Dating in HCMC - is this normal or am I being scammed?

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

Hi, expat from Australia checking in. Recently moved to HCMC as a single guy, with that being the case obviously active on the dating scene. Still trying to get my head around all he customs/etiquette but I'm getting there.

I have an account on Vietnam Cupid which works quite well in terms of finding dates. I came across this one gorgeous woman who I ended up meeting the other night, however a few things happened which made me question what her intentions were. If someone could let me know their thoughts .. As follows:

1. She insisted that I pay for everything including taxis there and back (I'm pretty comfortable with this being standard for traditional Vietnamese culture). However the "Uber" she got seemed to charge 100,000 VND more than what it should have been, she seemed upset that she got cheated after I brought it up and that it was a "friend of a friends uber". Anyway it's equates to $5 in my country but it's just weird to me how a local can get duped like that. (350k from district 9 to 1 seems excessive)

2. We went out for dinner, we wanted to go out after for some drinks but it was 7pm and she said it was too early to drink. She said we should go back to my hotel (I'm staying at paid by company as having issues with my accomodation). Found it odd she was so comfortable to come alone to my room with me, at this point I actually thought she was a prostitute.For what it's worth I tried to kiss her then and she was very hesitant and then wanted to go back out.

3. We had a few drinks just in the bar of my hotel in the lobby. We were having great conversation and seemed to connect well, towards the end she hinted at going back to the room again but I ended up getting her an actual vinasun taxi back to her place. I'm just skeptical that she seemed so keen to sleep with me as she is absolutely jaw dropping in terms of looks.

I have not much confidence when it comes to me and women so I tend to overanalyse everything. but would you consider the above normal?

See also

Dating in Vietnam - Guide
Dating I HCMC - 294 Replies
I am looking for a professional electrician in HCMC - 10 Replies
I am looking for some advice finding a good hairdresser in HCMC. - 7 Replies
Why I am in HCMC - 13 Replies
I am in HCMC for a week or two and would like to meet people - 14 Replies
Am I being naive..... - 12 Replies

Bazza139 ViP

1257POSTS

9 years ago

Too Young + Too Beautiful = Too good to be True

Too Often. But that you "actually thought..?"

My jaw drops too... How naive can you be?

4 members reacted to this post

WillyBaldy Serial expat

739POSTS

9 years ago

Hey OP, I loved reading your story as it's very typical but still quite entertaining. I was married to a Vietnamese woman from HCM for a few years and spent quite some time in Vietnam. (I'm not implying I'm the ultimate reference, just that I understand what you're going through).

Who can really know what's in her head. First of all, she speaks English, it means she's probably ambitious and set on meeting Westerners or Caucasians. You represent money to her, probably an ATM with two legs, so get used to her expecting you to pay for stuff.

I'm not sure what's the problem here. She wants to go back to your room and have sex? Well, just go for it. If you learn she's a prostitute, then don't give her any money, it's not your fault. Just make sure you always spend the night at YOUR hotel, not at some place she chooses. From my point of view, that would not be a safe move. Maybe she just wants to be "treated well" in exchange for her "affection". Seems like a very good deal to me!

Are you looking into having a truthful woman and afraid of getting hurt or something? Then I'll suggest you learn some Vietnamese, take the time to learn about the culture, and approach the dating scene with that new knowledge so that you can evaluate better if she's worth it or not. Right now you're just meat to the pasture if you're not careful.

4 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

Not sure what you mean ??

For context I'm in my mid 20's and she in her early 20's so not a massive age gap.

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

After spending more time with her I kind of dismissed the idea of her being a prostitute. She wasn't very aggressive in getting us to go back to the room, more just dropping hints. I'm thinking just more of a high maintenance, white guy chaser at the most.

Anyway, I just wanted to sense check. As there were a few things like the aforementioned, and also towards the end of the date she was quite affectionate in public (holding hands, kissing) which I know is not really the norm for Vietnamese dating (from what I've heard anyway).

1 member reacted to this post

Bazza139 ViP

1257POSTS

9 years ago

You already have your red flags

Follow thru as your wallet can; it becomes more obvious
over time, not less. Can you play chess?

A master wins by losing. Sometimes.

1 member reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

What would you consider red flags? That's what I'm trying to discern in this thread.

For what it's worth, back in Australia even though I don't have he highest level of confidence I still managed to do quite well in the dating department. So I don't look like the hunchback of Notre dame with a fat wallet .

Bazza139 ViP

1257POSTS

9 years ago

..and your intuition is working!!

Meet the meat. The "high maintenance, white guy chaser"
still must give in order to get: her own walking ATM

Quasimodo is a good example, for (we all have) 'issues'
and men seek sex just as women want security, so she
might well be searching for the safety of certainty..?
(Even) the game-players give up and get married
(much later in life) so hope is the last to die.

But it still does.

Checking to see if you have won the lottery?

Your doubts and uncertainty will protect you

2 members reacted to this post

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

9 years ago

I would say that this girl knows how things work and has a lot of experience. It's all up to you to decide if this is a short term fling or something that could become more serious. From what you have written,I doubt she is the type of girl who wants to get serious and stay in a monogamous relationship. I may be wrong,but having stayed single till the ripe old age of 55,I have dated my fair share of ladies over the last 38 years. Be careful and watch out for spiked drinks in your hotel room.

2 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

#10

Thanks for the advice. She keeps going on about how previous partners have come and had short flings with her and left, but she wants someone who will stay and have steady relationship. So take that for what it's worth.

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

9 years ago

#11

BT1989 wrote:
Thanks for the advice. She keeps going on about how previous partners have come and had short flings with her and left, but she wants someone who will stay and have steady relationship. So take that for what it's worth.

She is in her early twenties and has had several relationships, that in itself is not a good sign. At the end of the day, use common sense and all will be fine. As with many expats here, I can tell you of many bad relationships here, many that could have been avoided if the guy used his brain and not his small friend downstairs to make decisions.

4 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

#12

Thanks

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

9 years ago

#13

I've got to totally agree with colinoscapee.

No offence, but I wouldn't go out with a girl like that unless it was purely for fun.

It would be better to not rush into a relationship and wait for a nice girl to come along. That means someone that maybe hasn't dated at all, or if yes then only one local guy. I wouldn't date a girl who had been out with other western guys because that is an incredibly bad sign. I also wouldn't date a girl who either drinks or smokes. And I'd go for someone who was obviously a good girl. I'd also only go out with someone who was educated at least to university level. And as you so rightly pointed out, any girl willing to jump into bed so easily is not the sort of girl that I'd want to hang out with unless purely for fun.

Maybe this is my own personal taste, but I think I'm not the only one. Too many western guys get taken in too easily. Sorry buddy but I'd give her a miss. Just my opinion, but good luck anyway.

3 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

#14

To be honest I'm thinking of just going down the fun route with this one (assuming she's cool with that, but from what I can gather she wants a relationship so don't want to lead her down the garden path)

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

9 years ago

#15

Honestly, when you said earlier that she has had several flings with other guys, it really means that those guys just see her as a girl for fun, or that she is not faithful and goes out with other guys. But whatever, even if you go out with her just for fun, don't go catching something nasty that you can't get rid of, and as colinoscapee said, watch out for spiked drinks. There are lots of girls out there who may not be prostitutes but also not good girls. Won't be nice waking up with your phone, money and credit cards gone.

and I wouldn't worry about leading her down the garden path, there's probably more chance of her doing that. So be careful and have fun.

2 members reacted to this post

Hypothalamus Active member

93POSTS

9 years ago

#16

watch out grasshopper, that herpes shit will not go away. Once a hoe always will be a hoe.

1 member reacted to this post

Nguyen Lucky Active member

51POSTS

9 years ago

#17

What u wrote about ur honest which proved u do not deserve to get a nice girl. To have fun ur worthy of a prostitute instead of

1 member reacted to this post

Havaianu Active member

71POSTS

9 years ago

#18

@BT1989 WOW!!! You met a beautiful woman, via a dating site, you had a good time, she was friendly, honest, English speaking, that as dated expats, none worked out and that now wants a long term relationship.
Boy, that's a problem I hope to have everytime I meet a female.
Let's hope that you just didn't drop the ball, you may just have punted it.

2 members reacted to this post

THIGV ViP

4427POSTS

9 years ago

#19

BT1989: Are you working? If so I would suggest that although it might be considered inappropriate in the West, your best prospects would be at work. I was married almost my entire time in Vietnam, but when I taught in public middle school, I certainly noticed that several local English teachers in particular were both attractive and friendly. You are much more likely to find a nice girl that way.

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Bazza139 ViP

1257POSTS

9 years ago

#20

Damn you THIG!

..now you've let the cat outa the bag..!

..although..? Nah, we're safe.

After all, WORK is a 4-letter word... ..for many...

gobot ViP

1430POSTS

9 years ago

#21

Welcome to Vietnam, @BT1989. Have fun. Don't overthink it. Actually not all Vietnamese [or any nationality] have identical brains. Avoid generalizing. Young city women will be more modern than their traditional mothers. Like everywhere. Read some abundance mindset and pua material for confidence.

4 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

#22

Thanks for the advice.

I think I'm just being overly paranoid to be honest. Will give this girl the benefit of the doubt.

I'm just scared she might be one of those psycho chicks that falsely accuse guys with rape after sleeping with them or something else sinister.

1 member reacted to this post

Bazza139 ViP

1257POSTS

9 years ago

#23

" ..just being overly paranoid..? " Sounds like healthy doubt to me

Paranoia is very useful if someone psycho wants you dead...
..or leaves you with a condition that makes you wish you were...

I'll (continue to) err on the side of safety

I think you will too

stumpy Laos Expert

18028POSTS

9 years ago

#24

Keep your hand on your wallet.
Think with your big head not the little one.
Don't jump in at the deep end.
Shop around.
Keep an open mind, not an open wallet.
Read the advice given by other members here and learn from it.

And as Bazza139 states, err on the side of safety.

Thaiger Banned

299POSTS

9 years ago

#25

Kiss ur laptop/mobile screen goodbye now cuz its gonna b gone when u wake up hahaa

2 members reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

9 years ago

#26

That's actually a thing here?

7Steven Active member

93POSTS

9 years ago

#27

Be careful and do not use a plastic bag like this couple:

http://tuoitrenews.vn/society/37021/you … -as-condom

Have a great time.

1 member reacted to this post

Janny N Member

1POSTS

9 years ago

#28

How long do you stay here in Vietnam to know well the vietnam women? It is better if you should invest your time in learning Vietnamese and the culture about the country in which you work there before you date someone to find a suitable woman with you! Good luck to you!

1 member reacted to this post

Kimberlybooe Member

11POSTS

9 years ago

#29

Hello, I'm a half Viet here. From my perspective of being a Viet woman, a woman like that just wants a real gentlemen who will take care of her. What I mean is a Viet women with the "men pay for everything" personality like to be treated like a princess or queen by their lovers. If you treat her well (be a total gentlemen) she will return your love. It's really normal here. And one thing you should never do is mention about money while you're still dating - it completely turns a Viet woman off!

5 members reacted to this post

anderle Member

11POSTS

9 years ago

#30

are you happy?
can you, and are you willing to afford her? be clear on that.
as long as you do she will be happy, enjoy!

MarkinNam ViP

1066POSTS

9 years ago

#31

I'd be a bit sus about the " back to your hotel" line make sure ALL your goodies are in the hotel safe, and if not, when she asks you to have a shower DDOONN""TT, she will have some friends down the corridor and as soon as your lathered she will open the door and you will be cleaner than ever before

1 member reacted to this post

Steven Marshall Member

23POSTS

9 years ago

#32

Man look. I live here in Vietnam. HCM is full of girls that will rob you blind . There are some great girls there also. But if you meet a girl and she tells you to pay for everything then that's trouble. A good girl want ask that. She knows you will do it because your on a date. Also a good girl will not ask you to take her to your hotel. the good one's don't act like that on the first date. there are some that just like sex but again they won't tell you to pay for stuff. if you just want a little you can get that when you get your hair cut. lol around 200,00 to 400,000 that includes a hair cut. look it up on line lol. thy are every where and very cheap. if you wand a date just walk around and say hi. most of the girls are very nice and you will run across many that speak English. a good thing to ask if they have ever been to Singapore. if they have it's a 50% chance they worked there. watch them. but it's very easy to meet girls in the city. get out and just try to talk to them. English speaking men are at the top of the food chain,lol

2 members reacted to this post

Steven Marshall Member

23POSTS

9 years ago

#33

Very true, on the good one's. but from what he said he didn't have a good one.

jennie2904 New member

9POSTS

9 years ago

#34

HI there,

I'm Vietnamese and I would like to give my own view about your story.

I don't know if this girl is working girl or anything but in my position, I won't let guy pay for my taxi. For food we don't share but take turn to pay (its my own opinion)

About jumping to bed easily, I hope you guys don't judge woman that they are easy girl or any stereotype. Vietnamese girls right now get effected a lot from the American movie (jump into bed when u guys like each other), Probably, she has a feeling with you, that why she was giving you hints about that. Moreover, Vietnamese girls also have a thought that when a couple has sex, it means they have sth together, it's kind of weird but thats how it works.

Anyway, how is the relationship right now? I'm curious about that...

4 members reacted to this post

gobot ViP

1430POSTS

9 years ago

#35

jennie2904 wrote:
Anyway, how is the relationship right now? I'm curious about that...

Yeah @BT1989 you got lots of people helping you out here. Three months later, how did that turn out?

singuyen tranpham Contributor

122POSTS

9 years ago

#36

jennie2904 wrote:
HI there,

I'm Vietnamese and I would like to give my own view about your story.

I don't know if this girl is working girl or anything but in my position, I won't let guy pay for my taxi. For food we don't share but take turn to pay (its my own opinion)

About jumping to bed easily, I hope you guys don't judge woman that they are easy girl or any stereotype. Vietnamese girls right now get effected a lot from the American movie (jump into bed when u guys like each other), Probably, she has a feeling with you, that why she was giving you hints about that. Moreover, Vietnamese girls also have a thought that when a couple has sex, it means they have sth together, it's kind of weird but thats how it works.

Anyway, how is the relationship right now? I'm curious about that...

I don't think that it's so often even in America that people tend to have sex on their first date. Everything takes time, and it depends but sex on first date is really very unusual.

kimluuthien Active member

56POSTS

8 years ago

#37

too much drama lol.

Sorry I am Vietnamese woman and I seriously advice you not to date any of us. Go out of that "jungle" if you still want to be alive happily

Close the case and everyone have peace. LOL

5 members reacted to this post

Steven Marshall Member

23POSTS

8 years ago

#38

Vietnam girls rock, just some are bad not all. It's the same all over the world. I know lol.

1 member reacted to this post

BT1989 Member

17POSTS

8 years ago

#39

Sorry for disappearing. I don't get on there often obviously, and have currently moved back to Australia temporarily (coming back later this year).

Anyway to update, we caught up again later in the week. She paid her own way, we ended up sleeping together a few times. Then to be honest I kind of lost interest as I couldn't really feel that connection I want in a long term partner. I sense she felt the same way.

So we went our seperate ways , no trouble and no harm done. Thanks and apologies again for the very late update. I'll be more active on the forums once I'm back in Vietnam hopefully.

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