Is my Tunisian boyfriend just using me

I am 31 and my boyfriend is 24, he lives in Tunis with his mother as he says it is very hard to find work, he has asked me for some money, I've only sent him $20 that gave him 40 ,he knows I'm a single mother and have bills to pay,and i was planning to come marry him and convert to Islam ,my major problem is trust,I feel like he's keeping alot from me and money wise I feel like he could find something? He sometimes comes home around ten at night saying he was just able to sort himself credit,he uses orange I believe for the service and says they rip him off,like he will have it for a few hours or maybe a whole day? I still don't get what it is he does to "sort himself" some change for coffee,smokes and such everyday. I swear I love him,but sadly with the money situation I can't be his provider and getting him to the states is like a struggle it seems, please share what you know or been through..if me ending things is right because he's lying..ugh anything

First rule of relationship: if you cannot trust your partner, end it.  No ifs, ands, or buts.

Second rule of relationship:  if one person asks the other person for money at the start of a relationship, that act equals a big red STOP sign. 

Third rule of relationship:  it doesn't matter the ethnicity, the religion, or the culture in which the person was born and grew up, no man should rely on a woman for his living.  He may rely on his mother up to a certain age, but if he's old enough to involve in an adult relationship, he's old enough to support himself and contribute to the care and maintenance of his own family (his wife and children).  The only exception is if he's disabled and cannot work, but that's not the case here. 

His complain that "it is very hard to find work" is not an acceptable excuse.  It may be hard but it's not impossible to find work as long as one is willing to work.

Tunisia is neither the poorest country in the world nor one with highest unemployment rate.  The GDP per capita in Tunisia is US$12,000.  That's almost double or even triple the GDP of Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, or India.  If people in those countries can find work or create work for themselves, then there's no reason a young and healthy man in Tunis cannot do the same.  Selling fruits on the sidewalk, patching up bicycle tires at street corners, going door to door offering sharpening service, picking up recycling materials, using muscles in daily labourer, etc. there are many ways to earn an honest Tunisian dinar.

Think twice before sending another $20 of your hard earned money to a man who doesn't have problem asking for a handout. 

And think hard before moving your children to a country where their future is doubtful at best.  If your boyfriend insists that it's hard for him to find a job in Tunis, what do you think your American children's chance would be?  Are you willing to be the sole income earner for years to come in a country where you and your children will certainly encounter language problem and culture shock, in order to support yourself, your children, and your husband?  You can do that easily with any lazy man on the streets of in NY and spare yourself the upheavals.

In Tunisia dating is considered to be a very serious matter. The responsibility of taking a  wife is a thing that is supposed to be very serious. It is inappropriate that he asked for money from you, for many reasons the first being that you are courting online and every precaution must be taken for you both to feel safe and secure in the relationship (my opinion). The other is that culturally he shouldn't ever take your money (an Islamic idea).

It is true that for some it is hard to find a decent job in Tunisia. It is also true that for some the idea of finding a Tunisian woman is daunting, I have talked to some people about marriage between two Tunisians and the customs, if I was a man I wouldn't want to do it. The man has to pay for the whole wedding and the families on both sides demand things for the wedding costing him anywhere from 10 thousand to 30 thousand dinar. Most Tunisians have to go into debt to get married.  It's no wonder many Tunisian men look outside their country to find a bride.

That being said; he should prioritize you and the one thing he has to talk to you: the money on his phone. He shouldn't ever ask you for money! If he was from your country and asked you for money before you were living together or even in a committed relationship wouldn't you feel weird? I would! Internet dating may feel intimate but it has to have boundaries too.

I met my husband online, we talked everyday for 6 to 8 hours. While I was sleeping he sent me texts and pictures of 2hat he was doing, I did the same. It made us both feel safe and sure of each other, also it was fun. He never asked me for money infact when it came time to come to Tunisia he tried to find a way to buy me a plane ticket, it was nearly impossible for him to do so. My husband isn't rich, he worked hard to save money to furnish our house and take a month off work when I came. After we were married I insisted on combining our money, he didn't want to, but I explained to him that's part of my culture's idea of marriage.

I would never have continued with him if he gave me any red flags. There are just too many risks in this kind of relationship to look past red flags.

I'm sorry but I agree with the commenter above, for your own sake it's best to trust your gut!

Yeah I wasn't planning to move to Tunisia, if I didn't have a child I probably would as it's beautiful, but we have talked for three years everyday,there is many things that happened where I now don't fully trust him and taking a second guess of it all. So about the cell thing,does anyone know if that is true? And truly I appreciate all the feedback , definitely helps me realize

I use orange.  They don't take my money. There are different ways of buying mobile data from them some are only good for 1 day and others last 30 days. It is possible he's buying it wrong. For example if you buy 150 mb of data it lasts one day if you don't use it you lose it but if you buy 650 or 1 gb it lasts a month so it won't disappear.
3 years is a long time. Have you visited him in Tunisia?

Absolutely, I have seen the same story many times over the years, don't send any more money, you mention you are a single mom, your priority is at home with your child, not sending money to a Tunisian guy who is taking you for a ride. Stop it immediately and drop him like a hot potato

Totally agree with ciambella the man is looking for someone to exploit.

I was supposed to go last year but I got cold feet, I don't offer him any money and if he's kinda hinting he needs some I'll just remind that I have bills, says he understands but than few weeks later acts like I have so much,I know we live very different,and he's from South ,we talk everyday,so I think that's what has sucked me in..we joke alot and he can be very kind,but lately I noticed he's getting very into the "a wife is supposed to welcome her husband home,do this and this" like he can never be wrong and I must treat him like a king, I was also supposed to be flying there end of next month,but he wants me to rent a place by the ocean,and I stressed to him I can't go blowing my money with rent,food,and tickets,so it has been alot of red flags,I guess it just gets hard as I want him to have a good life and be happy and I wish we lived closer,but even three years has proven you don't fully know someone you once thought you did, I appreciate everyone's take on this post as it helps open my eyes more . I truly don't believe all Tunisian men are bad either,I feel like if mine got out there more to look for work he'd be great,he says he has a diploma for being a barber,but acts like there's no good place in Tunisia either to cut hair🤔 idk I'm just tired of trying to push him to want better

Actually, GDP per capita in Tunisia is expected to be 4207.03 USD by the end of this quarter, according to Trading Economics global macro models and analysts expectations. In the long-term, the Tunisia GDP per capita is projected to trend around 4416.29 USD in 2020, according to our econometric models. Life is tough here for many or most. If he says he can't find work, it's likely to be true. But still no excuse for asking a woman for money. In Tunisian culture, that's a no-no.

Well there are barbers on every block and the jobs don't pay much. Depending on what his city's like he mY not be able to get a job as a barber.
I hope he's joking when he says that stuff about marriage while he's complaining about having no job, like seriously?
If you go to kiwi .com and leave the dates open you can get pretty cheap tickets. Not that I'm saying that you should come but just incase you end up ignoring your gut😉
My husband is proof that not all Tunisian guys are bad, but he's the exception to the rule.

FormerAtlantean :

Actually, GDP per capita in Tunisia is expected to be 4207.03 USD by the end of this quarter, according to Trading Economics global macro models and analysts expectations. In the long-term, the Tunisia GDP per capita is projected to trend around 4416.29 USD in 2020, according to our econometric models.

Depends on the type of GDP, the figures are vastly different.

According to the CIA World Factbook, Tunisia ranked 132 in the world in 2017 with GDP at $11,800.  I'm pretty sure the CIA know their data.

Index Mundi reported that Tunisia GDP per capita when adjusted by purchasing power parity (PPP), which is much closer to real life value than nominal GDP, is $12,000 in 2017.

Trading Economics, the same site that gave Tunisia the nominal GDP of $4303.96 in 2017 reported the country's GDP per capita PPP as $10,849.30 for the same year.

ANGULARMOMENTUM :

Well there are barbers on every block and the jobs don't pay much. Depending on what his city's like he mY not be able to get a job as a barber.
I hope he's joking when he says that stuff about marriage while he's complaining about having no job, like seriously?
If you go to kiwi .com and leave the dates open you can get pretty cheap tickets. Not that I'm saying that you should come but just incase you end up ignoring your gut😉
My husband is proof that not all Tunisian guys are bad, but he's the exception to the rule.

Year 2017 Spain unemployment rate was much higher than Tunisia and right now it is almost the same rate in both countries.

When a man really wants to support himself that man always finds an honest way to make a living despite of the situation of the place he lives.

This fellow had three years to make a difference but he did not do much about it instead of show his women that he is man enough to take care of them, he more or less tried to rely on his women, when he really knows that his women is not another "sex and the city girl" but a single mother.

That only is enough to evaluate how capable this fellow is to live up to a family man roll, this one is still a boy in a mans body or a pretty weak, incapable man with another intention than pure love in his mind (at least in this period of his life, excuse my language) If he really loves OP then he would have done everything to be her man. So far he has done nothing.

When there are so many obvious facts on the table against it, so called red flags, we others should never encourage a single mother to take the benefits of the doubts of her own mind. That may will not only destroy her that will may also destroy the future of her child.

"A single mother that's sacred thing"  as Rod says to Jerry Maguire   :cheers:

Ciambella: No argument intended or wished. However, personally, I wouldn't trust the CIA figures. As you rightly say, it all depends on the source.

Well the economic gap in Tunisia is very wide and there definitely 3 to 4 different types of income. In the south I would say most people get minimum wage or less putting their income around 4500 td a year. But in Tunis the income is higher for most people. I'd like to see statistics that remove the income of the top 10 percent of people earning in Tunisia, that would paint a better picture.

Just looked at Wiki and the IMF and the UN both place Tunisian GDP even lower! Most confusing.

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