The holiday season in England

There are very few under 60 year old practising Christians in England, and even less practising Catholics, so Christmas is less of a religious event and more a great reason to get smashed out of your mind and try to catch an STD after eating a terrible kebab.

Vomit on the streets is very common at this time of year so it's best to wear leak proof shoes.
Married people take their kids to a shopping centre and place them on Santa's knee, assuming you can find Santa in England as immigration laws are very tight at the moment, especially for foreigners working without a permit.
The RAF has highly capable jet fighters with a range of missiles easily capable of downing a sled, and it will be simple to find for an infrared  equipped missile if Rudolf is guiding the sleigh that night.
Rudolf's red nose could well be down to the brandy.

The older people who are practising Christians tend to sing a lot and drink cheap sherry, except for the Salvation army who only sing because they aren't supposed to drink. They have really good brass bands as Mr Bean knows well.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Christmas at all because they don't believe in that bit of the bible, don't drink, but keep going on about you'll end up in hell. No wonder they don't invited to parties.

Christmas is the biggest excuse for a 'piss up' (Drunken party) in the English social calendar, but new year is also a very nice excuse for the beer, kebab and trip to the clap clinic.

Fights are very common because both events have a lot of drunken men who say "oi, are you looking at my girlfriend", "Oi, that's my beer pal", or "Oi, I just slipped in your vomit".
The hospitals don't love these people as they tend to be very drunk and hit medical staff. These end up being treated by a nurse whilst handcuffed to a bed (I used to go out with a nurse so I can recommend that out of first hand experience - what a fox!).

Drinking and driving is still far too common so a lot of drivers spend Christmas day and/or new year's day in a police cell, a hospital or a mortuary.

Winter in England is usually pretty cold but most of the men try to look cool by wearing lightweight summer clothes and no jackets, and most of the girls wear tiny skirts you could mistake for a belt and a skimpy see through top. They aren't so much 'cool' as 'bloody freezing'.
This is only sexy to other total morons who enjoy hypothermia.
I was a biker so I could happily wear boots jeans, a warm shirt (German army shirts were all the rage) and a nice leather jacket.
Tell me who had the brains.
There was one advantage to the daft semi dressed girls as you could use their nipples as coat hangers for your leather jacket after they've been out in the cold for a while.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzdUiwB-Fj0

Actually I find Christmas in the UK rather magical.
The Christmas trees in all of the houses with lots of lights and decorations all over the house to celebrate the festive time. Some houses put lights and decorations on their roofs and in their gardens which is fun to see as neighborhoods compete to have the best displays. There are also wreathes on the front doors of the houses, with lots of holly and ivy!
The food at Christmas time in the UK is so good and indulgent! Roast turkey on Christmas day with sausages wrapped in bacon and all of the veggies (including roast potatoes). Christmas pudding for dessert is a must, but most people don't like it that much as it is a very heady dried fruit based pudding. We eat mince pies which are little tarts filled with a dried fruit mix. Mulled wine is drunk in most festive families, hot red wine flavored with spices.
Some families like to go to Midnight Mass on Christmas eve at the local church to celebrate with the community, but my family like to go just to sing the Christmas carols. Most people know the lyrics to the popular Christmas carols as many schools teach kids to sing these Christmas songs at a young age.
Some families go for a walk on Christmas day in the afternoon to walk off the large lunch, or some stay in and watch the Queen's speech (the Queen Elizabeth broadcasts a Christmas message each year spreading peace & love). The TV on Christmas day is also well known for being very popular.
Boxing Day (26th December) is a bank holiday in the UK, so there are very few shops and services open. Trains and buses are not running that many lines on Boxing day and none on the 25th, so getting around the country is quite difficult!
But Christmas in the UK is a great time of year; people are in good spirits and excitement is in the air!

Christmas in the UK is fantastic for families with young kids.
Kids are the real winners at that time of year in England because the whole thing (Commercial level) is geared up for them with Santa visiting every mall and larger shop, all of which are brightly lit and decorated to amazing levels. Most of the toy companies save their new releases for Christmas so the TV is absolutely full of toy adverts, all aimed at kids.

In a "Humbug" sort of note, it's possibly worth a mention the TV is absolutely rubbish, always repeating the same tired old films and showing assorted total tripe in place of real programs.

There is one show well worth a watch, no matter how many years the BBC repeat it.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dfge … l_creation

Fred.... just so you know, you're not alone.... here in the United States, we are so enamored with the "Christmas Spirit" that Spirits is a good way to get through it.... We are overrun by Pumpkin Spice Coffee, Han Solo boots and swarms of cattle grazing through the stores for that "special buy".... While Bing Crosby drones on worn out tapes from being over played everywhere you go, the television programs are so saccharine sweet, a dentist appointment is in your future....

The birth of who? Nah.... check out this game console I got little Jimmy!!!

Next year I hope.