I thought this forum haven't had a post about relationships for quite a while now so I'm jumping head first with my own post 😂
So, to try to keep this short, I'm a 50 years old Canadian guy who was married to a Vietnamese woman from Saigon from 2011 to 2015. Since then I've been dating a few times in Canada and Vietnam but nothing very serious or long term, even though ultimately a long term relationship is what I'm into.
I feel my understanding of Vietnamese culture after all these years is quite good although I probably still have some blind spots as I haven't been here full time so far. Dating Vietnamese women has been difficult and I kind of stopped for a while. I feel disrespected at times (ex girlfriend reaching in my pocket to get cash without asking me to pay for a meal including a bunch of her friends) or just overwhelmed by the amount of jealousy and mistrust if you've got any old time female friend. But mainly, it never really clicked.
Fast forward to November 2025. I'm spending six months in Rạch Giá (it's like my second hometown, I'm feeling at home even more than my city of Montreal in Canada). I did see the same woman a few times working at Mega Market as a "security agent" for motorbikes. I'm far from being fluent in Vietnamese but can hold short conversations in the South dialect and after a while I asked her if she had a husband. Found out she was divorced like me (with a four years old daughter). We hit it off quickly and are now pretty much in love. Strange feeling for me as it's been quite a while.
Now, enter the topic of money. This topic is difficult for me to navigate as I don't want money to be the centerpiece of our relationship, but at the same time I make more than 50 times her hourly salary (after painful Canadian income tax). She eventually asked me for my salary (of course, actually took some time haha) and I told her a much smaller amount which is still upper middle class in Vietnam. She told me because she has a dream that one day we could buy a house in Vietnam, she has land (owned by her mother) she could sell for a billion so she'd also have money to invest.
As I'm not fresh from the boat, worry not for me, I'm not going to jump head first and buy something that would be under her name anyway. I told her that no matter what, before we ever got married or before we ever bought something, I'd rent an apartment or house and we'd live together for at least a year to see if things work long term before next steps are discussed.
My question is for those who have been in long term relationships here with Vietnamese women. I know there's a bunch of you. So I don't feel like being overly cautious with my money. I'm 50 and I'm willing to take some risks. I don't want to shower her with money (I already told her I'm not the type of guy who will buy her iPhones at 30t) but for example I'd be willing to give her 30t for a formation that would allow her to get a slightly higher paid job and be more financially independent. Her daughter's dad is still in the picture, lives far away but sends 5t each month for her daughter. I told her I'd be a good friend to her daughter but never a dad, and that I'd take care of her financially but not her whole family. She never asked for money (beside telling me about her very ambitious dream of buying a house one day).
How would you navigate this financially? I know she really loves me (I trust my judgement, wasn't wrong about my ex wife either) and I know she's genuinely attracted to me (won't give you proof but yeah...). I'm not naive though, and I know money is part of the equation. Should she be happy enough if I cover expenses when we go to restaurants and maybe help her from time to time with some expenses? While I'm back to Canada for a few months preparing for my return to Vietnam, should I send her some money monthly to make her standard if living a bit better? Are those silly questions? 😝
