Is this too good to be true? Relationship questions.

tqt76 New member

6POSTS

11 years ago

I met a Vietnamese girl from an online dating website. She wasn't the first girl who contacted me, but was the one who contacted me. She is 27 years old, and I'm a 38 years old Vietnamese/Chinese American. I can only understand the Vietnamese language just a tiny bit. She is still learning English, so communications have mostly been through text and Google translations. I know a few Vietnamese words, and try to communicate sometimes using Vietnamese. We have video chatted a lot of times and in general spoke in English. Many of the video chats have been very hot and steamy. She tells me she owns two clothing shops, and design the cloths in her shops. She tells me she likes living in Vietnam, and have little interest in moving to the USA. After just two months communicating with her, I have gotten strong feelings for her even though we haven't physically met. She said she loves me, and wish this relationship is her dream come true. She has never ask me for a single penny, and she knows that I'm not a rich man; I'm semi-attractive and do decent for myself. She seems to have a Facebook account that shows she has been doing the clothing business for years. I'm visiting Vietnam this coming August, and I plan to meet up with her in HCMC, and possibly live in Vietnam for a long period of time if she and I match. Does all this seem too good to be true? What is the worst that can happen?

See also

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Mark Tat Member

15POSTS

11 years ago

I would just suggest that you meet as you have mentioned, and through your conversations you will find out if she is telling the truth about her situation. I am dating a Vietnamese girl that I also met online, and after we initially talked she admitted that she had a daughter who is young and the father is not active in their lives. Since then we have not lied about our situations and have grown very close after many months of seeing each other.
I also see a red flag in your story my friend. If she confesses her love to you without meeting and getting to know you then I think this should be a concern. I am not saying that this could never happen but I think it would be very rare to find true love this way.
She could also be talking to other men just like you telling them the same stories with "hot and steamy" chats that you are getting from her. Just be cautious and let her know that you will only live in Vietnam and you will not be moving your assets to the country either. See what her reaction is, and never never never never give her money for a sick relative, for her, etc! Take your time and let things develop naturally because if you get in a big hurry you will more than likely make a bad mistake.
I wish you the very best of luck and hope that you find the right person for you!
Mark

1 member reacted to this post

tqt76 New member

6POSTS

11 years ago

Thank you for the reply. I can see where she say "I love you" can be a red flag, but she didn't start saying that till just recently. I know we haven't known each other for very long through our chats, but sometimes it feels she and I have known each other all our lives. I will take the advice and be very cautious, and not rush things. I still have 3 months before my actual trip to Vietnam. Hopefully it is enough time to reveal her true motives.

joanne_kn Member

2POSTS

11 years ago

Just take time to meet her once. If you wanna be sure, take some Vietnamese friends along with you. Vietnamese can have better feeling about each other. Gluck

AnEyeOnSaigon Member

12POSTS

11 years ago

Let me see if I have this straight.

A (supposed) girl contacted you online.

Google translate is your "relationship counsellor".

She gets her kit off on webcam for you (and this is before she tells you she loves you).

Within 2 months of initial contact, her eloquent Google translations and equally mesmerising webcam assets have convinced you that you have strong feelings for her.

Similarly, your dashing and witty Google translate retorts and exotic overseas fine wine webcam physical attributes are enough for her to say she loves you and profess that this is her dream relationship.

All this despite you both never meeting or discussing face to face (with your clothes on, I presume).

What's the worst that can happen?

I think you may have already answered your own question!

4 members reacted to this post

Gravitas ViP

9040POSTS

11 years ago

Why do men think with their........................?? And do they realise they are exploited by women for doing so?

1 member reacted to this post

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

11 years ago

tqt76 wrote:
She seems to have a Facebook account that shows she has been doing the clothing business for years.

Do you have any Vietnamese friends/relatives who can read Vietnamese? Give them her FB, and ask them about their feelings!
It's not easy to understand person just what they show in FB, but at least, you can guess something about her in her posts.

2 members reacted to this post

MarkinNam ViP

1066POSTS

11 years ago

men have 2 heads, they generally let the little 1 do the thinking when it comes to the opp sex, hot and steamy so soon? a little too much too fast in my understanding of NICE Vietnamese ladies. Don't even mention assets or the idea of moving them to VN. although when chatting to VN girls especially, regular chats ( not hot and steamy) are seen as a prelude to relation ship, youv'e been given some good advice, go slowER your thinking of making a life time commitment

Gravitas ViP

9040POSTS

11 years ago

Good relationships are actually based on strange scientific things like the way the other person smells - so wait until you have spent some time with her and take her on long sweaty walks in the countryside or parks so you can see whether she still seems compatible.

Another point - you now have a way too early too intimate infatuation with her - so do you really think she is a respectable sort of person????????????? Half of EB now know the answer to that.

You will be pressured into a long term relationship if you immediately consummate your relationship in order to "save her honour". Go figure.

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

11 years ago

#10

How long time did you spend with her? I meant, not about 2 months you know her, for example, I knew a person 1 year ago, but I rarely talk to him, so I couldn't count that time. But if I knew someone just 1 month, and I spent so much time with him, even more than some people I've known for 10 years.
So, don't think so much about that point.

I just doubt a little in this case, when I know she is 27 years old, and go to dating website to find foreigners while she still has to improve her English. She never gets married, and easy to talk open-minded ("very hot and steamy"), its a good sign for you IF she is good girl, you know...
I don't know how to say what I think in this point, because I don't want to judge when I don't understand her well.

Priscilla ViP

42358POSTS

11 years ago

#11

Hi everybody,

I regret but i am not sure that this topic matches to our criteria.

Do note that we are here to talk about expatriation only and subjects that are related. We are not expert on relationship affairs !!

@ tqt76 > As some members are answering your questions, it would be great if you can tell me when you have received the information that you were looking for so that i can close this thread as soon as possible.

Thanks

Priscilla

1 member reacted to this post

zanchun Contributor

148POSTS

11 years ago

#12

Hi tqt76
What will be will be. Just come and meet her in Aug. You're a strong man, won't lose anything

.
Hope you will find your love here in Vietnam.

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

11 years ago

#13

Priscilla wrote:
Hi everybody,

I regret but i am not sure that this topic matches to our criteria.

Do note that we are here to talk about expatriation only and subjects that are related. We are not expert on relationship affairs !!

Assuming the OP is considering moving to Vietnam, or the lady moving to his country, it probably is an expat topic.
It's also a story I've heard a lot, most ending badly.

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

11 years ago

#14

Gravitas wrote:
Why do men think with their........................??

Usually, yes.

We see a nice girl, and we get interested.
It's hard work not making a move, but I've managed since I got married - I didn't usually bother resisting before then.

Gravitas wrote:
And do they realise they are exploited by women for doing so?

and ... usually, no, we're far too stupid to realise.

If the lady concerned is "getting her kit off", I'd be tempted to do a runner.
If she's doing that for one dude on the internet, fair chance she's doing it for a few.

3 members reacted to this post

Gravitas ViP

9040POSTS

11 years ago

#15

This subject needs to be discussed openly.

Adhome01 Serial expat

426POSTS

11 years ago

#16

You met someone through a "dating site" from the other side of the world in a country you know nothing about. You don't speak a common language and communicate through Google (horrible for translating Vietnamese by the way). After two months you say you have feelings for her, she say's she loves you, and you're thinking of moving here. What could possibly go wrong?

I could tell you that you really don't know this person. That just because she sounds cute and innocent speaking broken English, you really know nothing about her. I could tell you that you've created a fantasy world that doesn't exist, but that's not want you want to hear. You're looking for support of dream world you've creating after two months of talking to a stranger online.

Priscilla is right in that this topic doesn't belong here. The OP isn't an expat and is only looking for dating advice. These types of posts should say on a dating site. Just my opinion.

1 member reacted to this post

Gravitas ViP

9040POSTS

11 years ago

#17

The basis behind this discussion is "what happens next".

It is well known that many foreigners get unexpectedly trapped in relationships (which they make the most of) because they are ignorant of the mating rituals in foreign countries.

In the west its quite OK to flirt heavily online to get a physical relationship and then move on to another person. The attitudes in other countries are different and the "interest" automatically means "commitment".

This is where east meets west runs into some problems.

1 member reacted to this post

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

11 years ago

#18

I think this topic is also good for many foreigners (expats) who want to know others thoughts about Vietnamese women!
About this case, it's really hard to say this girl is not good. But OP, will you lost something if you love her? Nothing to lose, right?
When I talked to my teacher, who lived in a Western country many years, about online love. He said: Nga, do you have anything to lose now? Nothing. So, why do you need to think so much like that. If someone is not suitable for you, stop! If he is good for you, you have new chance to have a happy family.
Everything in our life has good and bad side. If you think postively, even the bad things also gives you some valued lessons. I've just had some valued lessons, but I never feel regret about what I did/had.
That's life. Accept everything (good or bad) and always move on...

Duong08 Member

16POSTS

11 years ago

#19

many western guys want to understand what asian girls think about. Someone will be lucky when someone cares.
hello Western guys, do you know that asian ladies want to understand you.

senwl Serial expat

820POSTS

11 years ago

#20

Duong08 wrote:
Someone will be lucky when someone cares. .

Right!
I think that is the bottom-line for any long-term relationship anywhere in the world ... the very essence of what we call 'commitment'.
In Asian culture this very word 'care' is often at the heart of true love.
And when they care, it simply pours....

Yes, fakes with vested interest are round the corner everywhere, in every country.

OP, if you fancy a serious relationship, I am afraid you have to look and think beyond those steamy Skype-hours.
Come over here, soak into the culture and customs of this beautiful country, know the real people around you... and then, just follow your heart!
That's it.

thecoolchazza Contributor

107POSTS

11 years ago

#21

You sound like me when i was back in highschool, chatting up girls through irc, icq and msn.
and developing feels for them after 1month or so without see them.
regardless we all find love and friendships in all sort of ways and situation.

chances of this being true is slim.
tips:
1. go there with low expectations
2.. when you arrive there. please do not pay for everything. and eat poor.
3. and let her know you are not coming just for her and that you have friends and relatives in vietnam.
4. if she doesn't work out, there are alot of girls in vietnam.
5. also take public transport here, very convenient all this just to let her know you are poor.
6. also if she said she lost her phone or laptop got stolen, please do not fall for this lie.

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

11 years ago

#22

thecoolchazza wrote:
5. also take public transport here, very convenient all this just to let her know you are poor.
6. also if she said she lost her phone or laptop got stolen, please do not fall for this lie.

Poor foreigners!
And also, poor good Vietnamese women!

Gravitas ViP

9040POSTS

11 years ago

#23

Its all about International Development Aid

You either leave it to your Government, or you accept that YOU will be responsible for the rest of your life......The choice (and freedom) is yours to decide.

MarkinNam ViP

1066POSTS

11 years ago

#24

Duong08 wrote:
many western guys want to understand what asian girls think about. Someone will be lucky when someone cares.
hello Western guys, do you know that asian ladies want to understand you.

Tell us,respect caring, understanding , very difficult, for both. love, then maybe a baby or 2 money to support family, anything else?

jimbream Serial expat

693POSTS

11 years ago

#25

Fred wrote:
Priscilla wrote:
Hi everybody,

I regret but i am not sure that this topic matches to our criteria.

Do note that we are here to talk about expatriation only and subjects that are related. We are not expert on relationship affairs !!

Assuming the OP is considering moving to Vietnam, or the lady moving to his country, it probably is an expat topic.
It's also a story I've heard a lot, most ending badly.

My vote goes to Priscilla on this.
What loneliness drove the OP to start this topic?
He chats with some random female who just happens to be Vietnamese and he decides to ask questions that are of a personal nature.ON a site for Expats.

So,what will the next topic be about?
Someone starts a topic asking about Vietnamese women because their brother's friend's cousin's Uncle once went to Vietnam and met a pretty lady?
Or they bought a bread roll from the Vietnamese baker's daughter in London and then post their love of Vietnamese women?

The topics involving love and romance about any woman should only be on blogs or forums related to love and romance.
I'm sure the Indonesian Forums of Expat.com Do Not approve of topics like this.
So why should you Fred,approve of it for a Vietnam Forum?

2 members reacted to this post

bluenz Member

1933POSTS

11 years ago

#26

Have a look at how many Asian women are around 27 years old on these dating sites, it seems like a " useby " date, all their friends, sisters, cousins, etc, are all married off with screaming kids, so obviously the maternal hormones are kicking in.( it had quite the opposite effect on me at that age ),
Also from my many experiences with Asian women, ( from different Asian countries as well ), they are about 10 yrs younger in psychological maturity than their Western counterparts, ( may have something to do with their size, I wonder sometimes )., so it is very easy for them to say I " love " you , before even meeting you in person. But one thing, ( good sometimes,), is that they, ( with a certain amount of nativity ), will usually tell you " anything " you want to know about themselves.

1 member reacted to this post

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

11 years ago

#27

MarkinNam wrote:
Tell us,respect caring, understanding , very difficult, for both. love, then maybe a baby or 2 money to support family, anything else?

Very difficult? What it mean, MarkinNam?
The girl is in this topic love a foreigner, IF she is a good girl, she was trying to be open-minded because she understand about foreign culture, then many people said, maybe she is not a good one!

I am wondering about open-minded, hihihi.

And if we are not open-minded, we are very difficult, right?

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

11 years ago

#28

Yogi thinks Priscilla has got it right.

Keep this lonely hearts bullshit where it belongs. Hot and steamy video skype.......WTF. Yogi has pictured these too muppets dancing around half naked in front of their laptops. 😀😀

Ah well, it is Friday and we could all do with a laugh.

By the way OP...I've been to 12 weddings (foreign/ Vietneamese) and 10 have been train wrecks.....they met thru online dating sites. The successful 2 met thru mutual interests . Think about it.

Christine ViP

42879POSTS

11 years ago

#29

tqt76 wrote:
Thank you for the reply. I can see where she say "I love you" can be a red flag, but she didn't start saying that till just recently. I know we haven't known each other for very long through our chats, but sometimes it feels she and I have known each other all our lives. I will take the advice and be very cautious, and not rush things. I still have 3 months before my actual trip to Vietnam. Hopefully it is enough time to reveal her true motives.

Hi tqt76, i think everything has been said here.
When you arrived in Vietnam, please do not hesitate to share your expat experience here.

Wish you good luck.

This topic is now closed

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