Retiring to the Philippines

Soonretired wrote:

geolefrench wrote:

I know some expats who are really paranoid in the Philippines like soonretired. But they will feel much better when they start to learn about the culture and foremost they learn the local language. 99% of the problems are linked to language barriers. The Filipinos are not often comfortable to speak in English, they will tell you "nose bleed !", but be more fluent after 3 beers or more :-)

you are probably right most of the time but in my case i grew "paranoid" slowly over the past 5 years here, and unfortunately the more i learn about the "culture" the more i feel my distrust is well earned.
and if i knew the language i would have known all the disgusting things they were saying while smiling at me long ago and doubt that would have helped. i have met good people here and have good friends here,they just dont live in my brngy! LOL

I don't think so. If you show that you are really interested to understand the language they will be impressed and giggling (especially the women) and respect you for your effort ! They will ask you a lot of questions. You will have always the backstabbing type like anywhere in the universe. I don't know any country where you have no backstabbing people. You will better be integrated in the community. Can you imagine a foreign expatriate living in the US who can not speak a single word of English ? The neighbors will think of him of somebody who is not interested to understand their culture, mingle with them etc. so they will avoid him and maybe talk in his back. That's human :-)
Many foreigners, especially Americans believe that Filipinos are fluent in English. But that is not the case anymore with the younger generations. It is still the case with the 40 years old + generations but not below. Since 1986 Tagalog and Taglish have been back to the forefront in the medias etc. Call centers have problems to recruit new candidates with total fluency in English. In the provinces, the local language is predominant. Ask your wife to teach you her language and to not be overprotective !

geolefrench wrote:

Soonretired wrote:

geolefrench wrote:

I know some expats who are really paranoid in the Philippines like soonretired. But they will feel much better when they start to learn about the culture and foremost they learn the local language. 99% of the problems are linked to language barriers. The Filipinos are not often comfortable to speak in English, they will tell you "nose bleed !", but be more fluent after 3 beers or more :-)

you are probably right most of the time but in my case i grew "paranoid" slowly over the past 5 years here, and unfortunately the more i learn about the "culture" the more i feel my distrust is well earned.
and if i knew the language i would have known all the disgusting things they were saying while smiling at me long ago and doubt that would have helped. i have met good people here and have good friends here,they just dont live in my brngy! LOL

I don't think so. If you show that you are really interested to understand the language they will be impressed and giggling (especially the women) and respect you for your effort ! They will ask you a lot of questions. You will have always the backstabbing type like anywhere in the universe. I don't know any country where you have no backstabbing people. You will better be integrated in the community. Can you imagine a foreign expatriate living in the US who can not speak a single word of English ? The neighbors will think of him of somebody who is not interested to understand their culture, mingle with them etc. so they will avoid him and maybe talk in his back. That's human :-)
Many foreigners, especially Americans believe that Filipinos are fluent in English. But that is not the case anymore with the younger generations. It is still the case with the 40 years old + generations but not below. Since 1986 Tagalog and Taglish have been back to the forefront in the medias etc. Call centers have problems to recruit new candidates with total fluency in English. In the provinces, the local language is predominant. Ask your wife to teach you her language and to not be overprotective !

i speak enough bisayan to say goodmorning,thank you fish, crab,dog,cat,bird etc.. however %80 of the people in this brngy speak english, all the kids do. as far as backstabbing goes ,yes its normal to have a few bad apples anywhere. but when years of interaction have made it obvious that %90 of the people in your brngy backstab each other not just you, it seems doubtful i am going to change anything here that has been going on for years if not generations. when you donate a water tank to the brngy for everyone to wash clothes and dishes and they piss on it, when you plant flowers and they step on them, when you give away extra lumber or hollow blocks or sacks of gravel or cement to neighbors and they sneak on your property and vandalize...and do the same to each other, you begin to realize its not because you dont speak fluent bisayan or "understand their culture".

Ok so it is better to leave the barangay. In some of the barangays you have bad blood between clans/families. In Mindanao the conflicts can be extremely violent and called rido or redo. A kind of vendetta. maybe it could be interesting to know the causes of bad blood in your barangay. Often it is a problem of land ownership, coconut tree etc.

geolefrench wrote:

Ok so it is better to leave the barangay. In some of the barangays you have bad blood between clans/families. In Mindanao the conflicts can be extremely violent and called rido or redo. A kind of vendetta. maybe it could be interesting to know the causes of bad blood in your barangay. Often it is a problem of land ownership, coconut tree etc.

Yes unfortunately i have given it a fair enough chance, i have friends from other places we have lived/rented before who are still good friends and come visit and invite us etc..so i know its just these particular people at this location, probably due to 350 out of 400 or so people living here being related and having history going back to great grandparents times.
it hurts because i really did put my heart into building this place with a mind to pass it on to my kids and grand kids etc. the beach is beautiful and this house is so strong it will be here in 500 years if its not bombed. almost all of them have no paperwork for their "lot" , i doubt any titles here except mine so essentially i live among a gang of squatters. you mention "land ownership" things here got worse after i had engineer come out and measure our lot, but the people were plastic to us and each other before that anyway.

we will find someone interested in an investment, i am sure this place is worth twice what i am asking and will be worth many, many times more in the near future with the beach on the lot. its getting hard to find places like this now.
Then we will rebuild again somewhere and live happily ever after ( :

thewoodenpotter wrote:

Buddy I feel for you I have been married for 40 years to a Filipina 8 grand kids, we own land in the Phils and I have some very good friends both in the Phils and back in Australia. Its been a great life for both of us. We involve ourselves in the community in  Leyte and help where we can and have organised aid for some of the major climatic events and have made and keep some very good friends there.
At risk of offending I suspect the issue may lie with your wife rather than the Filipino people and that wont be easy to over come.
But for me its my second home for and our kid and grand kids. I live in Australia and Leyte although of late its not the case.
If your near Cebu check a few of the ex-pats there for social events there are many living in Cebu and Leyte for that matter, you need to get out makes some local friends to really enjoy the benefits of living in the Phils.
I wish you well, be safe.

Yes my wife works hard and i know that angers some of them, she has a fish trading business and learned how to make & repair nets and lately she has been going out in boats fishing! some days everyone just wants to drink and not go fishing and it hurts her business, so she just started going out herself!
any type of improvement or upward mobility angers people here, if someone seems to be doing good or works on their house or anything everyone hates them and they kind of get ganged up on, so maybe that is part of it. i have seen people here get money from abroad from kids or whatever and decide to rebuild a wall or put in a proper CR and everyone acts like they hate them til the project is done for a few months.
if that is the case they sure hate us because i am always climbing on the roof painting or planting flowers or something...and my wife works hard in front of everyone too. ( i actually started sneaking out after dark to clean the flower beds beside our house to avoid the dirty looks and rumors )

350 out of 400 vs 1 expat : That's shameful to say the least!
But then again why build/invest in such a beautiful home in such a small and deprived brgy?
Just saying!

manwonder wrote:

350 out of 400 vs 1 expat : That's shameful to say the least!
But then again why build/invest in such a beautiful home in such a small and deprived brgy?
Only saying!

But they all smiled and seemed so nice from 2010 to 2016 !

manwonder wrote:

350 out of 400 vs 1 expat : That's shameful to say the least!
But then again why build/invest in such a beautiful home in such a small and deprived brgy?
Only saying!

But they all smiled and seemed so nice from 2010 to 2016 !

thewoodenpotter wrote:

Soonretired wrote:

geolefrench wrote:

I know some expats who are really paranoid in the Philippines like soon retired. But they will feel much better when they start to learn about the culture and foremost they learn the local language. 99% of the problems are linked to language barriers. The Filipinos are not often comfortable to speak in English, they will tell you "nose bleed !", but be more fluent after 3 beers or more :-)

you are probably right most of the time but in my case i grew "paranoid" slowly over the past 5 years here, and unfortunately the more i learn about the "culture" the more i feel my distrust is well earned.
and if i knew the language i would have known all the disgusting things they were saying while smiling at me long ago and doubt that would have helped. i have met good people here and have good friends here,they just dont live in my brngy! LOL

If the brngy is the issue then most definitely move on.  We have a house in Cebu as our main house in a good area although I m darned if I can tell the difference . But at the risk of doing some profiling here. I fear the less education often adds to the problem. If you move look at area of middle class families if your able. But it true its not what you know but rather who you know in the Phils. So you need to get out and makes some good friends.

"But at the risk of doing some profiling here. I fear the less education often adds to the problem."
                                                                                         ~
i think you hit the nail on the head, i was afraid to come out and say it, its something i will never fix in my lifetime.

Soonretired wrote:

manwonder wrote:

350 out of 400 vs 1 expat : That's shameful to say the least!
But then again why build/invest in such a beautiful home in such a small and deprived brgy?
Only saying!

But they all smiled and seemed so nice from 2010 to 2016 !

Yup...The "hypocritical smile" & have faced lots of that too!

Seems like shit-rigging is par for the course, at least from my observations.  Anything that requires more than bare assed minimum effort will be met with irritation and resentment.

Firing the grandfather might have been a big nail in the coffin, especially the way they respect elders.

moonunit0103 wrote:

Seems like shit-rigging is par for the course, at least from my observations.  Anything that requires more than bare assed minimum effort will be met with irritation and resentment.

Firing the grandfather might have been a big nail in the coffin, especially the way they respect elders.

yeah, he and grandma and my wifes mother got together and tried to extort $20,000 (dollars) from me after that, accused me of having sex with a 14yo indirect relative we took in when she was 9,we rescued her from a horrible situation. then they had dswd or whatever come take the girl from us and sent her to my wifes mother (who's not related to the girl) . she got beat and abused and missed school for 2 years there before she finally ran away and came back to us (with hearing damaged from my mother-in-law popping her upside the head open handed) when she was 16, shes now 17 and we are all happy to be back together again.
dswd woman still has her job and bad mouths us for letting her come back home !

I'm just loaded with stories and adventures since i got here HAHAHA...

Soonretired wrote:

moonunit0103 wrote:

Seems like shit-rigging is par for the course, at least from my observations.  Anything that requires more than bare assed minimum effort will be met with irritation and resentment.

Firing the grandfather might have been a big nail in the coffin, especially the way they respect elders.

yeah, he and grandma and my wifes mother got together and tried to extort $20,000 (dollars) from me after that, accused me of having sex with a 14yo indirect relative we took in when she was 9,we rescued her from a horrible situation. then they had dswd or whatever come take the girl from us and sent her to my wifes mother (who's not related to the girl) . she got beat and abused and missed school for 2 years there before she finally ran away and came back to us (with hearing damaged from my mother-in-law popping her upside the head open handed) when she was 16, shes now 17 and we are all happy to be back together again.
dswd woman still has her job and bad mouths us for letting her come back home !

I'm just loaded with stories and adventures since i got here HAHAHA...

I try to not share too much of my experiences since i got here because most of the time i get people calling me paranoid and a crybaby and say i'm whining or god helps those who help themselves or i am just not adjusting to culture here etc etc..
so i usually dont get into everything and try to stay on topic as much as i can. LOL

Soonretired wrote:

yeah, he and grandma and my wifes mother got together and tried to extort $20,000 (dollars) from me after that,

These are v.dangerous/toxic signals...best get out of there!
I MAY have one similar incident going on right now in a fellow expats residence in my neighbourhood.

At the same time it is in this island that there was this American priest who was a pedo-criminal. Maybe the local inhabitants are not comfortable when they see a Kano ?

I'm fairly new to living in the Philippines full-time but have been married to a wonderful Filipina for more than 36 years. We have been asked occasionally by her family to help with major medical expenses (major for them, not so much for us) and I haven't received anything other than thanks, respect, and love in return. During our transition here several members of her family have been extremely helpful and have asked for nothing in return - though we do feed them well. While things may change for the worse in the future, I just can't see it based on the genuinely good people that we're close with.

There are just 2 rules that I have adopted to make it all work for me:
1. Have lots of patience in everything.
2. When driving, don't hit anything or anyone.

manwonder wrote:

Soonretired wrote:

yeah, he and grandma and my wifes mother got together and tried to extort $20,000 (dollars) from me after that,

These are v.dangerous/toxic signals...best get out of there!
I MAY have one similar incident going on right now in a fellow expats residence in my neighbourhood.

yeah we left and rented a place in cebu for a year during that (not that i could afford it) and left our home i worked so hard on sitting empty here. because of all the stress and tismis and i didnt know if she paid off the dswd woman or the cops or what...i am sure she promised people here money to harass us unless we paid.
after renting for a year, i said F**K this " I am innocent and I have a house!" and we went back home. poorer and viewing our neighbors in a new light. that was in 2017 or 2018..not sure anymore its all blurring together.

geolefrench wrote:

At the same time it is in this island that there was this American priest who was a pedo-criminal. Maybe the local inhabitants are not comfortable when they see a Kano ?

most people this island are quite nice, its this brngy only. they are not happy here unless they see others suffering so they have something to make themselves feel important or lucky about while they drink..

Soonretired, welcome to the forum and what an entry, all your posts, I have been following and hearing your woes that befall many, myself from time to time.
Firstly may I suggest that you advertise your house in the classified section here and other expat sites, perhaps an agent,,,,,,,,,good luck there.
Given your rhetoric on the Barangay  where you live I doubt you will achieve a sale or interest here now,,,,,, The locals sound bitter and twisted and the "keeping up with the Jones's" in their own particular way, philosophy is apparent in all cultures. OMO.

I have been an avid follower of many expat sites for 8 or 9 years and the one thing I learnt before we purchased, moved and lived here was not to do what you have done, sorry to say.
While we help the family annually financially (mum and dad but no others) we do not employ relatives, we purchased freehold house and lot 35 minutes drive away from the 5,000 family members, too hard for them to get here, and they know they need to be invited and not just arrive. Boundaries set 7 years ago and never wavered, neither of us. No loans or asks for help, the occasional subtle suggestions are met with ignorance from us as the better half knows full well that help to the extra family will eat into a holiday etc. our budget.
Our Barangay is like most others but where we live is absolute beachfront like yourself with 90% expats on our road, some 15 to 20, we have little and mostly nothing to do with them as they are no different after initial meetings than the locals,,,,,,,,, ego's and Jones's syndrome, best to be cordial and tell them nothing.

I and probably others are curious as to what your wife/lady thinks about your current dilemma and how you should both proceed.

I just read your latest with regards to the young girl and have to agree with manwonder, an extremely dangerous situation and one that you and your lovely wife could have nipped in the bud. We do not let any minors visit us without their parents/grandparents for this reason,,,,,, you should know by now that Filipinos love scandals even if they are made up and unsubstantiated. This is prime material for bribery or at worst jail and none of us want to end up in a prison here.

Listening to your story I have to say that you should have ended it years ago and moved on, selling your property now with C-19 and the general turn around of property here will take years especially now you have warned all about the neighbours. very easy for an astute purchaser to pick up threads on the internet with a quick google search with the area.
All I can say is good luck and I'm sure most others would agree, You appear very cynical and perhaps, only an observation this has been incurred through negligence on your behalf, The next Barangay will be the same unless rules are put in place.
Anyway good luck getting out of there.

Cheers, Steve.

Soonretired wrote:

geolefrench wrote:

At the same time it is in this island that there was this American priest who was a pedo-criminal. Maybe the local inhabitants are not comfortable when they see a Kano ?

most people this island are quite nice, its this brngy only. they are not happy here unless they see others suffering so they have something to make themselves feel important or lucky about while they drink..

Gossip, all countries love a little or a heap of gossip. Give them nothing and there is nothing to report.

Cheers, Steve.

Well bigpearl  .. I too was thinking about "warning about the neighbors" on here, but really if some total stranger moved in here and just ignored the people here other than say hi and bye as they came and went they would not have any problems and have a great house.

  As far as my wife goes she grew up here but left at 16 and had no clue people here were "as they are" until the past couple years as we set up housekeeping here. she was just a kid and didnt really pay attention to such things.
she is depressed and stressed and has been to police and lawyers and whatever so many times that she really is quite numb as nothing has been done really other than paper shuffled around. she probably feels some guilt that its her fault and its her brngy and  family...even tho i dont see it that way. She does however love our home and loves being beside the ocean. the thought of selling this place makes her sad, we both worked together building it and it is sentimental and beachfront when she has a fish trading business. however she says she will follow my lead if i decide to sell it.

   Everyone was so nice before, i visited here twice a year for five years before we built our house. i felt i already knew my future neighbors and had already been accepted into the brngy to some degree and that everyone assumed i would live here eventually.

  where i made the mistake is  - treating those here as neighbors, people, or friends, or normal in my view of typical civilized humans..i just thought "people are people ..they are just poor but inside we are all still people... hell I'm poor too ! " that was my big mistake. they dont care about anything as far as values or humanity or respect or decency or honesty or have empathy or anything really ...just ..self,money and alcohol..., as far as i can tell. all the other things that make us human or civilized only exist here as a facade or mask of pretending to be a normal person, as a means of gaining your trust. And i am almost positive "its a learned thing, they don't act normal on their own, they practiced it by watching others, normal people, express normal feelings"  then Imitated it.
  And i was not wet behind the ears, i have walked thru crack head neighborhoods after having cars break down or been in dicey situations before , i was a truck driver, i met all kinds from all walks..i didnt grow up in or live in a bubble, my folks were not rich and i did not grow up well off. I'm not foolish.

  I just could not force myself to believe that so many people, in such a small area, could possibly all.. ....be ...sociopaths?
so i rationalized and kept thinking it was language or culture or misunderstanding...and just like the frog in the pot put on to boil,  the water slowly heated up almost without notice.

next thing you know here i am.

Soonretired wrote:

Well bigpearl  .. I too was thinking about "warning about the neighbors" on here, but really if some total stranger moved in here and just ignored the people here other than say hi and bye as they came and went they would not have any problems and have a great house.

  As far as my wife goes she grew up here but left at 16 and had no clue people here were "as they are" until the past couple years as we set up housekeeping here. she was just a kid and didnt really pay attention to such things.
she is depressed and stressed and has been to police and lawyers and whatever so many times that she really is quite numb as nothing has been done really other than paper shuffled around. she probably feels some guilt that its her fault and its her brngy and  family...even tho i dont see it that way. She does however love our home and loves being beside the ocean. the thought of selling this place makes her sad, we both worked together building it and it is sentimental and beachfront when she has a fish trading business. however she says she will follow my lead if i decide to sell it.

   Everyone was so nice before, i visited here twice a year for five years before we built our house. i felt i already knew my future neighbors and had already been accepted into the brngy to some degree and that everyone assumed i would live here eventually.

  where i made the mistake is  - treating those here as neighbors, people, or friends, or normal in my view of typical civilized humans..i just thought "people are people ..they are just poor but inside we are all still people... hell I'm poor too ! " that was my big mistake. they dont care about anything as far as values or humanity or respect or decency or honesty or have empathy or anything really ...just ..self,money and alcohol..., as far as i can tell. all the other things that make us human or civilized only exist here as a facade or mask of pretending to be a normal person, as a means of gaining your trust. And i am almost positive it's a learned thing, they don't act normal on their own, they practiced it by watching others, normal people, express normal feelings"  then Imitated it.
  And i was not wet behind the ears, i have walked thru crack head neighborhoods after having cars break down or been in dicey situations before , i was a truck driver, i met all kinds from all walks..i didn't grow up in or live in a bubble, my folks were not rich and i did not grow up well off. I'm not foolish.

  I just could not force myself to believe that so many people, in such a small area, could possibly all.. ....be ...sociopaths?
so i rationalized and kept thinking it was language or culture or misunderstanding...and just like the frog in the pot put on to boil,  the water slowly heated up almost without notice.

next thing you know here i am.

well i think i have finally cracked the code, come to an understanding... I invested my retirement savings in a home in a village where many cousins have married many cousins for many years and almost everyone is related in some way... and hidden in the genetic code of the populous is a gene for sociopathy ,.. and it has circulated here for so long that those without the gene expressing itself have left the geographical area to better themselves and not reproduced with those here,... causing a concentration of the sociopath gene to be expressed in the majority of the remaining population and offspring.... I mistakenly have been trying to "understand" them and their reasoning to no avail,since i am not a sociopath this effort was doomed to fail.... however because i did not speak the language i did not pick up on the true nature of those around me, that, combined with the devious nature that comes with sociopathology and my trying to see these personality oddities as "cultural" differences i was blinded to the mathmatically unlikely truth that the vast majority of those here in my brngy. are sociopaths...if not totally , surely to varying degrees.

I need to relax and think outside of the box now, how to redeem my retirement and happiness.

Hmmm...ever thought of doing a *temporary trade/exchange stay?
I'll stay where you are & you stay right here in Surigao City!
No money/No baggage/No title/No lawyers required...let time take its course & just give me a 1months notice to trade homes once again!..mines a s/storey stone / 2 bedroom home sits on a 500m2 levelled land fully perimeter fenced which lies about 20 metres frm the sea.
Maybe worth considering till the time you do find a serious buyer.

manwonder wrote:

Hmmm...ever thought of doing a *temporary trade/exchange stay?
I'll stay where you are & you stay right here in Surigao City!
No money/No baggage/No title/No lawyers required...let time take its course & just give me a 1months notice to trade homes once again!..mines a s/storey stone / 2 bedroom home sits on a 500m2 levelled land fully perimeter fenced which lies about 20 metres frm the sea.
Maybe worth considering till the time you do find a serious buyer.

i'll consider it...it may be nice to get someone elses insight into the situation too..