How to get Married in the Dominican Republic

Greetings Brian...Did you see my previous post?  https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=482482

The arguments presented above do not apply 100% of the time, then again nothing in life is, but they are simply patterns that present themselves in repeated occasions which warrant newcomers to be aware, before the fall prey to some of the folks who utilize these methods.  You will not always encounter these situations, but if you know what to look out for, then you will be able to recognize it when it shows up on your doorstep.   Think about this way.......look around you and take a look at the level of poverty, corruption, human rights violations, crime, lack of upward mobility for 80% of the population.......If you were not an outsider who can freely get on a plane and come and go as you please, would you not want to get the hell out of there by all means necessary?  Some of them do what they do not because they are bad people, it is simply about survival!  The same scenario repeats itself in Trenchtown Jamaica, the Ghettos of Manila, The Favelas of Brazil, The caserios of Puerto Rico, City of Soleil Haiti, The Guettos of Soweto Africa.....should I go on? It is all about human need, not bad nature.  If your girl did not ask you for anything on a regular basis, then you might have had a number 1....see my post.

Thanks for your input. I am in no rush. Having to much fun being single again.

Brian I just re-read your post.......Did you say she wanted to come to the U.S.?????? You did not have a #1 you had a #3 my friend......you were being fattened up for the big kill my friend! Once you would have married her and brought her to the U.S. She would of made up for all the stuff she did not ask for during the relationship, all in one shot!!!!!! My friend this is called Don't Ask now, cash in Later Sounds like you dodged a bullet......This is why I put up my post....to make neewbies as yourself aware of these nuances which to the untrained eye or ear can be catastrophic   read my post my friend......about the 3 often encountered type of girls https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=482482

Enjoy Isaac.....down there the leverage is in your favor Just be sure to be 100% certain of her age, they have been running that scam lately.....underage girl lies about her age, and then sets gringo up for extortion with the help of the boys in blue

MassgeWiz-  If this is what she was doing she did a horrible job.  Making virtually no effort to learn English, not trying to better her life in the DR, etc (She is a teacher with a 4 year degree; And she can't learn basic English in a year a half?- good lord, that's pathetic.  I learned basic Spanish in 2 months.  How in the world is she going to work and adapt to life in the US?  It's not going to happen).  She lives in a very small town with not much opportunity- Bonao.  I encouraged her to move to Santiago; which is much nicer and she likely could have found a much better job there.  But I could tell she was scared and didn't believe in herself; she viewed herself as unsuccessful.  Sometimes to do much better you have to change locations; only 2 hours away for her.

Also- I know how to say "No" and I'm not easily conned.  This wasn't a hard decision at all with her; disappointing, but not definitely not hard. 

I understand fully the wanting to get out of the DR for people that live there; But this doesn't trump honesty.  And besides there are places with worse poverty than the DR; Have you ever been to Belize or parts of Costa Rica?  A lot of people there don't even have electricity.  The DR is nice compared to these places.

Thanks much Planner.  Your comments make sense.  I wouldn't have a problem helping the family some, but I don't see me supporting cousins and other relatives not in her immediate family (Plus, I don't have a problem saying "No"; As she has already witnessed).  Most things are so inexpensive in the DR that any help doesn't amount to much money- not compared to what you will spend for this in the US. 

Yes, I know the family likely viewed me as a savior of sorts.  But there has to be something in this for me as well.  I don't have a problem helping people if I were to marry a Dominican woman, but I'm not putting myself in financial jeopardy to do it.

You mentioned before in previous posts that you knew some really awesome Dominican women.  Any advice or assistance you could provide to help me avoid some of the consequences I have seen in this forum with women in the DR would be greatly appreciated:).  You seem like you know the area really well and are wise on the culture.  It's quite possible I may be visiting in the next couple of months.  I was thinking of visiting Santiago; was in that airport in Oct and the town seemed nice.

Isaac it sounds like a plan.

Keep us posted and hope see you here soon

Bob K

Brian let me add my welcome.

Some good information and thoughts already posted.

Just make sure you are not that great big fish that is being slowly reeled in and before you know it you are in the "boat"

As to age that is so common here.  At times becomes a problems with the baseball players here.  I remember one little league world series many years ago where the winning team I believe had to give the tittle back because the pitcher was actually 4 years older that what his passport said (Dominican kid)

Bob K

Greeting again Brian......Been to Belize and Costa Rica.....Costa Rica has a better Economy, better infrastrucure and a more stable economy and less goverment corruption. Belize does have more issues, but just like Dominicans....they try and Exit the same way.  Puerto Rico is only 60 miles from DR and is the closest thing to getting to America from the Island.  Cuba does the same to Miami.  If you are trying to say that Central Americans do not try to leave.....please look up the horror stories of a railroad referred to as "The Beast" in central America. When conditions are not what they should be for normal everyday existence, it is more than likely you will want to leave.  If you truly want to understand their mindset, try moving to the barrio, get a Job on the island which pays the Dominican minimum salary. Try this for a year and do not rely on any outside American help, then let me know if you wish to stick around.  Remember Trading Places with Eddy Murphy and Dan Akroyd That little experiment would help you understand why they do what they do.......It is said: You will not know what you are lacking until someone shows it to you.

      In regards to you Ex girlfriend lack of motivation......you were here lotto ticket! How many people think about working or doing anything that requires effort after winning the lottery? Her vision was probably more like......having a bunch of kids, taking vacations, living in a nice house, and spending the day watching novelas and talking to her family long distance for hours at a time, while you go out and earn the money! if you had chosen a #1 girl, then more than likely she would have had her own visa, property or a bussiness, and would have bought her own ticket to come join you.  In other words....she would have brought more to the table than a suitcase
       I like Dominican women as well, but I know that I must select one by using a fine tooth comb due to the many factors which exist there.  There are good apples and bad apples in every barrel, but it all depends on the barrel you are looking in   Check out this movie if you can.....It highlights exactly what I mean.....the story takes place in Cuba, It might as well been DR, somewhat similar mindset.

http://www.amazon.com/Un-Rey-en-La-Habana/dp/B000GIXLNE

I feel your dissapointment Brian, since I just had the same scenario as you.  Mine was a 3 and a half year relationship with numerous trips and outings.  She did not mention coming to the U.S. So I suggested moving to the Eastern part of the Island and learning English....I would later join her down there by working online and doing some local massage work......All was in place, and seemed about to jump off, then suddenly she sat around and realized that she would have to help out to some extent financially.......and Puff! Game Over! I had a number 3 girl on my hands.  Will we rekindle the romance? That all depends on what I observe over the next few months.....but as of right now she is under the microscope! Your girl's action have nothing to do with honesty or dishonesty.....it is survival driven, it would be unfair to judge her under those conditions. If her reality was a different one, then perhaps we could say:  She is a GoldDigger, but when it is survival driven, that is a different beast alltoguether.

How to find a good Dominican woman (not a girl)

Number 1 -  they dont want a long distance relationship.  They want someone here.

Number 2 - they are not interested in a tourist

Number 3 -  unless you live here and work here or do something here you have no access to them.

Number 4 - they need to meet you in regular ways - at the grocery store, at church, at school (night school she is trying to better herself), at a private party or via mutual friends,    at ______ fill in the blank but it is NOT a dance club, tourist club,  pool hall etc.  Think  about how you meet a serious woman back home and transplant that idea here.

Number 5 - they will not rush into bed!  They will take a little bit of time getting to know you.

Number 6 -  It will take time!

That is my take on it!!!

University degree -   depends on which  school she studied at -  it may be close to useless!   A university degree here, in most cases is nowhere close to a university degree in North America.

Planner two good right on point posts

Bob K

Love the advice planner Thank You for the female perspective......I know some of the fellows might beg to differ, but you are dead on! No arguments from me on this round! I know we don't always agree, but much respect to you on this one. 

Brian.....I took the time to look up some Stats between DR & Belize and DR & Costa Rica once you look at the stats, one thing is clear.....For the amount of economical growth DR is experiencing, they should be much further ahead than they are in every way possible.  Unequal wealth distribution and high unemployment rate

- country-facts.findthedata.com/compare/50-152/Dominican-Republic-vs-Belize

- country-facts.findthedata.com/compare/16-50/Costa-Rica-vs-Dominican-Republic

Thanks Bob and Massage.


It's very okay when we don't agree, would be so boring if everyone all agreed.  We just disagree respectfully............

Planner (I wish I knew your name; feel very funny calling you Planner:)- thanks for the insight on this.  It makes sense except for women there expecting me to just up an go live and work there.  The job I have now I can't do remotely; I have to be here.  And also given the economy/salaries in the DR it would be basically impossible to replace or even come close to the income I make here in the US (Plus I'm not fluent in Spanish.  I know basic Spanish and enough to get around the island.  I can certainly learn to speak Spanish better in a fairly short amount of time; but again the huge income disparity there).  I could see being able to live there perhaps part time if I owned a business or had a job where I could work from anywhere, but I don't; and most guys don't. 

I'm not sure you could classify me as just a tourist, but I definitely understand your point here.  There are certainly guys that don't respect women and likely think the women there are beneath them because of there standard of living- but that would not be me. 

On your other points:

- True, she definitely did not rush into bed.

-She did see me in regular settings- at restaurants, at her social/athletic club, with her family having meals, with her daughter, etc.; all went really well.  Obviously she could tell I was a pretty normal guy and not someone just looking for sex or to take advantage of her.

-I think you are right on the university degree and some schools there.  Her daughter supposedly had been in an English class for a year, but didn't know basic English- I could believe this.  I could teach her better English faster than that!

-What I really don't get is her laziness and lack of motivation.  She obviously has no clue what the US is like and that you can't be that lazy.  But she has a sister whose husband lives in the US at least part time or maybe full time, not sure; so she should have a clue (I think her sister's intention is to move to NJ to be with her husband; but I think they also like having a house in the DR and NJ).  I really learned a lot about her last time spending 7 full days around her; she just seemed to be a complainer and doesn't believe in hard work- she only worked 2 days a week!  And couldn't learn English!- that was it for me along with some other crazy things.  Also- things were broken in her house, but yet she was paying someone to clean her house and had a club membership- what the hell!  That makes absolutely no sense.  No wonder she lives in a dump- lazy and lacking good judgement; I'm sorry, but its true.

-I'm really attracted to Dominican women, but I think reading these posts have sufficiently scared the hell out of me as far as pursuing relationships with them.

MassageWiz-  You make some good points, but I would have to disagree with you as far Costa Rica vs. DR.  From what I noticed Costa Rica didn't have much of an economy- mainly tourism (And you get nickled and dimed to death there, which I didn't like.  But I think the tourism essentially supports that country).  I don't think the DR really needs tourism to sustain itself like Costa Rica.  And the roads I traveled in Costa Rica were horrible- speaking to the infrastructure (At one point we actually drove through a creek!  And this wasn't under construction, this was the normal conditions.  And some of the bridges there are just plain dangerous- I can't believe people drive cars over them). 

I don't really think you can classify women like you were saying before in the DR.  Obviously there are women there that think they can scam you; but the main thing I noticed is just the laziness and no appreciation for what takes Americans to sustain their lives here in the US- its not just handed to you, its hard (This might explain their attitudes and the laziness).  I'm in a much better position/job now, but the last job I had I thought it was going to kill me- very stressful.  And the women there think I'm just going to let them stroll into my life while they contribute next to nothing- I just can't do that after how hard I have worked to build my life. 

Bob- thanks much for the welcome here.  You seem like you have a good life there.  The age thing there still blows my mind.  When I looked at that birth certificate and then at her license I just had to do a double take- how can your birth certificate not match your license?.  If your birth certificate didn't match your license here in the US you probably could not find a job at all- not a good one anyway.  When you see something like that on a person's identification it automatically makes you question their honesty about other things.

Brian  meet Darlene..........aka Planner.

Hi Brian......1st let me congratulate you on thinking with the big head instead of the little head  As Bob likes to say.  Lack of motivation and laziness.  Brian, when you spirit is broken, and life seems like it has no answers to your problems.......many just give up! I have encountered many folks just like your girl in my travels there, but I have also met some hard workers.  I noticed you were not willing to play trading places You will not be able to find an answer to your questions until you play trading places.  There are many women like your ex in America as well, but the ones we have here are being lazy and unmotivated, not because of a broken spirit......they simply got it like that! Your Ex probably feels stuck and has been probably conditioned since young to believe that her ticket out is via someone who is not from there.  If I had a dime for every time I heard some of these women say: If I could only find an Americano my problems would be solved! I would be $$$  You must realize that these folks  are going by what they see and are not concerned with how we acquired the cash we spend while there.   There is also the issue of Dominican Americans who come to the Island for a visit, and put on such a display of opulence and endless cash flow.  In other words they have an erroneous view of the outside world.  Even though they have access to tabs, cell phones, pc's, they don't use it to get an accurate picture of what America is all about.  I personally had to go on Craig's list and show my girl how much stuff costs in the U.S. She was shocked!   when we did the math, she understood, why so many foreigners choose to live on her island.
   
         Classifying the women........In no way it was meant to be an end all break all list Simply a condensed version of what I have encountered.  Are there variables to my list   of course there are! But a map has to start somewhere.  Costa Rica, is a much smaller country than DR therefore they will not have the same import export power that they do, but If you look at the stats I posted, the Dominican Rep has a high unemployment rate, which is what contributes towards many of the ailments destroying that beautiful place and people.  I don't know where in DR you are hanging out, but If you think Costa Rica is worst off than DR......Let me take you on a real tour of the barrio in the Capital Gualey, Guachupita, Invivienda, Santo Domingo Este, and many more I can name, and mind you.....that is in the capital! I will not even start with the rural areas!

      Brian if you do not live there, you are a tourist according to them! I have been going to the DR for the past 10 years, fluent in Spanish and spend 2 months of year there.......guess what? I'm still a tourist!
   
       Don't rule out Dominican women because of what you have read, you just need to take our advice in stride and learn from it. I don't know where in the U.S. You live, but maybe there are some Dominican women near you. If there are any Latin events or churches, perhaps you can meet your Dominican Queen here and not have to deal with the ups and downs of a long distance relationship.  Meetup.com is a good place to start looking. There are all types of groups on there that meet up and socialize.....,I personally hang out with a group of Brazilians weekly to work on my Portuguese. Give it a shot and keep us posted

I will sumarize the Dominican situation by using a Steve Jobs Quote " People do not know what they want until you show it to them"

Planner- thanks for sending your name.  I hope you are having a great day Darlene:).

MassageWiz-  Good points.  It's probably hard to compare Costa Rica vs. DR.  Believe me though, I am aware of Santo Domingo and that there are rough neighborhoods there- have been through there several times now.  At first Santo Domingo was kind of intimidating, and I know if I spent much time there I would be very careful where I ventured to say the least:). 

I can understand someone being down/having a broken spirit in those conditions.  But that's when I would take advice and learn from someone who is more successful (Like me:), not just ignore it.  Every suggestion I gave her to help her improve was just ignored.  It's not like there is no opportunity for her in the DR (Hell there are people right in her town that have nice houses and are obviously successful- I met them and looked at their houses).  But when she refuses to have an open mind, take some chances, and believe in herself there is nothing I can do to help.  Many times I think I can do anything.  But I have learned in life there some things and some people you just can't help- no matter how much you want to help them. 

On the tourist thing- seems pretty silly to lump all Americans and whoever else travels there as tourists (And pretty narrow minded).  I wouldn't classify you as a tourist.  It seems like you are almost a part time resident.  And the fact that you are fluent in Spanish makes a big difference obviously.  It seems like with this kind of attitude, the locals opinion in the DR is the only one that matters; that's even more reason for me to not want travel there and not get involved with Dominican women.  What is the point if my input/opinion means nothing?  I can get on a plane and go anywhere I want, but I have chose to travel there some; evidently this doesn't mean much- that's nice to know.

I will think about Dominican women; but at this point it seems risky at best to pursue them any further as far as a long-term relationship.

Brian I agree with you 100% I'm Latino and grew up in similar conditions in Central America until age 12.....,so you can say I have been on both sides of the coin.  I will not make any excuses for the Dominicans at all since rising up out of poverty is a matter of individual choice.  Many Dominicans have achieved great success there and abroad. You will not always be able to motivate someone to success..,,,heck I lost my girl for trying too hard to motivate her......sometimes it is best to help those who want to be helped and leave the ones who are comfortable right where they at.  Your Ex sounds like she has deeper issues and at the end of the day you want to be her man, not her therapist.  I believe you did the right thing........you had standards and boundaries which she did not meet. Those are the pros and cons of dating.....,you keep searching until you find someone that meets your requirements, and hopefully you meet theirs.....,,It was great having a healthy debate with you mate......Time to go on a Hunt if you know what I mean   One last thing Brian...,,understand that in America we have many freedoms and rights that give us that..…..I can do anything attitude. DR has similar freedoms, but it rarely works for the poor if at all.........So once again, no excuses, but living in a place where money talks, you can see how someone might not be inclined to try........If you went to a casino and found out or thought there was a less than 0.5% chance of winning at all, would you be motivated to play at all?   Some will play, but not many with those odds.,,,,,they would find other ways to win or not try at all.....that is the reality.....,success is a state of mind, but you must first get your mind right and be placed in the proper surroundings..,,,,Watch trading Places again, and you will see what I mean...,,,Once Eddy Murphy was placed in a better environment, look what happened...,,same goes for Dan.,,,,,Bob is doing great work with 2 Dominican Kids, and because of the help he is providing, those girls will have a better future.  Bob is doing just what I'm referring to.....,changing their reality and giving those girls better odds at winning.

MassageWiz-  You are right; my ex had deeper issues for sure.  It was easy to see pretty quickly that she didn't really believe in herself.  And she did have some positive role models around her- one of her sisters had a husband in the US and she was in the process of obtaining her US residency/citizenship so she could be there and then travel back and forth.  But she still has to take it upon herself to do this (Something I think she wants definitely).  And yes right again, I don't want to be a therapist.  I'm pretty understanding and I can help people and motivate them to do great things; but they have to meet me halfway (I have to have something to work with or it will drain me as well). 

*On helping extended family members financially- This is almost never a good idea.  This strains relationships here in the US.  Eventually the person giving the assistance feels used and it strains the relationship- many times beyond repair.  The only thing that repairs this is if the person asking for assistance takes responsibility for their own life and stops this pattern; but this usually doesn't happen (And other family members eventually avoid them like the plague).  When I have a wife/family they will have everything they need and then some (And I would hope she would contribute some so she feels like she is a part of it).  I think what Bob is doing is great; but it sounds like this was his choice and wasn't really asked to do it (I don't know the situation completely).  In this case bravo!  It was his choice.  But it is quite another matter when someone asks you to give money to an extended family member and even expects it (This is taking advantage of that person plain and simple; and it will eventually create resentment- pretty much always does.  I'm not going down this road- its bad and never turns out well).  And I think my ex-girl definitely knew I wasn't to be used in this way; but this wasn't an issue.

*Another note- What I read about Tomas and what he has sounds great.  There is nothing I would love more; but I'm not going to be a walking bank/financial institution.  His situation is different than mine- he moved there and I'm not at a point where I can do that now (But its a possibility in the future).    I have to say that at this point I like the DR very much.  And I'm still giving thought to trying to meet and develop another relationship with a woman from the DR- as difficult a proposition as this sounds:)  Whoever this is she will not find a better person.  All I can think too is why does this have to be so difficult?- its exhausting. 

-Good chatting with you as well.  Safe travels.

I like your style Brian, you sound like a no nonsense kind of guy, I can respect that.  In sales it is said: The most powerful negotiator is the......Take Away, and you must mean it.  Many times that takeaway will allow the person to think about what was placed before them, and their inaction.  You are correct, Bob made that choice of helping, they are the daughters of his Dominican Employee.  You are correct in saying that helping out extended family does create a strain.  I have a colleague who is dealing with that very same issue here in the U.S. Her husband is Colombian and is taking care of some extended family back home.  She has told him numerous times, that it takes money away from the communal chest therefore does not allow them to start a family or buy a house. I have seen it with my own mom and dad, my dad did the same, and I watched my mom's contempt and resentment grow over the years until his passing.
      My girl was actually a very motivated and hard working individual, not lazy at all, and in repeated occasions claimed she wanted more out of life.....I helped and motivated her in every way I could, then suddenly either by outside influences or her own self doubt, or fear, that motivation vanished over night.  All I got was her saying:  I feel stuck and don't know how to move forward.  I provided a blueprint and tools to move forward, but that person has to be willing to pick up the tool and use the blueprint to build.  In this case I believe fear of the unknown and outside influences might have played a big part.
   
      Tomas did it right, but I believe he did not meet his wife on the first outing, he probably kissed some frogs along the way, but he stayed the course and got rewarded, he found someone who is his compliment and is willing to work with him to build a better future.  A partner should do just that......add to you, not take away.  Even if this partner does not start off with much, but shows potential to grow and are willing to grow, then that gets a 10 in my book every time......there is nothing sexier than a woman with brains and beauty!

         Keep your options open Brian......Have you been to Puerto Rico??? Beautiful Latinas there as well, and they have no issues entering the U.S. Keep working on you Spanish and enjoy the ride called: Life.....you only get one TKT.

Thanks MassageWiz.  Aaah Puerto Rico; love Puerto Rico.  I went there about 3 years ago.  Thanks for reminding me about this.  Yes, this might a good option since you can move freely back and forth without a passport/US citizenship.  I found traveling there a little expensive before, but it is nice and great beaches if you get out of San Juan.  I will definitely start working on my Spanish again. 

I hope we both find a great girl.  I find life much more enjoyable with a good woman:)  Cheers amigo.

Cheers to you too amigo....I agree with you once again......a good woman is like a good bottle of wine, hard to find, but once you do, you it to the last drop might see you in PR unless my situation takes a 180 degree turn.

Yes like a fine bottle of wine but if not taken care of and appreciated in a timely fashion it will turn to vinegar.

Bob K

Words of wisdom from Bob!!!!!

Ha ha ha- very good Bob.  I certainly have done more than my fair share of appreciation regarding women.

Have good times in PR if you go soon MassageWiz.  It seems that there are a lot more available women in the DR than PR; think I ran into this before; beautiful women in both countries though:).

All I did was buy my wife on Ebay. 29.95 well worth the money

Hahahahahaha  but how much was the shipping???

Did you have to pay the 28% tax as well???

Bob K

Very good thread, especially some very wise posts from MASSAGEWIZ. I read ALL the posts.

Question: Does marriage with Dominican citizen give the right to ask or make it easy to have Dominican citizenship ?  I have heard that there can be some interest to have Dominican citizenship for the taxes. Plus other obvious benefits: don't have to bother about Residencia or Working permit.

Also I already have 2 citizenships from 2 countries. Does RD allow to have other(s) citizenship. I know some countries are exlusive; they don't accept it (it is one or another).

Yes marriage to a Dominican gives you the right to go through the process of citizenship.  But it isn't automatic.

I believe you can have dual citizenship but not three!

My experience is you must have residency before applying for citizenship regardless of a Dominican marriage.

AS I understand it, dual citizenship & residency is part & parcel of the same packaage.  By the way, great blazer & hat. A friend is married to a dominicana & has 2 children with her, they will be Dominicans by parentage, ( with paper work of course). It is less time consuming & an easier path to dual citizenship, still expensive.  He will have all the benefits of being a Dominican. When I return I'll initiate the process of residencia & citizenship myself. Again, nice threads.  Bally loafers too?

Eri  just because you can have two does not mean you can have three.  Each country sets their rules. In the USA you can have dual and not triple I believe,  Bob will confirm this.

Yes the process includes residencia first then citizenship,  it will end up taking two years at least as you must hold residencia for  6 months before applying for the next step.