CONCEPTION OF SEX

how do you say sex in Vietnamese?

rose1981 wrote:

In Vietnam, sex before getting married is totally a sensitive issue for a kind and serious woman. A girl or a woman who can make sex easily with a man just after 2 or 3 time meeting will be looked as a debauched one to Vietnamese while a foreigner man think sex plays an important role to start a serious relationship that can ends with a wedding. Nowadays, i know, the conception of sex is not so hard in Vietnam anymore but not most the women can accept it easily specially to a serious and traditonal Vietnamese woman even she has divorced once. A big question was made that how to reconcile between a foreign man and a traditional Vietnamese woman to be able to build a serious relationship to lead to a marriage? Can you give some advices? Thanks so much.

for a person like you, maybe stop thinking of going to Vietnam!

easy right! try to go to other countries!

Unfortunately, I think the woman will need to change her outlook.  Sex is only one thing she will have to change in a relationship with a foreigner, but a very important one.  Women need to get beyond that  particular cultural concept and accept her equality.  This thinking is from the Male dominated culture and women are forced to be virgins and not like sex as many Asian men are very insecure.  The most important thing in life is to do what YOU want to do and what feels right.  It this relationship does not work out, maybe the next one will and foreign men don't expect you to be a virgin or really care how many times you have had sex and you should feel the same way.  Equality in everything.

hubbennrelle wrote:

rose1981 wrote:

In Vietnam, sex before getting married is totally a sensitive issue for a kind and serious woman. A girl or a woman who can make sex easily with a man just after 2 or 3 time meeting will be looked as a debauched one to Vietnamese while a foreigner man think sex plays an important role to start a serious relationship that can ends with a wedding. Nowadays, i know, the conception of sex is not so hard in Vietnam anymore but not most the women can accept it easily specially to a serious and traditonal Vietnamese woman even she has divorced once. A big question was made that how to reconcile between a foreign man and a traditional Vietnamese woman to be able to build a serious relationship to lead to a marriage? Can you give some advices? Thanks so much.

for a person like you, maybe stop thinking of going to Vietnam!

easy right! try to go to other countries!

no need to make such a tension. I am here to listen and learn from others.

garyww wrote:

Unfortunately, I think the woman will need to change her outlook.  Sex is only one thing she will have to change in a relationship with a foreigner, but a very important one.  Women need to get beyond that  particular cultural concept and accept her equality.  This thinking is from the Male dominated culture and women are forced to be virgins and not like sex as many Asian men are very insecure.  The most important thing in life is to do what YOU want to do and what feels right.  It this relationship does not work out, maybe the next one will and foreign men don't expect you to be a virgin or really care how many times you have had sex and you should feel the same way.  Equality in everything.

Thanks gary so much. want to hear more from others.

garyww wrote:

Unfortunately, I think the woman will need to change her outlook.  Sex is only one thing she will have to change in a relationship with a foreigner, but a very important one.  Women need to get beyond that  particular cultural concept and accept her equality.  This thinking is from the Male dominated culture and women are forced to be virgins and not like sex as many Asian men are very insecure.  The most important thing in life is to do what YOU want to do and what feels right.  It this relationship does not work out, maybe the next one will and foreign men don't expect you to be a virgin or really care how many times you have had sex and you should feel the same way.  Equality in everything.

I agree.

rose1981 wrote:

...A big question was made that how to reconcile between a foreign man and a traditional Vietnamese woman to be able to build a serious relationship to lead to a marriage? Can you give some advices? Thanks so much.

Simple...don't have sex before marriage.  If it's true love, it can wait. 

I don't know if you're the foreign man or the Vietnamese woman in this scenario but if you're the Vietnamese woman, saying No to a foreign guy is one sure fire way to make sure he truly loves you and not just a player.   

If you're the foreign guy, then you can test your endurance and true love.  If you really love her, then you're gonna be a super strong guy after all that car lifting.   

No sex before marriage is a sure fire way to stop the spread of AIDS/HIV, which is starting to flare up in Việt Nam.  Also it's a sure fire way to stop the problem with unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies which are also starting to flare up Việt Nam. 

That's my advice.

rose1981 wrote:

In Vietnam, sex before getting married is totally a sensitive issue for a kind and serious woman. A girl or a woman who can make sex easily with a man just after 2 or 3 time meeting will be looked as a debauched one to Vietnamese while a foreigner man think sex plays an important role to start a serious relationship that can ends with a wedding. Nowadays, i know, the conception of sex is not so hard in Vietnam anymore but not most the women can accept it easily specially to a serious and traditonal Vietnamese woman even she has divorced once. A big question was made that how to reconcile between a foreign man and a traditional Vietnamese woman to be able to build a serious relationship to lead to a marriage? Can you give some advices? Thanks so much.

This falls under the heading of "Culture, Customs and Traditions".  I believe that we need to accept the CCT of the country we are living in. As foriegners we need to accept the values of our host countries and not try to change the values of the women we are interested in.

This falls under the heading of "Culture, Customs and Traditions".  I believe that we need to accept the CCT of the country we are living in. As foriegners we need to accept the values of our host countries and not try to change the values of the women we are interested in.

yeah, we should learn and respect the CCT from each other.

I think to build a serious relationship to lead to a marriage need a lot of things, cant decide by having sex before marriage or keep virgin.

I dont know why a lot Vietnam woman they scare cant get marriage bcz they lost virgin.. If they think like that, SURE they LOST 1 thing very important: They lost Confidence. Woman have a lot value, not only virgin. If the guy just care about you have virgin or not, sure..you need throw away that relation.

Need be smart girl, wise to recognize the guy whom you dating want to have sex with you bcz he realy love you or just want to have sex with you for fun. Be a smart, no one can teach us. We need to learn by our self.

I want to tell guys here 2 stories, They are true story. 2 woman whom keep their virginity for marriage , and their men dont aks sex before marriage also, and after marriage happen 2 stories like this:

+ Woman A: Her husband is a premature ejaculator. Vietnamese have a sentence to call that: Chưa Đi Đến Chợ Đã Hết Tiền = Not yet reach the market but finish money. => And the wife, she really never feel good.

+ Woman B: Almost every time have sex, the husband rip her clothes, he feel like if seeing she cries or get hurt. Her husband is a sadomachoist. So, everytime have sex, she cant feel go heaven, she feel go hell.

If the guy never want or aks you sex, they can get a lot trouble, maybe gay, maybe they have trouble with sex. I dont mean all, but alomost like that.

I think, dont have sex before marriage, we can have RISK.

Keep a relation, need clever, need sharing,....dont think a lot about sex or dont have sex or how long time after dating have sex... Just need be smart to know you are dating with good guy.

It s just my idea.

Yuli

khanh44 wrote:

how do you say sex in Vietnamese?

Dear Khanh,

sex they can call: Quan hệ tình dục, or quan hệ, they can understand.

For ex:

Do you ever have sex before?

= Bạn đã bao giờ quan hệ chưa?
= Bạn đã bao giờ quan hệ tình dục chưa?

Exactly,  quan hệ mean; relation, but when you make a question like that, people understand.

Yuli

thanks Yuli you just proved my point. There is no word for sex in the Vietnamese vocab and there is a reason for that.

Also I think quan he tinh duc means serious relationship? Or you can say ngu chung (sleep together) to a non-married couple which is the implied notion of having sex.

But either way there is no direct vocab for it in the Vietnamese language that I know of. It's all implied by the actions of the couples merely being together to be assumed by others.

Ban co bao gio lam chuyen do chua.

But like you said say it in any conspicuous way and people will understand.

Yuli_nguyen wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

how do you say sex in Vietnamese?

Dear Khanh,

sex they can call: Quan hệ tình dục, or quan hệ, they can understand.

For ex:

Do you ever have sex before?

= Bạn đã bao giờ quan hệ chưa?
= Bạn đã bao giờ quan hệ tình dục chưa?

Exactly,  quan hệ mean; relation, but when you make a question like that, people understand.

Yuli

These posts are giving me the impression that Vietnamese girls/women don't put out. And that just doesn't match with (my) reality. Maybe it depends on the age group and the location. Keep in mind that Vietnam has one of the highest abortion rates in the world. Lots of people are having (unprotected) sex before marriage.

@khanh44: you're very much wrong. there is a host of words and slangs for sex, from very polite (having sexual relationship) to very crude (f***). But of course if you don't know the person well, you will only use safe words.

Freshair,

Thank for giving those who think otherwise a reality check. What makes you more creditable than the rest of us is that you are a Vietnamese, female, and may have actually lived in Vietnam most of your life? Vietnam has social issues just like any other country. Nothing more, nothing less.

freshair wrote:

These posts are giving me the impression that Vietnamese girls/women don't put out. And that just doesn't match with (my) reality. Maybe it depends on the age group and the location. Keep in mind that Vietnam has one of the highest abortion rates in the world. Lots of people are having (unprotected) sex before marriage.

@khanh44: you're very much wrong. there is a host of words and slangs for sex, from very polite (having sexual relationship) to very crude (f***). But of course if you don't know the person well, you will only use safe words.

Sex is a very important topic for conversation. It deals with more than just intercourse and other physical acts that are taken for granted in western dating culture. In Vietnam rarely do you see public displays of affection like holding hands, kissing, hugging. As visitors here, we need to be aware of what is socially accepted.  So as not to shame those we are interested in.  Just my thoughts....

I agree. We are the guests in the country and should be observant and protect our loved ones face.  Public affection is only necessary in the young. 

khanh44 wrote:

thanks Yuli you just proved my point. There is no word for sex in the Vietnamese vocab and there is a reason for that.

LOL, ppl all over the world do it so I'd think there is a term for IT (sex) in every part of the world. Imagine doing something (having sex) and not being able to say what you are doing (having sex).

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

Sex before marriage is a sure fire way to stop the spread of AIDS/HIV, which is starting to flare up in Việt Nam.  Also it's a sure fire way to stop the problem with unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies which are also starting to flare up Việt Nam. 

That's my advice.

I think you meant NO sex before marriage.

The concept of a Vietnamese male (or any other Asian male, or any other male, for that matter) expecting his potential wife or girlfriend to be a virgin is pure hypocrisy. From what I've been told in my years here, Asian men are free to run around and have sex whenever, wherever, and with whoever they want, both before and AFTER they are married. All the while, expecting to marry a "pure virgin girl". I've been in many relationships with women before and between marriages, and as far as I know, I've never been with a virgin. Been married twice, and neither of my wives were virgins when I married them. Didn't bother me then, doesn't bother me now, and never will bother me. Ladies, virginity is overrated. A GOOD man will not care about your past history (as long as you've never committed a serious crime, or murdered someone, that is...). That's your business. And as I said, Some man may be expecting you to be a virgin when he's not even a virgin himself.

saigonmonkey wrote:

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

Sex before marriage is a sure fire way to stop the spread of AIDS/HIV, which is starting to flare up in Việt Nam.  Also it's a sure fire way to stop the problem with unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies which are also starting to flare up Việt Nam. 

That's my advice.

I think you meant NO sex before marriage.

Thanks for catching that.  I'll go back and edit the post.

saigonmonkey wrote:

The concept of a Vietnamese male (or any other Asian male, or any other male, for that matter) expecting his potential wife or girlfriend to be a virgin is pure hypocrisy. From what I've been told in my years here, Asian men are free to run around and have sex whenever, wherever, and with whoever they want, both before and AFTER they are married. All the while, expecting to marry a "pure virgin girl". I've been in many relationships with women before and between marriages, and as far as I know, I've never been with a virgin. Been married twice, and neither of my wives were virgins when I married them. Didn't bother me then, doesn't bother me now, and never will bother me. Ladies, virginity is overrated. A GOOD man will not care about your past history (as long as you've never committed a serious crime, or murdered someone, that is...). That's your business. And as I said, Some man may be expecting you to be a virgin when he's not even a virgin himself.

Discussing only in Việt Nam, I think men shouldn't have sex before marriage as well.  It would have cut down the number of abandoned babies the rest of society has to take care of.  This is a big problem around the Industrial areas.

In terms of hypocrisy and inequality, well that's everywhere in Vietnamese society when we apply western standards.  We don't have to stop in Việt Nam - we can go even further west from here and keep grading other countries.  But it's the local culture and tradition so thus...see Ancientpathos's post above. 

http://m.english.vietnamnet.vn/fms/odd- … dding.html

Tran Hung Dao wrote:

saigonmonkey wrote:

The concept of a Vietnamese male (or any other Asian male, or any other male, for that matter) expecting his potential wife or girlfriend to be a virgin is pure hypocrisy. From what I've been told in my years here, Asian men are free to run around and have sex whenever, wherever, and with whoever they want, both before and AFTER they are married. All the while, expecting to marry a "pure virgin girl". I've been in many relationships with women before and between marriages, and as far as I know, I've never been with a virgin. Been married twice, and neither of my wives were virgins when I married them. Didn't bother me then, doesn't bother me now, and never will bother me. Ladies, virginity is overrated. A GOOD man will not care about your past history (as long as you've never committed a serious crime, or murdered someone, that is...). That's your business. And as I said, Some man may be expecting you to be a virgin when he's not even a virgin himself.

Discussing only in Việt Nam, I think men shouldn't have sex before marriage as well.  It would have cut down the number of abandoned babies the rest of society has to take care of.  This is a big problem around the Industrial areas.

In terms of hypocrisy and inequality, well that's everywhere in Vietnamese society when we apply western standards.  We don't have to stop in Việt Nam - we can go even further west from here and keep grading other countries.  But it's the local culture and tradition so thus...see Ancientpathos's post above. 

http://m.english.vietnamnet.vn/fms/odd- … dding.html

Found another article...in regards to Chinese culture.  So the virgin bride concept isn't local.  This is quiet an interesting subject and differs from Western versus Eastern thinking.

http://vietnambreakingnews.com/2013/06/ … oney-back/ 

Also I think still in Asia, the concept of buying a wife is still prevalent.

Yes you're the 2nd person to say I'm wrong but no one has given an example. So is their a Vietnamese word for sex in the noun form? All I hear are the adjectives and colouful assumptions.

I ask because everytime my fiance says she wants to do that thing (lam chuyen do) I reply do what? She says you know. I reply no I don't know what is it you want to do.

cth wrote:

khanh44 wrote:

thanks Yuli you just proved my point. There is no word for sex in the Vietnamese vocab and there is a reason for that.

LOL, ppl all over the world do it so I'd think there is a term for IT (sex) in every part of the world. Imagine doing something (having sex) and not being able to say what you are doing (having sex).

khanh44 wrote:

Yes you're the 2nd person to say I'm wrong but no one has given an example. So is their a Vietnamese word for sex in the noun form? All I hear are the adjectives and colouful assumptions.

I ask because everytime my fiance says she wants to do that thing (lam chuyen do) I reply do what? She says you know. I reply no I don't know what is it you want to do.

someone already answered your question above i thought
sex = tình dục
sexual relation = quan hệ tình dục
safe sex = tình dục an toàn

And yes, you're right, who knows what your fiancee means by "that thing," such dangerous territory ha.

kool learned something new so I'll ask my fiance if she knows that word. But why can't they have 1 single word for such a simple enjoyable activity.

saigonmonkey wrote:

The concept of a Vietnamese male (or any other Asian male, or any other male, for that matter) expecting his potential wife or girlfriend to be a virgin is pure hypocrisy. From what I've been told in my years here, Asian men are free to run around and have sex whenever, wherever, and with whoever they want, both before and AFTER they are married. All the while, expecting to marry a "pure virgin girl". I've been in many relationships with women before and between marriages, and as far as I know, I've never been with a virgin. Been married twice, and neither of my wives were virgins when I married them. Didn't bother me then, doesn't bother me now, and never will bother me. Ladies, virginity is overrated. A GOOD man will not care about your past history (as long as you've never committed a serious crime, or murdered someone, that is...). That's your business. And as I said, Some man may be expecting you to be a virgin when he's not even a virgin himself.

It is a paradox that has existed in Vietnam

"There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry."
   Not sure if this was a joke or not?  I would have thought they would willingly do the job for free?????

bluenz wrote:

"There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry."
   Not sure if this was a joke or not?  I would have thought they would willingly do the job for free?????

Yeah, that was the toughest job I ever had...lol