Marriage

You met in person or is it a kind of online friendship ?

How long you know this guy already and what do you know about him respectively his family ?

I would serious think about next steps simply (as you also said) he is much younger than you and in fact starting his life, with your current situation you can be an easy victim.

You should be very cautious, not that he just use you to get him to the U.S.

yes i understand he is just starting out his life and we have discussed this several times and almost every day...he is not using me to get into the states...in fact he wants me to move there and live there with him...we met online and have spent several several talking and over 20,000 messages between us and even speak on the phone...he is more mature then a 40 year old man and simply knows what he wants in life....if i thought for even a minute he was using me to get into the states i would have ran awhile ago...he has several friends in the states he met online so if he wanted to he would have done so already and moved here..i trust him with 100% of everything i have...do you no if anyone can stop us do to age?

fortyninergirl wrote:

yes i understand he is just starting out his life and we have discussed this several times and almost every day...he is not using me to get into the states...in fact he wants me to move there and live there with him...we met online and have spent several several talking and over 20,000 messages between us and even speak on the phone...he is more mature then a 40 year old man and simply knows what he wants in life....if i thought for even a minute he was using me to get into the states i would have ran awhile ago...he has several friends in the states he met online so if he wanted to he would have done so already and moved here..i trust him with 100% of everything i have...do you no if anyone can stop us do to age?

I'm sorry, but you really need to spend time around him and his family & friends before making such a decision. Even then, please be careful!

Woww..22 years old guy and think like 40 years old ? i've seen a lot,just be very careful,20,000 messages and hundreds phone calls does not Guarantee this relationship going somehwere,i know it's your life and i have no right to tell you this or that,just be very carefull,get to know him and his family in real.

fortyninergirl wrote:

i am a 45 year old woman from the united states who has met a 22 year old man from amman jordan...we want to be together and cannot possibly figure out how to do this...we are also worried at the fact that our age difference will play a huge part of us not being together...i am currently separated from my husband and seeking a divorce from him but in the mean time this man and i really want to start a life together...does anyone no where to begin with this process? and can he legally come into the united states and how? does anyone also no if our age will play a factor in any of this....

About which process you mean?

If he can go legal to the States it is the best that he contact the American Embassy in Jordan to find more information.
Or you can find information online about visa et cetera.
There is a chance that the difference in age can be a role in granting in any kind of visa.

I hope that I give some useful answers on your questions.

I will try not to judge your relationship with this young man or tell you what to do but you have to consider this:
in the Arabic culture having children is very important, so sooner or later this can be an issue. Unless he is not able too. Talking trough many phone calls and messages is a whole different kind of communication then see  him acting in real life with his family, friends and in public with you or when you are together in private.  You don't know how he lives, where he lives. As Bratty1919 stated earlier you need to spend time with him in real before you can make any decision.  Beside this, keep in mind there is a huge cap between the both of you in cultural, religious and traditional aspects which is great source to learn from each other and understanding what this can mean for the other but it can also be a big seriously issue/impact which can cost you your relationship.

First of all, I'm not going to generalize, and I don't know this person personally, but will give my two-cents regarding what usually happens in these types of relationships, based upon my experience. I might be wrong, but I'm just letting you know about these things, if you don't already, so you can consider it:

he is not using me to get into the states...in fact he wants me to move there and live there with him...

If I got a dollar for every-time I've heard the "come live with me and work here" that is used in an attempt to convince the other that they are serious & have no interest in a visa, I wouldn't be on this site, as I would be travelling the world as a billionaire!

Seriously, it's not that easy to relocate abroad, especially to a country that is very different to the USA in many things, with the obvious ones being language, religion & culture, find decent work, and settle there. I believe he knows that. Many people end up having to return back due to the difficulties they've faced in settling abroad, along with, surprise surprise...and you guessed it, the person who told them to come over and settle! I hope you've got my point? If not, I will tell you it. They tell the person to come over, to convince them they are genuine, the person comes over, struggles for all sorts of reasons to adapt and live there, then decides to move back, and obviously has to take that person along with them. The person obtains a visa. Now if he had said to you, I want to come to the States, do me a visa, that could possibly cause suspicions about his intentions, and I guess he doesn't want you to run-off until he gets what he wants. Hence instead he is asking you to come.

he is more mature then a 40 year old man and simply knows what he wants in life....

- I'm sorry, but I've never came across lasting relationships, between older white women, and young Arab men. I assume he is Muslim, and that you're non-Muslim. If that's the case, even more unlikely to ever come across that. I am happy to bet a lot of money on that. The reasons are very simple. He is expected to have kids. In the culture, they usually marry younger girls. I think even a 30 year old girl is considered too old for him. Secondly, if they are conservative, then she must be Muslim, and speak Arabic if possible.

if i thought for even a minute he was using me to get into the states i would have ran awhile ago...

Well all those who got used for a Green card/visa/permits, of course they didn't think they were being used & only learnt the hard way later on.

he has several friends in the states he met online so if he wanted to he would have done so already and moved here..

Why doesn't he not do that? Why doesn't he move to the States? You can both see each other, and won't have to go through the hassle of obtaining a fiancée/spouse visa for him. I don't think he can move, can he? I don't think so. I don't see how having friends there that he met on-line will help him in any way, shape or form.

Don't rush. Take your time. I don't know if you have visited the country or not, maybe that is something to do. It might open your eyes and you can see for yourself what the youth are generally like. Their mentality and so on. The culture etc etc It might lead you to reconsider your decision.

XB23 has good points here.....

XB23 wrote:

First of all, I'm not going to generalize, and I don't know this person personally, but will give my two-cents regarding what usually happens in these types of relationships, based upon my experience. I might be wrong, but I'm just letting you know about these things, if you don't already, so you can consider it:

he is not using me to get into the states...in fact he wants me to move there and live there with him...

If I got a dollar for every-time I've heard the "come live with me and work here" that is used in an attempt to convince the other that they are serious & have no interest in a visa, I wouldn't be on this site, as I would be travelling the world as a billionaire!

Seriously, it's not that easy to relocate abroad, especially to a country that is very different to the USA in many things, with the obvious ones being language, religion & culture, find decent work, and settle there. I believe he knows that. Many people end up having to return back due to the difficulties they've faced in settling abroad, along with, surprise surprise...and you guessed it, the person who told them to come over and settle! I hope you've got my point? If not, I will tell you it. They tell the person to come over, to convince them they are genuine, the person comes over, struggles for all sorts of reasons to adapt and live there, then decides to move back, and obviously has to take that person along with them. The person obtains a visa. Now if he had said to you, I want to come to the States, do me a visa, that could possibly cause suspicions about his intentions, and I guess he doesn't want you to run-off until he gets what he wants. Hence instead he is asking you to come.

he is more mature then a 40 year old man and simply knows what he wants in life....

- I'm sorry, but I've never came across lasting relationships, between older white women, and young Arab men. I assume he is Muslim, and that you're non-Muslim. If that's the case, even more unlikely to ever come across that. I am happy to bet a lot of money on that. The reasons are very simple. He is expected to have kids. In the culture, they usually marry younger girls. I think even a 30 year old girl is considered too old for him. Secondly, if they are conservative, then she must be Muslim, and speak Arabic if possible.

if i thought for even a minute he was using me to get into the states i would have ran awhile ago...

Well all those who got used for a Green card/visa/permits, of course they didn't think they were being used & only learnt the hard way later on.

he has several friends in the states he met online so if he wanted to he would have done so already and moved here..

Why doesn't he not do that? Why doesn't he move to the States? You can both see each other, and won't have to go through the hassle of obtaining a fiancée/spouse visa for him. I don't think he can move, can he? I don't think so. I don't see how having friends there that he met on-line will help him in any way, shape or form.

Don't rush. Take your time. I don't know if you have visited the country or not, maybe that is something to do. It might open your eyes and you can see for yourself what the youth are generally like. Their mentality and so on. The culture etc etc It might lead you to reconsider your decision.

I agree with the above - excellent post!

First, nothing anyone says here is going to make you change your mind. Second, I invite you to re-read your post as an outsider looking in. Third, you are married/seperated, vulnerable, and naive as is your 22 year old boyfriend who thinks he's in love. (The male mind doesn't reach maturity until 25 years old)
Listen to these ladies above. Please know 100% for sure, that your age, religion, money, family politics and culture will bring about many obstacles.
On the bright side... You won't have children to deal with if things go bad.
Best of luck.

i am deleting my account as of tomorrow...this place has simply upset me really really has....

fortyninergirl wrote:

i am deleting my account as of tomorrow...this place has simply upset me really really has....

What has so upset you ?

You asked questions, people did tell how they see it respectively giving you advice and that's it. Only because it is not what you want to hear, shouldnt make you upset.

Good luck

fortyninergirl wrote:

i am deleting my account as of tomorrow...this place has simply upset me really really has....

I hate to say it, but your reaction hardly surprises me...

Yeap ! we just gave some useful advice,coz she ask for advice,but if that what she wanted,then it's her call,wish her luck 

Hello fortyninergirl,

What's wrong with this picture?

A 45 year old American woman, who is not even divorced yet, is seriouly considering getting married to a 22 year old Jordanian man she has never set eyes on. Really, if you were looking at someone else in that situation what would you think? Seriously now?

You obviously still have a great many issues to deal with surrounding an upcoming divorce to even think about marriage with anyone at this point, especially someone so much younger, and from a country where men are notorious for marriages with the sole intention of obtaining visas.

Everyone here has offered you sincere and extremely helpful advice, especially that which was given by XB23. Nobody hear said anything that could possibly offend or anger you, so your reaction (given that you solicited the avice in the first place) is totally out of line.

I think that rather than getting upset over helpful advice that was given and doesn't fall into line with what you WANT to hear, you should spend your time dealing with the pressing personal issues you are currently experiencing. As I see it you're having a problem with identity and self-image as a result of marital problems and this online relationship is just something that's making you feel better about yourself. That's a real serious issue that you need to deal with, not thinking of marriage at this time. You can boost your self-image and feel better about yourself in other ways that won't expose you to the obvious risks of such a poorly considered move as marrying someone you really don't know at all.

Cheers,
James, Expat-blog Experts Team

fortyninergirl wrote:

i am deleting my account as of tomorrow...this place has simply upset me really really has....

- I should be upset, everyone who has advised you while trying their utmost to be as polite as they can, should be upset, as you have wasted our time & reacted in a manner I would not expect from an adult ("La la la la la la, I can't hear you!"). However, I'm not upset. Because your reaction is the norm & something I've come to expect. Hence at the bottom of my previous comment, I advised you to go to Jordan, knowing beforehand, that you will reject everyone's advice on this thread. So forget about what we said, why don't you go to Jordan, and see if the young Arab men chase after women in your age group. In other words, women who are a similar age to their own mothers.

- Don't you find it interesting, that older white women don't get any attention from young Arab men living in America & the Western world, but do from Arab men living in North Africa & the Middle-East? I'm sure there is plenty of them living in America. Why don't you save yourself the hassle of dealing with the lengthy & tiresome process of bringing someone from abroad, and find one in America who you can see without having to travel back & forth to another side of the world? Is it something to do with the fact they usually marry girls the same age or younger? And usually from the same background/culture? But somehow the men abroad are different from them?

Care to explain why Arab men abroad are different from Arab men in the West? What makes them different, and thus willing to marry older women?

If you could come up with a credible answer, I promise to do the following:

- Apologize to you in full.

- Pay for your ticket to Jordan.

- Close my account on here.

I Think she is in other forum by now,let her try to ask others opinion regarding her matter.
and XB23,your Post is excellent 

She ran off rather than accept my challenge! 

Obviously ! If she can't handle the advice,then she won't be able to Handle the Truth when she found out,one day..one fine day she will be coming back to us,with a new username and share her "experience" 

Of course. She can run, but she can't hide. As usual, I will find her either on this forum or elsewhere, asking for advice regarding the inevitable problems she will be facing down the road, if she decides to go ahead with it. On the bright side, this time she will keep her fingers away from her ears & listen to what is being said.

Unfortunately, for the women, the young Arab guys are quite attentive to the older ladies in the West. With the same outcome.

These stories break my heart. Of how much we rush from one relationship to another before we conclude existing relationships. I see red flags all over - age, vulnerability, relocation...If only she was still here, if only she accepted the constructive advise. I see another gullible woman, setting herself up not only for heartbreak but for bankruptcy too.

Nadzimbiri wrote:

These stories break my heart. Of how much we rush from one relationship to another before we conclude existing relationships. I see red flags all over - age, vulnerability, relocation...If only she was still here, if only she accepted the constructive advise. I see another gullible woman, setting herself up not only for heartbreak but for bankruptcy too.

Many of them don't ever accept advice. This indicates that they are going through quite a number of personal problems in their lives. If you react negatively when people are trying their best to help you avoid inevitable problems in the future, and can not see things that are very obvious that everyone can, clearly you have issues that first need to be dealt with, be it of self-esteem, identity, loneliness, longing for your youth, or whatever it is that is leading you to marry a stranger from a very different part of the world, before ever considering marriage. Due to their current state of mind, they are not fit enough to get married. It will only end up in disaster.

Which is precisely why you see on the forums, threads asking how to divorce the person they married from abroad not long ago. They were vulnerable, gullible & naive. Everyone knew that these types of relationships won't last, even they did.

I think their reaction is simply due to some terror in their hearts telling them that we are right & they are being scammed, but they desperately want it to be true ("having a problem with identity and self-image" as James above said), and instead of reinforcing their hopes, we remind them of their fears which they've tried their best to ignore because they don't want to deal with their personal problems and think marriage is the solution to those problems, and hence they leave.

I don't neccessarily agree with the above simply because we don't know these people in order to judge them. If I give advice to strangers they have the option to accept it or not, but neither way would annoy me. The question itself is naive. So one assumes it's a naive person. When straight opinions make a person angry, it's not a naive person to me anymore, rather one with a certain plan in mind.  Lots of people aim constantly to secure themselves with excuses, especially then when they know what they are thinking of  is not really wise, therefore in case they fail nobody will judge them, rather support them. Thats why humans will keep on doing wrong as long they have their supporters telling them it's ok...
It happens though, that both agree on something for the benefit of both of them which would make the story different and who knows even happy...

We know enough from the first comment on the thread, and from their reaction to the advice given. I've seen similar posts thousands of times before. I didn't judge her initially. I waited to give her an opportunity to respond to the comments submitted. Her response said it all, which was typical & exactly what I was expecting.

Funny that this thread still continue as the OP  is not a member anymore 

Who knows, she can be reading the comments, as you don't need to be a member to access threads.

Perhaps the administrators should close this thread. ??

Won't make a difference to anyone whether it's opened or closed. Do whatever you want.