Rights of an American mother in Jordan

Hi SharonAB200,

Welcome on board to this site.

I feel sorry for you that you have this experiences with a Jordanian man,
Unfortunately you are not the only one.
You seem to me a clever woman who knows what to do and how to deal with it.

So my question to you is what kind of advice you are looking for?

I guess instead of advice, I'm looking for support from others who have dealt with these issues.  I am trying to stay strong and stand up to him (something I know I can do here in the US without as much fear).  It helps to know I'm not alone.  He knows which buttons to push with me, and that frightens me.  I don't like hurting anyone (even if that person has hurt/wronged me).  I guess I do want advice on how to co-exist with this man who is, afterall, the father of my son without fear of him taking my child to a country where I will lose all my rights as a mother if he and his father decide that I shouldn't have anything to do with the little boy who loves me very much.

Well Sharon,

You do have rights here in Jordan just in case he will take your son back here.
But the best is to prevent this and to start where you are now: the USA.
I don't know if you can prevent him to leave the country with your son. If you are really afraid of it, contact your lawyer and ask him what your possibilities are.

Never ever loose your sight at your son, watch your ex husband carefully. Never let it happen that others then you or people  you can trust can pick him up from day activities, family and so on. 
If he act strange or different beware his is something up to.
Restrict your contact with him at the minimum, give him his rights but nothing more.
Don't fall in the story that if you get together he will change or already did, He will never changed.

These things you can do and I hope for you that it will never happen.
And if he is really really sorry then is to bad for him and a lesson to learn.

Under no circumstances don't come to Jordan, whatever promises or threats you hear from him or his family. That's their tradition - to make pressure on the woman. He will be blamed by his family, if he doesn't make efforts to keep his marriage, that's why he is trying so hard to "persuade" you to come back. Don't get fooled by these tricks. You fears to lose your child are valid. If it happens, yes, we "have rights", but you will spend years to get him back.
I can't leave Jordan, because my kids are here and my ex would never let me take them with me. So I am working here and i have to live with the same things as you. So I don't wish anybody to live this nightmare.
Since you have chance to be away of these laws - just start a new life and be a good mother for your son. That's the best you can do.

Especially it sounds like either he is not muslim? If he is than it sounds like he does not honor his religion. If he was a real muslim he would never hit you, if he had decided to get a new woman...he would have done it in Islam and married her(not hide it and do it without marriage). What I mean is I have seen this a thousand times too the men come here to get money and end up with kids. Then they go around town acting like animals. No respect for the religion, they worship life not Allah. Anyway, it sounds bad and what I would say is it's best to find peace in a marriage to a muslim man. To respect him and try not to do bad things.  I am not sure on your religion or lifestyle but these men cannot handle a woman who is out drinking or hanging with men.  I say that because I am muslim and I don't know the circumstances on his side and it is a sin for me to tell you to just leave him.  The child would be better raised there than in America. This is what the family and him are thinking. That's probably all they care about. They most likely don't care about you so you need to be careful. Jordan follows sharia law, which is odd because they can act so Western, anyway in Sharia law a divorced woman can keep their child if the divorce was set up right and she still is associated with his family. If you go there they have to support you if your still married by Islam and probably if your married by American paper. The minute you want to leave from cruelty, they have the right to keep this child. Also if you remarry, they have the right to take this child.  Your main problem here is the enforcers of the Sharia law in Jordan and other Arab countries. They are corrupted and almost always side with men in cases because they have this bad stigma on women and never believe them.  Let me say that this is not what Sharia is for.  Sharia was put in place to bring fairness and tranquility amongst humans..Muslims. To change the hard ways of Arabs. Thing is some of the Arabs forget that and still act like preIslamic days. AstughfirAllah. May Allah heal your marriage and help your husband to the straight path. Ameen. And if he is not meant to be for you or can't change his ways, May Allah find you a righteous husband who can respect you and show you how Islam really should be. Ameen. For now..Don't go to Jordan!

Please don't come to Jordan.  Keep your child with you.  It's true you will not be able to leave with your child and if his father manages to get him to Jordan without you, you will not be able to come get him. Run!
And btw...... Religion doesn't matter.  Whatever he is, if he's an abuser get away from him, don't look back and let your son decide to see his dad when he's grown.  Your husband decided not to be a parent when he started to abuse you.
Also I've seen this over and over again especially and mostly in families who are "religious".  Mabdullah is wrong, religion doesn't make a person better, nicer or Godly, it just makes them follow rules of religion which just makes them religious.  Who gives a sh....what your husband is, he's an abuser...... Period!

I agree with the ladies who tell you not to go to Jordan and yes it has nothing to do with religion, its about how your family raise you and their values. As an Arab lady I know exactly what you will face out there please listen to them, once  you are there with his family he will be more abusive it is like throwing yourself in  the mouth of the  lion. My advice for you to close this chapter of your life i know it is not easy , but that is better than spending your rest of your life regretting such decision.

I'm not sure if you have this in the States, but you should register your child with whatever authority you need to to ensure your ex doesn't kidnap your child and try to slip across the border with him. And once he is at school, make it clear to the school that your husband does not have the right to pick up your son or be alone with him. Hopefully at some point your ex will return to his home country and start again. But just remember, his whole family will be committed to rescuing the son from you, having heard, and belived, his tales of woe. So he could go back but a cousin/uncle/father could come in his place.

You need not look to far to find one of the many horror stories about mothers who have had to resort to extreme measures in order to get their children out of many middle-east countries, Jordan being one of them.

You can't even count on compliance with the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction and all the resources of the United States of America's State Department to help resolve such a situation. You've got to know that if you take your child and go to Jordan you'll have absolutely no rights at all and you could end up with a local court stripping you of custody and turning your child over to your estranged husband. Don't go there under any circumstances, not even for a visit and don't even think of allowing your child to travel their to visit his father. If the father wants visitation (and it sounds like that's not really in his agenda) then you shouldn't hesitate to obtain a court order that those visits take place ONLY in the United States and that they be subject to certain irrevocable conditions: a) that the visits be supervised by a court ordered monitor, b) that your estranged husband must surrender any and all passports that he holds to competent authorities before visitation is allowed and may only reclaim them upon leaving the country (ALONE); c) that your estranged husband be prohibited by order of the court from applying for a passport for your child.

You seem like a rather intelligent woman, I'm convinced that you already know what you need to do and that rather than posting here seeking advice, you did so really in order to confirm what you already feel deep down inside.

All the stories about American and Canadian women having to kidnap their own children back out of middle-eastern countries are true. Don't put yourself into that position, use your head and all the resources that the American judicial system puts at your disposal.

Just remember that Jordan is not a signatory nation to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction and as such if anything goes wrong for you, there is absolutely no help available to you.

Visit the US State Department website to download the Hague Convention Compliance Reports:

http://travel.state.gov/content/childab … iance.html

You're already being physically abused by this man, don't fool yourself into thinking that he's magically going to change if you go to Jordan. He won't, he will in fact only become more abusive and controlling because his culture and home country's judicial system will permit him to do so.



Cheers,
William James Woodward, Expat-blog Experts Team

Hi Sharon,

While the laws in the United States will be slightly different than in Canada, the Canadian Government has issued a very informative and interesting guidebook on the subject of international parental child abduction. You really should read it as the information is important no matter what your citizenship. Also most of the steps mentioned for Canadians you can also take through US police forces, FBI and Customs and Border Protection.

Pay particular attention to the part about Prevention of International Parental Child Abduction and the possible signs to be watchful for. From what you say about your estranged husband he already exhibits many of those signs and if you take your child to Jordan you could be getting into much bigger problems than you bargained for.

http://travel.gc.ca/travelling/publicat … abductions

Cheers,
William James Woodward, Expat-blog Experts Team

Im sorry for all you have gone through, im from America but i would hope not all Jordanian men are the same wish you all the best

Hi Madam , I can't use this account to reply so I am trying to reply here .
I didn't blame you on anything , you are just shocked from a wrong Muslim . I didn't say anything bad about you . I don't know the story between both of u I just gave a hypothisis . Why should I blame you madam . I am sorry if I didn't explain myself well . The mistake I took from you is that u generalised things and thought all arabs and Muslims  are bad .

Anyway , sorry for disturbing you or for any misunderstanding again .

Please don't come to Jordan nor let your son come visit his father.  You will loose him.   I am an American married to a Jordanian man and we have 5 children.  My oldest daughter does not like the culture nor the customs and wanted to go back to finish high school in California.  I was under the assumption that she could go, but alas, without his permission, she couldn't leave Jordan.  Nor can I or the rest of my kids.  He will not let me leave with the kids, I went through a really tough time, and finally i just decided to stay in the marriage because otherwise I would loose my kids. He has imposed on me his religion,  customs, and controls every aspect of my life.  Please don't come, he won't change and his family will never be on your side.  I live a comfortable life and have adequate food and shelter, but I have no say over my children nor myself.