Raising kids in Romania

Raising my child in Romania has been fine in terms of good hospitals, good daycare programs, fun activities, etc.

BUT I HATE the way strangers on the street TOUCH your child or CRITICIZE your parenting constantly. I am sick of old ladies coming up to me EVERY FIVE SECONDS and saying "why doesn't your child have a hat on?!! Pick up your child!!" or coming up and grabbing my child and me and zipping up her coat, or berating me for not putting on a million layers on her. We are from Boston. This is not cold for us! My daughter is a toddler and she gets hot! Stop touching me!!

What do you do to get people to leave you the hell alone and stop TOUCHING you in public?! I have tried to speak back in Romanian saying "go away" "I did not ask you!" "it is not your business!" "leave me alone!" but that just draws MORE little old ladies to me to harass me further. Often, I have had to run off and go home because I cannot even leave my house without being pestered by old ladies telling me to put more clothes on my daughter. I am not a bad mother and my daughter is FINE. I am not wearing a hat either. IT IS NOT COLD OUT!!! It is normal mild winter weather and not some kind of snow storm!

Please tell me how to make people get the hell away from me and leave me in peace.

Thank you. This is happening in Bucharest! It happened to me in Mangalia, too. It is by far the worst part of raising children here. The nosey strangers on the street harassing you if you are a mom.

Also, the extreme sexism. Strangers telling your little girl that she should not "Growl" while playing lion at the playground because little girls should always have pretty faces. Strangers telling you that you're buying your daughter a "boy" toy if you are buying her tools at the toystore. How do you convince people to leave you the hell alone and shut the hell up?  Thank you.

I apologize for talking out of my butt, not having children, but in my opinion, for some of the things you mention I would say we are in their country, their culture, their traditions and growing a thicker skin might be a great help. I face 'helpful annoyances,' as well, but, hey, I chose to be here, Take a breath and be happy. Assume they truly have concerns they feel matter. For the toys I would just answer "Aste e" and go about my business. For the other stuff, just get used to it. Peace.

Ok, so I have been here for two years. I absolutely agree that I need to get used to it but it is getting to the point where I cannot leave my apartment. I am already used to the constant annoying nagging- but it is turning into actual harassment. I had a group of women encircle me a few days ago while I was on the phone taking an important call. My toddler was crying and I was ignoring her because I was on a work call and, also, she was crying over a cookie and I know it is best to ignore her when she does this because this is the way I discipline. I had a woman threaten to call the police on me if I did not drop the phone and tend to my daughter! I was on the street, by a wall, calmly holding my two year old's hand and speaking into the phone. I waved the women away. Then more women came. It is not something I can just ignore anymore. It is getting really out of hand.  I need actual advice on how to deal with ongoing street harassment. They touch, grab, and grab my child away from me.

I need tangible advice. I got out of this particular situation by yelling towards a strange man to come and help me and I was lucky that he was kind enough that he started yelling at the women and I picked up my daughter and ran home. Home was two blocks away so this was possible, but sometimes groups of women will follow me for blocks and I am not close to home! Do I call the police?? Truly, what do you do if groups of women harass you over the fact your kid does not wear a hat and they then turn into a mob? This happens to me a LOT in my neighborhood.

Ingrid_Pimsner wrote:

BUT I HATE the way strangers on the street TOUCH your child or CRITICIZE your parenting constantly. I am sick of old ladies coming up to me EVERY FIVE SECONDS and saying "why doesn't your child have a hat on?!! Pick up your child!!" or coming up and grabbing my child and me and zipping up her coat, or berating me for not putting on a million layers on her. We are from Boston. This is not cold for us! My daughter is a toddler and she gets hot! Stop touching me!!

This can be found to happen in most countries, learn to smile and thank them for pointing it out to you.

OK, I hear all of you. I will attempt to fake it and smile and pretend that I am thankful for the advice and then walk away. I just cannot handle how rude I find this kind of behavior or how startling I find it to be touched and grabbed in public. It is very, very hard for me to control my instinct which, to be honest, is to smack any hand off of me. I cannot smack old ladies, though! I don't know how to become "ok" with women grabbing me- they grab me from behind, often, while I am pushing the stroller. They grab my arms and hold on! Maybe I need to do breathing exercises or something and maybe if I am fake nice they won't gang up on me like this, but I feel like then, I have to explain to 100 strangers every minute why my child doesn't have a hat on. They won't take the explanation as a reason, either. I speak pretty decent Romanian so this is not the problem. The problem is some deeply engrained cultural belief that children will die and catch a cold if they are out on a brisk day without a hat on- even though my daughter despises hats and runs hot and we are from freezing Boston and this weather doesn't faze her one bit.

Hi
My kids are grown up & not in Romania, but we see the same in Arges. Next door kids are woolly hatted until after Easter regardless of the temperature. I've been criticized for opening the bus window when it was packed with sweltering passengers & over 30 c ,because a baby was on-board. From personal experience the grannies here play a much greater part in children's upbringing. Most families around as consist of three generations & those that don't are elderly grandparents who look after pre-schoolers whilst the parents work.
We get advise (un-required) daily from the elderly residents. The day we moved in we were told our drainage ditch needed digging. We cut logs the wrong length, our fences need repairing, the grass in the verges needs cutting, the list is endless. You just have to smile sweetly & accept that in Romania the views of the elderly are important & they'll let you know it. Even the Romanian men here have their ears bent by tiny old women & have to put up with it. Just smile sweetly & carry on doing as you wish. Spring will soon be here!

Robin & Sue wrote:

Even the Romanian men here have their ears bent by tiny old women & have to put up with it. Just smile sweetly & carry on doing as you wish. Spring will soon be here!

Exactly, see my post above.

Thank you! Yes, maybe my attempts at getting them to leave me alone have aggravated the situation and maybe that is why I now have a lynch mob outside my door who think it is their personal duty to shame me into putting a hat on my daughter. I literally have a group of old ladies at the church next door that wait until I leave my apartment and then follow me for blocks yelling at me hysterically. They wrap their kids up under so many layers even when it is perfectly fine outside! I will attempt to grit my teeth and engage them rather than asking them to please stop. Maybe this will help the situation. Thank you.

Priscilla wrote:

Hello everyone,

How is raising kids in Romania different from raising kids in your home country?

What are the activities that your kids seem to enjoy the most in Romania?

Do you feel that the country is "family-friendly"?

Do you recommend Romania as a good place to raise kids? Why or why not?

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Priscilla

Personally, I don't believe Romania is a family friendly country at all.  Very few businesses, such as restaurants for example, consider families in their offerings.  In the USA, many restaurants offer children's menus and smaller lower priced portions, activity pages to distract them, etc....that's virtually unheard of here, or ignored in the interest of economics.  I have been to 2 restaurants here in Iasi that offered small play areas for kids, but that's it. 

Also, as another member mentioned, many local mothers/grandmothers feel inclined to intervene and offer their opinions about your family, which I feel to be invasive and inappropriate also.  They seem to believe it's their right and obligation to publicly accost a parent for not having a kid bundled up in 25C weather in the Spring, or allowing a child to have ice cream in the summer, or allowing fresh air to come through a window.  At the same time, according to a new report, over half of parents/grandparents in Romania feel it's fine to hit their children, and even more verbally abuse them, they don't believe it is abuse.  While their beliefs don't mean that I must follow along, I certainly don't.....but through these examples, kids are learning that this is an appropriate way to interact with others and this behavior propagates.  I don't want my kids exposed to this bad behavior, and the silly myths that so many strongly believe in here.

I really can't say that Romania is a good place to raise kids overall, which is in part why we will be leaving in the coming months.  The education system is not good at all, schools emphasize competition and individual achievement over teamwork and goodwill.  It's either you're the best, or you're worthless and I've seen far too many instructors and teachers publicly humiliate and degrade children, and I just don't believe that's a correct way to educate and inspire children. The exception to this is when the parents are those of status or wealth.  Kids are overloaded with homework and have less and less time for personal interests or socializing.  Kindergartens insist on forcing kids to memorize and recite the same useless poems my wife learned 30 years ago, but won't spend time on writing and reading or even counting beyond ten.  We've been to several kindergartens, and it's the same amongst them all.  I realize my comments are generalizations, I do recognize that there are some good schools and teachers out there, but they are the minority unfortunately.

My daughter has enjoyed some of the free classes at the Palace of Children in Iasi, she's taken classes in painting, sculpture and acting.  She's also been active in Capoeira and Swimming at local clubs which we've paid a quite reasonable cost.  Unfortunately sports and hobby offerings are quite limited here compared to cities in the USA, but we've tried to make do with what we can get.  We are looking forward to better opportunities back in the US though.

Health care, as it applies to children....I also cannot recommend.  Far too many doctors here wrongfully prescribe antibiotics (to anyone, not only children), and in some cases aren't able to properly diagnose serious medical conditions.  As a result, my son had to endure a serious medical issue for an extended period of time; it didn't get addressed properly and resolved until I took him to the states for evaluation and surgery.  Doctors here said that he was simply seeking attention, that it was a psychological or parenting issue.  When I came back and explained the diagnosis and what was done to my GP here, including showing her CT scans and surgical notes, she tried to discredit the surgeon and maintained her incorrect opinion which lacked any clinical evidence.

So to those considering a move here, especially with smaller kids....think carefully about what may await here.

Hi - I actually lived in Romania with my kids for a while. But mostly I raised them in China. Every place has good and bad aspects. However, in terms of children activities, Romania is not to be confused with the US, Europe or even Shanghai. You really need to make it work. Perhaps meet other parents with children around the same age. You can always find a dance class. You might also want to reach out to the foreign schools for their suggestion. Or, start your own group. Depending on the age, it can also be fun to watch the trains or learn about different animals. In terms of the best interest of your child, one you can decide whether Romania or any other place is suitable. Not that my children are in their 20's, I can say with confidence that having global experience distinguishes children and, at least in terms of college admission, it's clearly an advantage.

Not sure what to say to Ingrid. Wow, I really have no experience with your overheating situation. But making it sound as if you can't walk in peace seems a bit dramatic. I am not judging, but parents should take extra care of young children during the cold season. Anyway, I'm sure you know your child and that you are an amazing mother. Maybe you can also post in Internations.org

Good luck and happy holidays to all!

its not family friendly country.
try in other country i advice.

Barniii wrote:

its not family friendly country.
try in other country i advice.

One line answers aren't too useful.  Maybe you can explain why you say this and give some of your own experience please?

The way you describe your experience is very disturbing. I don't thing that people TOUCH your child in an inappropriate way  ,and those 'old ladies' I am sure if they said something regarding how to take care of your baby wasn't with a bad intentions .I rise my daughter in Brasov but I never have  had such experience. And is first time when I  hear something like this .And one more think I am glad that my daughter wasn't rise in USA where pedophiles are all around you.

Hi! I am a Romanian mom and I never faced such situation. Just try to learn some Romanian and tell them " nu e treaba ta" means is not your business or " nu mi atinge copilul" - dont touch my child. Just listen on google the pronunciation. I lived in Turkey and here is more worst than what you are describing but i have learn to closed their mouth because i learn Turkish and I became even more sarcastic with people around.