You sound like a good man Mixknight, and even though I dont believe in God I know that if you do the right things in your life no matter what, good things will come to you when you least expect it.
The problem is that we always have "a weak moment" at times and these moments are what we dont need because they cause us to go off track... but that is life I suppose.
Guess we have all been in the same boat at times, but keep on paddling.....