Mistakes expats make in Thailand

The price of second-hand cars here is ridiculous.  Buy new and keep.

"Point is, you talk of no horror stories and you do identify issues as being location and countrymen (farang) based. So how do you handle issues and instances where problems did occur. Examples are good and congrats 40 years is a very long time."

@Rc2702
There is no easy way to answer as each situation in life is different and we all have different skill sets.  I have known many people over the years who seem to walk under a perpetual dark cloud of adversity and misadventure but that is not me.  I am sure some people think I am just lucky but I like to think I make good reasoned choices that tend to keep me out of trouble.

I don't drink, I speak the language, I rely of forethought not hindsight and I am pretty good at reading situations and people.  I know that does not help anyone else but there simply isn't a rulebook for how to navigate life here in Thailand or anywhere else for that matter.  Usually people are their own worst enemy and there isn't much anyone else can do about that.

When someone asks me how to fix a broken glass they have thrown on the floor, I tell them to move on and next time don't break it.  Prevention is always better than a cure.

I have been here for 40 months and the biggest mistake i have made is to think that i will be able to educate the people in our village how to take care of their dogs and cats.This is impossible.The other mistake is to think you can ask them to turn their loud music  down at 02.00 in the morning.I was told in no uncertain terms that this is Thai culture and when I asked who in Thailand had these huge boombox speakers a 100 years ago was told .This is new Thai culture learned from the Farangs.
I love it here as as a previous writer has said go with the flow and you can live happily ever after.
I am sorry California4me dog has died as I know he was attached to his dog.
We have a dog and it sleeps on the bed abd has had all its vaccinations etc and is bathed regularly and was asked why do we wash the dog. I did not even try to reply to the question.

BarryTaylor, I would love to see a picture of your dog.  Yes my wife & I both miss our rescue dog of 18 years.  He used to sleep at the bottom of our bed too, till he became to weak to jump on the bed. Thank You for your kindness.  Patrick

It is always a mistake to think one can enter someone's home uninvited and tell them they are doing things the wrong way and they should do it your way.  It is a lot easier to find ways to cope than it is to try to change everyone else.  Whether it is driving, noise, dogs, smoke, superstition or whatever else might not be to your liking, trying to educate the “ignorant locals”  about the right way to do things won't make you very popular.

If there are other Thais who want to see change that is up to them, not us.  They have to live with their neighbors and relatives making the answer to some problems more difficult.  I have seen a lot of change but it is slow and often takes generations, so in the meantime you have to find coping mechanisms.  I like to think that we are quietly setting a good example for the next generation but I may not be around to find out.

If we decide to settle here , it s for us to adapt to them,  not the other way around,

I disagree with that. Not a big change but where I live i noticed they just chucked the bottles into a bin with all other crap. I just made a point of putting the bottles to one side in a bag and 2 weeks later there is now a very large bag specifically for plastic bottles and box for Leo bottles. I never said anything I just made my own rule and someone noticed. Lead by example without expectation and surprisingly things may change.

Barry I am sure if you continue washing the dog in full view of your neighbours it will click to one or two of them in time.

Agree with your points especially on foresight but foresight is normally gained from hindsight  (experiences) gained from making errors and I find it a tad odd that you are unable to identify a single situation which you learned from an error. I mean nobodies perfect and as an expat it is wise to grab some lingo but come on you have made errors in language which I am sure caused some discrepancies or even a good laugh.

Rc2702 wrote:

I disagree with that. Not a big change but where I live i noticed they just chucked the bottles into a bin with all other crap. I just made a point of putting the bottles to one side in a bag and 2 weeks later there is now a very large bag specifically for plastic bottles and box for Leo bottles. I never said anything I just made my own rule and someone noticed. Lead by example without expectation and surprisingly things may change.

Very good, lead by example.

Villagefarlang, we try to do this also, like walking in front of cars to get them to stop for you, in the Mall, they have to stop anyway to get a parking ticket, so we try to teach them to show some consideration to the people walking by making them stop, however we don't want to get injury either, so we will be careful, when a car stops we thank them. It might make a small distance someday.  I also do this when I drive, however I must always look in the rearview mirror before I attempt this, many times people will just rear end me. We donate money to Sol Dog foundation, every month. And we make donations to Mercy Corp. to help take care of the starving children you never see begging on the streets. You do what you can to help improve other peoples lives. And you feel good about yourself too.

Rc2702 wrote:

Agree with your points especially on foresight but foresight is normally gained from hindsight  (experiences) gained from making errors and I find it a tad odd that you are unable to identify a single situation which you learned from an error. I mean nobodies perfect and as an expat it is wise to grab some lingo but come on you have made errors in language which I am sure caused some discrepancies or even a good laugh.

I am sorry but if I made any glaring mistakes thirty of forty years ago nothing stands out in memory from that far back.  I was very observant and learned more from the mistakes of others than from my own and I did much more than grab some lingo.  I know how to adapt my language and manners to the people and social setting I find myself in.  I was on Thai television for a while and spoke so little English some years that people back home noted a change in my native accent.

I remember the story of the gay and the lesbian. They stayed up all night who had the right to do what to whom. Getter done.

I lived in Nepal for 10 years and when I came back to the US, I had a sort of "British Raj" accent that people thought was amusing. It took several years to recover my Midwestern twang.

Hi All,
after being together more than 13 years with a wonderful wife, both age 57, and even good situated family, I realised another bigger problem after we moved now to Thailand last year which I haven't seen once I decide to live later in Thailand.
It's the way of getting Visa and that in principal these rules become more and more worse.
Why I have to show my face every 3 month even with a 1 year visa to the immigration?
Why they want to know in which restaurant or shopping mall I usually go?
I'm depending every year on the goodwill (or some gift between the requested papers) to get an extension for the next year. On this I should build my new life as pensionier?
There is no way to get, similar as in Germany after 15 years, a permanent visa for lifetime.
There is no easy way to start any work. I have a business visa for now and it is really a hard task that I can work as freelance engineer in a very specific branch of industrial process automation. That's why I work actually in Singapore and be as "Tourist" at my home in Thailand.
People who are not yet sure they want to life in Thailand should look not only on the cheap prices. This and even friendly attitude you can find everywhere in Asia. I have enough experience since I lived 3 years in Malaysia and now 1 year in Singapore for working. Vietnam, Phillipines or even Indonesia are good alternatives.
I don't want go back to Germany, I like Asia and Thailand and even my Thai Family, which is by the way even rich enough to support me, but I would not choose again for Thailand at all.
My wife now got cancer and I know that I can't/want not find someone again whom I can trust even for simple translation. But without a person of trust you get lost here. Every contract you sign here is in Thai. The english versions are not valid for the court. I can give enough examples with insurances! The political system change in a way where I just escaped from Germany.
Guys, if you live in Thailand, be happy and everything is ok so far as you have your partner you can trust, I mean really trust, and not only with your brain between the legs.
If you want to come here new, check that you can stay on your own legs, without greater help from a local. ( It will be soon happen to me that I must )
If you are unsure, better look for another country here in Asia, It's everywhere nicer than in Germany/Europe

Can I ask what kind of Cancer your wife has?  Can you return to Germany for treatment?  You can get a processor to take care of your visa needs for little money, they work for a law firm. It is crazy I know & if something was to happen to my wife, I would be on the plane back to the US, ASAP. I think that in the future things will change as the Chinese start to take over Thailand, but will it be soon enough for all of us, this depends on  are age, for me am 65 now my wife is 68, my wife has a big family, and they look after us for now. But I hate to have to beg to stay in this country every 3 months, with our joint retirement income you would think they would give you VIP treatment, but instead they treat you like a homeless person. Good Luck to you & your wife.

Two people can go through the very same procedure and paint very different pictures of it.  For some the 90 day report is some draconian inquisition where one must beg or bribe for the right to stay here.  For others, like me, it can be done online, by mail, or as I usually do, stop by for a few minutes to have the barcode on my old form scanned and a new form printed out and stapled into my passport.  I am in town anyway running errands so a few minutes and an extra stop along the way doesn't seem that bad to me.

Hi Barry

Nothing to do with the current topic  , just interested - Where in Thailand do you live.

Could you recommend somewhere quiet yet in touch with Expats .Ian & will be in Thailand from 3 June as usual , to do some serious research , this time ,regarding living in Thailand , ( retirement ) or maybe just to avoid the Cape Town winters

We would really appreciate any advice .

Many Thanks

Regards
Irene

Hi sumner - just see your post . My girlfriend and myself were living in the  tourist area of pattaya initially. Upon decieding I  wanted to live then we undertook a fair bit of research and decieded upon chon buri  East Pattaya known as the dark side. It's 10 mins from pattaya has plenty of ex pats and is overall a little cheaper. We moved into our two bedroom house iof which is quiet, affordable and near to everything.

I do not trust the Thai's even to put air into the tires.

Sadly I have to agree. My Mrs brother put air in our cars tyres and never mentioned it until we were driving 50km our of town and our car became lopsided and clunky he over inflated the tyres.

It was only because he sent a message asking how car was that we found out. Weird guy.

Sounds suspiciously like he was checking to see when (not if) you had any problems with your tires. Thailand is not the only country where you can't trust your in-laws. I wouldn't trust mine here in America as far as I could throw them.

Seems you have luck with your immigration.
Myself and two friends have the same problem . Without some extra fee it is not a just few minutes job and with  old  fomulars even not.
My friend is married and bring every year the same papers , as from the last year. What change for someone with German retierement pension.
But they send him every year back for something else which is nowhere official requested but from only the one immigration officer.
We are all just normal people, happy with the Thaiwife not from the bar. Just want to live in peace, but this problem of bribe is ridiculos.
For those people who live in Thailand and can accept this, ok.
Other who plan to move to here should  consider that staying as tourist is much easier  than for permanent resident.
Don't want to start how police treat you in case of car accident etc, if it goes against other Thai.
Without my wife I find myself in Jail
Don't know if immigration read here, but would not wonder for new problems next

I agree but then on the other hand I have to consider he was using his motorcycle knowledge regards to tyres and trying to help.

One of my finest moments was my Mrs getting in the car. Screaming and saying "let's move 100km or further away, fast."

Personally I value the family you make more than anything and that includes the family you were born into.

Some amusing posts popping up on this thread.  Regarding car tyre inflation.  Go to a service station and inflate yourself using an inflator with a gauge.  It's not rocket science.    In-laws and family.  Well if you marry a Thai, you take on the family.  If you marry a Thai and not realise that, then you have yourself to blame.  It's well known and documented.  You have to remember that the children are expected to care for their parents as they get older.  They don't have a pension scheme ...  Well, I think my in-laws get 500 baht each a month. 
Have an accident in your car or bike, it will be your fault.  You won't win on that one.

Immigration?  I've been here 8 years now, never had a problem.  I've lived in 3 different areas and as long as I've had the correct documentation, I've always been okay.  Sometimes they ask for different things, but on a whole never been a problem.

You have to leave your western ways an attitude behind if you want to be happy here.  Thai culture is very different,  You choose to live here, things won't change because you don't agree with them.  Accept and live happily.

hoistman wrote:

Some amusing posts popping up on this thread.  Regarding car tyre inflation.  Go to a service station and inflate yourself using an inflator with a gauge.  It's not rocket science.    In-laws and family.  Well if you marry a Thai, you take on the family.  If you marry a Thai and not realise that, then you have yourself to blame.  It's well known and documented.  You have to remember that the children are expected to care for their parents as they get older.  They don't have a pension scheme ...  Well, I think my in-laws get 500 baht each a month. 
Have an accident in your car or bike, it will be your fault.  You won't win on that one.

Immigration?  I've been here 8 years now, never had a problem.  I've lived in 3 different areas and as long as I've had the correct documentation, I've always been okay.  Sometimes they ask for different things, but on a whole never been a problem.

You have to leave your western ways an attitude behind if you want to be happy here.  Thai culture is very different,  You choose to live here, things won't change because you don't agree with them.  Accept and live happily.

Also some very unammusing comments I note.

Tyres never needed to be inflated it was an unfortunate occurrence and one that was remedied.

Immigration - been here full time 3 years never had a problem but of course not everyone has the same type of permission to stay so an open mind about the differences with others permits is certainly required. Issues not so fat but a day will come i'm sure. For all.

Regarding parents and a child's responsibilities.

I am aware of the needs of elders as is my better half and it's handled but my point was nothing to do with that.

It's hard work visiting their family that's all as nothing progresses I am sad to admit but yes they are family and they will be taken care of but only on the terms we feel are necessary.

  Example: the lazy brother who thinks he can pull on the heartstrings of his 3 hardworking sisters and live life at his own pace without real responsibilities for his child - he is not our parent so he should not be factored in what her parents need.

The option is of course there too when they are too old but again the brother has not been factored and no one but the brother is complaining.

To contribute on a forum, you need to not take things personally.  Members will read, a few will hopefully reply.  You won't always agree what's written.  No need too quote the whole post?

hoistman wrote:

To contribute on a forum, you need to not take things personally.  Members will read, a few will hopefully reply.  You won't always agree what's written.  No need too quote the whole post?

I agree but your post wandered off into territory which was irrelevant and nothing gets taken in the wrong manner it simply gets refuted which as you say is the point of a forum. Disagreements different points of view, different experiences. If the world was as cut and dry as you attempt to make it in the quoted post there would be no need for a forum, no one would make errors and no admissions would be required.

Rc2702 wrote:

hoistman wrote:

To contribute on a forum, you need to not take things personally.  Members will read, a few will hopefully reply.  You won't always agree what's written.  No need too quote the whole post?

I agree but your post wandered off into territory which was irrelevant and nothing gets taken in the wrong manner it simply gets refuted which as you say is the point of a forum. Disagreements different points of view, different experiences. If the world was as cut and dry as you attempt to make it in the quoted post there would be no need for a forum, no one would make errors and no admissions would be required.

The whole thread has wandered off into different areas.  I think the difference between you and me is quite simple.  I've embraced the Thai way of life.  I got off my backside and learnt the language,  I am happy and chilled.  I'm not one of these people that whinge and moan at every little thing. I can tell by what you write that you the type of person who looks for faults.  You'll never be a happy person here.  You still have the Western attitude.  It will never work for you.

In my opinion the best you can do on a forum like this is share your own experiences.  Once you put it out there you have no control over how it will be perceived.  Some may nitpick or doubt the veracity of your words and life experiences, while others may tell you to shut up and keep your opinions to yourself.  You may form opinions about the people you are talking with but I have yet to see anyone change someone else's point of view with putdowns or admonishments.

I am not sure everyone on here is as chill as they think they are.

Not following the typical Russian example of not getting "involved" with the locals, except to purchase food, and day-maid services, only. Anything beyond that is definitely a "Fools rush in, where wise men fear to tread" (50 year-old) scenario! that's all folks!

Not a very gentleman-like reply, and you're very, very wrong, sir. Villagefarang has every "right" to post his opinions on this forum, based upon his own experiences in Thailand, no matter how much I , or anyone else may disagree with him.

This is , after all, a public debate platform, sir!

Telling someone else to keep their opinions to themselves is akin to admitting that you (obviously) have a personal "hot-button" that they've (apparently) touched upon, and, that it's an issue that you're in total denial about, eh?

So, why not stop telling on yourself, first, instead of berating other posters on the forum,

barrytaylor wrote:

has had all its vaccinations etc and is bathed regularly and was asked why do we wash the dog. I did not even try to reply to the question.

Exactamundo! You'd have far better "reply" comprehension success, had that question came from an Orangutang, instead.

That Golden Retriever is perhaps the only real friend you'll ever have in the LoS. Enjoy

That Golden Retriever is more of a high maintenance daughter than a friend.  Today was swimming and bath day.  We let her swim once a week because she loves it so much and we bathe and blow-dry here lovely hair because she spends the vast majority of her time in the house with us and we like her clean and smelling good.  Others often comment on how good she smells but that is not why we do it.

While I understand the commonly held view that one never develops close Thai friendships, I have had some very good Thai friends over the years.  If I had to choose, the title "only real friend" would go to my wife.

My dog went in to the vet be spayed yesterday and we are to collect her this afternoon at 17.00
My wife cannot wait and is like a child going to collect a toy and concerned that the poor dog will be sore and will have to be nursed tonight.
This has again elicited comments from the Thais that I am wasting money and that a dog "must have babies".
Meanwhile the dogs in the village have again had half a dozen pups who nobody cares for except the poor mother trying to feed them on the rice she has as food to produce milk.

I applaud your efforts to take care of your pets.  We, too, have all our dogs and cats fixed.  If asked, we will explain our reasoning but leave it up to others to decide what they wish to do.  Not everyone places the same value on animals and I am not interested in antagonizing other humans in a crusade to change their behavior.  Our vet is busy whenever we are there so I prefer to focus on the people who care for their animals as much as I do, rather than the ones who do not.

Duly noted. Indeed, miracles do happen, and I'm glad to read that a you've actually found a few truly "reliable" friends (including your wife) among the LoS locals.

Great photo of your "daughter" btw. If I were a boy Retriever, then I'd probably be asking your permission, to ask her out for a swimming date! Hope you can appreciate my humour. Best regards

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If I seem a bit "jaded", it's a result of witnessing far too many tragedies, maliciously visited upon some of the nicest foreign expats in SEA, of whom we've had the pleasure to have ever met.

It is for that very reason, that we subscribe to the more Russian expat mentality, of maintaining a (smiling-faced) polite, and respectful distance, re: the locals, Thais withstanding.