Maids

My gf, will never get a maid, she can do all the work herself, I have seen many woman, they got a maid, and they are getting lazy and very fat, a maid is a no no

falang56 wrote:

My gf, will never get a maid, she can do all the work herself, I have seen many woman, they got a maid, and they are getting lazy and very fat, a maid is a no no

lol, yes I believe women should do it themselves too. I had one when I had just given birth and that was good, except it ended up being a far greater stress when the first one was arguing everyday and the second one tried to scam money. But I think in general the woman should do it herself, and there is great reward in taking care of your home and family yourself.

judgmental much?  There are lots of reasons why people need maids and it's certainly not because they are all lazy or just don't want to do it.  Of course there are some who are like that, but making statements like yours is just repulsive.

How many children do you have?

Don't get too bothered about falang56's reply, he is just your typical misogynistic Netherlands male, they all believe that women are only there to take care of them and do as they are told.

He'll probably wake up one day, alone, and wonder "Gee what happened, I wonder why she left me??????"

Cheers

And to take this back on topic, why bother with a maid, has no-one ever heard of sharing the work/house duties, for crying out loud it's not rocket surgery or brain science and takes half the time when both of you do it together.

And it gives the relationship that more of a boost as you are sharing the time together, making your house into a home for both of you, not for someone to lord over the other person and stereotype them into the 50's cookie cutter version of what a man and woman should be like.  Those days are long dead and buried.

Cheers

Senutyenool wrote:

And to take this back on topic, why bother with a maid, has no-one ever heard of sharing the work/house duties, for crying out loud it's not rocket surgery or brain science and takes half the time when both of you do it together.

And it gives the relationship that more of a boost as you are sharing the time together, making your house into a home for both of you, not for someone to lord over the other person and stereotype them into the 50's cookie cutter version of what a man and woman should be like.  Those days are long dead and buried.

Cheers

We all come from different cultures, and none all as awesome as ours Senutyenool, where men do have that point of view that you do. Most people here do get them at least for some time (as did I) more for the novelty I think, but reality smacks you hard in the face quickly sometimes! I think if the woman isnt working then she should of course run the household, or what else is she doing? There are alot of conflicting point of views here in the Philippines, but hey - if it was that bad we wouldnt be here!

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

We all come from different cultures, and none all as awesome as ours Senutyenool, where men do have that point of view that you do. Most people here do get them at least for some time (as did I) more for the novelty I think, but reality smacks you hard in the face quickly sometimes! I think if the woman isnt working then she should of course run the household, or what else is she doing? There are alot of conflicting point of views here in the Philippines, but hey - if it was that bad we wouldnt be here!

I well understand the cultural differences/issues, but that does not mean they are correct.  I believe that a relationship is about sharing, everything, good/bad times, feelings, houseduties, etc.

And there is a difference between running the household and treating someone like the hired help, so what if you are home most of the time (be it either man or woman) why can't you share the 'burden'? 

Doesn't have to be everything, but helping around the house, even if it is only picking up after yourself or helping with doing the dishes after meals, still shows that you value your partner for the person they are, not what they are doing for you.

Most people tend to forget, they are in the one relationship, not 2 separate ones.

Cheers

falang56 wrote:

My gf, will never get a maid, she can do all the work herself, I have seen many woman, they got a maid, and they are getting lazy and very fat, a maid is a no no

Doing chores for an hour burns less calories than running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or having fun playing dance games with your son on an XBox Kinect (And I have time to do this because I have a maid to do all the non-fun stuff.)

I work full time. I have a maid. I'm not lazy, nor am I very fat. And I know many women who are the same. The many fat women I know also work full time. They have a maid. They're not lazy. But they got fat from overeating, sometimes because of the stress from work, and lack of exercise mainly cardio, and not necessarily from not doing house chores. And they have a maid so they can spend more time with their husband and kids.

Maybe if in their home, the living room, bedrooms, dining room, sink, and storage for kitchen utensils are upstairs, and the stove, dinnerware, and laundry are downstairs, then doing housework might match circuit training when it comes to burning calories.

To morefuninthephilippines, are you a full time stay at home mom / housewife, or do you work full time where you have to deal with the long commute / traffic going home? Do you live in a condo which is easy to maintain and where it could be crowded to have another person living with you, or in a house with a large area and backyard that needs weeding? Do you most of the time turn on the aircon so the dust barely enters, or do you keep windows open most of the time where you have to do dusting and sweeping everyday? Do you have one very young infant, or 2 active preschoolers / school-age kids? How do you dry laundry? Do you have a dryer, or do you hang dry them out in the sun, where they could get wet if there's no one at home to keep them out of the rain? I and most of my friends are the latter. If we were the former, then we'll fire the maid.

See we all have different circumstances. My husband is extremely busy and I am also taking some online courses.  I have five children. So I would prefer to spend quality time with my children than to run myself to death trying to keep up with 7 people's laundry, dishes, and cleaning.  I prefer to read and play with my kids instead of having to continually tell them I am too busy cleaning.  Giving each child quality time during the day is a challenge if I am doing it while trying to iron and wash dishes...so, I don't have the attitude where I believe I'm too good to clean as I've always been doing things myself. But, I would prefer since I'm in a situation to have preferences to bring someone to help me and lighten the load.  It's been 8 years since my husband and I have been on a dinner date with just the two of us because I've never had a babysitter. These are my personal situations, but really everyone has their own reasons or needs. And it really doesn't matter what the reason is.  I don't even have to justify why I would like to have a maid. It's no reflection of me and my laziness or lack of.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

falang56 wrote:

My gf, will never get a maid, she can do all the work herself, I have seen many woman, they got a maid, and they are getting lazy and very fat, a maid is a no no

Doing chores for an hour burns less calories than running on a treadmill for 30 minutes or having fun playing dance games with your son on an XBox Kinect (And I have time to do this because I have a maid to do all the non-fun stuff.)

I work full time. I have a maid. I'm not lazy, nor am I very fat. And I know many women who are the same. The many fat women I know also work full time. They have a maid. They're not lazy. But they got fat from overeating, sometimes because of the stress from work, and lack of exercise mainly cardio, and not necessarily from not doing house chores. And they have a maid so they can spend more time with their husband and kids.

Maybe if in their home, the living room, bedrooms, dining room, sink, and storage for kitchen utensils are upstairs, and the stove, dinnerware, and laundry are downstairs, then doing housework might match circuit training when it comes to burning calories.

To morefuninthephilippines, are you a full time stay at home mom / housewife, or do you work full time where you have to deal with the long commute / traffic going home? Do you live in a condo which is easy to maintain and where it could be crowded to have another person living with you, or in a house with a large area and backyard that needs weeding? Do you most of the time turn on the aircon so the dust barely enters, or do you keep windows open most of the time where you have to do dusting and sweeping everyday? Do you have one very young infant, or 2 active preschoolers / school-age kids? How do you dry laundry? Do you have a dryer, or do you hang dry them out in the sun, where they could get wet if there's no one at home to keep them out of the rain? I and most of my friends are the latter. If we were the former, then we'll fire the maid.

For housework - I do it all. we live in a duplex on a property. Everyday I do the washing and hang it on the line, sweep and mop the floors, wash the dishes, sterlize my daughters bottles, make her organic food, dust, cook, etc etc.. twice a week i scrub both bathrooms, clean the glass and fridge... my daughter is an active 17month old. I do part-time work online when my daughter is asleep. But I dont understand why you are asking me that. My husband is Pinoy, I am no better off than anyone else here just because Im white. I have been here for some time, learnt the language, and witnessed many things. So Im not speaking without experience. For me personally, if we are talking about mothers, then no I dont think having a maid is such a bad idea. But I don't agree with yaya's. If the woman does not have any children and doesnt do anything then of course she should take care of the house.
Ive seen women surrounded by so many maids and yayas they dont actually spend anytime with their husband or children. They go to work and enjoy an active social life then fit the kids in as suits. But that is not everyone.
In Australia generally the woman will stay home, raise the children, take care of the house - and when the kids are bigger start working full-time or part-time. And at the end of the day its all relative to the cost of living. My post was never judgemental in peoples choices, it was to serve as information for expats.

myyams wrote:

See we all have different circumstances. My husband is extremely busy and I am also taking some online courses.  I have five children. So I would prefer to spend quality time with my children than to run myself to death trying to keep up with 7 people's laundry, dishes, and cleaning.  I prefer to read and play with my kids instead of having to continually tell them I am too busy cleaning.  Giving each child quality time during the day is a challenge if I am doing it while trying to iron and wash dishes...so, I don't have the attitude where I believe I'm too good to clean as I've always been doing things myself. But, I would prefer since I'm in a situation to have preferences to bring someone to help me and lighten the load.  It's been 8 years since my husband and I have been on a dinner date with just the two of us because I've never had a babysitter. These are my personal situations, but really everyone has their own reasons or needs. And it really doesn't matter what the reason is.  I don't even have to justify why I would like to have a maid. It's no reflection of me and my laziness or lack of.

I agree, I think perhaps he was refering to his girlfriend who prob doesnt work or have children, but I dont know!

Does anyone have he best tips to share on finding a maid? Is it better to go through referrals of friends maids or go for the Agency's? I used an Agency but it didn't do any good - but Im curious what works best?

I really believe that the best way to find a maid is by referrals from someone you knew, he/she can guarantees that this person is good and most of all trustworthy...

cheers!

True

My dear Friend,
I have 20 years experience in Asia, and, I know what I am talking about. I have 5 kids, I am a single father and I do it all alone. If I ever get a gf, that has no own job, she can do the household, and I can help her. I am a man a real man, but, I see cases where there are maids, and the lady of the house does totaly wowtaly nothing, and I mean nothing, she dont even takes care her husband anymore, as she did from the start. I am a old fashioned man, my mother had 7 kids, her mother had 16 kids, yes..16, and she did it all alone. What is wrong when a woman has nothing to do, and does the household???

I love discussions like this, I really love them, because some friends of mine are such fools hiring maids, sometimes even 2, and their wives....play the madame, and sleep all day.

No way, I will ever spoil my gf like that, oh yes, with love etc, and maybe helping her family, but, then she will understand and respect, and do the household without any complaint.


please fire your comments at me, or maybe, think deep, is this guy crazy, or just very down to earth and very logical


dont spoil your wives to much, if you already feed their whole family and her kids

may you not be respected?


Luc

Yes, and to others, well you are a intelligent woman, you think and analyse, but some guys, have no brains and just react out of their own frustration

respect!


Luc

My dear friend,

I forgive you your comment, as you dont really know what I am talking about

it even makes me smile

Luc

We intend to hire a part time maid because we will be retired, and it is a way of making a family member actually work for the money we give them.  And if they do not do a good job, there are other family members eager to replace them.  Win/win situation to me.

falang56 wrote:

Yes, and to others, well you are a intelligent woman, you think and analyse, but some guys, have no brains and just react out of their own frustration

respect!


Luc

I understand where ure coming from, I think its a major culture clash where people here can find the comments offensive because thats the way of life how they have all grown up too. I really believe also the woman should take care of things, however the original post is just info for people who are looking to get one. Any family who has ever had a maid has a drama story to tell, thats for sure - and for me thats why I dont want one. But my daughter is Filipina (born here) and she will grow up in a home without maids or yayas and she will learn to do things on her own. I must battle to teach her that not having maids or yayas is not a bad thing as I know her peers will find it strange. I will battle to teach her these values in a culture that values having maids and yayas as a matter of social status. I dont think having a stranger in your home is ever a benefit in any way and if we all need to pitch in and clean up together as a family everyday - then that's what I regard as  true values. I just see it different to others here because in my culture it is just expected (not in a sexist way) that the woman will raise the children and take care of the home. There is nothing I cant do to look after myself and my daughter will learn the same.

True

If they hire a maid that means they can afford to pay her, life is so fast now a days..we need a helping hands and for her (maid) is simply a job ..so whats the problem here?

If they hire a maid that means they can afford to pay her, life is so fast now a days..we need a helping hands and for her (maid) is simply a job ..so whats the problem here?

honeyclotte wrote:

If they hire a maid that means they can afford to pay her, life is so fast now a days..we need a helping hands and for her (maid) is simply a job ..so whats the problem here?

yes, and for me its kind of a two part answer - but let me start by saying not all people with maids are like this. Sadly I have seen a majority of people who are. On one hand I see employers hiring these maids and it being a matter of social status - to the point where they are made to wear uniforms and treat the maid very badly. Some employers take it to a point where they themselves are no longer involved in the day to day running of the house or involved with their children.
On the other hand for me I found it difficult having a stranger in the house as both maids I had in the past burnt me badly. And I was shocked talking to people that it was nothing new and no big deal.
I think it can go beyond just the cleaning of the house to affecting the family structure as a whole and the values that permeate the home. But as my original post implies - everyone is different and should give it a try but its just not for me.

Honestly, I really envy morefuninthephilippines' situation. After I had kids, it became clear that my dream job was to be a stay-at-home mom, where I can cook, clean, take care of the kids. But I can't afford that.

Since I make a lot more than my husband does, such that we could still keep our current lifestyle even if it's just I who worked, I really wish that he could just stay at home to take care of the kids. I would stay at home if my and his income earning roles were reversed.

After I've deducted expenses such as maid and yaya (which we would not have hired if he just stayed at home), gas for going to work, his eating out, parking, etc., from his income, he just nets 5k to 7k pesos. I'm the one who paid for car maintenance, which I think I spent over 50k pesos in a period of 4 or so years that he's used the car. And he works odd hours at a call center. I think it's not worth it.

He keeps reasoning that the insurance coverage he gets from his employer is worth it. But then again, our largest hospital bill 170k, which we paid 19k only due to insurance coverage, was from his getting pneumonia, which I think he would not have gotten if he didn't work at a call center.

It's a modern world. Sometimes, it's the guy who should stay at home. What do you think? Should he stop working? Should he just stay at home at do chores and take care of the kids?

He expects me to take care of the kids when I come home, and spend time with them. It's okay because it's a task which I enjoy. What I'm annoyed at is that he doesn't spend as much time with them when he comes home in the afternoon.

At one time, when he saw our daughter copying a song and dance routine on video, he told me, "Look at this." I told him, "It's nothing new. She's been doing that for two weeks already."

The yaya looks busy when I'm there. But I heard from the maid that when it's just the yaya and the kids, the yaya is on her cellphone most of the time. I wish I could just stay at home.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

Honestly, I really envy morefuninthephilippines' situation. After I had kids, it became clear that my dream job was to be a stay-at-home mom, where I can cook, clean, take care of the kids. But I can't afford that.

Since I make a lot more than my husband does, such that we could still keep our current lifestyle even if it's just I who worked, I really wish that he could just stay at home to take care of the kids. I would stay at home if my and his income earning roles were reversed.

After I've deducted expenses such as maid and yaya (which we would not have hired if he just stayed at home), gas for going to work, his eating out, parking, etc., from his income, he just nets 5k to 7k pesos. I'm the one who paid for car maintenance, which I think I spent over 50k pesos in a period of 4 or so years that he's used the car. And he works odd hours at a call center. I think it's not worth it.

He keeps reasoning that the insurance coverage he gets from his employer is worth it. But then again, our largest hospital bill 170k, which we paid 19k only due to insurance coverage, was from his getting pneumonia, which I think he would not have gotten if he didn't work at a call center.

It's a modern world. Sometimes, it's the guy who should stay at home. What do you think? Should he stop working? Should he just stay at home at do chores and take care of the kids?

He expects me to take care of the kids when I come home, and spend time with them. It's okay because it's a task which I enjoy. What I'm annoyed at is that he doesn't spend as much time with them when he comes home in the afternoon.

At one time, when he saw our daughter copying a song and dance routine on video, he told me, "Look at this." I told him, "It's nothing new. She's been doing that for two weeks already."

The yaya looks busy when I'm there. But I heard from the maid that when it's just the yaya and the kids, the yaya is on her cellphone most of the time. I wish I could just stay at home.

I understand what you mean, but my husband doesnt earn a whole lot - we just sacrificed all the extras so that I could stay home. We don't eat out - he takes lunch to work, we shop at pure gold cos its the cheapest, just every little thing we could cut back on we did we also cut back majorly on our rent by half. If we go out I go on metrodeal to get 50% discounts on eating out or lesuire activites or places like the rainforest parkin Pasig (only 10php entry!). But most of our time is spent at home together really. And its hard right now but for me its worth it all, we sometimes get caught up in the "rat race" where we accumulate so many debts we have no choice but to keep working. I feel for you, I know its hard and this country does not always allow the freedom of choice.
Though it seems impossible, everyone can do it - its just a matter of managing it. I see nothing wrong with your husband caring for the children and home, I think its most important that they have a parent there.
Maids and Yayas couldnt care less about the real values and impressions being put or taught to children, they just want them to be happy and quiet so they don't get in trouble from the Parents. When I first started out with maids, I ached to embrace them as part of the family unit, to show them respect and help where I could. My Husband warned me against it and he was right,twice.
My Husband couldn't originally conceive of us being able to live like this, but he tells me so often now that he feels closer to God than ever, because we focus on the simple things in life and feel rewarded. To me - its just the way I grew up, so I don't know any different and I am not religous at all, so in that he is teaching me.I love the Philippines,but I wish more of its countrymen did too.

Senutyenool wrote:

And to take this back on topic, why bother with a maid, has no-one ever heard of sharing the work/house duties, for crying out loud it's not rocket surgery or brain science and takes half the time when both of you do it together.

And it gives the relationship that more of a boost as you are sharing the time together, making your house into a home for both of you, not for someone to lord over the other person and stereotype them into the 50's cookie cutter version of what a man and woman should be like.  Those days are long dead and buried.

Cheers

"...long dead and buried?" I don't think so.
I live with a Filipina here in California. She's been in the States 10 years and in her 40's. She's a wonderful woman and we have a great time taking care of each other. She won't even allow me in the kitchen, doing most household chores are her department...in her own words.
They are definitely still out there....what a gem she is.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

Honestly, I really envy morefuninthephilippines' situation. After I had kids, it became clear that my dream job was to be a stay-at-home mom, where I can cook, clean, take care of the kids. But I can't afford that.

Since I make a lot more than my husband does, such that we could still keep our current lifestyle even if it's just I who worked, I really wish that he could just stay at home to take care of the kids. I would stay at home if my and his income earning roles were reversed.

After I've deducted expenses such as maid and yaya (which we would not have hired if he just stayed at home), gas for going to work, his eating out, parking, etc., from his income, he just nets 5k to 7k pesos. I'm the one who paid for car maintenance, which I think I spent over 50k pesos in a period of 4 or so years that he's used the car. And he works odd hours at a call center. I think it's not worth it.

He keeps reasoning that the insurance coverage he gets from his employer is worth it. But then again, our largest hospital bill 170k, which we paid 19k only due to insurance coverage, was from his getting pneumonia, which I think he would not have gotten if he didn't work at a call center.

It's a modern world. Sometimes, it's the guy who should stay at home. What do you think? Should he stop working? Should he just stay at home at do chores and take care of the kids?

He expects me to take care of the kids when I come home, and spend time with them. It's okay because it's a task which I enjoy. What I'm annoyed at is that he doesn't spend as much time with them when he comes home in the afternoon.

At one time, when he saw our daughter copying a song and dance routine on video, he told me, "Look at this." I told him, "It's nothing new. She's been doing that for two weeks already."

The yaya looks busy when I'm there. But I heard from the maid that when it's just the yaya and the kids, the yaya is on her cellphone most of the time. I wish I could just stay at home.

It is a modern world Fila-Am mom but men and women haven't changed physiologically, or emotionally. Your husband may stay home and change roles with you and he may do it proudly and well...for a few years, maybe even until the kids are grown, but he will hate you for it in the end...and himself.
It is likely to lead to the demise of your marraige.
I gaurantee it.

I believe many of you are missing some important points here.  First of all, it is the culture in the Philippines that many families (if they can afford it) have some degree of domestic help. In my wife's family it was often a relative; a way to "help" a less fortunate family member get through school, a difficult situation, or life. It certainly helps the economy.

Secondly, almost everyone posting here is an expat, from other the the Philippines. Who better to help you learn certain aspects of the culture, to help keep you from getting ripped off at the market/auto repair/service provider then your personal assistant/maid/driver. It sure worked for me (my wife is Ilokana). You decide what they do or not do, so don't complain what they do or don't. It is nice to turn some responsibilities over so we can do something else. There is some loss of privacy. So? Same as when the relatives visit or repairman present. In calculating costs, there is my mental health and piece of mind.

For us the loss of privacy is very minimal.  We tell her what we want done, in what time frame, and plan our lives accordingly.  As I said previously, we pay the going rate, so it's our way or the highway, with plenty of others eager for the chance.

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

honeyclotte wrote:

If they hire a maid that means they can afford to pay her, life is so fast now a days..we need a helping hands and for her (maid) is simply a job ..so whats the problem here?

I think it can go beyond just the cleaning of the house to affecting the family structure as a whole and the values that permeate the home. But as my original post implies - everyone is different and should give it a try but its just not for me.

_________________________________

Yes, absolutely, when bringing in another adult into the family unit, it (does) alter the unit. The more intimately involved the "new member" is with household dynamics, and time spent in the dwelling with the children, the greater this effect will be. It cannot be stopped, it's going to change things to various degrees in the family structure. The key to holding the reins or keeping control is (management) there needs to be a clear "written down" set of rules the maid / nanny is to abide by. The rules may not be needed often or hardly ever, but they will be needed... That's why, they need to be written down  and the new member understands them "clearly". Children get use to them, they get attached to them, they become "family". And as always with family comes problems. Management and a clear set of rules to (fall back on) when the employer decides something is wrong, needs correcting, or is not working out the way the employer wants it to work. Speak up don't be afraid act on it, this will help save all uncessary trouble and painful misunderstandings.

The rules can be modified but they definitely need to be understood; even as the Maid, becomes more family like... They are not family, and handing over too much control will only end up bad. The major problem is it ends bad for the children who don't really understand the "business" at hand. They get attached to the maid or yaya and they get hurt emotionally when these surrogate "home maker's" change.


Happy trails, happy travels,

Sincerely,


RR__

mugtech wrote:

As I said previously, we pay the going rate, so it's our way or the highway, with plenty of others eager for the chance.

_________________________________

What's the going rate?

And or (rates?), from others of you out there who use these resources, or if you know about going rates?  I'm assuming Manila is a more expensive area, than Cebu, or Davao?  And from there the price would go down as one gets into the more remote Islands and areas away from the big cities.

Cheers.

The times I had one I was paying them 4,000 pesos per month plus paying for their food, and any health expenses that came up. I know by most measures it is a little higher than others pay - but I was of the foolish impression it would keep them honest and loyal. Many people only pay btwn 2k - 3k in provincial areas as far as I know.

Ponani wrote:

I believe many of you are missing some important points here.  First of all, it is the culture in the Philippines that many families (if they can afford it) have some degree of domestic help. In my wife's family it was often a relative; a way to "help" a less fortunate family member get through school, a difficult situation, or life. It certainly helps the economy.

Secondly, almost everyone posting here is an expat, from other the the Philippines. Who better to help you learn certain aspects of the culture, to help keep you from getting ripped off at the market/auto repair/service provider then your personal assistant/maid/driver. It sure worked for me (my wife is Ilokana). You decide what they do or not do, so don't complain what they do or don't. It is nice to turn some responsibilities over so we can do something else. There is some loss of privacy. So? Same as when the relatives visit or repairman present. In calculating costs, there is my mental health and piece of mind.

Yes, some good points. Many Filipinos here do have family as help. But in my experience, that all changes as a white foreigner. And some info on me -My husband is Pinoy, I gave birth to our daughter here - and I can speak basic Tagalog. The first maid I had was constantly skimming money off everything whenever I sent her to the shops or certain things - but I didn't find that out until after I got a new one. The new one seemed great - and I was the easiest boss ever. (prob my downfall) I treated both of them with respect always. I even told off  a waitress at a restaruant for not giving my maid a menu. I don't dress them in uniforms, she could have been my friend for all that waitress knew. I was so mad she was being treated like a second class citizen. Then, when I sent that maid off for a 2 week paid holiday to see her family (and gave her my suitcase) I ended up with some crazy phone calls telling me her father was dead and she had to use the return money for the boat towards it. Fair enough I said - borrow some money to get back and I will western union it to that person once you get back here (I wasn't giving her anymore money). This followed w abusive and life threatening phone calls from a man - saying if I didn't give the maid 2,000 pesos then I could expect my family to be "taken care of the Muslim way" whatever that's meant to mean? After those two, and many other different experiences- I learnt no matter how much you think you are showing kindness and support and sharing what you have  - you will never be part of this and you will always be looked at as a walking ATM. My husband is Pinoy, so Im not hating - but it is the simple truth of a culture developed from the struggles of a third world country. Just two weeks ago Construction workers next to our home saw me for the first time. That very night my home was broken into. Not everyone is like that. Some are very kind, but enjoy showing you off to their friends like a prized animal. I ache so much to embrace everyone, poor, rich, old, young, whatever - but for my own safety and well being I cant. And that's really sad.

Sorry to read none of your husband's family can help you.

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

The times I had one I was paying them 4,000 pesos per month plus paying for their food, and any health expenses that came up. I know by most measures it is a little higher than others pay - but I was of the foolish impression it would keep them honest and loyal. Many people only pay btwn 2k - 3k in provincial areas as far as I know.

For the first 6 months, I pay mine 3k, plus I pay for their PagIbig, SSS, and PhilHealth, and I also shoulder their share, so there's no deductions on their pay for their contribution. After that, I give them a raise, which could be anywhere from 500 to 1000 pesos, depending on their performance.

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

I ache so much to embrace everyone, poor, rich, old, young, whatever - but for my own safety and well being I cant. And that's really sad.

Me too. My son, when he was younger, had a yaya who did well at her job. She was 20 years old and a high school graduate. So I said to myself that when my son is a bit older and would need less supervision, I would send his yaya to night school for free and still pay her for taking care of my son, so she can earn a degree, and maybe hire her as one of my assistants, if she wants.

At one time, she asked for a week off to go to her hometown's fiesta. She didn't show up after one week.  Then her mom came to us about 10 days later to say that her daughter had a miscarriage. We were dumbfounded. We didn't even know she was pregnant (by her boyfriend, her mom said..) She did come back, but she wasn't the same. She resigned after around 3 months. I think she was embarrassed at what happened to her.  It's sad.

I heard that she applied for a 2-year scholarship. But I don't know whether she got approved.  I hope she did.

morefuninthephilippines wrote:

I don't dress them in uniforms, she could have been my friend for all that waitress knew. I was so mad she was being treated like a second class citizen.

I don't require the help to wear uniforms. But one yaya really wanted to wear her scrubs outfit from a former employer because it was comfy and she didn't want to wear out her regular clothes. I acquiesced, but told her that she can't wear it when we're out and about.

So at one time, my family and the yaya went out to a mall. The kids were distracted by a kiosk selling educational materials, so we stopped. Then I noticed a man hovering around the yaya and also looking at my children. It was just then that I noticed that the yaya forgot to change to outdoor clothes. When I had eye-to-eye with the stranger, he left. So we decided to cut our trip short. We bought lunch for take out and went home, always wary someone who might be following us to the parking lot. We didn't even get groceries, for which buying some was the reason we went to the mall. From then on, we told the yayas that they are not allowed to wear uniforms either inside or outside the house.

I think house help uniforms are an eyesore for robbers and pickpockets. Having a white husband and 2 fair-skinned kids with light brown hair, it's easy to attract attention. We try to avoid being too "visible", and uniforms on yayas just make it harder to do so.