. Some still do not believe in washing their hair more than once per week,  a few wear sweat-stained clothes, and washing/cleaning outer coats seems to be unheard of..

If he's used to that from the Texas ranches or farm fields, and from the hicks and immigrant workers, he'll be fine here.

If you have any other questions, contact me.

Tim
cybersabbat@gmail.com

Revtim,

Where do you hang out? I've been living here for quite some years and find the body odour problem to be limited to SOME middle aged/older people. The overwhelming majority of young to middle aged people have excellent hygiene in my experience (though that experience is limited to mostly Tallinn/Tartu).

Regarding food, where do you eat? There is a pretty good selection of decent places to eat at that have good food that is not bland. I come from the States too and I for one am happy not to be eating the toxic waste enhanced/GM nightmare that passes for food there.

Have you noticed the difference in the way people take care of themselves here compared to back home? At least here, half the population doesn't look like a herd of fattened cattle or buffalo.

Jake,

I don't really "hang-out" so much (that's why I need a social life hehehe), but I do use public transportation regularly to get groceries or any other shopping/errands I need to do.. I do go to old town at least once-a-month, and I go to Viru Keskus only if I have to for services I haven't found elsewhere yet, or if the wife wants something fru-fru (lol).. otherwise, we use Jarve Keskus or Tondi Kauplus (we live between them, 1/2 click from either, so we just walk for the exercise).

We take the train to Kristina Keskus and the trolly (tram?) or bus from there to Rocca al Mare.. we went to Mustica shopping center once, but there's really nothing there we need.. We've been out to Lasnamae a few times - me for the Harley shop (good to know I can get parts when i need them), and my wife for the craft shop in Euro Mekka.. we're not so stereotypical American though.. you'll just have to get to know us to discover why.. lol

Re: restaurants, when my wife and I eat out downtown, we try to balance "interesting" or "adventurous" with "not-so-touristy-priced", and there are quite a few places between Old Town and Freedom Square that are not tourist-priced and have really tasty food. We're also glad "free refills" and the like are not common here.. it has helped us re-learn portion control (also not part of the food  culture in America)..

Re: B.O., I'm talking about on the city buses, in the grocery stores and malls - pretty much anywhere I could be downwind from someone who's clueless or believes it doesn't matter. It could be that the growing population of improved hygiene could simply be causing the slackers to seem more prevalent. Even in America, seniors ("too old to care") and tweens just entering puberty ("too young to know better") tend to get a pass - as do drunks ("too pickled to care") and homeless ("too broke to afford it").

Re: FDA/GMO, my wife and I don't miss the American chemically treated/altered commercial (not grown in our own garden/raised on our own farm) foods either.. We're glad to be away from that.. Most of the restaurants we've visited so far were actually pretty good.. it's mainly the catering and pre-made (lazy) potato salads, snacks and junk food that seem to be boring because they're bland or overcooked... and sometimes, both.. lol 

Re: obesity in America, I believe the result is a combination FDA chemicals/GMO food, rampant consumerism (leading to eating disorders due to stress or lack of structure/self control), and a general lack of exercise. In America, I found myself driving less than a block rather than walking to get where I needed to be.. I've never been a lazy person (i'm a combat vet) - I was not raised in a lazy family (family of combat vets for 3 generations) - so, yeah, realizing I had adopted that common modern behavior was quite bothersome.

To clarify, I'm not criticizing or imposing judgments on anyone (I only do that when I call BS on someone who's blatantly being and a-hole).. I'm noting observations I've made as I try to learn this (new to me) culture so I can understand it and find a place in it, which will be tough for me since being uptight or OCD is as much a personal choice as being born... so I try to get out and socialize in spite of myself..

I'll post open invites for random adventures of exploration - meet somewhere easy to find and make up the rest as we go along.. if people show up to make it a group thing, great.. if not, that's cool too.. lol

revtim
cybersabbat@gmail.com