how to reject borrowing money

107POSTS

10 years ago

I know the topic has been raised that we should never lend money to anyone. But the questions is how to reject and what to do after.
btw The amount was only 2 million Dong.

Eg: do you reject them and not see them again. ( because of the awkwardness)
or do you reject them and pretend nothing has happened?
what do you do if they raise the topic again?

please share your experience so I will know what to do.

thanks in advanced

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Alitis Active member

26POSTS

10 years ago

What has work for me.
1. Sorry, I don't have money to lend in my budget.
2. It has been my experience that once I lend money most of the time I lose the friendship and I don't want to do that.

Recently a friend from HCMC that I know only from correspondence asked me for a loan of a $1000.00. I point blank told her NO and that if I ever decide to give her money it will be I that will offer it. She didn't talk to me for few months but she contacted me again recently .

That's how I deal with it. Learned that once you give in it never stops.

Good luck

gobot ViP

1430POSTS

10 years ago

"Sorry, I don't have money to lend in my budget."

That is a great answer. They know you are "rich" (I hate that word) but the Budget is your master.

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

10 years ago

If you really know about them and know they are really need money, so you can lend it, but with a very small amount. Because sometimes we face to troubles, we will feel warm if someone help us.

I always lend money to my colleague, because I know he has to take care many people in his family, and return money to the bank. But only some my colleagues, they are like my close friends. They are also willing to help me sometimes.

In others case, just said I don't keep much cash with me, I only use Visa card.

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

Most of the time the money wont be returned,that is my experience from lending to many people. I now just say sorry I cant do it, I dont need a reason, its my money and I will do what I want with it. If they get their nose out of place then you may find out they were never a real friend.

simon.1711 Active member

48POSTS

10 years ago

If I don't know the person well, the answer is always no. Yes, I am "rich" but if I gave 1mil vnd to everyone I would be poor very quickly.

If I know the person well, and I know he has some problems - I give them the money and never expect to see it again. I think once in a while people are "down" and need a little help.

If they want to rip me off, then its really between him/her and God.

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

simon.1711 wrote:
If I don't know the person well, the answer is always no. Yes, I am "rich" but if I gave 1mil vnd to everyone I would be poor very quickly.

If I know the person well, and I know he has some problems - I give them the money and never expect to see it again. I think once in a while people are "down" and need a little help.

If they want to rip me off, then its really between him/her and God.

What if the borrower is atheist?

Muzy Member

21POSTS

10 years ago

How to reject? Just say 'No' or try in your best polite way by saying "I don't have that much to lend...."

It doesn't really hurt since you have your own reason

artluv2002 Member

12POSTS

10 years ago

classic !! ...

Adhome01 Serial expat

426POSTS

10 years ago

#10

Who is asking you to borrow this money? I think how you handle it would depend on your relationship with them. If you live here, and have friends and family here, people will ask you to "borrow" money all the time.

jimbream Serial expat

693POSTS

10 years ago

#11

Adhome01 wrote:
Who is asking you to borrow this money? I think how you handle it would depend on your relationship with them. If you live here, and have friends and family here, people will ask you to "borrow" money all the time.

"A friend is a friend is a friend".
Only ever lend as much as you are prepared to lose.

I cannot believe the OP is so naive as to to ask a question that his parents,grandparents did not tell him already.

Unless he is an orphan of course.
But at least an orphan might know such answers.

thecoolchazza Contributor

107POSTS

10 years ago

#12

Thank you gobot, simon.1711 and muzy for your Awesome Responses and Advice.
Thank you Alitis, ngattt,and colinoscapee for sharing your past Experience and providing me with your Solid Advice.
I enjoy learning from people with experience.

Update: I did reject to lend him the money. I just said "No". And on that same day he has been calling me to go out with him to have fun. Just wondering if I see him again (and I know I will) how should I act?

and Thank you Adhome01 and jimbream for reading my post and commenting.

Muzy Member

21POSTS

10 years ago

#13

Just act normal....no awkward in that actually. Basic social response.

But seriously....it made me curious. Did anyone ever borrowed money or something from u even when u were in school before? It is a strange question for an adult tho

Adhome01 Serial expat

426POSTS

10 years ago

#14

thecoolchazza wrote:
Update: I did reject to lend him the money. I just said "No". And on that same day he has been calling me to go out with him to have fun. Just wondering if I see him again (and I know I will) how should I act?

Vietnamese don't give up that easy. In my experience they will either get mad or not take no for an answer. I'm guessing you weren't convincing enough and this person thinks they can soften you up and ask again.

bongolongo Active member

93POSTS

10 years ago

#15

i just say see what i can do, but then don't do anything. And if they follow up and say 'you got it' just say , I was going to borrow it off my sister or other friend but they wouldn't let me.

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#16

Yogi is a smart bear.
Yogi always carries a business card from his bank. If someone wants money, just hand them the card and say "that's where you get money".

Option 2.
Tell them you can only lend to ONE person at a time. And when the last guy you lent money to pays it back.......you'll be next in line.

bongolongo Active member

93POSTS

10 years ago

#17

haha...yeah. so many dead beats out their these days...

vnhumr New member

9POSTS

10 years ago

#18

my close friend borrowed me around 12 million vnd, he always promised to pay back and make me not to worry.
But coming to the date, i can connect to him, i tried to call but he does't pick up the phone.
Meanwhile i do need that number of money

How can i deal?
If only i can read your topic earlier :v

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#19

vnhumr wrote:
my close friend borrowed me around 12 million vnd, he always promised to pay back and make me not to worry.
But coming to the date, i can connect to him, i tried to call but he does't pick up the phone.
Meanwhile i do need that number of money
How can i deal?
If only i can read your topic earlier :v

No..they don't answer the phone do they.
Use a different phone to call. He obviously knows it's you calling.
Failing that.....
Do you know where he parks his motorbike..?😄😄😄😄

paulpoh Active member

85POSTS

10 years ago

#20

From my past experiences , your Hard earned money is Gone with the Wind
After getting your money you will not hear from them again ...
Despite what they promised .. considered it as a Charity donation
Dont feel bad just tell them you are not a walking ATM ... no $$$

Adhome01 Serial expat

426POSTS

10 years ago

#21

When a person wants to borrow money, they will promises you the world. When it's time to pay it back, they treat you like a thief. This is usually the case most anywhere in the world.

In Viet Nam, if I want to give money, I just give it. When I do it's just small amounts and I see it as a gift. I know a loan will never be paid back and will only cause friction and resentment. Remember, if a person needs to borrow money, it's because they don't have it.

yan87 Member

2POSTS

10 years ago

#22

maybe she still want some money from you ?

yan87 Member

2POSTS

10 years ago

#23

that is true .....

charmavietnam ViP

2841POSTS

10 years ago

#24

Lending money is something like, buy a biting dog with money, in most cases.

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

#25

IMO people who respect themselves won't ask for money unless it's the matter of death or live. That's when it comes to real big money. With small money, they won't never ask but will hold their wish of that money back & try to earn them later..

I used to be in a very hard time, which I had to borrow money from my friend after 5 months considering. Couldn't kill myself cause nobody will take care of my son.

She just gave me 100 mio right after she got my FB message (too embarashed to call or text cause I think people will more easily ignore FB message than a text on phone). That made me - besides other grateful & relieve feelings - proud I'm trusted. She even asked her driver to bring money to me. We didn't sign any paper. She didn't ask when I give her money back.

There're times when we really need help but we'd rather died than asking for help. It's miracle if we got help from anyone. I was in that situation and I swear to myself will try my best to make miracle comes true to anyone who need it.

Back to OP's question: I don't lend money to people just because they ask. When it comes to big money, surely I will look if they really need help. But I'll help them to borrow money from bank (by proving that they have work contracts and will pay to the bank). If it's small money, I simply say "I will give you money if I have and you don't have to give it back to me. But I never lend money to anyone I want to be my good friend for longer". Can't trust people who easily throw their dignity for small money.

They love my answer and never go away. Btw I always add some help toward their concern after answering them that, but not by lending my money.

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

10 years ago

#26

Yogi007 wrote:
Option 2.
Tell them you can only lend to ONE person at a time. And when the last guy you lent money to pays it back.......you'll be next in line.

I like that one.
No
I really like that one.

Fred Indonesia Expert

30549POSTS

10 years ago

#27

As has been said; if you lend the cash, it's because the borrower can't get it elsewhere, or they're just out to rip you off.
Either way, you'll probably never see it again.
I've lent money out here, assuming it's a charity donation, being a little shocked on the one occasion someone actually paid me back.

Our super smart bear has come up with the classic answer - I'll be using that next time I don't feel like giving charity.

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#28

Grrrrrrrr, Grrrrrrrrr

Hi Mr Fred.

Yogi thinks a little bit of GRATITUDE would be nice , even if you don't see the cash again.

Moderated by Priscilla 10 years ago
Reason : off topic

ngattt Serial expat

922POSTS

10 years ago

#29

I always try to pay same whenever I hangout with friends. That why I rarely hangout hehe. I can pay as much as expats pay, but it also means I don't have any money for saving and if I had problems with my health, I can't cover it and my father has to send money to me to help me out, but I don't like that.
Back to the topic, I used to help an expat money, and maybe I never can get back that money. Maybe he still can read this, hope he keeps his promise to return my money back, oh yeah. There are many kind of people in this world, it not depend on who they are, Vietnamese or foreigners. I still lend money for my colleague even my salary is not high, but I know he needs it when he MUST pay for the bank, even he is richer than me, and some mils is nothing with him and many people sometimes.

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#30

Hi Ngattt,
Don't lend your hard earned money to foreigners.

When they come to you with ****** stories wanting money, it's usually because they have "tanked" out and their other foreign friends have brushed them. Also, there's obviously NO pot of gold back home either to draw from. With Internet banking I can get funds here SAME day from an overseas bank account. They also have Western Union.

There is no excuse to wait any more than a day or two for your money.
Obviously that guy doesn't know anyone on planet earth that will trust him to pay back.

So it looks like you may only get some good Karma out of this by helping a destitute foreigner.

So next time, use Yogi's "Option two" excuse when people want money........ie, I only lend to one person at a time. When the last guy I lent to gives it back...your next in line.

Your not saying NO.....and they'll feel really good about being first in line , won't they.😉

Priscilla ViP

42358POSTS

10 years ago

#31

Hi everybody,

I have removed some off topic posts from this thread.

Please always make sure that the information that we are sharing are really linked to the initial topic please.

Thanks

Priscilla

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

#32

If someone asks me I sometimes say 'Actually, I was going to ask if you could lend me some..'

As many have said, if you do lend money just assume you won't get it back. Each situation is different - if it is someone who just wants beer money but does not work much (assuming work is available) quite difficult to justify lending..

If it is your best mate, and they would do the same for you, then that is different....I have had friends, both here and back in the UK, who just blow money and I have said they should think a bit before they spend recklessly..some listen, some do not..

thecoolchazza Contributor

107POSTS

10 years ago

#33

Thanks, Muzy I tried to act normal and when he saw me he pretended nothing happened. He even tried to invite me to go bowling and to the movies (WTF from having no money to pay for his sister's hospital bills to and suddendly having money to go bowling & movies).
Also to answer your question Muzy. Yes, people did try to borrow money from me back in the school days and a "NO" was very simple response. But in Vietnam they use guilt to make you help them.

Thanks adhome01 & paulpoh for your responses - I agree. However I do not want to give money to help them pay off their personal debts ( gambling, rent, etc) or even encourage them to think that I have cash available to help them when they are in need.

I really liked your suggestions Scarletvn - point them towards a bank. If they are in real trouble they would not mind going to the bank and asking for a personal loan.

Yogi- I like your response about lending to one person at a time.

Bonlong - your response is ok, but I will not use it, as they will think I will help them and they will chase me for the money. I hate giving false hope to people.

Charmavietnam - I agree with you.

Thank you Fred for sharing your experience.

vnhumr & ngatt - It hurts to read that you got cheated by the people you really trusted. I wish you all the best in recovering the money.

Philip983 - when you actually said that to someone, what was their reaction? and how was your reaction afterwards?

Giving money isn't a problem, however the problem is when you see them spending that money you gave them on clothes and luxury stuff or even above average price foods.

Please Expat-blogs members if you have any more suggestions on how to reject someone from borrowing money or even had some good/bad experience related to lending money out. Please share. I believe I will encounter this problem again.

Thank you for your advance.

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#34

Thanks Mr "chazza" for the good feedback .

Its one thing to help someone in genuine need, but, it's wrong to be "used" and played for a fool. Unfortunately that's what happens in nearly all cases here.

Do you really want to be played for a mug.?? Do you want to be one of "those guys" . We've all heard and known about them, the suckers that get taken for every last cent and go home broke. SE Asia if full of losers like that.

Don't become a door mat for opportunists.

I can only ever recall two times in Australia being asked by "friends" for money, and I'm still waiting for it years later. However , here in SE Asia borrowing money seems to be the national sport. 😄

Yogis lost count of the number of people wanting money . We expats have to understand that people here always seem to owe someone money. They seem to borrow for everything , and pay ridiculous rates for it. "A " borrows from B, B borrows form C etc etc ...... However , once a foreigners name pops up in the loop, the music stops and guess who's left out. 😩

Only yesterday I had lunch with a guy that just paid $8,000 USD worth of loans for his "new" female acquaintance. Yogi knows her background and that loans been paid by several suckers already. 😄

It's a good feeling to help someone in genuine need, but the gratitude around here is short lived in most cases.

It's not hard to say NO, it's only one syllable. And if they don't talk to you again you'll know they would not have paid it back anyway.

paulpoh Active member

85POSTS

10 years ago

#35

As usual Wise saying from the Bear
Learn something every time.
Kam em

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

#36

Well, as you would expect, people do not like it, but understand, when refused a loan. When i say "Actually, I was going to...', I usually get a smile to acknowledge that, in my own way, I am almost making a joke as if to say "Come on I am not stupid..we both know you won't pay the money back so why would I..."

I have given good friends money when they had hard times but mostly just buy a few beers etc..my GOLDEN rule is that I do not lend or give money if the person is being MANIPULATIVE and trying to play with my emotions..the OLD TRICK is try to make the other person feel guilty and almost like YOU are responsible for THEIR problems...I worked in mental health for 15 years so can smell manipulative behaviour almost quicker than Usain Bolt can run!!

I would guess that Mr Yogi's friend who had extracted 8000 hard earned USD would have experienced such manipulation..or is just an incredibly nice (but seriously naive) guy..who knows...

Yogi007 Serial expat

948POSTS

10 years ago

#37

Hey Phil,

Nah, that guy is just basically stupid. He's here for the game, and she knows it. I dont blame her at all. She is supporting her family and educating her kids.

He is just a dirty old man trying to be a big shot playboy.

In his case, its not loan . If he wants to dance he better pay the band.

Guest2023 Guest

0POSTS

10 years ago

#38

Yogi007 wrote:
Hey Phil,

Nah, that guy is just basically stupid. He's here for the game, and she knows it. I dont blame her at all. She is supporting her family and educating her kids.

He is just a dirty old man trying to be a big shot playboy.

In his case, its not loan . If he wants to dance he better pay the band.

Haha..he sounds a right pr*ck!