Monthly support to Vietnamese GF a mistake?

Anyone who doesn't think either of these scenarios happen all the time here, all around us everyday, has his/her head buried in the sand.

saigonmonkey,nice to read a voice of reason. I wanted to reply few times in the last 2 days but but then I realized what a bizarre mentality this is where a man in sixties chasing a girl in twenties and she and even her parents being all for it is seen as normal and people who call it as it is are seen as weird,haters and everything in between. If you read from the start there are actually some people agreeing with me but they just backed out when the things got more heated. It is no coincidence that my most vocal opponents are men in their 60ties who have found themselves in what I say. In another thread we have a ancientpahtos who basically made a prostitute out of his young maid then went to a dinner with her parents and clueless people are giving him advice on what to bring as a gift. There are countless examples of expats buying themselves into parental approval and their daughters pants. In a lot of cases parents even have no idea what is going on or they choose denial. Over years I met several older expat,giving me "tips" on the easiest way to bed girls here..Bringing old mobile phone is classic,give this and that and of course the joker card: just buy something or give some money to her parents.. Are people like this integrating into a "culture" or are they,as you said it, abusing and taking advantage of it,making joke out of it?. It is not hard to guess what I think (this goes both ways of course, expats->locals and locals->expats). Point this out and you are seen as hater,judgmental and weird. I have seen old western pedophiles playing with children and no one gave a fuck about it,Vietnamese I was with always laughed it off. Do we really just need to "get over everything" and just go with the flow?

bta87, (partially) I do not agree with "either accept it or GTFO" mentality. I am sure that every westerner here on this forum is upset about something or disagrees with something that is normal in Vietnam but not in west. I would not want that they get all the western values but I disagree with you that we should just go with the flow. I am sure when you were half your age you had some different opinions or standards too no matter where you stayed. We don't need to accept,get over or respect things happening here like pissing anywhere,spitting,picking the nose, being late,trying to rip someone off,gold diggers,GFEs,predators,pedophiles,parents selling their own daughters, people driving carelessly,corruption and lots of daily occurrences to live in Vietnam. Disagree about any of these and you should already get back to your country? What if we move to one of those Muslim countries?The same?

Being critical of something is not something that one should be ashamed of or looked down on. It is positive trait because it can bring the change for better,eve if you are in another country. I am sure you agree that Vietnamese abroad can be critical of some of the traditions or laws of their new country too. I only wish Vietnamese people would be more critical when it comes to their government,parents,officials and even foreign weirdos coming here,taking advantage of the culture or unfortunate situations. No one is badmouthing country or people, just saying how it is about the small portion of it. I do agree that if one does nothing else than just badmouth country and its people should maybe better go out.

The world does not spin on the axis of the USA.

I'm not even from USA but be sure that USA is still number one country for many Vietnamese. Most real southerners would much prefer if USA won because they lived much better before the war.Do not mistake me for someone who would want to make west out of Vietnam. I found myself in countless situations where Vietnamese are raving about USA and are profoundly disappointed (about me!) when I try to tell them USA is overrated and over glorified.It's Vietnamese who love American crap fast food chains coming to Vietnam,not me. Countless times when I prefer Vietnamese I get strange looks because they are sure that what is theirs is inferior. The first thing many ask you is if you are from USA. Everything from USA is ten times better than what is Vietnamese to them. It's not me who is glorifying USA/foreign,it's the opposite usually and I find myself defending Vietnamese on countless occasions.

solo1:Let the young women, their families and older men enjoy their arrangement

Don't worry,you won't see me on the street protesting it! Enjoy it and be happy SE Asia exists. Just don't expect me to respect this kind of arrangement ( and parents who allow it) and allow me to have my own opinions about it.

Is this where we all kiss and make up? I really feel like we're bonding now.

ah the love abounds around the world. Are we all happy now. I feel we have really solved the problems of the world today. What a wonderful feeling!!

bta87 wrote:

ah the love abounds around the world. Are we all happy now. I feel we have really solved the problems of the world today. What a wonderful feeling!!

Let's have a group hug!!

Lets just AGREE or AGREE to disAGREE
(ain't no way I gonna kiss a guy)

AND I am sure Hugh wont be giving just the $000.

Tito12 wrote:


Don't worry,you won't see me on the street protesting it! Enjoy it and be happy SE Asia exists. Just don't expect me to respect this kind of arrangement ( and parents who allow it) and allow me to have my own opinions about it. "End of quote"

To kick a lying dog (pun intended) your opinion was not the main issue as was your vicious personal attacks on me AND other members here. Besides opinion's are like assholes. Everyones got one and most of them stink, especially yours!

I'm with Tito on this one. There is no need to bash the USA or tell people to leave the country if they have any complaints about it. It isn’t just Americans who go to other countries and complain; everyone does it, and it is not that big of a deal. Every country has some things that are legitimate to complain about. Vietnamese come to the US and complain about the food, over-use (in their opinion) of air conditioning, high price of goods, and visa issues. Do you think they should just shut up and go back to VN? I would never consider telling anyone to leave the US just because they have some complaints, so I don’t think it is necessary to try and force anyone with a complaint out of Vietnam.

If you forced anyone with a complaint about VN onto an airplane and kicked them out of the country, all you would have left would be a few idealistic expats and a few party loyalists. The most vocal critics of VN I know of are Vietnamese, so they would all be forced to leave as well.

Hi
I am also going on with a Vietnamese girl. If she continues to ask for more money, I am pretty sure something is amiss.
I gave a sum of money to my girl 5 years ago, she kicks off with a small biz and took a loan to supplement the biz till it started to bring in income for her and her and 2 staff. Now I live in Vietnam with .............
I would suggest you take a trip soon, 4 months from now is too long.
Regards
Raymond

bta87 wrote:

Or could father a child with blue eyes

bta87, Thanks for responding courteously to my post. It's fine with me if you or anyone here disagrees with any or all of what I post. It's just an opinion. The main reason I post anything here is to try to educate those who haven't lived here, or have only lived here a short time, about life in Vietnam. As I said earlier, I was of the impression that's what Tito12 was trying to do also. Some people are just a little more blunt and direct than others. (Can't we all just get along? )

As for your quote above, I seem to recall from my high school biology class that people with brown eyes have a dominant gene, and those with blue eyes have a recessive gene, or something like that. Given that Vietnamese families are likely to ALL have brown eyes, (there may be a few recessive blue eye genes floating around in VN families as leftovers from the war) any blue-eyed westerner who fathers a child with a VN woman will not likely have a blue-eyed child.

Hey man,

Just to do a little compare and contrast, I have a girl I met online over a year ago. About 6 months ago she decided to quit her job at a decent hotel,(because I was supposed to come to VN in June) which locked me into sending her $300 a month. She lives with her family, has a kid and never asks for more money.I guess it's possible that she has other guys, but she video chats to me every night, leaves her cam on all night, and gets angry when I'm not on time to meet her. Since I didn't come to VN on time I'm kind of obligated to keep sending her the $300 until I get there.

My situation is bad enough; if your girl asked for the minimum to survive that would be one thing, but she's got no respect for you. That much is irrefutable.

(Moderated: off topic)

Vietnam throughout it's history has been through lots of wars. I think the Vietnamese people (older generation) are content with how Vietnam is today. Growing and prospering. The social problems can be left up to the newer generations to change. And I've seen less people picking their nose in public than 12 years ago in Vietnam.

Sounds like some of Thailands Isaan girls (well mostly isaan the poorest and most down trodden people) tricks are rubbing off on some in Vietnam. Although I stress it is a minority of Isaan girls that are dodgy.

But my impression of Vietnamese that they are a proud hard working people and this won't be that common. Also happens in the west plenty of gold diggers out there. Some of the comments are basically rascist in context in my opinion.

NashCat, seriously, wake up dude. I think you are very stupid. Cant you see that she is using you? Test her. Tell her a lie. That you want to save all the money from now on because a relatives needs to borrow your money urgently. So you cannot send her any more, maybe for six months.. See her reaction. If you are lucky, she will stop contact you and you will see the real her. If she dumps you, you should be happy. You are too kind for her. She dosent deserve you.

You said that you dont have so much contact anymore due to her new work. If she really loves you, she can sacrifice to wake up early/late to chat with you for a couple of minutes. I understand that you miss her, but, does she miss you?

If you want, you can send me an email and we can discuss about it. I have been in love too and I have been fooled. He was from the Philippines and asked for money (I am from Sweden).

Be careful, its your choice.

Hey Nashcat. Those of us that live here, hear these stories EVERY single day, and MOST that live here have experienced something like your situation.

My opinion?...you are being totally stitched up.Ripped off, leg pulled, conned.

It really doesn't take much for a girl/guy in Vietnam to "set-up" a situation like this.
I know guys that have paid for restaurants, businesses, houses, for their adoring Vietnamese "Girlfriend"...only to find out he was buying it from her own family!....  so when you say "you know her situation is true because you were there"....well.... probably not.

Another paid up $30,000 USD because "Mafia" came to their house demanding money that his GF had lost on gambling.... that MAY be true. (they love to gamble)..but... he has no idea if they were "mafia" or not !... (they didn't produce official mafia I.D)

seriously, the stories are ENDLESS !...

What do we do when times are hard? and we have had a set back?... we struggle through, cut costs, improvise and compromise...right?

Well even if her story were true (I dont think it is)...then she would go back with family, cut costs, regroup ...(shes a smart-educated woman afterall!)   right?

She has supposedly had a setback, and so she wants to set up a nice new place to live , get a new bike, and cop $800 a month for nothing?....and NOW she is saying you have to live in a hotel  when you come here?

come on mate, you know you are getting stitched up.....cut your losses, cut her loose....theres some REALLY nice honest girls here in Vn. Don't reward the bad ones.

NashCat, no Vietnamese Girl is "hitting" just off with you. You know already the truth, otherwise you would not have asked

Dude,

"Doubt is far more cruel than the worst of truths." Rouchefoucald (?)

Hey... I easily spend $1000 per month in VN
My girlfriend and I spend:
6 million dong per month on food
4 million dong per month on rent
4 million dong per month on her son's tuition (room and board included)
1 million dong per month on utilities
every day we buy 4 lottery tickets (40k dong) + 2 coffees (25k dong) 2 smoothies (50k dong).. that comes to another
3.5 million dong
another 50k dong every two days for gas for the scooter... that's another
1.5 million dong
so far that comes to: 20 million dong ... that's $1000.00 per month

All this nonsense about salaries of 200 to 300 usd per month are highly exaggerated. There are people who live in grass huts who make that much and also have fruit trees, veggies, fish and chickens all around them... they are highly del-sufficient and don't actually need to buy much in the way of food... But I don't want my girlfriend living in a grass hut climbing trees for food.

Lord, $1000 is enough to live in Vietnam, thank god, because that's about all I can afford.

When I first met my girlfriend I also supported her as far as I could until I finally came to Vietnam... But I recall there was one month when I really couldn't afford to send her a penny... when I told her over the phone she told me not to worry... she then borrowed money to buy a bust ticket to meet me at the airport when I arrived a month later.

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

Best Regards to all

CTVN wrote:

Hey... I easily spend $1000 per month in VN

And you think that's a typical spending habit for a local person?

CTVN wrote:

All this nonsense about salaries of 200 to 300 usd per month are highly exaggerated.

You think so? My company employes around 3000 people, for the vast majority that's about average wage and we pay well.

The more highly skilled and office based staff range from 300-1000usd and trust me there are only a handful near the top end of that mark.

And I'm fairly sure non of them live in grass huts.....

CTVN wrote:

All this nonsense about salaries of 200 to 300 usd per month are highly exaggerated. There are people who live in grass huts who make that much and also have fruit trees, veggies, fish and chickens all around them... they are highly del-sufficient and don't actually need to buy much in the way of food... But I don't want my girlfriend living in a grass hut climbing trees for food.

Lord, $1000 is enough to live in Vietnam, thank god, because that's about all I can afford.

My wife is a degreed professional who works 5-1/2 days a week and only makes $500 per month.

Every girl who you see working in the cafes, shoe stores, and other misc. jobs only make 50,000 to 100,000 vnd per day. All the entry level unskilled city works start out at minimum wages. All in all I would bet the vast majority of people in Vietnam earn less than $300 per month.

Vietnam average monthly wage rises to $185
Last Updated: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 04:00:00

Workers in the finance and insurance industries had the highest average salary last year.
The average monthly wage in Vietnam increased 19.6 percent to VND3.84 million (US$185) last year, according to the labor ministry.
Workers in the finance and insurance industries had the highest average salary of VND5.61 million, followed by those in the telecommunications sector, newswire VnExpress reported last week, citing a survey by the Ministry of Labor, Invalids and Social Affairs.

The agricultural and seafood sectors registered the lowest salary numbers, with their employees earning an average of VND3.78 million and VND3.85 million a month.

According to VnExpress, employees in the state-owned sector earned the highest average salary of VND4.41 million last year, compared to VND3.32 million for those in the private sector.

As for salary variations within sectors, it was highest in foreign-owned companies. The top wage in this sector was 19.3 times higher than the lowest. The difference was eight times in the state sector and 5.5 times in the private sector.

Deputy Minister of Labor, Invalids and Social Affairs Pham Minh Huan said the income gaps are quite large and should be narrowed.

The salary survey polled 1,660 companies with more than 15,000 employees in 17 major cities and provinces.

"There are people who live in grass huts who make that much"

Yes, imagine what them ppl in storey houses make!

VungTauDon wrote:

Those red flags that are waving are not Vietnamese flags...lol

LOL!

NashCat, perhaps suggesting a reduction of her allowance to see how she reacts?

Just my 5 cents worth.

Hi, i am vietnamese girl. and i really hate the girl love some one because of money. I live alone and have to pay for rent house, food..and work very hard every month 6 days/week to earn 150S/month. But i 've never asked help from anyone. In love, i think finance problem should not be in, unless u will alway asks: does she love u or ur money? keep ur mind fresh and u will see what to do to make sure ur dicide.

VungTauDon wrote:

I am renting a 3 story house at $350 a month. Electric is $50
Food maybe $150 TV/Internet $15 water $10, Fuel for motorbike $50

Thats only $625 per month....You can save money buy supporting me, I will stay home and chat with you if you like

LOL

CTVN wrote:

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

They can be. But they can also be deceptive, manipulative and cruel. Nationality is irrelevant. I'm just sticking up for my Western girls

Back to the original post, I vote for stop sending her money and see what happens. Sometime's the truth hurts, or maybe she'll stick by you and then you won't have these doubts.

CTVN wrote:

All this nonsense about salaries of 200 to 300 usd per month are highly exaggerated. There are people who live in grass huts who make that much and also have fruit trees, veggies, fish and chickens all around them... they are highly del-sufficient and don't actually need to buy much in the way of food... But I don't want my girlfriend living in a grass hut climbing trees for food.

I hate to beat a dead horse with another "My wife/girlfriend story", but my wife is a doctor, and doctors get paid on average about $500/month thanks to socialized medicine. Her salary is higher because she has studied some in the US and speaks English, but even with all of that, her salary would be under $1K per month.

CTVN wrote:

Vietnamese are the *BEST* women on Planet Earth... you will never find a more loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, and loving companion in your dreams, much less in this lifetime.

Amen to that! None of my American girlfriends were as loyal, trustworthy, hardworking and loving as my wife. She is truly amazing.

Citsym wrote:

I'll take $400 and you can donate the other $400 to whoever

Ahem, I can use some donation right about now. LOL

VungTauDon wrote:

I am renting a 3 story house at $350 a month. Electric is $50
Food maybe $150 TV/Internet $15 water $10, Fuel for motorbike $50

Thats only $625 per month....You can save money buy supporting me, I will stay home and chat with you if you like

Not sure if you were just joking with him but these are very conservative estimates, especially food. Even Vietnamese, living in cities,spend more on food monthly unless they are quite poor. 100 000 VND per day for food is only possible for 1 person and if they only eat (let say 3 times per day) basic street food all day,every day. Decent pho, com tam and bun bo hue and you are already over 100 000. That does not count drinks,beers, going to normal expat restaurants, smoothies, fruit.. It is possible of course but then you really have to only eat street food constantly (or cook at home but Vietnamese usually cook for more people so the costs go up anyway).

This of course is only for 1 person and we know in most cases westerners are supporting and paying for all kinds of expenses of their better half and her parents. Even in this thread we have most of people paying monthly from $200 and up for their gf for whatever reasons so this needs to be added to expenses.

For an average expat living here $700-$900 is really average amount unless they have free housing or they rent some really cheap place and only eat street food. Then you can manage with less than $700 but barely. This does not include any kind of payments or expenses for girls in any form,visa costs,medical expenses,insurance and so on. There are a lot of hidden costs that many expats do not even take into account and they get surprised how quickly money goes despite living in a third world country.

CTVN if course wrong about how much average Vietnamese earns. It is like VungTauDon and others said. How can Vietnamese live with ~$200/month?  Lots of those not living with parents rent with their friend,splitting the cost,living modest life or they rent very cheap room. The others live with their parents so everyone puts some money together and it adds up.

However do not think everyone earns very little despite them looking poor. Street food business,small restaurants owners and so on can earn quite nice sum of money,more than the ones with degrees and "real" jobs. For example I know 2 or 3 people selling bang trang tron on good places and get profits more than $500 and even more. Sure,the are in minority but it is possible.

jakejas wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Just want to keep myself on a Vietnamese budget.

Good plan; my wife and I use the same technique. The easiest way to become rich is to spend less than you make.

Or in my opinion. Make more than you can spend. My motto!

NashCat wrote:

Yes $800USD. She's asking for more to pay for a new place to live, furniture, moped, and etc. Her previous job was paying $800 a month.

She had a restaurant business. She is NOT a $500 salaried employee.
Even, some are already saying they earn more than USD1,000 a month.

Yeah, thinking about it now I think I was a little low on the estimate but I didn't miss it by much. Even though I'm an expat living in Vietnam I don't actually work here. I work rotationally in Qatar, 4 weeks in Qatar and 4 weeks home in Vietnam. My wife and kids and housekeeper eat 95% of their meals at home and eat mostly foods bought in the local market. The remaining 5% is pho or bun cha Ha Noi in the morning.
When I am home we do tend to eat out a little more but not really that much.
So I will raise my food estimate up to an average of $300 per month.

OzOzOz wrote:

jakejas wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

Just want to keep myself on a Vietnamese budget.

Good plan; my wife and I use the same technique. The easiest way to become rich is to spend less than you make.

Or in my opinion. Make more than you can spend. My motto!

you're rich when you don't have to worry about wanting things

hELLnoi wrote:

NashCat wrote:

Yes $800USD. She's asking for more to pay for a new place to live, furniture, moped, and etc. Her previous job was paying $800 a month.

She had a restaurant business. She is NOT a $500 salaried employee.
Even, some are already saying they earn more than USD1,000 a month.

did I miss out on a part how she's attempting to make income or start up another restaurant business?

khanh44 wrote:

hELLnoi wrote:

NashCat wrote:

Yes $800USD. She's asking for more to pay for a new place to live, furniture, moped, and etc. Her previous job was paying $800 a month.

She had a restaurant business. She is NOT a $500 salaried employee.
Even, some are already saying they earn more than USD1,000 a month.

did I miss out on a part how she's attempting to make income or start up another restaurant business?

She already lost her restaurant.
Now she wants to move into an apartment and asking for more.

khanh44 wrote:

OzOzOz wrote:

jakejas wrote:

Good plan; my wife and I use the same technique. The easiest way to become rich is to spend less than you make.

Or in my opinion. Make more than you can spend. My motto!

you're rich when you don't have to worry about wanting things

Not sure what everyone defines as rich. For me, not worrying about wanting things doesn't necessarily means you're rich. You're rich, when you do not have to work at all and still don't have to worry about what you want.

$800 that is too much, I had a gf i only give her about $250 each month.

Ok, I stand corrected on Salary... However, since we are on the subject of finances: How do these people afford houses? I mean there is no such thing as a mortgage here and these houses cost anywhere from 600,000,000 VND and up. that's almost $30k USD... but how does someone making $250 per month *ever* save enough money to buy a house. Even stashing away half of that ($125) per month, it would still take them 20 years to save enough to buy a house. Everyone here owns a house or a lot, so my question is: at the salaries everyone is stating, how can it make financial sense the there are so many homeowners here?

Best Regards

CTVN wrote:

How do these people afford houses?

My in-laws own several houses (mainly in D11). The family worked very hard and saved as much as they could to buy a little land and a “fixer-upper” house. After they were done fixing the house, the property value in Saigon started to raise and they started to build houses on the land that they owned. They were very frugal and saved almost all of the rent to buy other houses.

It is possible to do if you are willing to work hard and save… but let me clarify, you have to work VERY hard and save EVERYTHING YOU CAN. Here is a good example: I don’t know exactly how much money my parents-in-law make per month, but I assure you it is much higher than your average English teacher, yet my mother-in-law gets onto my wife for using paper towels because you can’t reuse them. They live in a five-story house that has two air conditioners, but refuse to use the air conditioners because they don’t want to pay the higher electricity bill. We eat rice with almost every meal. I like to hang out with the guys in their alleyway at their neighbor’s coffee shop, but my mother-in-law will make me a cup of coffee at the house before I go so that I don’t have to spend so much money on the “expensive” coffee next door (although I still do). These are just a few examples of the lengths they go to in order to save a little extra money.

Before they quit their day jobs, they made more than $250 per month, because they combined all of their income and my father-in-law learned Japanese at night classes so that he could teach in Japanese for extra money. I don’t think that someone making $250/month total household income will be able to afford a house in a reasonable time period, but if you have a household that is willing to live in a house with dirt floors, combine their income, and not spend any more than they absolutely have to; they will be able to afford a house.

Land and house prices have not always been as high as they are now. Many families (I say families because most houses and land are bought by pooling money from the entire family) owned several lots and turned around and sold them at a profit. My mother in law owns 2 houses and 3 lots which she will give to her children when she dies. Both of these houses have been in her family for many many years and the land was bought in the early 80's
There are also different types of loans available now for home ownership, both traditional mortgages and secured loans using land or gold as collateral