Make friends? Not that easy...

I was in the same situation, moved to a small village, could hardly speak a word but ended up with loads of mates.

Smile and see what happens.

perhaps you found your friends at work?  some men can go into a bar for a drink, strike up a conversation with another guy or a girl there and thats that. i think its harder for women to do those things or it could be just me...

The main obstacle you are facing is your limited knowledge of the language of your host country. The first thing you need to do is devote yourself to learning the language well enough to have basic conversations, the more you learn the better off you will be. Personally I can't imagine how a person could survive a prolonged period in a foreign country without speaking the language, it's a matter of survival.

Once you speak the language you will find it really isn't so difficult to go out and meet people afterall, even for women. You can start attending the local church, most of which will even have women's groups. Most places, even small towns, have local chapters of women's clubs so that's also a good place to start. If you have children, take them to a local park (preferably one that has a playground) you will meet lots of other moms there. If you don't have kids of your own, befriend a neighbor who does and offer to take her kids to the park.

I'm sorry to sound judgemental here, but it sounds to me like you really don't want to be where you are. Are you there because of your husband/boyfriend's work??? I know it's difficult to be so far away from home and your family, but it is my experience that the very people who complain the most about it being so difficult to make new friends are the ones who isolate themselves and put the least amount of effort into adapting to their new surroundings, fitting into society and making friends. And these are generally speaking the exact same people who complain most about it being so difficult to make friends.

I came to Brazil (alone) almost eleven years ago, my entire family and social circle was there in Canada. I knew nobody here back then and the only thing I had going for me was that I had learned the language because I knew how important that would be. I have never regreted my decision to come here and I've never looked back. I've made loads of friends everywhere I have lived in Brazil and I've lived in a number of different cities in different states. I've just moved from São Paulo to Macaé, RJ because this is my Brazilian wife's hometown and right now the only people I really know here are her family members. But, I'm really looking forward to going out and making lots of new friends here too.

Stop inventing reasons WHY you can't make new friends, get out from behind your computer screen and go out into the real world. Find somebody or a school to help you learn more about the language and then put an equal amount of effort into meeting people and making friendships as you are doing to find excuses for not doing so.

People are the same all over the world, you will get back from them exactly what you put out. If you put some effort into being outgoing and friendly that's exactly what you're going to get back from those around you. Ask yourself one question... 'Did I have this kind of difficulty making friends at home?' Chances are you will find the answer is yes and you're really one of those kind of people I have just described. I got this idea from your original post in which you list the so-called reasons that you don't have friends. They are factors that complicate the situation yes, but they do not PREVENT you from making friends. It is all a matter of having the will to go out and do it. You certainly don't have to go to a bar either, to me I kind of took that as just another excuse......'can't make friends cause I'm a woman and can't go out to a bar'.

Cheers,
William James Woodward - Brazil Animator, Expat-blog

Hello LaTrinity..

i have been in that situation also, being an expat in a country i were born.
but yeaahh...i did what you called by "man stuffs" over there...
i went to a place i knew from the internet (i still depend on that kind of info-giver) about capoeira..  i just need about half an hour to decide my next step which was join them to do 'Ginga' and it was fun..they welcomed me nicely..

and the next day, i went to a coffee shop, order something, and try to open a conversation,first,with the barista..and mingle with everyone at last...

and i keep doing it until now,,meeting new people..going to random places to figure out who will i meet and what kinda stuffs that i can learn..i do it almost everyday after my working hour..

well..i understand that not all people can do like i did,it's only because i'm an 'uncommon' girl..hehehehe...

but, just try..
i know you can do it..

good luck,

-b-

aabie ryan wrote:

Hello LaTrinity..

i have been in that situation also, being an expat in a country i were born.
but yeaahh...i did what you called by "man stuffs" over there...
i went to a place i knew from the internet (i still depend on that kind of info-giver) about capoeira..  i just need about half an hour to decide my next step which was join them to do 'Ginga' and it was fun..they welcomed me nicely..

and the next day, i went to a coffee shop, order something, and try to open a conversation,first,with the barista..and mingle with everyone at last...

and i keep doing it until now,,meeting new people..going to random places to figure out who will i meet and what kinda stuffs that i can learn..i do it almost everyday after my working hour..

well..i understand that not all people can do like i did,it's only because i'm an 'uncommon' girl..hehehehe...

but, just try..
i know you can do it..

good luck,

-b-

Thanks for the input, sounds like you are an open and friendly person and IŽll definitely try some of what you said. Glad for the encouragement!

I didn't know anyone when I came to Hong Kong.  I met my best friend at work.  Another friend works at the local grocery store where I shop.  I met another friend on the MTR - that's the subway system here.  You never know where you're going to meet people.  And the more people you meet, the more you'll meet their friends.  Snowflakes turn to snowballs very easily.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

I didn't know anyone when I came to Hong Kong.  I met my best friend at work.  Another friend works at the local grocery store where I shop.  I met another friend on the MTR - that's the subway system here.  You never know where you're going to meet people.  And the more people you meet, the more you'll meet their friends.  Snowflakes turn to snowballs very easily.

Great ideas! I did not think about the grocery store or the train... thatŽs a new challenge! Keep up the positive vibes.

I agree with Sir James, 1st learn their language at least the basic words. 2nd for me is their culture, style of living and learning you will earn respect not only for yourselves but also for the native people, over all learn how to adapt.

Yes...Correct ! first of all ; Learn their language (tho i never learn my Bf language which is rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaallllllly hard for my tongue,Circasian Language is hard to learn i guess) and Yes,,secondly Respect the cultures (thats what makes relationship beautiful,Differences make life more beautiful) well at least per my Opinion

Kate29 wrote:

Yes...Correct ! first of all ; Learn their language (tho i never learn my Bf language which is rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaallllllly hard for my tongue,Circasian Language is hard to learn i guess) and Yes,,secondly Respect the cultures (thats what makes relationship beautiful,Differences make life more beautiful) well at least per my Opinion

ahhaha well kate29 as I see your picture icon speaks louder than your words, who needs language when both of you are full of LOVE, haaaay

oyeeaaaa...i forgot the most important thing: Language!

But I think,just do whatever you want to do and don't bite more than you can chew...

-b-

Hahahhahaaaaaaa...kuyaaaaa,the picture is me and my Friend,,my Bf pic is not even here,it was taken last,last thursday when i hang out with other expat and unfortunately my Bf cant make it (he went off road with his Buddies in Wadi Araba,sumwhere far here in Jordan....so,when u gonna come down to Jordan ?

ahh you both looking good, sorry hihihi anyway no plans of going their. busy at work hihih I cannot even take my vacation in Philippines. need to plan more not unless I have reason to go their.

mas fred wrote:

I was in the same situation, moved to a small village, could hardly speak a word but ended up with loads of mates.

Smile and see what happens.

yup, you are correct mas fred, same situation with me also, eventhough i was live not far from my country but still abroad,lol

When you meet a new person, you just need to keep an open mind and have a genuine interest to understand how another person thinks. Then, if you have enough in common, you will become friends, if not, you won't. Obviously the language helps a lot, as some others said. But I am surprised with all the activities you did ... you should have met at least 1 friend Maybe you are too shy?

manos_ wrote:

When you meet a new person, you just need to keep an open mind and have a genuine interest to understand how another person thinks. Then, if you have enough in common, you will become friends, if not, you won't. Obviously the language helps a lot, as some others said. But I am surprised with all the activities you did ... you should have met at least 1 friend Maybe you are too shy?

I am a bit of an introvert but I have met people and I admit I keep the company of two very lovely older ladies who are like mothers to me here but girlfriends or boyfriends my own age to hang out, go on a short trip, talk etc is what I am missing a little. I guess life changes, situations too and types of friendships will differ too. In the mean time, seems I am meeting lots of kind, friendly people here. So perhaps I am doing something right after all.

another thing to keep in mind is that you don't need many friends. Even one but good friend is excellent. I lived for a year in a country and i made one good friend who was friend of a friend of a friend, we got along well, and we kept meeting once a week cause we always had something to discuss, and we still keep in touch. It's quality over quantity when it comes to friends and you only have limited free time

manos_ wrote:

another thing to keep in mind is that you don't need many friends. Even one but good friend is excellent. I lived for a year in a country and i made one good friend who was friend of a friend of a friend, we got along well, and we kept meeting once a week cause we always had something to discuss, and we still keep in touch. It's quality over quantity when it comes to friends and you only have limited free time

True. Thanks for the positive input.

now,LaTrinity...
are you ready???



-b-

haha, I am soooo ready Aabie! I am going to make so many friends I wouldnŽt know what hit me!

good....go for it,gurl....