What do Cambodian woman expect from their western friend?
I am James (54) and I have a question what answer I can not find on this forum or the internet.
First, I am not a sextourist, pedophile, druguser or alcoholic.
I have read a lot about woman in Cambodia but ...
I have had 3 wifes here in Europe and I am sick of their weaning, complaining and demanding. I am a decent guy, made a good living and I tried everything to be a good husband. I raised their kids and really tried hard. But in the end, it was never enough!.
For a long time a like asian woman a lot. The way they look, move and behave. Realy nice. I have travelled quite some in Asia and have been in Thailand, Vietnam, China, Malasia, and so on. Now I am thinking of opening a business in Cambodia, the country I like the most. Via some dating sites I chat with some woman from Thailand and Cambodia.
When I move to Cambodia, I certainly would like to have a Cambodian girlfriend. Not too young, but a nice attractive lady in her 30's will be appreciated a lot. I do not want the lady ans sextoy or cooking-cleaning lady, but as a friend and companion. I know man over 50 can not marry a Cambodian woman, and that is not my intention either. I'll be loyal and want to get old with her, but I do not want kids or so.
I am not rich, but also not poor. I have enought money to start the business and survice for a while, but I will live a sober life in Cambodia till the business kicks in and I earn enough money to live nice.
So my question: What does a Cambodian lady expect when she would be my girlfriend? I can not marry her, is that not a problem for her family? The women I chat with know my age! I will/can not offer a luxerious living at start, but I am a nice, decent guy, decent and taking care of myself, and I can certainly can offer her better living conditions that she is used to. Is that enough or is this situation asking for problems because to high expectations and disappointment? A good looking woman 34 year old will not fall in love on my looks

Hope to get some true answers
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As I wrote, I want to take care of her and be loyal, but I don't want to raise false expectations.
.Ubove all I trust her with my life,

My first answer is that there is no "average" Khmer woman. As much as women all around the world there is no mutual personality, they in this case are Khmers, that's about the only shared item.
In every country in SE Asia, you will find women that go for the money, let's call them gold diggers or money seekers. If you are a bit clever you will soon enough find out that that is the main target, money, so you should end that relationship.
But there are many more women that are looking for a better life than they had when marrying a Khmer man, getting a baby or two and being left by the same man, without any money or support. Those women are fed up with Khmer men and don't want to get involved anymore.
These women are looking for a relationship with a barang, as first barang have a better caring system in case things go wrong, second barang are not the "butterflies" that characterizes so many SE Asian men, third as the barang will be older he is more relaxed, settled and looking for a nice life with a lovely Khmer woman. The women are looking for a steady relationship with a serious partner, not the kind that goes out with his friends and comes home at 5 am, totally drunk and/or stoned. They had that already and will not accept it again.
So in short, if you are a serious guy, willing to share your life with a lovely Khmer woman, go for it, they are there, plenty of them. Be aware of scammers and gold diggers, concentrate on the rest, that are good women looking for a good man.
Forget dating sites, they are filled with scammers, liars and fakes. Live in the country and get involved with the local women.
Don't forget that your major advantage is that you live "on the spot", those stories of women having a barang plus a boyfriend are the kind of long distance relationships where the man is away for a long period of time but sends money to his sweetheart. When you live here those things are impossible. Be a nice guy and you will encounter nice women.
Good luck.
I believe the mayoralty of the Thai and Cambodia woman are decent and nice, but be aware there are a lot of gold diggers and frauds.
On the other hand, a relationship with a nice and decent Barang (or Farang in Thai) is like a winning lot in the lottery. I can imagine that it is difficult for a lady like this to know how to behave. Her life gets upside down also. I hope by being honest and open about my intentions and expectations, I could find the right lady.
Reminds us of the Golden Rule. And that's just how the universe works. Some people call it "mirroring" -- You do good deeds, you reap the rewards; you do bad ones, expect misfortune. Talk of good karma or bad karma or just comeuppance.
Here's hoping that your decency, truthfulness and noble intentions will be amply rewarded, especially as regards your search for a suitable Cambodian partner.
Two ways to prevent too much influence of the family:
1. As Twinsguy did, give your girlfriend a private sum of money per month, that way she can do what she wants with it and if family needs some money she can give it if she wants. Agree with your girlfriend that there will be no begging to you for money by the family, she will understand that.
2. Another way to prevent disasters is to find a girl with a certain intelligence. Clever girls don't get involved in family greed, unless they are gold seekers themselves, which is less likely with an intelligent girl. A clever girl understands situations and is a valuable ambassador between you and her family.
Twinsguy you did it all right, I wish you a lot of happiness with your fiancee!
Most put their family first you are always second. The family always needs something and it never stops they tend to have large families.
Why would they want an old man? MONEY
They all want to marry have you buy a house, motorbike, car and everything else. They want it all!
I have lived here 5 years with the same girlfriend she has 2 boys 1 is 14 1is 16. She is 36.
I am 74. She does a good job of taking care of me. I rent have a used motorbike and try to keep on eye on my money.
Don't fall in love first romp in bed. Many are artists at getting your money. So you must set rules and make her live on a budget.
I know many stories of savings being whipped out. 1 man I know had a hotel and restaurant. His girlfriend got credit at the casinos and lost it all + $10,000.
That all said there are many nice girls in Cambodia but watch out!
Later I moved to Houston Texas and Dallas and resided there for 35 years. My wife passed with cancer after 42 years of marriage. Asia at 74 has given me a new lease on life.
You are more than right about their family and if you reject them no good will come of it.
I live in Sihanouk, City as they call it now. Lived in P.P. for 2 years I didn't like all the traffic there. This place is very laid back.
You come across as a new arrival as one of the worst things you can do in Cambodia is try and make a go of a business. You will be ripped off big time. I suggest you do more research.
I may have been a little harsh in my earlier reply ( 1 shiraz too many ). I am pleased KH is working well for you as it does for most expats. Unfortunately everyone at some time or other will have a bad experience. This could be a landlord problem, burglary or common assault.
Take care.
Paul Griffin wrote:0mg reading this is a little scary for me, I'm 7 months into a relationship with a Khmer girl... the warning signs are very evident with her... I am a little more than concerned... I have been worried for a while, maybe I should quit now...
If you feel that way you might be right: quit!
You're worried and the warning signs make you even more worried. It means you know what is going on and unless you can "bend" the situation in your favour the only way is the way out.
Would you mind sharing the "warning signs" as other members can benefit from your experience?
Anyway, good luck in taking the best decisions.
Joe
Cambodia expat-advisor
Expat.com team
The right signs from her she would still want me even if I didn’t have much money
And as we have talked about set some financial ground rules, it’s not that women are to dumb to handle your money, it’s just never being exposed to it, just if she goes with that and you love her, but if red flags go off , sooner than later is always best, if it’s supposed to be, then you will be with her again , if not it’s more wasted time
things have been a little difficult financially since I returned from England... the clinic I previously worked for considered me a huge threat... so they have been actively trying to stop me working, by not giving my number out and telling people I wasn't in the country etc...
this is now sorted and patients are now realising I am here.
I rented a nice apartment with pool gym etc for my patients... a long story short I have now built up my business, rented a 3-bed house, for her and her daughter but they won't move in... keeps running off home (nice place on 70) staying there for many reasons from religious days, to daughter being ill, to having a dream and can't leave the house, and as for the term "NEVER enough" to do with money,
hell yes...
but the thought of returning to my Vietnamese wife ... nahhh
I've been in SR for 30 months so far. My advice would be to look for a woman "friend" first before you get tangled up in the "boyfriend and "husband" stuff. I have been looking for "true love" in the Western style here, and I advise you not to pursue that or you will be as unhappy as I've been.
You see these t-shirts here that say: "No Money No Honey," This is a Golddigger attitude shared by many women around the world. It's a trap. Personally, I want a "best friend" and "partner," not a girlfriend or wife. LOL....
Would they print up a t-shirt that said: "No Money No Friendship" ? No, because everyone knows money is not a basis for friendship.Friends first....then see what grows out of that.


Have a nice life here - it can be done - set yourself a budget. How much would you be comfortable being ripped off by? It matters not what you do here or how smart we think we are; you will get ripped of here. Woman or no woman.
Learn the rules - some the hard way - and you can have a nice life. Best wishes. Pedro.
P.S. First question to ask a Khmer girl, "where is Cambodia?"
I asked her ... maybe I should employ a cleaner? hoping she might take the hint. her reply was how much are you paying?
her level of laziness was impressive... I asked her to go home, and she did... hasn't taken anything with her, so I expect she'll be back at some point... I am interviewing a cleaner today...
much cheaper...
all good.
petercambo wrote:Hi, I've lived in Cambodia for 11 years. Don't even think about a relationship with any Asian woman. They and their families wrote the script. They'll rip you off and leave you for dead. They know all the lies, all the answers, all the sarcasm and how to manipulate. Generally speaking, most Westerners think we're smarter than them ............. NO WAY. They're always one step or a few steps ahead. You won't find love, romance, sympathy, empathy, caring, sharing, honesty or loyalty. Only pretense.
Have a nice life here - it can be done - set yourself a budget. How much would you be comfortable being ripped off by? It matters not what you do here or how smart we think we are; you will get ripped of here. Woman or no woman.
Learn the rules - some the hard way - and you can have a nice life. Best wishes. Pedro.
P.S. First question to ask a Khmer girl, "where is Cambodia?"
Sour grapes Petercambo?
Ofcourse a beautifull girl in het 20-30's is not falling in love with a white guy in his 50's for his looks. What is that guy thinking? If this guy is nice and friendly, she could have a much better life and of course they expect you to do something for the family.
Therefor I found the idea of giving a amount per month for this purpose is a good idea.
I must say I have seen a lot of awefull westerners with nice ladies and if I was such a asian lady, I would leave such a creature too and I would take what I could get.
So, What could be the succes rate of western guy with Khmer girl? Decent guy with normal Khmer girl? Not bartype + hooker!
I don't expect to be that relationship for ever (would be nice) but a wise man said to me a long time ago: You should have a wife/partner for every stage/phase in your life. Say one for every 10-15 years. There is something true in it!
james1963 wrote:Gosh, the last posts were pretty hard. I had 3 seperations with wifes/girlfriends here in Europe though I am a pretty decent guy. From what i read on a lot of pages on the internet that Khmer woman (not the golddigging/barladies) are nice and loyal. Less bitchy than western ladies.
Ofcourse a beautifull girl in het 20-30's is not falling in love with a white guy in his 50's for his looks. What is that guy thinking? If this guy is nice and friendly, she could have a much better life and of course they expect you to do something for the family.
Therefor I found the idea of giving a amount per month for this purpose is a good idea.
I must say I have seen a lot of awefull westerners with nice ladies and if I was such a asian lady, I would leave such a creature too and I would take what I could get.
So, What could be the succes rate of western guy with Khmer girl? Decent guy with normal Khmer girl? Not bartype + hooker!
I don't expect to be that relationship for ever (would be nice) but a wise man said to me a long time ago: You should have a wife/partner for every stage/phase in your life. Say one for every 10-15 years. There is something true in it!
Well said.
Relationships between older men and younger women are based on mutual respect, trust and the will to make the partnership work. The majority of relationships are like that.
Those that fail are partially also the fault of the man, I have encountered that as well and have seen my faults and considered it as lessons of life.
Cheers
Joe
Ha ha. No, not sour grapes, it's just a fact; you can have a nice relationship with a Khmer woman but you just have to play by their rules and watch your back and be prepared to spend on them - they'll do what they want regardless of what we want. My wife is Thai and she isn't much different. Too much to go into but I've had a nice life here but many, many friends and people I've known have 'bitten' the dust and some are still heading for Tombstone.
In fact, I've done quite well here and have had many great times; I have lot's of Cambodian 'friends' - two great ones in particular. I'm not a pub crawler, I don't mix much with Barangs much - some Barangs can be just as bad but I have a few good and loyal Barang friends.
I've dipped my toe in the water a few times, married though I may be and............ well, it's each to their own is it not? Anyone who has found the ideal partner is very lucky and my hats off to them. Some of my married friends know what their Khmer wives are up to but they accept it and protect themselves as best they can.
I don't know everything Joe but after 14 years in Asia, I have an idea what goes on.
I suppose I should have posted - "Don't expect what you've been used to in the West". No, not sour grapes; I'm very happy .......... "Watch how some others bite the dust and don't do what they do!"
Regards, Pedro.
Just it's not the general experience with Khmer women. There are plenty of stories about wrong or gone wrong relationships, but the good stories are never published. Bad news sells.....
I know many relationships where the woman is not in charge and the family have a modest role.
It is about how far you let it come as a man, given that "beginners" make mistakes

I think we're basically using the same hymn sheet but singing different verses at the same time. There's good and bad everywhere. I can be harsh at times with 'beginners'; I do it basically because I was given some harsh advice when I first moved to Asia and believe that long sermons and speeches giving advice with a softly, softly approach don't work. I took some of the advice given to me on board, some I didn't. The advice I did take on board stood me in good stead and the advice I didn't caused me a few problems but I still remembered it and did my best to cover my back. Advice is only advice anyway - I guess we all have our different agendas.
I'd have to say that there are wiser 'beginners' here than I was but I have seen so many people - some of them good friends - get into trouble because they/I don't/didn't know the ropes. I covered my back the best I could and despite a few set backs and a lot of watching and listening, I began to learn.
You know the score; I never want to piss on anyone's chips so I generalize and then, as I think you said, it is our responsibility as men to deal with things as they come along. We make up our own minds. I'm lucky; I've had a whirlwind life with women and been married six times. Now I'm at an age where I just look at the menu but don't place an order.
So, life is good for me but I know that could change, I just don't want to see ex-pats bite the dust and I'm certainly not qualified or have the right to interfere with anyone's relationship or possible relationship so I don't. Posts are a different matter; better safe than sorry and I'm not hard hearted at all. We are in Cambodia after all.
Regards, Pedro.
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