Time to run away?

Jquinoq Active member

98POSTS

12 years ago

so, I met this girl 34 years old , started dating her ( seriously) within a week her family has me at a Buddha temple talking about wedding dates with a " master" . Omg. I just met her WTF is the family thinking after two week " marriage" her mom kept asking when I'll buy the engagement ring...time to run?

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milkybunnyHCM Serial expat

329POSTS

12 years ago

Time to sit down and have a talk with her?

hanviet87 Active member

40POSTS

12 years ago

haha, good luck to u

charmavietnam ViP

2841POSTS

12 years ago

Wedding is not a bad thing

James ViP

11272POSTS

12 years ago

Rollerblades, skateboard, motor scooter or anything that's faster than your Nikes!!!

mikeymyke Contributor

183POSTS

12 years ago

Well she's 34, usually that's around the age where parents pressure their daughters to marry or else be forever single, you can really blame them

marymondaywednesday Active member

28POSTS

12 years ago

good luck

MarkinNam ViP

1063POSTS

12 years ago

What is she like? Who chose who? Long engagement may be a good idea

giang2012 New member

8POSTS

12 years ago

Jquinoq wrote:
so, I met this girl 34 years old , started dating her ( seriously) within a week her family has me at a Buddha temple talking about wedding dates with a " master" . Omg. I just met her WTF is the family thinking after two week " marriage" her mom kept asking when I'll buy the engagement ring...time to run?

run away right now!!!

JasonBourne1 Member

18POSTS

12 years ago

#10

mikeymyke wrote:
Well she's 34, usually that's around the age where parents pressure their daughters to marry or else be forever single, you can really blame them

Not in Vietnam. Here, parents start pressuring their daughters WAY earlier than 34

Unlike western cultures 34 is considered pretty old here to still be unmarried

Jason Bourne

Nam_ Serial expat

246POSTS

12 years ago

#11

I agree with JasonBourne. In the Vietnamese language class I took at my college in the U.S. (it was a language course but our instructor also spent considerable time talking about the culture and history of Vietnam) we were taught that prior to the Vietnam/American War if a woman was still single at TWENTY FOUR (or rather I think 23) her odds of finding a husband were considered to be very slim. Times have changed but they haven't changed THAT much. In other words most Vietnamese families probably start pressuring their daughters to find a suitable husband long before they reach age 34. At that age even a son would be feeling the heat (according to a female friend here whose bro is still single at 30)...

Nam_ Serial expat

246POSTS

12 years ago

#12

And sorry to say but I agree with wjwoodward...I mean if you REALLY like this woman you could sit down with her and explain that in the west (or maybe just say you personally feel that this is the way things should be) people tend to date for a considerable amount of time before they choose to get marred because marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment and it takes time for a couple to be sure that they are compatible.

You might also want to add that you believe that the decision should be yours and hers alone (though I understand that in Vietnam this is almost never the case...still if the family approves the match now there is no reason why they shouldn't later) and that you would like to reserve for yourself the opportunity to ask her for her hand in marriage when/f the time comes rather than her family asking you.

Having said all that I still lean pretty strongly towards 'run' (sorry if that is offensive to some).

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#13

Yes.. Hello.. Vietnam Airlines...
I was inquiring the Price of a ( 1 Way Ticket, To GeT tHe F**K OuT Of Here )

JAJAJAJAJA

Phương Mai Active member

32POSTS

12 years ago

#14

If you are serious about dating her, her family will be serious asking. Fair for both, in my view I think you are lucky to meet a serious women and a serious family. Otherwise you can have a bad time with a young girl or scammer who just want to use your time and your money. She is 34 years old, that means not much time left for her and the parents will worry a lot. You should sit and talk.

Jquinoq Active member

98POSTS

12 years ago

#15

Great girl, very pretty, educated, speaks English very well. Family is well off Also. I can see myself with her fir a long time, but wedding plans so fast. And the pressure from her mother OMG, she is already visiting reception halls , crazy I say......I already booked my flight back to California

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#16

If the family is well off, then money is not what she is looking for. The family just want their little girl happy and have security.

TVBZ28 Active member

32POSTS

12 years ago

#17

I will pray for you.

Kidding aside, if you're seriously wanted to have a long term relationship, then its' time to sit down with her and be frank to each other (or at least yourself). It's quite true that any "girl" (or women) beyond the age of 25, in VN she's considered as an "old maid". A wise women/girl should think about a man's quality rather than availability, not be hurry into marriage, unless she wanted to chain a man into a bondage (no pun intended!). You don't have to run away, but can walk away as a good man when you see that there is no future for both. At least you still have a good friend.

My 2-cents (ran out of quarter long ago

)

mikeymyke Contributor

183POSTS

12 years ago

#18

My brother-in-law, who is Vietnamese born and lives in Australia, has been dating this Vietnamese girl, for just 2 weeks. They're already engaged, and they will be married this September. He's 32, she's 30.

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#19

"COME ON.. YOU GUYS..SERIOUS!! CAN YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN TWO WEEKS??

GO OUT ON THE FIRST DATE.... A WEEK LATER.. THE GIRL WANTS YOU TO MEET HER PARENTS.. AND SET A DATE FOR THE WEDDING..? THAT JUST SOUNDS TO DESPERATE AND SCARY.

JasonBourne1 Member

18POSTS

12 years ago

#20

sbonilla75 wrote:
"COME ON.. YOU GUYS..SERIOUS!! CAN YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN TWO WEEKS??

GO OUT ON THE FIRST DATE.... A WEEK LATER.. THE GIRL WANTS YOU TO MEET HER PARENTS.. AND SET A DATE FOR THE WEDDING..? THAT JUST SOUNDS TO DESPERATE AND SCARY.

I could not agree with you anymore. How do people get married after 2 weeks?

Jason Bourne

mikeymyke Contributor

183POSTS

12 years ago

#21

Correction, they're engaged after 2 weeks, but will marry 4 months later. Maybe it has something to do with the Vietnamese culture of older women being pressured to marry. Can't really blame the culture right?

FYI, I proposed to my wife after a year of dating, and married her a year after proposal

She was 25, I was 28.

Jquinoq Active member

98POSTS

12 years ago

#22

I agree 100%. At one point , vietnamese, especially if their dealing with westerners , need to accept that westerners also have a culture, traditions, it can't all ge vietnamese

sbonilla75 wrote:
"COME ON.. YOU GUYS..SERIOUS!! CAN YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN TWO WEEKS??

GO OUT ON THE FIRST DATE.... A WEEK LATER.. THE GIRL WANTS YOU TO MEET HER PARENTS.. AND SET A DATE FOR THE WEDDING..? THAT JUST SOUNDS TO DESPERATE AND SCARY.

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

12 years ago

#23

You need to sit down with her first and discuss the situation as you see it and then perhaps with her parents to talk about it. You need to be open and honest about it and tell them your point of view on the subject.

saigonmonkey Serial expat

728POSTS

12 years ago

#24

If she's 34 and not just looking for money, you don't need to run away. You do need to have a serious talk with her, as the other posters here have said. I agree that the "pressure" is coming from the fact that she's 34, and that only. On the other hand, if she was only 24, I'd say run.

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#25

We are missing the Big Picture Here

" You are 34yrs of age, If you worry about your Biological Clock So much (CULTURE), Why In The Hell You Didn't Get married Sooner!!!! ""IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU""

"WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP" OR S

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#26

Im 53 years old and never been married, maybe there is something wrong with me too.

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#27

" hmm yeah.. maybe....

"some people prefer being alone... some people love being single.....

" whatever the reason is..... is your choice..... as long as you happy....

"Maybe you just never found that special someone........

"but.. at 34 years of age.... you have a history.. ( Like you And Me and everyone else ) ...

"Jquinog.... .. you just have to sit down.. put the cards on the table.. and find out.. at 34yrs of age.... i like to know.. your history..... ( but.. you will also have to come clean and give your history too

GOod luck!!

JasonBourne1 Member

18POSTS

12 years ago

#28

To the OP: Isn't it odd to you that with all of her credentials (according to you - great girl, very pretty, well educated, speaks very good English, family is well off) that she isn't married? No way a girl with those attributes makes it to 34 in Vietnam without getting married. Yes she could fall in that very minute category (like .00000000001%) where she's just a very successful, pretty, well educated woman who's been unlucky in every single one of her relationships, but then why is shes jumping so quickly this time? You're describing the perfect girl; someone one who would seemingly have a line of guys from Saigon to Hanoi waiting in line to have her hand in marriage. Someone would have scooped her up well over a decade ago. I'm no expert, but have lived here long enough to know this has red flags written all over it.

Jason Bourne

Ashard Deen Serial expat

331POSTS

12 years ago

#29

I am pretty sure the OP mentioned at least one time before he was going back to Cali in a hurry as he has had it here.

Alex82Alex Active member

46POSTS

12 years ago

#30

Jquinoq wrote:
I agree 100%. At one point , vietnamese, especially if their dealing with westerners , need to accept that westerners also have a culture, traditions, it can't all ge vietnamese

Yes, but YOU are un Vietnam. So maybe you should consider adopting their culture instead of expecting the opposite...

MarkinNam ViP

1063POSTS

12 years ago

#31

colinoscapee wrote:
Im 53 years old and never been married, maybe there is something wrong with me too.

just having been married, means buckley's as to your character, some times we make stuff-ups, been there done that

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#32

Actually Im not worried about it, my reply was more sarcastic then anything.

MarkinNam ViP

1063POSTS

12 years ago

#33

spajcte Guest

0POSTS

12 years ago

#34

I thought OP misunderstood something here or you did something that cause your girl and her family misunderstood. Either they just want to know if you are serious about the relationship or you said/did something that made them thought you wanna get married soon.

Cause if she's the one you describe and her family is exactly the same you said, it's odd that they are too rush this way.
It's up to your decision and feeling about the girl. I think you can talk in person with her to know what does she want, what does her family want, and very importan, what does her mom want. I'm thinking of a situation in which all of the idea of wedding comes from her mother. Sometimes, a Vietnamese mom is quite unreasonable and she wants to control everything in the house.

Just talk to her and figure out what both of you want before you run away! It costs only some money to invite her a cup of coffee and talk.

mikeymyke Contributor

183POSTS

12 years ago

#35

To rush to marriage that quickly, you should also make sure she's not doing it to get a Green Card. Even just tell a white lie to her and say you have limited income and you plan on living in Vietnam forever and see what they say.

Vietnam has lots of cases of marriage fraud, that's why while I'm sponsoring my wife, the processing time is about 30 months compared to 8 months had she been a South Korean or 7 months if she was Japanese.

tintinmiami2013 Contributor

102POSTS

12 years ago

#36

RUNNNNNNN!!!!

DanFromSF Serial expat

615POSTS

12 years ago

#37

Why tell a "white lie"? Why not just ask her if she wants a green card, and wants to go to the US? This will tell you a lot.

I've found that *good* Vietnamese girls don't want to leave Vietnam, for a couple of reasons: First, they know how to make money and support themselves, and second, they love their country (for good reason). I would be very suspicious of anybody who is desparate to get out.

OP, if your new lady friend hasn't said anything about her parent's urgency to get you to the alter, then that ought to be a red flag. Also, sorry to be blunt, but she's 34 -- which is quite old for a single woman by SE Asia standards -- and if she's that great, somebody would have put a ring on her by now. From reading your previous posts, I understand you've only been in the dating scene for a couple of months (and just recently discovered Apocaplypse Now). I think you need to take some time and explore a little. There are many intelligent, beautiful woman in Vietnam who want nothing from you other than love and devotion. I'm not sure why you're concerning yourself with a woman who's causing you these concerns so early in your relationship. Man up and move on.

Jquinoq Active member

98POSTS

12 years ago

#38

Thanks for all the comments, I spoke with her and she understood that I was a newbie living here, and we decided to part ways and move on, we will remain friends .....

mikeymyke Contributor

183POSTS

12 years ago

#39

Congrats, moving on

DanFromSF Serial expat

615POSTS

12 years ago

#40

Jquinoq wrote:
Thanks for all the comments, I spoke with her and she understood that I was a newbie living here, and we decided to part ways and move on, we will remain friends .....

Did you address her parents' bizarre behavior, or was it just a "it's not you, it's me" conversation?