What should I do for my marriage problem?

could be a personality disorder. do a little bit of reading on it. sounds like BPD

i don't know what you promised her before you married her, but a foreigner is only good if he bring hís Vietnamese wife to hís country for live thêre or ìf he build her a house in Vietnam.
I know Vietnam more than 20 years and 20 years ago the Vietnamese girls were happy with a new telephone, 10 years ago only happy with a new motorbike and now only with a new house.
Don't dream, good luck

De Clercq Tony wrote:

I know Vietnam more than 20 years and 20 years ago the Vietnamese girls were happy with a new telephone, 10 years ago only happy with a new motorbike and now only with a new house. Don't dream, good luck

... and pretty soon, VN girls will only be happy using their new phone to find a new husband or new boyfriend to live in their new house with the new motorbike in their new country ...

I love going into a VN coffee shop (in fact, into many coffee shops or restaurants in the world) as no one speaks to their date / associate / family member school or work mate anymore, etc. Everyone is on their phone (presumably checking out whether there are new 'deals' on phones, motorbike, houses, mates, countries, etc.) ... LOL!

I have not read all the replies, but I read your post. I am going through a similar situation. This gals are very cunning. This country is female dominate when it comes to family life in general. Yes, there will be those on this site married to Vietnamese that feel differently. But all one has to do is look at any situation here, it is being run by the women.
Two they will not submit to therapy or marriage counseling. The culture believes you should just suck it up and cope. I think tatty is what all the men are doing with their buddies at the coffee shops and bars...coping with the gal at home.
If you do not have money or immigration in mind for most of them....you are history.
I wish I could tell you howe many offers I have had for sincere love and caring for me the remainder of my life for $1,000 a boy payment to them..$2,000 .... a $500K house.
My advice is close up shop and move on with this one. Grovel with her and she will love it. They know then they have you by the short hair. Don't communicate with her in any way. Then you have removed everything that she has to control you by.
Me I am packing up and leaving these gorgeous girls to the next guy that falls for their BS.
Good luck..cheer up your the lucky won. you can escape, she can not.

You say you lament wether you have done enough to please her, if you have done something wrong and can correct it. Mine does the same thing and I have had the same thoughts. But for a spouse that really cares, that really loves you she will come to you and tell you these things. She will tell you there is something she does not like and work with you to correct it. That is in normal relationships. But here they do not and will not do that. Don't beat yourself up. Just beat feet for the exit and move on. At least go dormant and do not acknowledge herder 6 monks to a year. The truth will surface I think. In the meantime you can let the wounds heal.

Yogi loves reading this stuff.   

These threads should be compulsory viewing for all single foreign males PRIOR to collecting their airline boarding pass to come here to SE Asia.

The preflight safety video should incorporate a "read on " option for vulnerable men.   

Yogi could never understand why reasonably sane , mature, well educated men could come here and be so easily reduced to a jibbering mess , fleeced of their money and become alcoholics to ease the pain of the self destruction.   See it so many times.

I initially thought the airline food was drugged, or, maybe the cabin pressure has fucked up there brains train of thought.    Somethings happening up there at about 36,000 feet.    It's mind boggling for Yogi.

These guys step onto a plane with presumably all their faculties and wits about them.     About 10 hours later they step onto the Tarmac in SE Asia and start jumping up and down, slapping their dicks and can't wait to start marrying people and buying them houses.   

It's an unexplained phenomena .......bit like the Bermuda Triangle yogi thinks..........whooooooa. 

What can it be

Yogi,
  That is too funny but very true. I know i ate the same airline food. It seems like such a panacea, but it is a shakedown in some form or another. To be certain there must be some good outcomes. But I never fell for the big money scams. But the register is always going caching with these gals.
  We should make a sticky thread with all the does and don't and how to safeguard your bank account and sanity.
  Heck there are enough of them wanting to run the game you could have a different house guest every week and never marry the greedy souls.

Diazo wrote:

Yogi,
  That is too funny but very true. I know i ate the same airline food. It seems like such a panacea, but it is a shakedown in some form or another. To be certain there must be some good outcomes. But I never fell for the big money scams. But the register is always going caching with these gals.
  We should make a sticky thread with all the does and don't and how to safeguard your bank account and sanity.
  Heck there are enough of them wanting to run the game you could have a different house guest every week and never marry the greedy souls.

..YOU'RE THAT RICH..???    MARRY MEEEE..!!!   

Now your talkin.....
Different house guest every week.   😆😆

Ya see, Yogi believes that survival here is relevant to your ability to adapt to the new set of circumstances we face here.

And as such, Yogi has embraced the communist ideal......oh yes....  Ya see, Yogi feels it is selfish to not share the wealth of passion and desire that we males have in abundance.    Uncle Ho would be proud of Yogi.
I have come to this country and believe in the communal sharing and equality for all that is clearly evident here.😆😆

Why devote all your energy to one woman.  That's favouritism in the extreme.   

Seriously, it's not a bad idea to have " friends with benefits" .     Your not promising anything, you treat them well and you have variety and flexibility .   A guy I know here has a " house mouse" .  She is a friend that comes in every week and cleans his joint, does his washing and brings stuff from the markets. ( he's basically a useles bastard) but that aside, he has an "arrangement" with her.  It's commercial and no strings attached.   

She gets paid , he gets his house keeping done with a few fringe benefits.   And there's no lies and BS because both parties understand the arrangement. 

Yogi had a house mouse ....

But one day she turned up with 40kg of luggage, a dog, a bird and a shitload of pots and pans.....

Grrrrrrrr

..yet under the gruff exterior, there beats a heart of gold..!

Give it up, Yogi!   We all know you're a soft touch...   

All jokes aside.

We all understand that relationships here can be difficult for some.  As some of you would be aware ,  there are relationship support groups for people that are experiencing problems in their relationships..ie , PWOP, Parents without Partners etc...

It has come to Yogi's attention that a new support group S.W.O.P has been established here in VN to assist men with wives & GFs clearing out on them.

Sex Without Partners , is a non profit organisation formed to lend a hand to foreign men having difficulty with there relationships.   They have social occasions and get togethers .   

In Nha Trang they are having a film night at the local cinema.  They've got an old favourite showing Bruce Lee starring in " Fists of Fury" .

Valentine's Day tomorrow ......it should be good.,

Bazza139 wrote:

..yet under the gruff exterior, there beats a heart of gold..!

Give it up, Yogi!   We all know you're a soft touch...   

Grrrrrr,, low blow Bazz.   

The landlady here said the same thing when I let her in. 

She didn't last long..... Her dog & bird didn't get along with Boo Boo.

Plus.....I think Roy and two of my imaginary friends were a bit too friendly towards her...

Yogi007 wrote:

The preflight safety video should incorporate a "read on " option for vulnerable men.

I agree with most of what you said about the subject, but I personally don't feel much sympathy for them. You know, when you go somewhere and suddenly a gorgeous 25 years old (so gorgeous you could imagine her on a fashion magazine) starts showing you heavy interest, you have to ask yourself a question: is she after me for my amazing look and personality (if you can even manage to exchange more than 4 words) or is there something else she wants?

I believe in the natural process of elimination: if you don't understand these things, you will learn the hard way and that's how it should be. If tomorrow you put all of your savings on a penny stock because you strongly believe they will find a huge amount of gold, then don't cry to me when you lose everything. If you get married to a gorgeous young model after a few weeks and you're not Brad Pitt or Bill Gates...

WillyBaldy wrote:

Yogi007 wrote:

The preflight safety video should incorporate a "read on " option for vulnerable men.

I agree with most of what you said about the subject, but I personally don't feel much sympathy for them. You know, when you go somewhere and suddenly a gorgeous 25 years old (so gorgeous you could imagine her on a fashion magazine) starts showing you heavy interest, you have to ask yourself a question: is she after me for my amazing look and personality (if you can even manage to exchange more than 4 words) or is there something else she wants?

I believe in the natural process of elimination: if you don't understand these things, you will learn the hard way and that's how it should be. If tomorrow you put all of your savings on a penny stock because you strongly believe they will find a huge amount of gold, then don't cry to me when you lose everything. If you get married to a gorgeous young model after a few weeks and you're not Brad Pitt or Bill Gates...

Such self-evident truths cannot apply to (most) men.

Ego gets in the way; so we must learn from our mistakes: unique ones..?   

Refusing to connect-the-dots is equally irrational...     

Yogi007 wrote:

Yogi could never understand why reasonably sane , mature, well educated men could come here and be so easily reduced to a jibbering mess , fleeced of their money and become alcoholics to ease the pain of the self destruction.   See it so many times.

no different to someone getting conned by spammers. this happens because expectations doesn't meet reality.

As by Vietnamese tradition, I will have been married to the same, Vietnamese, woman for 46 years I don't have much experience with this sort of thing except for a couple of American Women in the 1960s and a rather political relationship with a friend of the Village Chief's wife in early 1971.

What worked in the 1960s and early 1971 surviving a couple of similar issues was the fact that I did make a serious attempt to understand their point of view. What has worked for the last nearly 46 years of a happy marriage is the same thing, understanding the other person. That involves real work and being able to speak the language of the other person is also an important part of understanding them.

I try my best to figure out what the other person wants and needs from a relationship. If it is a fit with who I am fine. If not, walk.

Hi Lee,

Hope you feel better today.

I'm a Vietnamese married woman, and I can tell her feeling, not exactly 100% percent, but I had that thought before many times, just never done it yet.

My husband sounds like you but he's not an expat. We married more than 1 year ago and recently we had many fights for many reasons. Every time we fight, I feel very depress and I just want to go back to my house because I afraid if I still stay with him, the trouble may become bigger if we can't solve it yet.
But I never leave, I packed my clothes almost 3 times but I never leave, because I can't imagine a night sleeping without him, waking up without him. That's why I stayed all the time and we talked about the problems.

Since I have similar thought to your wife, I wonder what were the things caused your fights ? Please name some example because without a deep understanding about your situation, I cannot give you any thoughts. I read your post but I couldn't read all the comments, they are so many. Please quote some of the detail of your situation for me either.

Sincere,
Huyen

yo, yo yo home slice, to the heart-broken Korean fellow
look homie take it from a joker who has been around the block a time or two. in marriage and with girlfriends but especially in a marriage the #1 priority is sex! sure money comes in at #2 and yes the ladies want to be provided for but the #1 deal is the sex. if you ain't boning that honey right it don't make no difference how much moolah you got (they'll just find a way to separate you from it and move on) you are still gonna look like a chump to them. the bottom line is....a woman wants a man to put that kitty to sleep. you can be a drunken lout who can never keep a job but if you banging the hinges off that door she'll get out there and pay the bills for you! you gotta go deep and long! put stars in her eyes and she'll only have eyes for you!
let's do a little detective work here. you say you don't drink, work steady and come home every night. got a good paying job, making good money. why is sweetie upset?
um, er duh.....what is left out of this equation? um, er......I dunno? and that is why nothing you do is right. why she is biting your head off over every little thing. the honey is frustrated! she wants to be loved long time! you cum quats can blah, blah this and blah, blah that til the cows come home but nature has got the last say in this deal and don't you ever forget it!

now naturally this advice does not hold true for every woman, of course......but I would hazard to guess in this case it is probably true. home slice, you got to work on your love game.....no, not the bulls.it flowers and corny cards.....you got to work on your night game, when the lights are low and the mood is right you can't be uptight......you got to do it RIGHT! you got to make 'em tingle, in order to mingle. if your equipment is short...go long! don't just pop the cork cause you feel like it, make sure she is satisfied. do what you gotta do to put that twinkle in her eye. now in the end if you think about it......it will do wonders for your self-esteem because when the two of you take a picture together she won't be looking straight ahead......she'll be looking at YOU! her head will be tilted in your direction with a slight smile on her pretty face and you'll know why she is smiling! that's right sports fans..........take it to the arena of love! look at it as a love battle. you gonna beat that bearded clam til it pops open and then you gonna suck all the goodness right out! be a man.........slam it home! you gotta nail that "billie" to the mattress. and don't just have the love play in the bedroom with all the lights off. make every room in the house a bedroom! remember variety is the spice of life, especially when you're married and she is looking at the same old jabloney; and the same goes for you too. you're looking at her every day and it is bound to get tired, but you can always use your imagination and change it up a little. don't always be the same old stooge! be Johnny big shot for a change, but be cool when you do it cause I'm sure she can spot a fake.
I should get paid for this!!

anyway I got more but you're probably tired of my rant.

good luck with the next one......................cause this one is kaput!
learn how to make love shorty...

my credentials: 3 marriages, numerous girlfriends (dated white, black, yellow, tan, red and cream colored). I am not a "stick man" but I know how to love 'em right.

sweet peter, jeter
the womb beater.....
impty dimp
the g--- ho's pimp!
talking s--- and swapping spit!
a lover renown from out of town,
200 pounds of round brown
making love to all the ho's
in this jive a-- town!

Mrs. King's youngest son Bob!

Perhaps she is projecting her own frustration onto you?

* dead-end life?
* no job or hobby to keep her busy and feelign fulfilled?
* bad or no sex?

When we feel down, we might want to lash out and hurt someone else.

HER problems will remain even if you divorced her and gave her all your money. So will your problems.

Some separation might work?

Q: care to elaborate what exactly upsets her?

I've been guilty of being messy, a slob, lazy, messing with her clothes, throwing out some of  h e r  stuff (...) Micro managing things

Her being late drives me nuts.

She won't change the oil even when I want to pay for it. She won't sell disused smart phones which were frightfully expensive. Etc. etc.

Do share something. What exactly has she been mad about?

I drank all her Perrier water and never replaced it. And my worst mistake? Criticising her!!!
...

Us men call it mid-life-crisis. I bought big bikes and now a Porsche. She might experience something like it?

There is a counseling school that recently opened up to deal with this sort of problem. You might be able to ask around at Master's Cup to find out about it.

Also, do either of you go to church? I recommend you attend one here, it will help with the emotional side of thing and give you some connections that may be able to help you.

In my experience, if the women really wants to go, and you've done everything you can,  just let her go.

On the other hand, she might have some mental or emotional problem that needs to be addressed.