Expand your social circle in Vietnam

Theres very little social equality. Most of the Vietnamese I meet want something.

Understandable.

..given the portrait of your district and lifestyle you give us...   

  I get the opposite.

..but then, I pretend to be poor...     

Sadly, I have been denied an African heritage.   I need help here...       

I would be interested in that also as I am both excited and nervous about my impending move. I hope to make some expat friends to ease the transition. But obviously I want to make Vietnamese friends also. I am hoping that my coworkers and employees will serve as a catalyst for this.......thank all you folks btw I love reading your posts and find them invaluable!

I rarely mention my lifestyle and don't remember having done so on this website. But anyway Bazza, I feel your pain and want to help you gain a little African heritage. Try starting here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjhZ0zWRm8s

jimcantrell65 wrote:

I would be interested in that also as I am both excited and nervous about my impending move. I hope to make some expat friends to ease the transition. But obviously I want to make Vietnamese friends also. I am hoping that my coworkers and employees will serve as a catalyst for this.......thank all you folks btw I love reading your posts and find them invaluable!

Don't worry Jim,
You won't have trouble finding people to drink coffee with.   I'd say within the first few days at your work place , your colleagues will be sitting around you at cafe's after work   hanging on your every word .

They'll be trying to profile you as quickly as they can.   Don't be surprised if nearly every question they ask is directly or indirectly aimed at assessing your social & economic status.  I've noticed the Vietnamese don't waste questions on small talk.     

It's good to be a bit vague with your answers.   You don't want to give them too much to work with. 

You'll get plenty of requests for the "can you teach me English " routine.   I've found most of those had nothing to do with English but more to do with getting a business partner .  They have the idea, you have the seed capital.

This blog has a monthly get together as you've probably noticed.   Also I've found local Gyms and cycle clubs have good people for contacts.    The "bar scene" is always there , BUT that's usually the start of a lot of people's problems here.

You'll probably have more than enough "coffee appointments" on your roster thru your work anyway.

Actually you may have the problem of too many people bugging you for company. 

Remember Matt's comment.    I lot of the time they'll want something.

Sorry Matt.   Too late for me...

   I already seen 'pale blue dot'

  Carl Sagan said it better...             

You guys have been great I'll probably do very little of bars but I do like to enjoy a cocktail or two....I'm getting less nervous and more excited 😃

Hi Priscilla , if you would like to know more about Vietnam normal life , culture , food ... please inbox me , I insist .

duy_dang2110 wrote:

Hi Priscilla , if you would like to know more about Vietnam normal life , culture , food ... please inbox me , I insist .

Now now, share the information please, we'd all like to see what you have to say.

Hi Eodmatt ,How long have you been to VN ? and What would you like to hear ? . Check out this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwzAC8MuqRU . Hope you all enjoy it .

I've been here 4 years now, but have been coming to Vietnam since 2000.

What would I like to hear? Here Matt, have a million dollars US. That what I'd like to hear.

Lol

eodmatt wrote:

I've been here 4 years now, but have been coming to Vietnam since 2000.

What would I like to hear? Here Matt, have a million dollars US. That what I'd like to hear.

Sorry Matt , I don't know , and really don't care who is Matt and how rich he is . I'm here just want to help and make friend .

I did a 3 month stint in Hanoi earlier in the year and only last week returned to Vietnam to do another sdtint in Can Tho. Hanoi was a wild place, and I tried to concentrate on building a small circle of Viet friends outside of work, as my host employer was less than hospitable outside work hours. Thast was a great experience because when I left Hanoi, I had generated three to four very close friends. Unfortunately two of them saw me as a cash-cow or future older husband to support them and their extended family. Fortunately I had removed myself back to Australia at the same time that became clear. It was disappointing to me as I found myself to be too open and trusting.

Now in Can Tho, I have already met a few people and have in one week developed a more cautious but happier approach to friendship. The work colleagues are also much more hospitable. They were impressed that I had generated a list of between 4-500 words which I had translated to Viet and use them as much as I can for my own education but also share with them to help them with English

Quiettall wrote:

I did a 3 month stint in Hanoi earlier in the year and only last week returned to Vietnam to do another sdtint in Can Tho. Hanoi was a wild place, and I tried to concentrate on building a small circle of Viet friends outside of work, as my host employer was less than hospitable outside work hours. Thast was a great experience because when I left Hanoi, I had generated three to four very close friends. Unfortunately two of them saw me as a cash-cow or future older husband to support them and their extended family. Fortunately I had removed myself back to Australia at the same time that became clear. It was disappointing to me as I found myself to be too open and trusting.

Now in Can Tho, I have already met a few people and have in one week developed a more cautious but happier approach to friendship. The work colleagues are also much more hospitable. They were impressed that I had generated a list of between 4-500 words which I had translated to Viet and use them as much as I can for my own education but also share with them to help them with English

Thats a pretty normal experience for Vietnam 

you can download free apps from the internet to help you learn Vietnamese and which will also give you key phrases the touch of a key.

Hi, Priscilla,

I am a Japanese man living in Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam.
Frankly speaking, I have no idea how can one develop a social network in Vietnam.
If you know smt, please share the tips with me.

I think, basically, Vietnamese are welcome almost all the foreigners except Chinese.
Especially, English native speakers are very popular.
I am not an English native speaker but Japan is one of developed countries and investing a lot in Vietnam.
That is why they also welcome Japanese people.

And if you are satisfied in your human relationships, you might very busy to meet your B or G friedns and  rarely use SNS.

That is my opinion.
Thanks,

Like Deisy

Hi Everybody.
I'm a teacher by profession
This is my first post here and maybe my last. I've been in vietnam both north and south for two years. They're a difficult crowd to integrate into. It's as If they have a shell around them.
Perhaps It's the history etc but man they're quite strange.
S.E. Asia is totally different from any other part of the world I've been in.
The most irritating characteristic they  have is that they won't tell you bad news.
You won't get a reply If the outcome will be bad or uncertain. The kids are so shy and backward in coming forward.......they won't open their mouths and they all want to speak English.? Behavoiur is also a huge problem as nobody seems to discipline kids here.
The country is very noisy and the locals are noisy as well...maybe It's the language as everything spoken is sound based.
I really wouldn't recommend Vietnam for anyone contemplating a long stay here and North Vietnam's really backward.......dirty, polluted etc...reminds me of old soviet cities a half century ago
My advice...stay for a week in the south, don't venture north and visit Thailand. Man the Thai's are way ahead of this lot.
Spoken from the trenches.....slan agus beannacht
Erin go brath

While I can understand your sentiments, I think you are a bit harsh on the people given what they have had to endure over many years. I feel isolated here to a certain degree and way out of my comfort zone, but if I can do just one little thing to improve their lot, I feel it has been worth it. Sitting back in comfortable middle clkass society throwing rocks at people like this went out with the ark.

Well thats the majority opinion of working people here .
I've been through most of this country so........It's a tough place to build any sort of relationships. It's the chinese communist influence
The mekong delta is probably the best...friendlier people but all the Vietnamese tell porkies.....ask the Thais or the Kymers.
Ask my brother  am I a liar???

Dammit! 

..all this is making me Soooo...   ..comfortable being here...     

..although..?    Insanely Jealous, not being either Quiet or (even) Tall....

..curse him...     

seanoblighe57 wrote:

Hi Everybody.
I'm a teacher by profession
This is my first post here and maybe my last. I've been in vietnam both north and south for two years. They're a difficult crowd to integrate into. It's as If they have a shell around them.
Perhaps It's the history etc but man they're quite strange.
S.E. Asia is totally different from any other part of the world I've been in.
The most irritating characteristic they  have is that they won't tell you bad news.
You won't get a reply If the outcome will be bad or uncertain. The kids are so shy and backward in coming forward.......they won't open their mouths and they all want to speak English.? Behavoiur is also a huge problem as nobody seems to discipline kids here.
The country is very noisy and the locals are noisy as well...maybe It's the language as everything spoken is sound based.
I really wouldn't recommend Vietnam for anyone contemplating a long stay here and North Vietnam's really backward.......dirty, polluted etc...reminds me of old soviet cities a half century ago
My advice...stay for a week in the south, don't venture north and visit Thailand. Man the Thai's are way ahead of this lot.
Spoken from the trenches.....slan ages beannacht Erin go brath

Magister dixit!

Absolutely correct

Hi seanoblighe57,

I've also been a teacher here in Vietnam for over 10 years. One thing I have I would say is that the atmosphere in a classroom depends on the personality and skills of the teacher. I witnessed this about 2 years ago when one of my colleagues was handling a class and kept on complaining that non of the students was motivated to study. they were always noisy and didn't pay attention to anything he said. consequently their performance results were very poor.

One other colleague heard this and told the head teacher that he would like to handle that same class the following year. He was granted the request. On day one he gave all the students his rules. Basically he pointed out all his expectations and the consequences of any unrully behavior. All the students had to adjust their behaviors because he stuck to his principles throughout the year.
At the end the students all passed and most said that was the best course they took that year. their excellent results proved this statement.

Was the second colleague strict? Yes he was. Was he playful? Yes!! Was he serious? Yes he was. And the students loved the whole combination.

I agree vietnamese students have their shortcomings but man, and would sometimes be a pain in the butt, but I would gladly teach Vietnamese kids than American or Australian kids. The Vietnamese people respect teachers, and so do their kids.
Love them in the right ways and they will love you back!!!

If I teach kids and they are not  studying well, then I do some self evaluation to find out what I'm not doing well and need to improve on.

Chao Man!!!

Hi Exmaviet, I'm both an American and an Australian and having taught in both countries for many years nd now having taught here in Vietnam for the last 6 years and being the same '2nd' teacher that you referred to, I'm in agreement with what your own thoughts are.

If staying in Vietnam as bad as you wrote, why do you stay there for two years? Judging the whole country by the people you associated seems 'closed minded'. I have been to more than 120 countries and I have seen both goods and not so goods issues/matters. I do hope that you will make better choices in the future and stay where you like and love.

Here, Here.

..but be careful.   They seem to resent the Truths that don't fit (their) map.     

Who are you responding to?

stddl wrote:

If staying in Vietnam as bad as you wrote, why do you stay there for two years? Judging the whole country by the people you associated seems 'closed minded'. I have been to more than 120 countries and I have seen both goods and not so goods issues/matters. I do hope that you will make better choices in the future and stay where you like and love.

Some of us don't have much choice. I have a wife whom I love very much and we have quite a good life together. But that shouldn't prevent us from telling the truth about whats going on here.

pieterman wrote:

Good question, relationships in a big city are easy-made but easy-gone. Luckily for Saigon, the easy-made part is true. Unlike making friends in the EU or US. One makes friends where you work or where you live. The simple morning-greetings grow in depth over time. I think it's part of 21st living to accept that many encounters are very temporary and should be enjoyed now. Occasionally, some real friendship grow too, but they need investing.

Indeed. But in Vietnam - and a few other places, for many locals meeting a foreigner, the first thing on their minds what they can use you for.

But don't be despondent, they think like that with each other too.

Socialising in Vietnam is very easy as the people are very friendly and joyful in nature.

the following ways we can socialise:

1. Join the local community meet which normally is been conducted Saturday or Sunday.
2. In any coffee shop or mall we can easy get introduced yourself with locals and foreigners
3. Visit the different places in Vietnam in tourist group from different country, culture and race people
4. register local dating sites if wish to socialise with female
5. Visit the night clubs, pubs and bars after 9 pm

say hallow to Stanger,  out of 10 can  be become your friend

akvap2013 wrote:

Socialising in Vietnam is very easy as the people are very friendly and joyful in nature.

the following ways we can socialise:

1. Join the local community meet which normally is been conducted Saturday or Sunday.
2. In any coffee shop or mall we can easy get introduced yourself with locals and foreigners
3. Visit the different places in Vietnam in tourist group from different country, culture and race people
4. register local dating sites if wish to socialise with female
5. Visit the night clubs, pubs and bars after 9 pm

say hallow to Stanger,  out of 10 can  be become your friend

Just wondering, which of these five 'ways' you are following at the moment to socialize in Vietnam! 
Or, you may have tried all these five 'ways' by now!!

If not too much trouble, could you please share your experience ... especially in 'ways' 4 and 5 .... with some of us, the not-so-fortunate ones here in VN?

Learn Vietnamese and you will find that many new doors will open.  Yes, it can be difficult, but a 74 year old friend in Nha Trang has done it. Sure, he's not perfect and he is still learning, but it has made his life in VN a lot more enjoyable.

A simple message: Many Vietnamese people (adults) are like children. When in most situations that I speak Vietnamese, adults laugh at me - at my, sometimes, inaccurate mispronunciations. I have seldom observed Westerners within Vietnam laugh at Vietnamese people trying to speak English but making many sound/grammar mistakes. As well, I have seldom, if at all, observed foreign-speaking visitors to Australia or to the USA, being laughed at by native English-speaking people when attempting to speak English (ESL).

So what does this all mean, well it might suggest how uncomfortable it may be for many foreigners who live here longer to, more easily, adapt to the social climate among Vietnamese people while, even, trying to learn the language.

Hi Dr. G,
I understand how frustrating it can be when people laugh at your mistakes. The fact is that with determination we don't have to be too worried because we are the ones who have goals. Every good goal has obstacles that could discourage us. People may laugh but it is our reactions to them that matter most. Let's be the toughest people that won't let anything or anyone stop us from what we want to achieve in life.
People may laugh now but as the saying goes, "He who laughs last, laughs best".
Best wishes man!!!

I don't understand your reply, How do your thoughts connect with what I was saying? - very strange.

Hi, Dr. G & every one,

I am not a westerner but a Japanese working in a company in HCMC which has hundreds of Vietnamese employees.
In my company, the common language is inevitably English. But whenever foreigners try to speak in Vietnamese, even shirt phrases or words with some strange pronunciations, Vietnamese look welcoming & delighted. I guess they feel happy for foreigners are interested in their language & culture.
I think such phenomena are natural in any countries including Japan & usual in my surroundings. So I was a little bit surprised at your experience.
But I can agree with the point Vietnamese often laugh at people when they find some mistakes from the people.
Whenever I see such behavior, I come to disrespect them.

I also guess it depends on the education level of the Vietnamese.
If they are highly educated, they know how tough studying foreign language is for them & feel sympathy with your effort to study Vietnamese as a foreigner.

Thanks,

You could exchange langues with some Vietnamese guys who want to learn and enhance English by their heart. By doing so, you could hang out with them at the weekends and Vietnamese guys could share the experience about living in Vietnam.