Is my Tunisian boyfriend just using me

@ Joseph Silva :

Can you please post in english on this english speaking forum?

Thank you,

Priscilla
Expat.com Team

After having a stroke and being forced to retire, I moved to Tunisia. I met my husband a week after arriving. I rented an apartment from his family and that was the only time he asked me for money, which is justified because paying for housing is a necessity.
That was almost 5 years ago and we have been together since shortly after that. We married almost 2 years ago. He made it clear that he didn't want to leave his family and friends, and I planned on permanently staying here.
Long story short, as some of my family members have passed away and my mom and younger brother are going through some serious health issues, I became deeply depressed. He tried to be supportive and finally said let's move so you can be with your family, as long as I promise to come back once a year with him to see his family.
He works nights doing security, which pays fair. He knows that my money could cover everything, but says to save it for immigration costs. He asked me for money once when his tooth cracked and he wasn't paid for another week. I didn't consider that a problem since it's not happened other than him collecting rent in the beginning and I saw that it was an emergency situation.

I do not speak English, and although this forum is English speaking it has the option to translate so you can also translate with all due respect.

Justmacy - Great to hear a good news story for a change, but sorry to hear about your health issues (though in general I wouldn't have thought Tunisia a wise choice for someone living within a limited means who might need to pay for expensive private health care).

I worked as a nurse for 30 years and my disability is equal to me working a 40 hour week. The American dollar goes extremely far here. Plus, it was my vacation spot for years, so it was like a second home to me.
Also, I pay cash for all my medical. The medicine is only $300 American each month, but in the states it was $1,500 monthly. So in the long run I'm actually saving by being here.

Thanks for posting this. I'm going through similar situation. I met a Tunisia guy online and he also asked me for money. He also didn't seem compassionate for my situation and family problems I was experiencing. I valued the the part you said about in their religion, it's not a good thing

Constantly being asked for money is no good. For him not to care about what is going on with your family is a big red flag, family is the most important thing to the people here.
As far as religion goes, it's very important to some, but to a rat, money is their God.

Thanks Macy and Alum. I found your post very valuable. I was talking to this Tunisian guy for 1.5 years now and we have become very close like a couple.  We have had a few falling outs during this time and didn't talk to each other as we felt hurt. One time we fell out is because he asked for money and I said I'm also financially struggling. He didn't talk to me but then again started. There were other times due to other reasons. Each time we fell out, he made me feel bad and says disrespectful things. Today he told me he was chatting to a girl in Europe less than a month ago and she sent him money and they haven't even talked for long and he's wanting a girl like that and I don't even help him. I felt really sad when he said this. He forgot the fact that I sent him 120 dinar last year and he said it's not much but it's all I could afford at the time

Hi, I am tunisian and I've been reading this post and its comments. I think that any kind of generalization is unfair to the ones who are not "love-rats" as you have mentioned.

@shanaka, from your story,  I think that the guy is unfortunately using you..

@guestposter552; The same thing happened to me. I'm on a big guilt trip right now and been on this guilt trip before. I sent him 120 dinar before but couldn't afford to send any after that. He said rude and disrespectful unwarranted things to me. I feel so stupid and wonder why I started talking to him again. Last night he told me I am not sending him money and it breaks his heart as he doesn't earn enough. A girl who he talked to less than a month sent him money and helped him when he needed unlike me

@mohamed thanks for your advice.  It's sad it came to this and the fact that I let it happen. I'm not sure if I should block him or continue to talk to him.

I know in my country you can do a lot with 120 dinar like groceries for 2 weeks for a family of 3-4. Is it regarded low in Tunisia that he acted like it was nothing much?

@shanaka 120 dinars are not that much but does it really matter? In my opinion to your relationship seems unhealthy.

I'm sorry to tell you but yes he is using you you probably let this go on too long you saw the signs but ignore them the best thing for you to do is to block him move on with your life because you are wasting your time there is someone out there who will care about you and not what you can give them

Hi there,

If you start asking such a question, certainly because something pushed you to

Be strong my friend!

He is 100% using you.  He is making you feel guilty for not sending money?  Why is it your responsibility to support him... If he's talking to other women and they're sending money then he's just trying to get as many women as he can to send him $$.

120 dinars may not be much, BUT... for some it's almost 1 weeks worth of wages in Tunisia.  If he's already working and making money... 120 dinars would be great.  I have a friend who pays 180 dinars for a cute apartment every month with a massive rooftop patio... so don't be fooled.

Thank you very much Aleksandra, Mohamed, Page, Khaled for your advice. It's invaluable. I was feeling upset and I can't tell you how much you have helped me. It helps having this forum and you for people like me.

You are right. The amount of money doesn't matter. Even if I sent him what he wants, he will keep asking again. He probably collects money and flirt with many other girls. I remembered ages ago he brought himself Versace jeans, Nike shoes and other designer clothes so I thought he was well off. Even people who have high pay jobs in my country can't afford designer clothes and prefer to spend that money on their home, bills, food, education etc instead. In addition, I believe conflicts can be resolved amicably but he always condenscends and makes me feel bad so I'm walking away as I would never put up with this behaviour from someone living locally.

Thanks so much friends!

Most of the Versace, Gucci etc. stuff in Tunisia that people buy is knock offs.

You're right... would you accept to be treated in this manner by a local man?  Nope.  So, don't be fooled by some sweet words that turn vile when he doesn't get what he wants...

My husband is tunisian we have a son and  been together for 7 years and one night decided that he was going to get mad and hit me, I hit him back the police got involved and few months after he disappeared no contacts no financial support  for over 5 months niw. Tried asking g his family back in tunisia if they heard from him and they not responding.  He got his UK visa because of us.. it will expire next year. It really hurts because I did everything to help him and our son is asking for him everyday. I never imagined he could do anything like this. . @GuestPoster542

@vermi25 don't help him get his visa renewed or gain citizenship to your country. Abuse should not be tolerated. It's bad for both you and your son. A loving sensible man should support his family and know how to control his behaviour and anger. You deserve so much better

🤔🤔🤭@stumpy

Everyone expressed their concern about asking for money, and I share the opinion

@Maurice Doye ce forum est anglophone.  les gens posent des questions et nous fournissons simplement les informations qu'ils demandent.  c'est ce que nous avons vécu.

@ANGULARMOMENTUM i totally agree with, what happened to others is unfortunate, but sometimes you may missed out on your happiness if you don't trust your guts instinct...Many may give  you sad stories, but its worth a shot.

Bonjour,

Je ne parle pas anglais.

Merci de communiquer en Français

Cordialement

There’s an Amazigh proverb.. “If you don’t understand when someone explains to you, you will realize the truth when you experience it” (Paraphrased)

Besh wishes everyone.. 🙏❤️👍

@GuestPoster542 OMG, this is exactly what my mother's man in Tunisia says. He lives with his mother and says work is hard to find. However my mother is 75 and hers is 25. Big difference. And she sends him thousands of dollars. She went there after only 2 months meeting him online and married him. Now trying to get him here. I know that he is bluffing my mother. Yours does not seem so bad. IDK. It's wrong for a man to ask a woman for money especially when you're in your position. US by the way. Blessings to you and God Bless you in Jesus Name!

@GuestPoster542 at least you acknowledge that there is a good chance that he is bluffing you! That is a blessing! My mother is under total deception. God has a good man on your path in the future in the U.S. That will work, treat you well and not lie to you! He will love you and your children, just keep believing and trusting in God! I promise! You will see!

Prayers!

@Ciambella thank you for this info helps me as well with my situation with my mother.I know he is hustling her! She is so blind!

@Worcester this was very helpful to me, thank you! My mother has lost her mind!

@GuestPoster542 wish my mother had been as smart!!!! Good for you!