Maintaining a long distance relationship as an expat in Dominican Republic

Sorry I cannot contribute to this.

In fact most relationships run the opposite way, someone comes on vacation meets "someone" and it starts.

Without going into the depths  of the relationship itself.. There are some economical ways to stay in touch with important others who are at a distance.. Certain requirements are needed. Such as a good high end phone that will have a sustained battery life and short turnover to charge. Prepared phone service with unlimited internet service bought in 3-5 day intervals or daily at 50 peso with Claro.. But reliable service availability depends on your location. Anyway the choice is yours. But “WhatsApp” is stable in the DR and as long as you have internet signal you can call to anywhere as long as they have a WhatsApp number and the application on their cellular phone. I am not advocating the use of land lines for the simple reason of economics. Service minutes are a billable item at greater cost than using the cellular phone.. As this comment was long winded I will leave the other areas of your concern to another. A portable solar/ electric charger can also enable you to have phone access during a power outage.

Long distances relationships are very hard and prone to problems by human nature. But I think ideally once a quarter or at least twice per year I think is necessary but depends on the partners. Can be difficult but also can be done successfully as I am getting married to my long distance partner of a very longtime it has had its ups
And downs but in the end if two people want to be together they will eventually find a way.

classygringo, I do hope it works for you.

I would not recommend any expat getting their hopes too high long term with a long distance relationship with someone they meet here or online for short periods periodically.

My experience is that you need to live long term 24/7 here for a few years with your chosen partner to understand the difference in culture and the extended family interactions for starters.

The differences in economic outlook should never be underestimated.

Too many holiday and distant online romances fail after short time when the realities of different outlooks on life kick in. Western lifestyle is very sheltered in comparison to life for prospective partners here.

Some how, I suspect Bhavna in the OP was referring to expats moving here for business reasons and maintaining ones relationships at distance rather than expats finding romance here through vacation or online. Not good for the single man to come work here alone on business is a fact because of the temptations. That said, when I was younger working for a UK civil engineering company company, several of my colleagues were sent to a project in Mauritius. At the end two got divorced and married Mauritians  And two single guys also got married to ladies they met there! And one other from a lady from Reunion nearby. And they were all successful long term marriages.

Not so easy to get such success rates here!

Yes that was the original intent of the thread which really isn't overly relevant.  Very few expats come here for work and it's usually in tourism. 

It's long distant relationships related to tourism that are the real numbers!

I agree. And life in the Dominican Republic for an American man, or any other man as a matter of fact is hard not to be distracted, no matter how much you love your significant other. It would be very hard for any relationship to serve. Can it be done, yes! But he or she better hightail it back together real soon. I'm telling my age now, (hightail it)  LMBO

The distractions are real.  And not just for men!  Women get their heads turned as well!

I am sure they do. Point blank; long distance relationships are hard.

Whenever this comes up I have a more or less standard response:

Somewhere around half of marriages end in divorce. That is most developed countries.

OK, now add

1.Differences in culture
2. Differences in language
3. Economic differences
4. Differences in age (if it applies)
5. Differences in education.

Now add distance to that equation. 

Its easy to see how this is difficult.  Not impossible but improbable.

Yes, the women in the DR are very attractive and they live in a very poor country. 100% of them are just looking for a better way of life regardless of how it comes to them, as long as it is safe and don't do them any harm. For a man that is established and finds himself in that condition it's like going to the grocery store standing over a long shelf of apple. Take your pick they are all ripe for the choosing. If a man experience that and  if he's not well rooted and grounded he's not going to be the same

I have dated my wife in a long distance relationship for two years from Germany before we got married. She now lives with me and her two children (from a previous marriage with a Dominican) in Germany. I never considered the five differences that @planner mentioned as problems, but we once were asked whether we had discussed our expectations about our marriage and living together in Germany. We never talked about that and it is creating problems as well as the way we think about solving daily problems.

Yes they can be problems, but dont have to be. Likely you are running up against the cultural differences now that she is in your country!

Oh wow @planner you hit those points right on the head. I have been in a relationship with a dominican for exactly one year now. Long distance relationship is a bi@#$h hehe. Defenitely all our argument where about those point. But in the end with communication and an open mind to understanding those differences from both parties things get easier. The funniest argument i have had and this went on for days lol.... the number of shower taken a day/week lol

16 years of experience dating honey so I understand.  I have been told I must not care about "Fulano" because I did not scream and shout at him!  I have been told if I loved him I would make rice!   I have lengthy ridiculous conversations over the most insane topics.....  Cultural difference!  They can be huge!

Maybe it is not an ideal time to resurrect this subject, but relationships with locals who you meet here on vacation at a resort or indeed online need to be approached with much caution.

Like a number of expats who use social media, I too am depressed and upset at the most recent news of a fellow countrywoman who has been found murdered at her place of residence in north of DR in the last couple of days.

Whilst this missive is not in relation to this event which has no convictions yet, it is a good time to resurrect awareness.

In DR there are many homicides every year of family nature, and too often albeit to a lesser extent, expats have been involved.

Relationships that one thinks are secure and loving may not always be so sincere as you imagine, especially when you met your partner in a resort and your partner is resort savvy.

It is hard enough developing a true relationship when you speak the same language on equal terms but when you rely on your partner to deal with life's basics you are indeed under control to a large extent.  But even with excellent  local communication it takes time to understand the family interactions and what they think and plan of you, and for you to decide on compromises which may not in the end work out. It can be a challenge for older guys with younger women partners but I suspect - and i can't confirm - very much harder for older women with younger men.

And the question I still ask myself, is should I try and behave as a local and treat my expat connections as more distant. Personally I have integrated with locals with few expats friends here. My expat experiences in other countries tells me to become 'bush' to enjoy ones life to the full in a distant land.

And then to hold a distant relationship multiplies the risk ten fold.

Bottom line for me, as solid advice, is to deliberately avoid resort relationships, or if you are in one be very cautious indeed. You must speak Spanish or have a good grasp. Avoid the class or rather a wealth and educational gap.

Now if such restrictions p*ss you off, just come on vacation and have fun.

I don't think it's a bad time to have this conversation.  It's always a good time to talk about reality.

There are a couple of cultural realities at play.

1. There is no value placed.on human life.

2.  Machismo is real. Ego is real. 

3.  Survival mentality is the norm. 

These all play into relationships and risk here. 

Most of my relationships here are with Dominicans.  I have business associates,.clients, employees,.friends and acquaintances who are Dominicans. 

I also have other expats friends associates and acquaintances! 

Trying to get into each mindset can be tricky but your success and sometimes survival requires it!

Are we really that vulnerable and that dispensable when we visit the DR?  I agree that it is a very poor country and people are just trying to survive by all means necessary, and your life doesn't mean anything to them if taking it means they live another day. I have met one young lady in DR that l really trust and we have built a relationship where we feel very comfortable with each other. We use a translator but out of anyone else l've met if l was going to trust anyone it would be her. However,  l have met others that l would like to meet and maybe date, but then those factors come into play, what are their real intentions?Because less face it, with them, it is all about what can they extract from you. I will be there on my next vacation for three weeks, and l really wanted to meet some more people, but after realizing another one was killed, Lennoxnex's article he wrote makes me feel like l had better stick to the one l've met and trust.

Very few expats land up in relationships with the more well off Dominicans and as such the cultural realities that you list above are realities. These are realities in other Latin American countries and in other parts of the developing world too.

The traits you mentioned and the violence associated with it are being streamed into Dominican and other Latin American homes daily in the novelas that glorify this type of life through the likes of Univision.

Latino men are indeed very macho and there is plenty of violence against women. But equally the women have learnt how to react, and especially in poorer society and indeed working girls in resorts, one can encounter women of a violent nature. Being an expat you will be a trophy and the potential for jealousy and violence to rear its' head will be high.

I speak from experience. My first relationship with a Domincana ended abruptly through a jealous and violent act towards me by my then long term partner involving having a licensed loaded gun pointed at my head for perhaps 15 minutes whilst she was in a state of drunken stupor accusing me at the top of her angry voice of imagined infidelity. I packed my belongings and left for. We had been together for six years cohabiting in both TCI (where I met her) and DR. I knew of her jealousy and her anger spasms but thought the relationship was stronger. Incidentally my Spanish was poor at this point and she would not help me learn preferring to use English. When I look back at that relationship, I now see all the warning signs and errors I made. She had questionable members of the family yet I put them to one side and established my relationships with the others who were more likeable. What a learning curve! What you may think is good and long lasting will likely hide the reality especially if you don't speak the language and understand the culture.

So perhaps you will now understand why I advise strongly against partners you meet in a resort situation or who have history of working the resorts and are at a low education level and with whom and family and friends, you cannot converse in Spanish.

Stevenwperry, it doesn't mean relationships you develop during visits to DR in places like the North Coast cannot work.

Vacations are one thing and should be enjoyed, but for the longer term my advice is you need a very close understanding of your potential partner and that will be challenging if you are still living abroad. Those you are likely dating are in resort areas for one reason and that is to find someone like you looking for a good time in exchange for financial benefit for themselves, their children and the wider family back home.

My working profession has kept me single and working in 3rd world countries for the last 20+ years. Over all that time I have met many ladies from many different cultures and back grounds. The one thing I have learned is make no promises and don't give false expectations. They all have one thing in common, they are just trying to survive. They do not have the resources that expats have. Treat them fairly and with compassion. Love them as you would with anyone. This does not mean you have to marry them, nor support them, but treat them with kindness. I still have contact with some even though I know and they know the chances of seeing each other again are slim and none.

I understand you. I don't go to resorts when l visit. The first time l went to the DR l did. But l have been back three times and this will be my fourth and l have not lived at a resort since. I rent an apartment and l use my gps to get around. I like the friendship that l have with this one lady and when l come if l am with her she keeps me from doing things l probably shouldn't do. She don't beg me for money, and even though she is in a university I'll help when l want. But depending on me and asking me for money as some have that doesn't even know me isn't her. That's what l guess l like about being with her most. But, l understand your point. If l wasn't there, l just dont think l would ever try a long distance relationship with anyone, especially a Dominican.

It isn't just "at a resort" it's anything or anywhere that you are perceived as a tourist, a target etc.  It's in clubs frequented by expats or tourists, restaurants, it can be at the Claro office in a tourist zone! 

I think what is critical is understanding the cultural differences and.paying attention to warning signs!  Take.the time to learn about the culture.  If you want long term get the hell out of tourist areas!

I understand, and Planner I would never go to a nightclub there. And yes, anywhere you go you are a target. I am learning the culture after being there 3 times. I have 4500 Facebook friends and most of them are all females. I didn't know what l know now. I thought l was a lover boy, 😄 but it was all about finding someone who could help their way of life. I was spending so much time answering their messages, but l don't do that anymore. I only respond if l want too, even thought about shutting down that page. I am going to spend a lot of time alone and enjoy my stay. Not going too many places unless l am with someone that l know and feel comfortable with. I had one friend that was a friend of the family l know there. He and l along with my girlfriend went to restaurant to eat, and after the three of us finished eating what looked like rabbit food, l got a bill for 60 dollar for the three of us. I raised hell. And come to find out he had order food for his family and had it delivered on a motorcycle to his wife and kids at home and l paid for it. The next day l when back and ask the same guy why did he charge me so much,  and that is when he told me. My friend didn't tell me until later because she said she didn't want any trouble because she didnt know him. But she said that is what he did. I like being with her because she lives in the middle of no man's land. l was so sore from bumps and bruises getting to her place and getting back, l went straight to bed. But bottom line again, l would never get serious with any Dominican unless l lived there.

Yes you are right on many levels. Until you have lived here full time at least 2 years you are a novice!  There is too much to learn and not having good Spanish is an impediment!

After well over 16 years I am still learning!

I understand, and you are right. There is a lot for me to learn and l am a novelist to many aspects of the Dominican Republic way of life. From reading it appears people have had so many bad experiences with life in the DR, or they've had some very bad things happen to them in relationships that they wished they could have avoided. I dont know the lifestyle of any of those who were unfortunate and it doesn't matter, bad things happen to good people. But one thing l can say is that l keep a very close circle if friends, two or three at best. Apart from my coworkers,  l don't have any friends mainly because l was not born and raised where l live. And l don't want any friends. I am not a cluber, and if l drink, l am going home to do that. So, l guess l live a pretty simple boring life. I know that situations and circumstances can occur to pull you out of your norm, but I'll put my tentacles up and pray to get out of any thing that l dont think is conducive for me. However, l look forward to learning more as time draws near for me to become a citizen.

Here is something to always keep in mind:  people will tell the story over and over about what went wrong.  Rarely do they tell the story of what went right.

Lennoxnev now I’ll definitely be freaking out if my friend goes back to the DR. I’ll be afraid he won’t make it back home alive.

What area of the DR does this girl live?  It's not a bad idea to have contact info of someone who lives near if he has a problem.

And it's likely nothing will happen.  He will play along, give her money and be fine.  Nothing should happen to the golden goose.

Perhaps. Providing the golden goose does not stray away from the gaggle.

Extreme jealously and the consequences are a real problem with some of the lesser educated.

True.  Never break up while here!  Do that after you get home would be my advice! 

Generally though that kind of violence is connected to a sense of ownership.  Hard to have that when all the want is.money.

Jealousy: that tends to create violence between the two females. And it's brutal!! I have a hard rule against dating any man here with a wife or girlfriend!  Hell no!!!!

If a woman is caught straying then that will invite violence from her husband/ boyfriend / eshusband and  or ex boyfriend!  But that is another thread I will start!

Something like Navarrete and in transit Santiago de los Caballeros. I got that off of a legal document that I found. Also the legal document referred to her as “Mrs”. In the states “Mrs” means that you are married. Does it mean the same there in the DR?

Maybe and maybe not. If it's an American legal document it may have no validity here.  You need to know what the document is honey.

The document was supposedly drawn up there in the Dominican Republic by a lawyer.

So it's an English translation of a Dominican document?  Then you do want to know what that is.  Could be any number of things honey from a pre nup to a co hab to a wedding document to absolutely nothing of value.  If they went to HER lawyer that document could be complete BS but it could also be something serious.

Thank you. I sent you a private message.