Wife sending all her money home not contributing expenses

Where did you get married? Philippines?  If so just forget her and move on. You can not get divorced if married there. You would not be able to marry another pinay. To bad

I will repeat it : foreigner can divorce from their Pinay wife : article 26 paragraph 2 of family code of the philippines...

I previously was married in the Philippines and divorced her whilst i was in Australia and she was in the Philippines. Good news is i remarried another Filipino so there are good ones

Found out she had another husband from the UK. The date confirmed is 2016. Is there any way to find out if they are still married? Or if she filed a divorce in Canada?

It doesn't matter where you were married. If divorce is legal in your home Country, you can divorce her. Divorce is also now recognized in PH if a foreign spouse obtained the divorce in their home Country.

"If the respect in your marriage is gone, it's never going to come back."

This is especially true, and would be noticeable once she starts going cold and distant.

After my ex had disappeared, my colleague, whom she had talked to secretly before she left, told me that my ex said "it is not the same anymore".

I understand how you feel. You are at the stage where to are still in semi-denial. When you truly come around to the part on acceptance, you will be able to move on. But correct me if I'm wrong.

I used to question if this whole mismatch in financial perspective it's because they are Filipino, until I made friends with Filipinos who are financial savvy, of a different background and have integrity that intersects with mine.

One of them told me that I lost power in the situation when I gave in. He reminded me this whole thing is a power-play. I find myself grappling his concept, which will survive the relationship and manages its lifespan. However, I understand myself enough to know that when in a relationship, I would rather be authentic and still be giving, instead of having to view every instance cautiously to manipulate them in my favour to protect myself.

If you are not too deep into your feelings, definitely take a long-term review and make the decision. It is good for your own mental health even, so you can reduce the impact of trauma.

I felt what you felt, until I realised she cheated and ran off with another person. It was even harder for me to catch on the cheating with no hard proof, except my instinct, until I found out after we parted. I regret that I didn't make the active decision of ending it. It happened under the situation more of like I thought I left the country temporarily and when I try to get in contact with her, she disappeared.

The good thing is that it ended early for me, I can still heal and rebuild myself back in my home country.

I tried to fight for the relationship when I thought was open and honest communication about our financial health. I suppose even expecting her to contribute to expenses, if it's not in her, then we are likely more fitted for another.

Thank you for sharing. Yes I talked to an ex partner of hers and he regrettably admits she and her family scammed him out of a lot of money. She disappeared on me. No where to be found. I have accepted and come to the realization this will never be again ever. It still hurts but it is time to move on and take forward with me what I have learned about myself and relationships. There are so many wonderful filipina and women in general out there. I know one day I will find the right one who shares the same integral values and loves me for me without any other agenda. Peace be with you my friend.

Virtual hugs to you Johnny. You are good human being and deserved to be loved for the man you are. I can already tell it is her loss. There are layers of you that takes a good woman to appreciate.

My life in the Philippines shifted my perspective on humans so much, like I start seeing them as every part of Robert Greene's books. I feel that I used to be more capable of compassion and kindness, but now it is just fatigue.

I am trying to get back on my life and it is so tough. Sometimes I feel tempted to go back. But I know it will never be the same and that I need to write new stories to overwrite the last one. I have somehow began to lose faith in love and relationships.

My negativity aside, I am happy for you because you seem so much stronger. Good for you Johnny!

Thank you so much! Yeah it's tough. I hear ya

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TZCP6OqRlE

You must be out of your mind.  Send her back home.  There's no love at all in your supposed relationship.  Jesus Christ how many red flags do you have to be presented with before you can see.  You only allow others to do to you as they will.  Your not a bad man but you're not a smart man either.

The OP is over three years old and his latest post was on March 5, 2019 so I think he has moved on.

Enzyte Bob wrote:

The OP is over three years old and his latest post was on March 5, 2019 so I think he has moved on.

Or gone bankruptcy  so he cant afford internet   

It is very unfortunate about your situation.  I've been lucky enough to not have this problem,  but While lurking on this forum I have seen so many times this has happened in one way or another. 

To being a Philippines normal.  no this is not normal, of course they will want to send money home to help there family, or kids.  but not to the extreme like this.  When I lived in the US we would send on average 100-300 USD back to the Philippines.  But usually on the low side.  and sometime none at all.  Every time my wife wanted to send money home, she would be come and ask me.  and she always insisted on earning the money she sent.  meaning she wouldn't use my money.  Just the money she would earn at work.  She always told me it wasn't my responsibility to take care of her family.  but on several occasions I insisted on helping.  It is sad but some Filipinas look at us like were walking ATM machines.

But in your case.  your being taken to the mill. My opinion Divorce her and make sure you tell the judge and show proof of what is happening or she will clean you out.

For me, I knew from start what I would be getting myself into.   I am not rich, far from it,  but finding Filipina girlfriends means for the most part, coming in with the expectation of helping her economically.

Big Mad Wolf wrote:

For me, I knew from start what I would be getting myself into.   I am not rich, far from it,  but finding Filipina girlfriends means for the most part, coming in with the expectation of helping her economically.

Yes. Its even in the LAW,
BUT only if her relatives do their best (or is old).   
Many miss that part of the law... 
Far from all but far to common Filipinos stop working and sit down and wait to get paid when they "winn on lottery" geting an OFW or foreigner into the family... 

I dont mind assisting people in need, BUT NO CHANCE I find it ok to support lazy crap people.  I even skiped an ex gf  - and she understood and say similar herself - because of her family.  They are very poor, a lot of sibblings, few good but most are crap very lazy. The problem is they live together so if supporting the good ones, then the crap ones will take from that support too... 

Jonny,
If you needed someone to hit you upside your head, let me know.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

For now, I would suggest writing up a timeline or a journal. Start with what happened recently. Note down the date and perhaps also the time. Note down also phone calls and messages.

For example:
- Feb. 3, 2019. 2::30pm: Wife came in a red Honda Civic with another Filipino woman. She took her clothes, phone, passport and other personal belongings in a suitcase and her backpack. Two officers, Columbo and Bosch were at my house when this happened. She mumbled some words in Filipino, yelled at me, told the officers I was _______________ . She left in the same vehicle at around _________ .

- Feb. 2, 2019. No word from my wife. No text messages. Tried calling her 5 times on her cellphone at _______ . No answer.

- Feb. 1, 2019. Wife has not returned. I learned that she is staying with her friend at ____ . Looked through her personal belongings here at home and found a list in her handwriting which I think is a list of people back in the Philippines to whom she had been remitting money. (I have made a photocopy of this list.)

Try to be objective rather than subjective in your notes. 

Then backtrack by doing a timeline of how you met, date and location of your wedding, when you started the sponsorship process, etc., when she started working, etc.

This will really help your lawyer if you have notes / journal and a timeline.

Assume (or maybe even accept) that you and your wife will never get reconciled. You need to protect yourself. If your wife had keys to your house, change your locks, because you never know if she would do damage or set you up. Consider installing a simple cctv.

Just read your post Filmom. Love the line about Harry Bosch. Not sure if many of the readers are avid Michael Connelly fans like you and me

@Heady hi how are you getting on now with you and your wife's expenses? My wife also sends money home to her family. She doesn't contribute to any house bills. Do you think I should be asking her too?

yup it's not a free ticket marrying a westerner

Old post but interesting . . . . .

In September this year I will be married to a Filipina 17 years. We both had lived in Las Vegas and had jobs. Once we were married we had joint checking, saving accounts and charge cards.

Our wages and my SS were deposited in our joint count, we both had access. I paid the bills, once a month we would send $1,000 USD to her children in the Philippines. The three boys went to private school and then to college.

She had free use of the charge card, never abusing it. From time to time extra money was needed in the Philippines for repairs to our house in Metro Manila and from time to time for new appliances.

Now both retired in the Philippines, we live on a fixed income, I handle the money and pay the bills, whenever she needs money, she asks and I ask how much. Whatever amount she asks for I always give her more.

She does all the ordering for the water, gas and the brand of rice she has delivered. I always make sure she has money, so she doesn't have to beg or feel I'm using money to control her.

My Filipina wife was Americanized, so we both think the same way.

We both speak English, we both have similar education levels and are ages are close together.

@Enzyte Bob that's good bob im happy for you. Congratulations on 17 years! Sounds like your system is working for you.

@Bukidnonkane my wife works full time and sends some money home to her family each month plus additional costs here and there which seem to be every few months. While I don't send to the family myself I am still supporting by not asking her to contribute to any of our house hold bills. I just worry about costs going up when we decide to have kids…

@Jonny2840

Its 2023 a bit late but read your post.

@pej1111

I can see everyones point here, but marriage is a two way street lots of vulnerablities here but I side with the man  based on the infomation provided.