What is expected of you upon marrying a Dominican National?

Regular visitation rights with her own place would work well!

Thats more like it.  Its aslo another good reason to just rent, instead of own. You can just walk away.

Or do like me, let them take you for all of you s**t over and over and just rebuild.... but at some point one gets too old for the expense and the heartbreak and betrayal.  (Dark humor)

Lol. Ya gotta have a money tree hidden somewhere to be able to do THAT!

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Interestingly we forget the orginal question raised in the first post.

What is expected of you upon marrying a Dominican National?

The simple answer should be 'that which you have gathered living all with her for several years 24/7 and that of her family and friends too'.

It is a common question and always amazes me how quickly some people have jumped into relationships here, especially those who know insufficient Spanish, and fall in love after a few weeks (periodically) staying in resort towns of DR.

The girls many are meeting in resort towns (and online in dating apps too) often have refined the art of milking expats like a Fresian cow every morning.

Be aware!

Great post Amigo.  I agree with you 100%. I was down the same road before with my first marriage to a South American lady.  While she was abroad, all was good, but once she got to good old USA, the problems started, which eventually led to divorce. I’m currently in the Phillipines as I respond to this post.  Great place, great people, delicious food, and Amazing customer service.  The women here seem very good natured for the most part and I happen to notice in my observation that the women do not stress their men at all.  The women do their thing, and the men do theirs. When it is time to come together, they do.  I’m personally not looking for marriage once more, especially in America.  Marriage in America is like being a hostage and having the possible threat of becoming collateral damage at any given point! My hat off to those guys who are married and happy, but these days that is more the exception than the norm.  Love and papers is wayyyy to risky in present time.  It has been a while since I posted on here, but your post made me return and take the time to respond  Thank You for sharing.

I used to live in the Philippines too. There are also many chapeadorasc there, but of course nothing like to the extent in the dr.

Two incidents that occured in the past month in DR to foreigners who married Dominican women explains the potential risks of jumping far too quickly into a relationship with people that you have not given due time to know and understand and probably met either online or at a resort:

- the Dutch guy in Puerta Plata who was set up and murdered by his wife's lover and accomplices.

https://nltimes.nl/2019/03/04/wife-2-ot … n-republic

- the Swiss guy who was locked up by his wife and son in Dajabon for two years.

https://dominicantoday.com/dr/local/201 … r-2-years/

It does happen here and more often than one would think, but always the same type of woman (it could be said about the men too) is involved (and imo they don't represent 70% of the DR population or anything at all remotely near that as was suggested about Dominicans in another thread, but in the resorts or online this figure may be realistic or even low!). The resorts do attract the more dubious elements in DR society.

Beware of quickfire relationships whilst on vacation in DR!

The first case was a friend of mine!  His wife set him up, not the boyfriend. She was behind this and now 3 of he 5 are in jail.

The second case - well something sounds and seems very wrong about this story. I will wait to hear more about this before believing this story!

Don't take an orchid out of the tropics.  That was good advice given to me by the two expats in the Philippines, German and French, who had married the sisters of my first and only wife.

Do a lot of due diligence.  Be hyper alert to 'red flags'. The cost of doing business, as in any relationship, business or personal, must be factored in and a worst case scenario for each as well.

JR

Sorry to hear about your friend planner. I have been following this case from abroad and it truly upset me, he seemed like a great guy and not a newbie at all.  If someone with his level of experience could fall into that situation, then can you really trust anyone

I will try not to offend anyone while I put my 2 cents worth of 8 years experiencing Dominican culture there and in the U.S. There is saying: The fish rots from the head down! I believe that when you live in a place where corruption has been so normalized on all levels of society, it almost has a sort of cancerous effect. It is like a parent telling a child not to do drugs, but yet see that same parent doing the opposite.  When I’m in D.R. I sort of feel that everyone is on the take or looking for something in return, I have not experienced that in Asia at all, there seems to be a code of honor, respect, and shame which restricts them from such behaviour which paints a complete different picture all together. Bad things do happen in Asia, but I don’t see the same level of trying to take advantage as I see in other places. They seem to operate on a honor system out here.  I can only share what I can from my own experiences with the two places and I know some will disagree, but that is just what I have seen. As far as chapiadoras, wherever there are tourists male or female with dollar$$$$ looking for paid romance, that is where the Sankys and Chapis will be. That is worldwide.

Yes it's worldwide.

I live by this motto: if it seems too good to be true, it is! 

We need to live in reality.  In what world is a stripper, with a six  week old child attracted to a man 33 years older than her?

The world that these men create in their lonely and egotistical minds.

Don't begin to think it is just men!  Oh no, it applies equally to women as well.

Hi TomasDivertido,

First of all, please forgive my English, it is not my mother language.

I landed in the DR a long time ago. I married twice here.  My wife is much younger than me. I brought her to my country after 2 & 1/2 years, I never hinted that I could do so and she never asked me to.  We have 2 children and we live a peaceful life. She learned my language in 6 months, good enough to find a job, she works part time because she wants to, she even manages to save money, she raises the children, does the household, cooks, does not smoke nor drink, she is able to think on the term, she keeps away from problematic people. She is dedicated to her family (us) and split up from those who live begging in Santo Domingo.

Sharing my conclusions with you.

Why did it work for me ? Because when I met her, I already had a 13 years experience of the DR, not of the resorts, not of the expat bars, not of the gated condominiums, but an experience of living with Dominicans. I chose her among many others, after analyzing carefully her personality. I already spoke Spanish perfectly. I understood when they spoke to me, of course, but also when they spoke together. I was able to speak on the phone, to deal with all the paperwork and to solve alone any issue in government offices . I had a lot of girlfriends before meeting her and each of them helped me in understanding, step by step, my European brain needed an update. I am grateful to them. My wife and I both perfectly knew what we wanted and we discussed it beforehand.

I agree with all that has been said here previously.

There is just one thing you should be aware of. If your girlfriend is intelligent, all that you are offering nowadays will not be enough for her to stop worrying about her future. She will be thinking all the time : what if you died ? What if you became ill ? What if you left her for another girl ? What if you were unable to return from the USA ? She will never feel secure, and, as a consequence, she could keep on searching for a better stability while being with you. Some girls in the DR 'seize the day' without thinking about the future but many of them know that if they reach the age of 30 without anything concrete, it will be too late for them. The 'competition' is hard. That's the reason why she wants to leave the DR, knowing that, abroad, she would be able to earn a living and be self-sufficient, if needed. You certainly know that non-graduate jobs pay peanuts here. No future.

Of love and life.

You say you love her, I am sure you do, but love is a different concept according to the nationality of the lover. What does love mean in the DR ? This should be your next homework. :-)

Whatever the country, love is not a lifelong insurance to get food, healthcare, housing and pension. She knows it.

In conclusion, in my opinion, your point of view  ''No one is going to take half of what I have worked for all my life'' is right, but hers is also right. You both are trying to protect yourself.

Prerequisites.

What you will do or won't do with her , should be based on your knowledge of the Dominican culture, your experience and your mastering of the Spanish language. If you are missing one or a few of these features I recommend you not to commit in any way and to act with extreme care, because being ripped off is not even the highest risk.

Your girlfriend might be honest & fair, but until you achieve an in-depth understanding of the Dominican society you will likely be unable to evaluate what's your role in the play. Moreover, the first person you meet is not necessarily the right one, nor is the second, nor is the third, nor ...

The fact she is of Haitian descent complicates the matter a bit more. I do not know if she is psychologically more Haitian than Dominican or the contrary, let's just say Haitians are a bit less predictable.

The ideal way to achieve cultural integration, is to mix with Dominicans, to live like them,  to live with them, to have as much relationships with girls as possible (before making a decision), to forget your culture, to forget your mother language. It is essential to learn their Spanish : in the street ; at the disco ; when partying ; in the bus ; with your neighbors, at the colmado ; on TV ; sharing moments with Dominican families. This learning needs time. One day, you will be able to perceive at a glance, if someone is worthy of attention.

Looking back on something lennoxnev wrote previously and which is perfectly right :

lennoxnev wrote:

It is a common question and always amazes me how quickly some people have jumped into relationships here, especially those who know insufficient Spanish, and fall in love after a few weeks (periodically) staying in resort towns of DR.

I'd like to add that a foreigner in the DR should be the one who chooses (his girlfriend/wife/partner ...)  on the basis of consistent criteria instead of allowing the first mistress who shows up to be ... his master. (   :-) Does this pun sound right in English ?  ).

The right way ?

I am not encouraging anyone to take risks, but I think those who consider staying in the DR for many years and who want to go a step further in a serious relationship with a native of the country, should start from the beginning by learning this new world and culture, otherwise, there will be misunderstanding and misunderstanding is always the first step towards problems, be it in business, friendship ... or love.

Great post, thank you for sharing your experience. 

You said:
You say you love her, I am sure you do, but love is a different concept according to the nationality of the lover. What does love mean in the DR ? This should be your next homework. :-)

Whatever the country, love is not a lifelong insurance to get food, healthcare, housing and pension. She knows it.

THIS is so critical.   Each of us brings a framework to the table that is very different.   Most here live in survival mode and most expats do not. It is a very different reality.

Thank you

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Don’t blame the Colombian man. I was born and raised in New York but my parents are from the Dominican Republic. Ive had all kinds of friends from different latino countries. Women seem to make the same common mistakes here in the U.S particularly the “Caucasian American” by falling for the Bad Boy type persona or the most handsome. As much as im attracted to white women and i’ve noticed that “Caucasian women” in America price themselves WAY TO HIGH, are about the MONEY, indeed way too picky, nothing to offer because they are not traditional hence the reason why white men are traveling to Latino countries to get an exotic traditional wife. To make the matter worse, you went to Colombia where the competition between women is very TOUGH due to the fact that women there are VERY GORGEOUS and tend to have perfect bodies. I’ve seen Colombian moms who are hotter than their own daughter which is common there. Generally Latinos look younger longer and Colombia in particular have extra great skin another reason why the Moms can look just as young as the their daughters etc. i can go on and on. That being said because of the stiff competition it’s not unusual to see an average or below average man in terms of physical appearance to be with a smoking hot Colombian woman and you married a Colombian man.


The point is if women cant pick the right men in the U.S and Colombia being the worst country for a woman to find love your marriage was doomed from the moment you traveled to Colombia.

Mexico, Dominican Republic, and other latino countries would have been suitable for you.

My advice away from Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Venezuela, Puerto Rico, the competition is too stiff there for women already. So for women from other countries to to looking for a committed long term romance partner there isn’t the most wise decision.

Welcome to the forums.

Honey do you realize this thread is 3 years old?

Your insight and opinions are most welcome here, go to the new members thread and introduce yourself!

Help take care of the family is of upmost importance . Being there for the holidays helping financially with family concerns. This is part of the culture and life necessity.

Embrace it if you find the right girl. She’s worth it.

Yes!

Another tip on marrying a Dominican— Dominicans take a church marriage much more seriously than a civil one. I’ve seen couples who’ve lived together for 20 years & 5 children decide that they are (finally) sure about the relationship & are going to get married por la iglesia.

@planner look I have been dating a beautiful young dominican lady of 35. I am 54 myself. Don’t get it twisted I am aware of these young ladies and their mentality. I would suffice that to say I that they are no Damm different than these selfish ass American woman. Yea they do need money but put yourself in their shoes they are poor as hell. I seen the way they live and I was def appalled. The young lady I have represents happiness to me and to me I believe I represent a way out for her.I see all this in my future even with the mommy and kids and babyfavva drama. I represent hope to her and to me that is enlightening. I will not put myself in a financially bind for anyone and I love to give money. The way I look at it you cannot take it when you go. The stuff she asks for is menial. I have had material things a million times over than the wife took all of that and dammit I just replaced it all. If the dominican queen asks for a Damm 20 dollar dresss and I have I want to make her feel good. Do I believe she has ulterior motives yes and no. I could t imagine not taking a cold  shower!! I could t imagine air conditioning. Look I am not going to put myself where my heart hurts because I am getting taking advantage of. Eventually I will pack my bags and I am gone and to be quite honest I don’t give a fuk if lose 20000 in the process. When your heart is hurting it’s time to go. I have had the same type of relationships with American woman!!  Tip your nose to dominican woman at least in my world I have not experienced that drama yet which is

@planner I am reading these stories of dominican woman but to be quite honest the America woman are the same and to be quite honest even more ruthless!!! All woman and I mean 98% of woman wants a man to wine and dine them!!! Even if they have their own Damm money. I was married for 30 years and I still had to pay my fukkin wife for sexual favors!!! To be honest I see no difference with dominican woman I just feel they are much more sweeter but yes they need money and things that we take for granted like toilet paper and dammit hot water!!! To be honest the only thing I want is to see that a dominican woman is honest about what they want in a relationship. If they want something you don’t have eventually the relationship will sour out and yea you might be out thousands of dollars no different than any other Damm relationship to be quite honest!!

@Darkremy wow this is awesome. Love is powerful but at the end of the day you were no Damm fool.