I never found an easier place on the planet to make friends than Malaysia. They have highly developed social skills, much higher than my own and are curious about expats.
Im a single american and have been in Malaysia 15 years. It must be that ive met more than 3000 people in that time, maybe its 5000. How? By doing nothing more than being quiet and being open. In that time I have only known 2-3 expats, I never hung out with them, never went to bars or expat meetings. I also never TRIED to make friends. If I sat in a coffee shop, or on a bench at a train station, or sat waiting to see a doctor, the Malaysian always started talking first and in 10 minutes we are like best friends already. My friends are Malay, Chinese, Indian, Iban and others too.
Sometimes I made friends when I didnt expect to. I was in a market and went up to an Indian man and asked how to cook a certain dish. Soon his wife and family appeared, we chatted a storm and they invited me to their house for dinner. Another time, just recently, I was standing in front of a shop waiting for it to open and an elderly man on the sidewalk walked right up to me and shook my hand and we chatted for a while. I was waiting in a bike shop for a repair and another customer just started a chat and we became friends. What did we all talk about? Anything, everything.
This happened because I was open to new things. I dont know if I would like any person until I hear their story and everyone has a story. I was never suspicious or distrustful or cold, maybe people sense that and its disarming to them.
Did I meet people I didnt like or who didnt like me? Of course. If I sense they hate westerners or will try to take advantage of me, yes im out of there but that hasnt happened much. And who have been the best? Village people. The worst? City people. THAT is something I think most all counties have in common. And what types of people? I talk to everyone--street sweepers, office clerks, dishwashers, shop owners, hotel bellmen, presidents of companies. And I treat all the same. Do you see the secret here? I didnt arrive in Asia with an arrogant chip on my shoulder which ive seen in many expats. Im not better than anyone and dont talk up or down to anyone. What I have learned in Malaysia more than any other place ive been is if you are sincerely interested in a strangers life, are willing to listen, treat them well, they respond in kind 100-fold.
This doesnt mean all people are great, ive known my share of horrible and untrustworthy friends, but ive also become close to several, close enough to highly trust them.
There are two types of Malaysians pertinent for this post, those who got out, traveled, went to school outside, read widely, and those who never left their village. The underexposed folks are the distrustful ones, they dont like you or want to talk to you. But when you go slowly and take people one at a time you can change their minds about you and ultimately they make the best friends. Likewise, you the expat cant fear or stereotype or pre-judge people, thats how sour evaluations occur and you'll never learn anything or meet anyone.
One cannot say i got this opinion because of so long in the country. Whatever my attitude is i had it from the first day and thats why i never once had a problem making friends--and you wont either.
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