First Impression Should Never Be Trusted

XB23 wrote:

Speaking for myself, I believe first impressions should not be trusted, particularly when the person is wearing religious clothing.

Living in London, I wonder what the majority of peoples' first impression of me, when they see me wearing "Jala'biya and Im'ma" (thobe and turban). A "Muslim extremist"? "Intolerant religious nut?" "Someone living in the 7th century?" Something along those lines? Very likely.

Depends, doesn't it. I would think, you are a devout Muslim, or perhaps a Sikh with the turban (obviously I haven't a picture to go on ). If I see someone in traditional Jewish clothing, I am not sure Hassidic is the word, I think, hmm, that person is Jewish. If you kinda "advertise" your religion in that way, you can hardly NOT expect people to get the impression. If someone wears a cross, you think, oh, that person is a Christian....

I lived in and around London for many years, all my family are Londoners, so I think actually you are rather tainting Londoners with that statement. My family also lived in Cairo, where obviously dress codes are a bit different, so it is not as if it would particularly occur to me that you were an "intolerant religious nut"... I would just think, "this person is Muslim"...

Now, it works both ways... I am white British and live in Budapest, I tend to dress in a suit (not always, but mostly) as the pockets come in handy for keeping your wallet, cigarettes, bus ticket, etc etc. Because of my colouring (I am fair haired, what is left of it) I tend to get confused either for a German or being constantly pestered by tourists asking me the way to this and that as they assume I am English (which as it happens I am) - why should they, just because I have a suit on? It is not as if I am speaking in English, I am speaking in Hungarian, no doubt with an "accent".... so people's first impressions of me tend to be that I am some tourist full of money, when I have lived here in Hungary five years and have a Hungarian wife of eight years standing, and so on and so on... I didn't CHOOSE to look white British, did I? So stereotypes are not only for "minorities". In Hungary, I AM a "minority", but I chose it.

Andreas Balaskas wrote:

Except, if you keep taking serious signals of maturity on the issue of impression...

Oh, I immature with age...

Ruthyw wrote:

Maybe you right. But in this days is very hard to do.

Yes, I don't think it is just in these days but has always been. I am not into dating because I have been married eight years, and it is surprisingly easy for women to fancy me - I don't notice so much as I am not interested, I have my one and only, but my wife sometimes say oh she gave you a look she really fancied you, I just don't notice. I am not particularly handsome in my view, I am not going to make the front cover of Male Vogue, I have a big bald spot and a salt-and-pepper beard and usually a cigarette hanging out of my mouth I can't see what is attractive about that, but a chaqu-un sa gout, each to his own taste. My wife tend to point out people and say I think HE is attractive or SHE is attractive, but that is just people watching... I think it is a very personal thing, I find my wife the most attractive woman in the world, but she is not going to make the cover of Vogue.

I think it partly comes down to just quirks or eccentricities, I am a bit eccentric without noticing I am... and that seems attractive to women.... at work I just take off my hat and lump all my keys, sandwiches I have made for lunch, passkeys, bus ticket and so on into my hat and a girl I was training said that is just funny, that is just strange... well you have a handbag I don't so it just gets all lumped into my hat.... and I think, again, she was strangely attracted to my eccentricity but I obviously was not interested, I don't notice.

Gordon Barlow wrote:

First impressions are all about context. If you said you'd been born in England and had lived there all your life, I would resent your "dressing up" to deliberately give a false impression, and would dismiss you as a damn fool (though I wouldn't say so) and walk away.

I am not sure, what you mean by a false impression. I am English, I can dress how I like, actually I am a naturist/nudist and if I had my way I wouldn't wear any clothes at all, but I am not allowed to do that. Clothes DO make an impression, otherwise why would the clothes stores and fashion magazines forever being trying to sell us clothes? I know for myself, even with my own wife, if I am in my blues doing some work around the house, she treats me very differently from if I am in a suit and tie. And I have known her, and she me, for years. I am the same person underneath, for good or ill, insh'allah I hope I am a good man. People WILL treat you differently. I can put a dinner jacket/tuxedo on right now. I will be treated differently from if I have my blues on.

Hsakyi wrote:

That’s exactly what I said. The way a person treats or receives you at an initial meeting tells you everything you need to know about them. A person presents themselves exactly as they are at an initial meeting with them.

And also I have to think, how is this person going to represent to customer? Oh, they are going to customer wearing torn jeans and a three day old t-shirt are they? Now, obviously, it depends from job to job, most of the time I am either naked as  I am a nudist/naturist or in a pair of working blues covered in paint. It would be absolutely fine for me to turn up in a pair of working blues, CLEAN ones, to a job interview as a painter or dustman, that is appropriate workwear - and to have a suit and tie on would maybe be a bit overdressed, I am hardly going to turn up in a dinner jacket/tuxedo. I am STILL not going to turn up with paint under my fingernails, and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I MIGHT make some kind of style statement by having a pencil behind my ear (which is where it usually is) or under my watch-strap (where it is if it is not behind my ear).


I also ALWAYS have a copy of my own CV/Resume as companies tend to get mangled copies through agencies, and because I am somewhat experienced or multi-skilled I have to take out stuff from my CV for each company, not put it in. I never EVER lie on a CV but what is relevant to one company is different from what is relevant to another, and believe me, a CV/resumé gets read in about thirty seconds before it goes in the rubbish bin/trashcan. I always have a pen and pencil and a notebook, so that I can take notes from the employer. There are little tricks you get to make yourself friendly with the employer, oh, please, forgot your pen, I lend you mine (a nice fountain pen) and so on, I have been on both sides of the table and know how it works.


Actually, what most people tend to forget, is that the employer WANTS to employ you. That is why they advertised for a job, "we need someone to do this and that". You more or less talk yourself out of it, they need someone to do a job, you are the right person for the job, thanks, here's your starting date. They are NOT there to somehow fail you... that is the last thing they want. People fail themselves by just not being able to cut the mustard and you wonder why they bothered turning up. I WANT to employ you, why do you think I asked you to come here today? Last thing I want is to find out you are a hole in the air and then have to do the whole lot all over again.

Expatrey wrote:

some normies trying figure out life?'  I am happy to be wrong.

You are wrong. I have not heard the word "normies" before, but I assume in some sense it refers to "normal people". Now, my dear old sweetheart, I have been speaking in Hungarian, English, German, Hungarian Deaf Sign which I do not do very well, as I only learned British Sign Language. I am bisexual but faithful to my wife.

Now, I am trying to figure out life. I haven't worked it out yet, it is an entire puzzle to me and I have been 46 years on this planet, it makes no sense to me at all. There are huge amounts of things that are entirely baffling to me. That is the FUN of it. You are just wrong.

onecookie wrote:

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have been mis-led by my first impressions on more than one occasion. I wish there was a simple guidebook to understanding people’s behavior and personality when you meet them for the first time.

I would appreciate any advice on this.

My father used to say "I have been misled" and deliberately pronounced it like "muzzled", i.e. that he mislead people by misleading them with the word "misled"... I have been totally muzzIled by this communications form or whatever. I suggest you also learn how to spell "misled". It does not have a hyphen in it, not in my dictionary.

onecookie wrote:

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have been mis-led by my first impressions on more than one occasion. I wish there was a simple guidebook to understanding people’s behavior and personality when you meet them for the first time.

I would appreciate any advice on this.

I have certain tricks and trades but I am not a psychologisdt. First I shake hands (if it is a man) and if a man will not shake hands with me, then he is an ass, ActUALLY i would offer my hand to shake for a woman but although we are alll supposefd to be equal, women don't tend to shake hands so much, so I wouldn1 regard that as an outright refusal, they just wonder why i offered them a handshake, so then I kinda judge that way. The fact of the matter is that you ARE judged on first impressions. As it happens I went out in my whistle and flute sorry cockney, in my suit and double cuffed shirt which i usually wear, I think the AMerican is French cuff, to take my missus to a little restaurant we like, and was treatet very nicelly. I will bet you all Lombard-street to a China orange if I turned up there in my blues covered with paint, I would not exactly be treated the same way, even though they have gone through the washing machine and are perfectly clean. First impressions DO count, I get treated completely differently if I am ni my whistle than if I am in my blues.

It works both ways around, though. If you go into a spare parts shop with a whistle on, you are going to get overcharged, y ou want to go there in your blues. But, yes, first impressions count