Vietnamese wife?

0POSTS

13 years ago

I realize this is a very subjective question, but are what are the experiences of the men on here that are married to VN brides? Question #2) What should I look out for. I've heard some real horor stories. Mind you I'm 63, have money and girls are crawling all over me that are young enough (20-25) to be my grandchildren. I suspect their attracted to the bulge in my pants more than anything else( my wallet). All I'm looking for is to love and be loved. Never been with a bar girl and never want to be w/ one. Should I just head back to the U.S. and take a cold shower, or what?

3 members reacted to this post

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laidbackfreak Serial expat

976POSTS

13 years ago

You posting a subjective question to which you've already answered yourself.....

This should be fun..... pulls up chair with popcorn

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

Yeah lAIDBACK... I'm assuming there will be shortage of opinions. But heck, they know a lot more of the pitfalls I assume. Popcorns fresh, I rested and pulled up boots... let'em roll in!!

laidbackfreak Serial expat

976POSTS

13 years ago

To answer your question though, as long s your not blind with lust, then it's the same risks as anywhere.

I know plenty of guys around your age with Vietnamese wives, now non of them are with women in their twenties admittedly, but they are happily married.

and my popcorn is always fresh

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VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

I have a friend from Norway who is 71 and his wife is 29. They have been together 8 years and are very happy together. He has money (more than 15 million usd) We have talked about this issue before.
He told me that he is under no illusions that she is (or was initially) with him for his money but at the same time he is with her for her beauty and great sex. He said he is very happy with the situation as they are both getting what they want. My wife, who is his wife's best friend, told me that she loves him very much and even if she didn't love him she would still honor and respect him because she has made that commitment to him. Some if not most Vietnamese women show this kind of respect for their husbands and will do almost anything for their family.

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

Don,
You always give great answers, and I certainly appreciate your insight. Certainly, like another poster said one must proceed carefully. But is is always difficult to know matters of the heart. Again,
thanks!

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cth Serial expat

201POSTS

13 years ago

If you are happy and she is happy, that's all that matters.

saigonmonkey Serial expat

728POSTS

13 years ago

I'm with Laidbackfreak... this thread has potential to be very entertaining. Sorry I can't provide much input about Vietnamese wives, being that mine's Chinese. But I suspect there may be some similarities along the way, given they're both from the same part of the world.

bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

I was thinking more about how one goes about vetting them, more or less. One gentleman told me the courtship is generally lengthy (couple of years). During this time the parents have some sort of tried and true method of vetting the groom. You would think at 63 I would be giving the advice, not asking. But there seems to be more moving parts here e.g. the language gap, jackboots knocking on your door and finding a gal in your house for a courtship dinner, women seeming to me like they might wear the pants in the family here (i've seen so many it seems the FM controls the $$) etc.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#10

"The one thing I'm 100% certain about is that nothing is certain"
~Donald Locke 2013 aka VungTauDon

Just like in the US and most other countries every family has their own little traditions and quirks relating to marriage and courtship. While 1 family might follow century old Vietnamese traditions another family might follow "western" Catholic traditions. When my wife and I got married we had only been dating seriously for about 8 months but i know others who dated more than a year.
As far as the groom vetting goes I can only guess that the parents either like you or not and in my case also if they liked westerners or not. A lot of people think that being a westerner is always seen as being a good catch for the woman but this is not always true. There are some very traditional families that may like foreigners in general do not want to have them in the family (no matter how much money they have)
On the other hand you have girls that would marry you for your money alone just so they can help their families. Most of these girls would treat you very well no matter if they loved you or not. Women in Vietnam take great pride in providing for and taking care of the family, not just their husband and children, but their parents and grandparents also. So they may not love you but once they make that commitment they feel duty bound to treat you as if they did (of course not all feel this way, but statistically most divorces in Vietnam are started by the husband not the wife)
Anyway, I've lost my train of thought now so lets see what kind of replies we get now. Unfortunately I don't have any popcorn

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VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#11

In Vietnam the husband owns the house but the wife runs the show. As long as everything runs smoothly the husband doesn't care about domestic issues. But, like my sister in law found out last week, the food better be on the table when he decides to come home from drinking. She got locked out of her house for an hour until he cooled down.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#12

Vetting prospective wives 101
Pay attention to how she treats her parents and friends. This will give you an indicator of her true character. Also pay attention to how she treats you around her family.
Does she love you or not?
Doesn't matter and if she is sincere you will never know. In a recent survey in Vietnam only about 35% of married couples married because of love. Most married for the security and money, and this was know to both partners in the marriage and fully excepted

Bottom line is that if you are both happy then relax and enjoy the journey

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#13

It is that way here also. I lived in Japan, and the old man could come home at 4 a.m., but the food had better be on the table. Again thanks. You alluded to another point I meant to ask... is Mr. round eye expected to buy grandpas new teeth, and p/u the tab when the family dines out etc? No popcorn big Don, your out. Gotta bring popcorn. Just pulling your leg. Love hearing your view points like I've always told you.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#14

VungTauDon wrote:
Also pay attention to how she treats you around her family.

Some of the things to look for are:
1. When you are dining with her family, does she make the effort to serve you your food. This is her way of showing her family that this is her man.
One of the ways women in Vietnam are taught to show respect to someone is how and what order people are served. If you haven't noticed it yet pay attention the next time your in a social situation.

2. Does she take the time to translate for you.
Translating takes a lot of effort especially in a dining or social setting were lots of people are talking. If she tries to keep you involved in conversations this is a good sign.

3. Also if she holds onto your arm or makes other contact with you while sitting with her family. This is her way of marking her territory...lol

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VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#15

You are not required to buy anything but by joining her family you are taking on the same responsibility any other member of the family would do if they had the money. I help with my mother in laws medical bills when she has them, not because I'm asked to but because I want to. Your wife would take care of that anyway if you offered the help or not.
Thats something I forgot to mention, women in Vietnam generally are in charge of the money in the house. Almost anytime you dine out the waitress will always bring the bill to the woman.

The person you does the inviting to go out to eat usually pays for the meal but again because I have money I usually offer to pay.

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#16

And because you just look and act like a real gentleman also. I've thought I noticed this about who guards the money. That will be a huge leap for me. I've always made the budget and managed the money. Not to mention I'm am as frugal as frugal can be. So I let her handle the bucks and she camps out at Tiffany's, or do they have a little common sense. As apposed to say a gal from the PI
The only thing they seem to know is to spend until it is gone.

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#17

Gosh Don you should write a book on this subject. Your good! I'll put those things to look for in the data base.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#18

You will find that most women who are serious about family life are even more frugal than you thought you were.
I took my wife to Dalat last year and booked the hotel and flights and everything without consulting her. She was pissed because I paid to much for the hotel (60 usd for deluxe room in very nice hotel) and she said we could have saved money by driving instead of flying.
You don't have to give up your money handling, I still carry the money and just have to keep telling the waitress "hey, over here with that please" lol...though my wife still has to look over it before i can pay

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Parmyd Serial expat

334POSTS

13 years ago

#19

VungTauDon wrote:
You will find that most women who are serious about family life are even more frugal than you thought you were.
I took my wife to Dalat last year and booked the hotel and flights and everything without consulting her. She was pissed because I paid to much for the hotel (60 usd for deluxe room in very nice hotel) and she said we could have saved money by driving instead of flying.
You don't have to give up your money handling, I still carry the money and just have to keep telling the waitress "hey, over here with that please" lol...though my wife still has to look over it before i can pay

Funny VungTauDon, I just pointed out an ad for a tour to Dalat to my girlfriend, and the first thing she said was that "we can take a bus much cheaper." I do love the frugality of Vietnamese women.

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VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#20

Its funny though that on another trip we went to Nha Trang and stayed in a bungalow on the beach at Evason Ana Mandara and I refused to tell her how much it was and after seeing the beautiful place she never asked again

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Bonesy Active member

71POSTS

13 years ago

#21

I've been with my Vietnamese girlfriend for a year now. I know my situation is slightly different as we are both the same age but thought I would still share our routine with finances.

Originally before things were too serious between us I would pay for almost everything. But as time went on I sat down with her and worked out a system.

Regardless of her occupation or situation I still expect her to pay her own way. So we split house bills/nights out etc based on both of our income.

She does like to indulge in clothes shopping etc from time to time but I contribute in no way to her 'wants' rather than 'needs'.

Obviously our situation may change if/when we decide to marry but I will not concern myself too much with that yet.

As I said my post isn't too relative to bta87's original question, just thought I would share my situation.

I will continue lurking with great interest, although my chosen snack is duck stomach, not popcorn

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#22

Sounds like the kind of women a frugal man needs. Really nice stories guys, I sure appreciate you sharing them w/ me. I can see this even were I am now staying. The lady here always ask me how much I spent to buy relatively nothing (e.g. a kilo of bananas). I have always paid to much. I am an investor so I do need access to the money. So it is nice to know I can ask the future bride for an allowance!

I was truly concerned about that. Some really good info I'm learning here. Going to have to make a trip to the store and get some more popcorn I think. Emmm, duck guts, not so sure!

bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#23

What are you guys thoughts on shopping for a bride on these internet sites? My landlord say bad idea "they just take your money and gone". Maybe it would be best to just cool my heals and wait for the right local girl to just stumble upon me. Heck if I meet a girl online I/we would have to travel just to meet for the FIRST time. Then too, you introduce uprooting one of us if it pans out. And maybe more problems because she is away from family. Me I'm not really rooted. I just kind of like Nha Trangs weather. Not to keen on HOT HOT and HUMID HUMID. I know, what am I doing in VN.
But it is mitigated her w/ the sea breeze some. But I am not adverse to moving. And there is so much of VN I have not seen. I've lived in 61 countries so I adapt well. Just sacred S83674less w/ this big marriage move in my life. And I really do want to marry.

laidbackfreak Serial expat

976POSTS

13 years ago

#24

I agree with your landlord... Don't go there I've heard too many horror stories over the years!

Talking of which I saw an advert for mail-order brides a few weeks back that stated in the advert should they run away, no problem they will send you another!
Best customer service I've seen in years

Just chill out a little there are plenty of single available women here that will find there way into your life, if you let them.

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#25

Thanks freak. Heck one can not even tell if the photo they post is them or a "stunt double". I might get there an their one tooth is stained from her Skoal chewing tobacco, or worse!! :0

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#26

There is one site that is like the old myspace that was popular in the US a few years ago. Tagged dot com is very popular with the Vietnamese girls. I have a friend who met his wife from there.

laidbackfreak Serial expat

976POSTS

13 years ago

#27

yep that site is fun for giggles... there are other single sites out there too I have a few friends that use them with relative success.

bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#28

You know I just googled the site and found several warnings. looked at one and it looked more like a social networking site on the lines of "Facebook". Perhaps it is not all one in the same.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#29

Tagged is more of a social site than a dating site. That could be a good thing.

laidbackfreak Serial expat

976POSTS

13 years ago

#30

Yep agreed it's certainly more social, but there are plenty of women looking for men.
Beware that there are some working girls on there too, but they are usually honest about it

ngaunhien Contributor

100POSTS

13 years ago

#31

Nice posting me answering

saigonmonkey Serial expat

728POSTS

13 years ago

#32

The fish are biting today bta87...

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VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#33

I still don't have any popcorn

Budman1 ViP

1612POSTS

13 years ago

#34

bta87 thought you were already married......

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#35

bta87 wrote:
Thanks for the heads up on the bride. I will make sure we take along our marriage certificate. She is an Americano also.

Hmmmm....I forgot about that

Budman1 ViP

1612POSTS

13 years ago

#36

saigonmonkey hit the nail on the head... isn't there a sign here somewhere that says "Don't feed the trolls"

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#37

Hold on, its coming. Is that a clerical collar in your photo or the head on a mug of beer big Don?

bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#38

You thought correctly. However, all things come to an end I suppose. I really had not intended for it to go this way. But I am returning to the U.S. this next week to take care of that unfortunate business. If you would like to know all the details please PM me. I have no problem sharing it all. Maybe you all have some ideas on that. But she has some severe mental illnesses, and although we have been marrie a year and a half we have yet to consummate the marriage. A lot of moving parts to sat the least.

VungTauDon Serial expat

684POSTS

13 years ago

#39

I'm not judging anyone or anything. But if you ask a question and expect an honest reply you could start with an honest question.
And I still don't have any popcorn

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bta87 Guest

0POSTS

13 years ago

#40

Mia culpa. O.K. for all to see and judge. I have not dated anyone or contacted anyone. I did not think it was all that germain to the question "Vietnamese wife". Perhaps one day I will have a VN wife. I do find the women ver appealing. Perhaps it would have been better to pose the question "married now, getting a divorce, any opinions on VN wives. Perhaps it would have been better to air the issues that have ended my marriage in public then seek others opinions. I am more than willing to do that, but I would prefer to do it via a PM.
At any rate, I'm sorry if I offended anyone or they feel they were misled. I can only imagine the convoluted replies if I had aired it all out. Chalk it up to lessons learned. Thanks all for your inputs.
If and when I do marry a VN lady I'll keep you posted

Thanks All