Unhappy with the move to AU

Hi there,

Thank you for your post.

Moving to AU is a dream for many people, you made it come true, congratulations it is not the case for everyone, and you got a good job!

However I totally share your feeling on the life in AU.

What is the point of going so far away if you cannot rebuild a social group over there?

It is true that the AU society structure is hard to dig in. I believe that after a certain age creating new friends is becoming hard everywhere, a process that request time, energy and mutual interests. Positive result is not guaranteed it is part of this though challenge.

Many candidates do not realise how hard it can be until arrived. It really depends on what you are leaving behind. If you leaving a good life to go AU It is probably even harder.

In my case I hold a Master degree, I lived in Melbourne for almost a year, I did not had the chance to find a skilled job in there but the reason I left is linked to the hard social life....missing friends, family and of course the money stress you feel everywhere in AU.

Moreover I cannot say OZ are so friendly. The discrimination system created by the VISA competitive atmosphere is not pleasant. In my case I am permanent resident but that does not seem to be an advantage to make friends.

I do not say it would be easier or better in EU for an AU immigrant. It is just that human nature complexity and its own history makes it sometimes impossible to adopt to a new country likee AU or to be adopted by AU.

If I could chose between SG and AU.. SG has probably more to offer and not that far away, you can feel quite isolated down under.

All the best to you

From the posts it seems you are very lonely and find it hard to make friends.  Maybe you have had bad experiences in the past and they are making it difficult to move on.  Why not decide what hobbies you like and join clubs to do them where you will be with like minded people.  Maybe throw a BBQ and invite some neighbours over, can you ask some workmates out for a beer.  Its hard to build a social life but the only way to do it is to make some effort at making friends.  No one will come up to you to be a great mate it takes time and effort.  Do more outside the house and join clubs, ask workmates what they do for a social life, maybe they might invite you along.  Dont forget Australians are settled in their life and have all the family and friends they need - they are not going to make a "foreigner" their next best mate unless they show more willing themselves to be friends.  Maybe all the pressure has been too much for you and you need to destress.
Did you introduce yourself to the neighbours when you arrived - it helps to break the ice, if not do it now.  The friend steps really have to come from you and not waiting on anyone to do it for you.

Hi malex, thanks for sharing your experience.

I agree age is a factor in making friends. I think I was more likely to gain friends if I was younger. Time and again, I have heard migrants say that finding the right job or the job they deserve is hard. I think the decision to stay or leave depends on what you value most - social life, job or something else. I hope you are doing good now. Are you planning on giving AU another shot?

Again I agree with you that Aussies are not the friendliest, they aren't rude either. I have chatted with some Kiwis and Dutch, and I could tell immediately that they were not local because they were much friendlier. I have learned that if you start a conversation, Aussies are happy to chat, but there is no real depth or connection. On the other hand, some of the Singaporeans I chatted with when I lived in Singapore, soon became good friends, showed me the city and dined with me. Yet to come across an Aussie who'd do that. I'd think it is easier to make friends with the Indian community over here, but I'd like to learn more about other cultures and have friends from all over the world, so I'll keep trying.

Thanks again and good luck to you too.

Hi mate, thanks for your comment. Yes, I am lonely here and I don't wish it on anyone. I will try joining a club, thanks to your suggestion. I am a keen cyclist and I have just got back on the saddle and see a lot of club rides happening in my suburb. I also understand I'm not going to come across as amicable when I'm being needy and bitchy

Drinks with colleagues - we do it now and then and I enjoy it. My team members have quit and I am sort of a loner at work. Most others who I work with are elder and choose to spend time with their families. I do get invited for dinner by some of them and I get to host them too, at times. While that's nice, it's very different from having mad mates who will crash on your couch and do dumb stuff with you. I think it's mostly because I don't know anyone in my age group yet.

Neighbors don't talk much to each other where I live. I do talk to them and have helped them a bit, but I think that's about it. I don't see neighbors inviting each other over and stuff, so I'm not sure how a BBQ/dinner invite would look. I definitely need to destress, you are spot on about that. I guess I will try one thing at a time and see how I go. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

Wandering wheels.....

You have the perfect opening with you, for casually meeting like minded people.
Your dog..... out wandering around thru parks etc, you have the opportunity to interact with other with dogs.  Dog owners are generaly very friendly people.  If they are walking in a park near you, they probably also live nearby.  Strike up a conversation..... it costs nothing....and the return could be immense.

Hey AussiePete2, thanks for your post. Yes, I do chat up with other dog parents. I still haven't made any friends among them who would come over to my place or say hang out with me. I do have acquaintances though and it is good to have people who know me by name. I have made a couple of other friends in my neighbourhood through some websites.

I have come to accept that I may never make friends here like I used to have back home. While that is disappointing, it bugs me less now, but over a year I have become more introverted. I am considering a move to Melbourne, and I have a few friends there so that might help.

I have a shaved head and used to sport a goatee. I should say I look kinda Arab, but I'm a Hindu Indian. I am agnostic, so I don't care about religions anyway. I got asked by quite a few Aussies if I was Arab or in more subtle cases, if I moved from UAE. I also noticed many people didn't smile at me and just turned their heads away on eye contact. I have since shaved my goatee and people are more friendly now and smile at me freely. So, yeah that is a positive change too.

Aren't there Indian gatherings around?, so you meet up and make parties or have fun together, it usually happens, people of same nationality gather and meet up together

you made moving to AU look scary bro

best of luck

Wandering wheels......
For some reason, you are having difficulties either fitting in or being accepted.  But only you can change that.  Yes, you have stated that you are Hindu and at the same time agnostic...but that does not mean that you cannot attend a Hindu Temple, and mix with your fellow country men.  Through those people, you may have the ability to meet others and their friends.  Nothing good just happens over night.  It all takes time....and effort on your part.
I 'm sure that most members here have experienced what you are going through when arriving in a new country.  I certainly did  back in 2008 when i first went to The Philippines.  But now, i have been returning every year and have built up a circle of friends, of locals and expats.  It did not take long to do, but it was all about puting myself out there in order to be able to meet new people.
Now, when i return, i am almost accepted as being a local.
If you keep trying, you too have a chance of succeeding.

@Islam kotabi: Yes, there are Indian gatherings, mostly to celebrate religious festivals, but I guess anyone is welcome. I could definitely try going to one of the meets. Thanks for the suggestion.

Sorry that my post came across as scary to you. Let me add that I have never had a bad experience where someone was rude to me. The racism is subtle and not like overseas media portrays it, at least in my experience. I've had people tell me - oh but your English is very good, upon telling them I'm Indian. I'm usually unsure how to respond to that Also people generally think you were poor where you came from. I think these are common misconceptions people in developed nations have about developing nations. There are also people who had traveled to India and who asked me why I moved out. It's definitely not scary mate, but good or bad - it is up to you to decide. I think if you have at least a few friends here to begin with, it's a good idea to move.

@AussiePete2: Thanks for sharing your experience. It's good to hear. Yes, I do have difficulty fitting in, or my experience is not as good as I had imagined it would be. I understand that it takes time and effort, so yeah I will persevere.

To clarify about my statement, I was born in a Hindu family, but I shouldn't call myself Hindu because I don't practise the religion. I definitely don't fancy going to temples but as Islam kotabi suggested, I could try going to a gathering and see how it pans out. I have signed up to a few groups and most of their meets are in the evening. I am moving closer to CBD in a month, so I'd be able to attend them. Thanks for your comment again, makes me realize the importance of patience.

i think it will get better hopefully

if your english is good , you are great man
i know indian english, it is strange somehow, as well as egyptian english too

I totally agree on everything you've said. I lived alone in Melbourne and Bendigo for several years. After a few years, i've found a nice friend in regional Bendigo, a not so high paying job as i used to have in my home country but i enjoyed the lifestyle in Melbourne. Love the good quality food in Aus. I was happy there but I missed family and friends, therefore made the move back to my home country. Never been happier here.

Hi WanderingWheels,

As an Aussie living abroad these past 15 years; USA - 14.1/2;
UK: WALES - 12 months & ENGLAND - 7 months. 
Finding your feet in your adopted country can be a struggle.  I'm a people person and so I feel your pain!   Without friends I can't settle into any new place!   Especially given I don't work; hubby has his Wk collegues.

I do find it all depends on the area you live in; as to how friendly people are.  The closer in towards a City; the chillier and more unsociable people become.  They go to work and come home and don't tend to mix or socialize other than through Social Media! 
Outer suburbs bring a different group of people. More sociable and if your lucky be a more Community Orientated - so they tend to mix at these!  But I've found in all Countries; including my own Homeland of OZ.  With today's Technology; Social Media has basically wiped out people meeting up.  If they do; it tends to be a meet-up of 2 people at a Coffee Shop or Pub for a bite to eat.  Sadly Not too many social home visits these days. 
America was easier to settle into because we had a child; so it's easier to meet other parents through them.  However, we arrived into UK as Empty Nesters.  I had to become proactive; in Cardiff, Wales I joint a online group called Streetlife; I was lucky, our Postcode offered many socially meet ups at various coffee shops and eating establishments.  I acquired many social acquaintances and a lifetime friend through this group.  However, once again; sadly, social media had folks opting to communicate via social media instead of by phone and in person. 

However, I struggled to make friends in England; Reading.  That was until I joint Sunday Assembly: a large GLOBAL (non religious) Social Organization / Group - it also offers meet-up options in between their Once a Month group Gatherings. 
Through this group; hubby and I have begun establishing personal friends and I've become content in my new adopted Country of England, UK. 

I'd recommend you try it out for yourself.; Give it 3-6 month trial to judge it.

Brisbane and Melbourne are 2 different Worlds.  Melbourne is mostly cold and wet.  More European in weather and culture too.  If it's a grey looking water of the River, cooler, grey, wet weather - with a vibrant cosmopolitan lifestyle you seek; then you'll like.  However, I prefer Brisbane and Sydney myself.  Blue Water and sky's wins my vote anyday!  Melbourne has a better lifestyle than Sydney; can't speak for Brisbane to compare. 
Either way; get yourself involved in a Sunday Assembly group where ever you end up living and you'll be sure to meet a lot of new and interesting, like-minded, friendly folks who'll gladly welcome everyone into their family! 

Here's some links to follow: they are Globally and always expanding. 
Follow the, on Facebook to get a feel what they are all about 1st if you prefer and Good-Luck with your future life journey!   

If I can sort through my Aussie Pension concerns; I'd like to stay living in UK.  The weather in Wales was nasty; rained and overcast everyday.  Love England.  Weather here in a reading; past 7 mths: been pretty good. 

To make a difference; it'll be up to you to step outside and make the 1st move towards making new friends.

Check Sunday Assembly link to find a SA location nearest where you live:

Sunday Assembly Australia - Google Search
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Sunda … ent=safari

Sunday Assembly Brisbane (Brisbane) | Meetup
http://www.meetup.com/SundayAssemblyBrisbane/
sunday assembly brisbane facebook - Google Search
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=sunda … ent=safari

sunday Assembly Melbourne - Google Search
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=sunda … ent=safari
(1) Sunday Assembly Melbourne. Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/SundayAssemblyMelbourne/

Moving around isn't the answer unless you hate your job and chosen location to reside within! 
However, after giving it a fair go on your behalf and you prove it's not the area for you; then Move! 

Good Luck Mate......  Hope you and your Wife work it all out.  The Grass isn't always Greener elsewhere or in a different country!  Although, I am happier and we do enjoy living in England way more than in OZ.   
However, I must say I do very much miss the vibrantly noisy and colorful bird-life in OZ. 
Location for National and International Travel and the cost of living (other than housing; which is cheaper than OZ but not as affordable than it was in USA) is way better here in UK.  Climate is not as hot; but you don't get the blistering heat or humidity and  No a/c required either.
No pesky fly's, Mosquitos or ants which is blissful.  So England with it's cooler climate has more pros than cons for us!

Aussie Dreamer: thanks for sharing your experience. It was a pleasure to read. I was away on vacation for a couple of weeks, hence the delayed response.

I have become more relaxed since I created this thread. I have also come to realize that how I feel is up to me. I haven't made new friends, but I have made a couple of changes and I'm more hopeful now

Sunday Assembly looks like quite a movement, however I may not check it out. I dislike crowds and gatherings. I'm more of a one-on-one person.

I should add that I am a happier person now. In hindsight, moving to AU did put me in a difficult spot, but I shouldn't say that I'm unhappy with the move to AU (contrary to the title of this thread). What helped me was a visit to my home country. It helped me gain a better perspective of what AU has to offer, in comparison. There is good and bad on both sides, but I think I have made the right choice.

To conclude, as they taught me in school - Man is a social animal - and as you rightly pointed out, if I don't have friends around me, I'd be miserable anywhere I go. Having moved to a new country, it is up to me to make it better because bitching and complaining never took anyone too far

Happy Sunday all!

I think your on the right track and I wish you all the best of happiness!

Bright Blessings to a happy future and thx for this wonderful update .

Australia is ok, it's just way overrated so the expectations are too high for anyone coming here to live, one thing that has been disappointing is the accommodation, is so black and white, let me explain: you either have to choose between a poorly built shoe box close to work or a big house far away which means unbearable commuting times (4 hours or more for Sydney), there are some town houses not so far but the prices are just prohibitive, around 700 a week !! WTF !!!.   People here is so obsessed with home ownership getting huge amounts of debt to buy more and more properties  and of course if they can barely pay the interests they will not  keep them in nice condition.  Horrible carpets, leaking sinks, cracks in the walls, electrical problems are the norm for those who rent, even the word renter is used somehow as an insult, it's common to hear them criticizing a suburb because there are too many renters.

Aussie Dreamer wrote:

I think your on the right track and I wish you all the best of happiness!

Bright Blessings to a happy future and thx for this wonderful update .

Thanks Aussie Dreamer

maorivaden: thanks for sharing your views bro.

You're right about high expectations. I do think I had unreal expectations which caused a great deal of stress and sadness, but as I said, a visit to motherland helped gain a better perspective.

Renting and realty: Spot on about shoebox houses. It's one of the first things that surprised me. Housing in AU is by far the most expensive in countries of similar population density / economic growth. What's silly is even when you pay half a million for a house, what you get is a box. Houses are built with a view to maximize profit for builders and are not artistic. This is not an AU-specific problem. Any country where people buy houses with no intention to occupy them (only for investment and monetary gain) is staring down the same barrel. It's unfair on people who do not own a house yet, but that's capitalism for you.

Needless to say AU property market is rushing towards a crash. Going by what we've seen happen in US, the government will use taxpayers' money for bailouts and the market will resurrect.

Locals complaining about renters is mostly due to attitude of renters. Renters have different priorities as compared to local landowners. Renters may not be as keen to maintain yards, connect with the community yada yada. Unfortunately, as the ratio of number of houses / landlord increases, this scenario becomes unavoidable.

I'm sorry to report back that I have decided to go back to where I came from - that would be Bangalore, India. I now begin saving for the trip back and to settle down once I get home. I am targeting mid 2017.

A few recent developments led me to taking this decision. My spouse is a nurse and she started working for a hospital in the city. She broke down after a few days and after much coaxing told me about the bullying and harassment at work. The comments and actions of her colleagues were terrible, yet subtle. Other Asian and Black colleagues told her they faced the same and grew a thick skin after some time. The point is you sell your self-respect in the process and I have told her she doesn't have to do that. So, she is quitting her job. My workplace, on the other hand, is more relaxed and I am treated with respect, probably because there aren't many Aussies who can do my job.

After a long while, I grew my goatee back because I love it. We were out and about yesterday exploring our neighborhood as we moved closer to the CBD. I was treated with contempt and I could see disgust on people's faces as I said hello to them. Many wouldn't smile, some looked away in disgust and others just stared. At a couple of shops, I was treated weirdly. I can attribute this to my look, because when we were out last week (clean shaved) people would smile, say hello and were friendly. My goatee does make me look Muslim, but I am not. I feel bad and sorry for Muslims who live here. I can only imagine how difficult their lives are. I can definitely get on with my life here and ignore these things, but should I? I feel sorry for Australians, there are a lot of good people, but there are many ignorant fools too. The society, by and large, tries to brush these concerns under the rug, but now and then, it gets out of hand and a migrant bus driver gets set on fire. It's a sad state of affairs, but not too alarming as to warrant any action, so I do not expect it to change.

I look back to my life in India and I realize that where I came from, people were actually happy to see me. There is no contempt, no displeasure. Yes, there is pollution, streets are dirty, government is corrupt and life is tougher; but the society accepted and respected me. Luckily, I work in a profession that pays well and I can afford a high standard of life back home. So, I will be immune to some of the issues when I move back. The key aspect is that I will lead a happier life.

I am unsure what kind of responses my post would elicit. I want to share my thoughts so that others who are planning to move to AU can make an informed decision. The locals, hopefully, will read this and understand life from a migrant's perspective. I do not want to stay in AU and complain, which is why I'm moving back. Life is definitely more comfortable here, but there is such a thing as dignity and I'm not ready to sell mine, not yet.

So far, we have spent almost 50k AUD for our move here - 22k just to move my dog, 15k for wife's visa and nurse registration. Moving back means that all the money is wasted. I can't help feeling that we should have used the money to travel the world instead. At least I tried.

I hope AU changes for the better, for its own good. I hope it starts treating its native population with respect. All this land belonged to them and it is easy to take their land, ostracise and forget them, but should we do that? I hope it starts treating migrants with more respect too. I don't know what can bring the change, but I hope. Here is to hoping for a better tomorrow!

So sorry things did not work out for you.  Not everyone is the same and sometimes its just not right the way you feel you were treated.  I have been in very similar situations.  Settling in any new country is so difficult people underestimate how hard it can be.  You gave it a good try and your very brave to make the decision to keep your dignity and return to India - I really do feel sorry for what you wife has experienced.  I hope you both feel happy again once you go back home and can put this whole experience down to a learning curve that it was something you had to try out in life.  Good luck with whatever you try.

Dear Wanderingwheels,

please no need to be sorry that you are returning to India, after spending $22,000 AUD to bring your dog to Australia, and now to higher a private jet to fly your dog back to India, you are lucky that you are rich enough to be able to make choice.  You have done very well in life while you worked in India and Singapore, I am sorry that Australia cannot pay you the money you made before in India and that Australia is such a backward country as you described in your many statements above.

I do not find Australia as you describe it, discriminatory, I do find it hard work.  Many people think that Australia is a land of good things and easy life, as you said.  But Australians at work have little time to be pleasant to people, when you work you must work, and work and work.  And many people work two jobs to make enough money to buy a house.

For your spouse to only work in a job for two days is not enough time for her to understand if she likes the people or not, people do not have time to be pleasant, it is all about working hard.  And to only stay for two days, any job is scary, it takes at lease 3 months to settle into a job, not 2 days.  No one is a prince or princes at work, people are treated equally and just get on with work.  As one of the Australian Prime ministers said "Life was not meant to be easy" and this is true.

Many people think that Australia is a nice place, it is only nice because people work hard and pay taxes.

I wish you the best of luck back in India, please enjoy the life there as it appears, from what you said to be better than Australia.

Hey guys, thanks for your replies and for taking time out to read my rants.

I am not going to comment on every aspect you have gone through, but let me add a few notes. I am not subservient and I call a spade a spade, which is why I called out on many practices we have here. For all it is worth, AU is still a great country to live in. I kinda feel sorry for many people who work hard, often doing 2 or 3 jobs, and having to believe that being pleasant at work is not necessary. All that, only to pay half a million for a house!

Well, I moved on to a new job and my life is so much better now. I have also made new friends. I have stopped trying to make friends with Aussies after a few bad experiences, my friends are Asian. Wife quit her job after a few months and is now preparing for her last day at work. Her colleagues are now kinda sorry they bullied her. She was asked if she would consider staying back at her job. Anyway, I love my new job so she can afford to just chill and do what she likes to do.

To conclude, let me say that I'm not moving back to where I came from. While India is nice and friendlier, it is also corrupt, polluted and dangerous at times. I'm trying each day to be friendly and helpful, and l like where it is taking me. Thanks all for reading. Peace out!